No place is more superficial than Hollywood, unless it’s the Internet. Where else can you get away with dissecting not only people’s talent, but also their looks? Pundits think it is due to the anonymity of the World Wide Web, but most people know in their hearts that it’s just human nature. Online sites like TheRichest provide everyday people with a forum to air their opinions, for better or worse. And a most popular topic of conversation is regarding who’s attractive and who isn’t. People can’t help but be this way. They are hardwired to because vision is the strongest of the five senses for the average person.
So for this piece we want to double your pleasure and double your fun. We are presenting you with a classic “Who’s Hotter?” list with a twist–because this one is a battle of the blondes. From platinum blondes to ash blondes, from highlights to lowlights, from au naturel to au bottle, we have them all. Science has debunked all the blonde stereotypes, including that hair color has anything to do with intelligence or ability to have fun, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t decide with our own two eyes who we think is more attractive. Of course it’s fun to see who the winners are but it’s even more fun to see who the losers are! You’ll find that we gave credit where credit is due, and also called out many a lady for making us less than impressed.
25. Scarlett Johansson Versus Blake Lively
By all accounts, Scarlett Johansson and Blake Lively actually get along fairly well. They both know what it’s like to be married to Ryan Reynolds, and the two ladies have bonded over having children–or so the press would like us to believe. Still, the comparisons persist. Those in Scarlett’s camp think she is a timeless beauty who will be lauded for years to come. Those in Blake’s camp find her to be more youthful and vibrant. We think we know who Ryan prefers–it’s Blake because he gave her a diamond engagement ring that was roughly twice the size of the one he gave Scarlett. As things stand right now, Scarlett may have the bigger career, but she totally ruined her current appeal by copying Miley Cyrus’ hairdo. Meanwhile, Blake still rocks her flaxen, waxen hair.
24. Ivanka Trump Versus Tiffany Trump
The public loves (or loves to hate) Ivanka and Tiffany Trump. It hasn’t been this fascinating with a set of famous sisters since the Hiltons. Just as some people prefer Paris over Nicky, some prefer Ivanka over Tiffany–and vice versa. So we are going to set the record straight right now. Ivanka is where it’s at. Like it or lump it, she is a glamorous woman who will be admired for her style 100 years from now–much the way Jacqueline Kennedy was when she was in the White House. Ivanka has a statuesque body and lovely face, but her blonde hair is what sets her apart. Unlike other bottle blondes, her hair is always gleaming. Tiffany is simply a distant second with her overly-inflated face, plump body and round lips that are reminiscent of a blow-up doll.
23. Christina Aguilera Versus Britney Spears
Neither Britney Spears nor Christina Aguilera have aged gracefully. Britney is a tired version of her former self, due to years of mental health issues, drinking and drugging. Meanwhile, Christina is a bloated version of the teeny-bopper we once knew, which is the result of over-eating and pregnancy. So the question here really isn’t “Who’s hotter?” so much as it is, “Who’s less of a hot mess?” Judging by looks alone, it’s a tough one. Christina is popping out of her shirt in a rather vulgar way, while Britney is slightly covered up as if she just isn’t trying anymore. Christina’s head couldn’t possibly hold anymore extensions, while we’re not sure if Britney’s hair ever really grew back after she shaved it. Truth be told, the ladies don’t even give off good vibes.
22. Khloe Kardashian Versus Kim Kardashian Versus Kylie Jenner
Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian and Kylie Jenner have all tried going blonde. It’s a pretty bold move considering how dark their natural hair colors actually are. Do any of them look better blonde? It’s hard to say, because seeing any one of them with light hair is so jarring. Kim looks the poorest as a blonde because of her jet black eyebrows. Few people can pull off that look, and she’s not one of them. Kylie doesn’t look half-bad as a blonde. But it’s Khloe who looks the best as a blonde. Not because she’s the hottest–no one is brain dead enough to believe that–but because she needs the most help in being attractive.
21. Taylor Swift Versus Demi Lovato
We can’t keep track of whether Taylor Swift and Demi Lovato are currently on the outs or not, and frankly we don’t want to. These ladies’ personal lives get more press than their talent, which says a lot. So in the spirit of being a mean online troll, we wish to add fuel to the fire and pick apart their looks like the ravenous dogs we are. These pics of Taylor and Demi definitely don’t do them any favor–which is exactly why we picked them. Aren’t you sick of seeing celebs look perfect in every single shot? No one is that hot. Here, Taylor is doing her beautiful blonde hair a disservice by wearing it in a modified mullet, and Demi looks equally awful with her faux-hawk that is so 2003. So we need to turn to the girls’ bodies to determine who’s hotter. Taylor has a long, lean frame which just about everyone appreciates. Demi has more junk in her trunk.
20. Anna Faris Versus Jennifer Lawrence
Anna Faris and Jennifer Lawrence have been made out to hate each other since Jennifer starred in Passengers, opposite Anna’s husband Chris Pratt. We don’t know if that’s true, but the public has had fun debating about who’s hotter. Frankly, we think it isn’t much of a contest since Jennifer is heads and shoulders above Anna looks-wise. Jennifer has some meat on her bones which makes her looks healthy, while Anna looks emaciated with her thin frame. Jennifer has a bust, while Anna is an A-cup. And Jennifer pulls off the bottle blonde locks in a way that looks very natural, while Anna’s roots are front and center.
19. Charlotte McKinney Versus Kate Upton
To say that Charlotte McKinney is the next Kate Upton is laughable. It was hilarious when Charlotte first came on the scene, because it was evident that she didn’t have Kate’s je ne sais quoi. And it’s even funnier now, because Charlotte has been around the block and has only gotten a fraction of the work Kate has. Don’t get us wrong, we’d love to see Kate knocked off of her pedestal–but Charlotte isn’t the one to do it. Charlotte has a nose reminiscent of Miss Piggy’s and circus-sized breasts that are more appropriate for Hustler. Kate knows how to work her voluptuous body, and has a dreamy, girl-next-door face that will never go out of style.
18. Jenny McCarthy Versus Tara Reid
Jenny McCarthy and Tara Reid are such major has-beens that they almost didn’t make it on this list. But somehow these girls keep getting their names in the news, which shows you what a small town Hollywood really is. The two washed-up starlets got into a fight when Tara, promoting her latest Sharknado movie, appeared on Jenny’s radio show. Jenny repeatedly brought up topics that Reid didn’t wish to discuss, including her appearance on Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars and history of plastic surgery. Now, we are all about making celebs answer “the tough questions,” but since when did Jenny become a hard-hitting news reporter? It’s pretty hypocritical of her to put Tara on the hot seat considering that Jenny has had relationship issues and also a ton of plastic surgery. We’d like to see Tara put Jenny through the third degree on some real issues, like why she told the world not to vaccinate their children because it causes autism. Last time we checked, Playboy wasn’t handing out PhDs. This round goes to Tara, simply by virtue of not being a b*tch.
17. Pamela Anderson Versus Carmen Electra
The only “real” work Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra have actually done was star on Baywatch eons ago. For some reason, that claim to fame has allowed them to continue their careers far longer than anyone ever thought. And even though they’re old enough to stop getting their periods, people still want to know who’s hotter. Carmen has embraced her age, as she has toned down her look over the years so that she doesn’t look ridiculous. Pamela, on the other hand, has gone down fighting. Her hair is just as big, her chest is just as ginormous and her skin is just as tan as it was in her heyday. So which do we prefer, someone who has accepted age or someone who hasn’t? In this case, Pamela is still the hottest babe to guard the beach. At least we can still recognize her, whereas Carmen blends in with most other forty-somethings in California.
16. Ashlee Simpson Versus Jessica Simpson
Ashlee Simpson and Jessica Simpson are only relevant today because they’re hot sisters. If they were just hot, then they would have faded into oblivion since neither one has had a hit song in almost a decade. They feed off of each other like peanut butter and jelly. Over the years, public opinion has ebbed and flowed over who’s hotter. As it stands right now, we’re not that bedazzled by either one of the two considering that they both have rugrats running around. What Ashlee has going for her is that she has a brain; Jessica can only play the beauty card because she’s so voluptuous these days. This really comes down to whether you prefer inner or outward attractiveness. In the interest of being shallow, we have to pick Jessica–but only by a hair.
15. Rebel Wilson Versus Adele
Now you know we had to throw in a curve ball for this list! Asking if Rebel Wilson or Adele is hotter is like playing a game of “Would you rather?” while guzzling forties. It’s delicious because it’s so outlandish. The crazy thing is, we didn’t even realize that these ladies resembled each other until we saw this mash-up. We’re not going to state the obvious, because that would be outright “mean.” So all we are going to say is that Adele looks prettier because of her bright eyes and perfect teeth, while Rebel stands out due to her flowing hair and outgoing personality. To write anymore about how “hot” either one is would be a blatant lie. But if we had to pick, we’d choose Adele. Read into that what you want.
14. Paris Hilton Versus Nicky Hilton
This is an old photo of the Hilton sisters, but this is how we want them to look forever. We adore their platinum blonde hair, even if it’s mostly extensions. We lust over their bronzed skin, even if it’s passe. And we admire their flat chests, because no one can rock that look like a celebutante who has all the money in the world for plastic surgery and yet chooses to eschew silicone. Paris and Nicky make it really difficult to choose between them in terms of looks, because they are so similar due to their DNA. If we had to pick, we’d choose Nicky. Everyone has seen 1 Night in Paris, which left little to the imagination. At least with Nicky, there’s some mystery.
13. Kate Hudson Versus Cameron Diaz
Just look at these pics of Kate Hudson and Cameron Diaz. Have you ever seen two girls that were less comfortable in front of the camera? It’s like they know they’re not as hot as everyone says. Cameron has two lazy eyes and a chest that is all padding and duct tape. Kate looks like she’s about to sneeze or fart–maybe both. We don’t know what she’s into. We have no desire to bed either one, because we don’t want to wake up next to these girls without makeup. They look the worse for wear even with their glam squads slaving over them for hours. Still, many guys have hooked up with them, so they must have some hidden talents. In the end, Cameron is “hotter”–if you can call it that. Her career is bigger, her personality is quirkier and she wasn’t married to Chris Robinson. That’s about as good as it gets in Tinseltown.
12. Jaime Pressly Versus Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie and Jaime Pressly resemble each other so closely that it actually took us a few seconds to determine who was who (we know it confused you too!). They have the same light eyes, the same thin blonde hair, and the same facial contours. Even their body language is pretty similar. Jaime must really hate that Margot has become such a big star, while hers has basically faded into nothingness (we know, we know, some of you might not even know who this woman next to Robbie is). With women that could easily pass for twins, it’s really not fair to pick a winner. So in this case:
11. Carrie Underwood Versus Miranda Lambert
Let’s face it, country music is popular everywhere except New York’s five boroughs, so we know that you are quite familiar with Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert. In a male-dominated business, they managed to break the glass ceiling. But unlike the men in country music, these gals are expected to look hot. They were smart to go blonde, because it distracts from the fact that they are both butterfaces. Carrie has a prominent jawline, wide nose and crazy eyes. Just ask Tony Romo. Miranda has a huge forehead, wrinkled face, and rather portly physique. So who’s hotter? This seems hard, but it was actually easy when we closed our eyes. Miranda’s southern accent is so thick that it was Carrie by a landslide.
10. Rita Ora Versus Rihanna
Rita Ora and Rihanna are constantly being compared because Rita keeps stealing Rihanna’s style. No joke! If Rihanna wears her hair short then Rita does it. If Rihanna wears a blazer with a miniskirt then Rita does it. And judging by this pic, Rihanna can’t even sport blonde locks without Rita copying her style. We know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but come on! If Rita put half as much effort into her music career as she did morphing into a mini Rihanna, then she’d win a Grammy. But in the end, this list isn’t about who wore a trend better–it’s a battle of the blondes. So we have to ask ourselves who’s hotter. We hate to admit it, but Rita has Rihanna on this one. Over all, Rita’s style is a bit more elevated, while Rihanna just can’t seem to get past the ghetto fabulous trend of yesteryear. Don’t worry, Rihanna–your music is still the best!
9. Bernadette Rauch Versus Kaley Cuoco
This site is littered with articles that hail how hot Big Bang Theory‘s Kaley Cuoco is. This writer just doesn’t see it. Her face is just forgettable and her body is below average by Hollywood standards. Meanwhile, poor Bernadette Rauch is left out in the cold, just because she’s a supporting character on The Big Bang Theory and does not receive as much attention as Penny does. Melissa is so much hotter. She has porcelain skin, almond-shaped eyes and petal-pink lips. Her tiny frame is accentuated by her ample bust, which is just perfect.
8. Kendra Wilkinson Versus Bridgette Marquardt Versus Holly Madison
Kendra Wilkinson, Bridget Marquardt and Holly Madison are holding onto their fleeting fame from Playboy with both hands. The ironic thing is that while they are some of the most forgettable Playmates in the magazine’s history, they will be its legacy since they were the last of the big names to be associated with it before its decline. So, they deserve a mention on this list. Kendra became a favorite because of her sporty style and spunk. Bridget has a heart of gold. And Holly is the queen bee. So who’s the fairest of them all? Holly owns the trademark look of Playboy, from her enhanced breasts to her platinum hair to her glamorous style. That makes Kendra pale in comparison, since on a good day she looks like her mother imbibed in too many cocktails while she was pregnant. And while we love Bridget for her kind ways, she’s really more of hanger-on.
7. Jenna Jameson Versus Aubrey O’Day
It’s so much fun to look at pics of Jenna Jameson and Aubrey O’Day out partying together because they always look so sloppy! In this shot, Jenna is about one millimeter away from having a wardrobe malfunction, while Aubrey looks like she’s about ready to fall over her own two feet. Jenna is strangely appealing with her glassy eyes and frowny face. Audrey is alluring with her mouth wide open with laughter and mussed-up hair. They’re just two peas in a pod, or two olives in a martini! It’s safe to say that their friendship has fizzled, but that hasn’t stopped men or women from fantasizing about them. Of course anyone would want to get in between the two of them, so it is hard to choose just one. However, since Jenna is a “professional,” we think she deserves to be the winner in this battle of the blondes.
6. Busy Philipps Versus Michelle Williams
OK, so Busy Philipps and Michelle Williams have supposedly been BFFs since their days on Dawson’s Creek. We’ll take their word for it, since we certainly didn’t watch that show. What we are more interested in, is whether the rumors about them being more than friends are true. We imagine that Busy is the masculine one, as she is clearly dominating Michelle. Look at those huge muscles and man hands! Michelle likes to play it dainty with her pixie cut, pale skin, and icy demeanor. But when was the last time we saw her getting cuddly with a man? There was that brief time with Jason Segel, and then there was Heath Ledger ages ago. While men want to see these blondes hook up, it’s hard to believe any want to personally swap spit with either of these blondes. But if we had to choose, we’d pick Michelle. At least she tries to act feminine.
5. Alessandra Ambrosio Versus Heidi Klum
Alessandra Ambrosio and Heidi Klum are two of Victoria’s Secret’s most lovely angels. They have bodies that won’t quit, with legs from here to there, elongated torsos and bright faces. And let’s not forget their legendary breasts. They walk the runway in their undies just as easily as they lounge in lingerie for the magazine’s pictorials. They are both superstars, but there can only be one winner–and it’s Alessandra. For one, she’s still part of the VS team while Heidi retired some time ago. Two, we don’t have to listen to her yammer on and on during reality shows (unlike Heidi). Alessandra is smart enough to realize that she’s best seen–and not heard.
4. Elizabeth Banks Versus Rachel McAdams
Elizabeth Banks and Rachel McAdams look more alike than most sisters. This either proves that Hollywood only casts a certain type, or that they both patronized the same plastic surgeon. Either way, they are both very beautiful. So how can we pick a winner? Elizabeth has a little more maturity, while Rachel has been able to maintain her ingénue status. Rachel has versatile looks, since we’ve seen her sizzle as a brunette and a fiery redhead. Elizabeth has ranged as an actress, from comedy to drama. Man, this is a toughie! For now, let’s say that Rachel has won the battle, but Elizabeth will probably win the war.
3. Lauren Conrad Versus Heidi Montag
Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag are still fodder for gossip-hungry guys and gals years after the apex of their career. There’s only one explanation for it: they’re hot. Lauren has classic good looks, and a good-girl demeanor to boot. Heidi may have overdone it with plastic surgery, but she’s not that off-base from what everyone else in L.A. is doing. And she definitely did make herself more beautiful after she went under the knife–remember her old nose? So what we have here is a clash of natural beauty versus surgically enhanced beauty. No one can beat Mother Nature, so Lauren is the hottest blonde by a far. Poor Heidi, she always comes in second best to Lauren.
2. Hailey Baldwin Versus Ireland Baldwin
Hailey Baldwin and Ireland Baldwin are frequently pitted against each other because they are cousins. They’ve been accused of backbiting, being shallow and going to desperate lengths to attain their own fame and fortune. And with that comes comparisons of their looks. They are both beautiful blondes, so it really comes down to which one has a better-looking father since each are daddy’s girls through and through. Hailey’s dad is Stephen Baldwin from which she inherited his chiseled face and light looks. Ireland’s dad is Alec Baldwin, and she has his bloated face and uneven eyes. Too bad for her that she didn’t take more after her mom, 80’s icon Kim Basinger.
1. Gigi Hadid Versus Cara Delevingne
Gigi Hadid and Cara Delevingne became fast friends when they realized that social media addicts loved seeing the “it crowd” hang out together. Think of their posse as a modern day Brat Pack, but with more girl-on-girl action. So be it! No one wanted to see Demi Moore and Ally Sheedy hook up anyway. Yuckers! Anyway, everyone has a favorite blonde in the “it crowd.” Do you like Gigi with her soft feminine features and ample bust, or do you like Cara with her grungy-girl style? We wavered back and forth on this one because Gigi has generic good looks whereas Cara’s looks are a little edgier. In the end, we picked Gigi because Cara is such a phony. The rest of the world might be buying into her whole androgynous/gender fluid/pansexual persona, but we aren’t. It’s all for show, so that she can set herself apart and make some big bucks.
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