I don’t want to ruin anyone’s day, but do you guys remember Joffrey? Yes, ol’ Joffrey Baratheon, but really Joffrey Lannister. That kid really sucked, right?
Honestly, it’s kind of hard to remember all the way back to the days of Joffrey sucking because we’ve come so far since then. I mean, we’ve had completely new villains come and go. There was Ramsay Bolton, who pretty much seemed like Joffrey 2.0. In all honestly, Ramsay may have been worse than Joffrey, but who really knows? They both tortured people, killed babies, and abused Sansa, so you could probably make an argument for either Joffrey being worse than Ramsay or Ramsay being worse than Joffrey. Either way, they both sucked.
The Ramsay debate aside, the Joffrey scenes were often times hard to sit through. Every time he popped up on screen, you just knew he was going to do something terrible. By the way, hats off to Jack Gleeson for playing Joffrey. He’s obviously a talented actor because I never knew I could hate a character so much. I mean, I hated Joffrey so much that I never want to see Jack Gleeson’s face ever again. (Sorry, Jack, but it’s true.)
With season seven of Game of Thrones ramping up, we may see some new villains, like Queen Cersei or Euron Greyjoy, but you never forget your first. And our first was Joffrey. So, let’s take a walk down memory lane with Joffrey’s most disturbing acts.
15. Let’s Talk About The Butcher’s Boy And Lady
This was one of Joffrey’s first offenses, as it happened in the second episode of the show. Yes, by episode two, we already knew what a little sh*t Joffrey truly was. And then, we all had to put up with him until season four.
In this episode, Joffrey walks with Sansa and gets her to drink some wine, like he’s a frat boy trying to booze up some girl. (Cool move, bro.) At this point, Sansa and Joffrey see Arya and the butcher’s boy playing with swords. Joffrey acts like he always acts, y’know like a complete douche bag. He challenges the butcher’s boy to a duel and bullies him, this is until Arya and Nymeria (her sweet, sweet direwolf) hand Joffrey his ass back to him. Nymeria bites Joffrey and Arya disarms him.
What is the outcome of this altercation? Knowing there will be a price for biting Joffrey, Arya makes Nymeria run away. And so Lady, Sansa’s direwolf, is put down for Nymeria’s bite. Oh, and the butcher’s boy is also slain too. Meanwhile, Joffrey was just smiling his disgusting smile while everyone else paid the price for him being a little bitch boy.
14. Um, He Beheaded Ned Stark
There have been many, many horrible things that have happened on Game of Thrones: the Red Wedding, Sansa’s rape, Hodor’s death, Cersei’s haircut. It’s honestly a lot to handle emotionally. One of the major things that still sticks with fans – yes, even six years later! – is Ned Stark’s death. This is mostly because Ned Stark seemed like he was going to be the hero of the show and then he died in season one and…uh… Well, it left audiences confused, terrified, upset, and mostly just pissed off at Joffrey.
The scene in which Ned Stark is beheaded truly solidified Joffrey as the worst person on Game of Thrones. Joffrey tells Ned Stark that if he confesses to his crimes, he’ll be pardoned and sent to the Night’s Watch. So, Ned confesses. OH, and then Joffrey beheads him anyway. In front of a screaming Sansa. Even Cersei looked visibly upset and Joffrey just smiled as the whole thing went down. EVIL, pure evil.
13. Oh, Then He Made Sansa Look At Ned’s Head
Beheading Ned Stark wasn’t enough for Joffrey. Nope, Joffrey then made Sansa look at her father’s decapitated head on a spoke. Like, how screwed up is that? Especially considering the fact that Joffrey was engaged to Sansa at this point. This was some deeply dark physiological torture Joffrey was inflicting on his fiancée. Of course, it also provided Sansa with one her better lines:
Joffrey Baratheon: “I’ll tell you what. I’m going to give you a present. After I raise my armies, and kill your traitor brother, I’ll give you his head as well.”
Sansa Stark: “Or maybe he’ll give me yours.”
Good one, little dove. Though, it’s probably best not to get little Joffrey riled up, as he’s prone to killing anything and everything he wants.
The fact that Joffrey was so awful actually helped the audience warm up to Sansa. First introduced, Sansa was not the most likeable character, as she was a spoiled, bratty girl who didn’t respect her elders and was thirsty AF for Joffrey. Sansa quickly became more likeable (and less naive) through every scene she shared with Joffrey. I mean, literally anyone in the presence of Joffrey is more likeable than him. Cersei even seemed kind of okay when Joffrey was around.
12. That Time He Killed A Ton Of Babies
Some shows avoid killing babies, but Game of Thrones will kill all the babies. We’ve seen the Night King kill a baby… or turn a baby into a White Walker…? Honestly, what happened to that baby is unclear. But, that baby definitely isn’t a human baby anymore. We’ve also seen Ramsay Bolton feed his baby half-brother to his dogs. The person who killed the most babies on the show, though, was Joffrey.
When (very true) rumors that Joffrey was not the legitimate son of Robert Baratheon were swirling around, Joffrey ordered all of Robert Baratheon’s bastards (and there were A LOT of them) to be murdered, as they may pose a threat for the throne. In one particular scene, a prostitute’s baby is literally taken from her arms and killed in front of her.
11. Battle Of Blackwater Bay
If you watched even one episode of Game of Thrones during which Joffrey was king, you probably don’t need proof that he was the worst leader ever. But just in case you do need proof, let’s talk about Battle of Blackwater Bay because Joffrey did everything wrong.
First of all, Joffrey named his sword Hearteater. HEARTEATER! I mean, he was literally a frat boy who was a king. I know the name of Joffrey’s sword isn’t necessarily a reflection of his leadership skills, but I had to point this out because it’s one of the douchiest names for a sword ever.
Then, Joffrey makes Sansa kiss Hearteater, while telling her that someday she’ll lick her brother’s blood off the sword. Sansa was pretty much his favorite person to torture, right?
Oh, then when the fighting really starts, Joffrey flees. Yes, the boy who sat on the Iron Throne fled from the battle. After Joffrey retreats to the Red Keep, Tyrion saved the day with a speech so epic that it even made me want to fight someone as I was sitting on my sofa watching this episode.
10. That Weird Prostitute Scene
I may have previously said that Sansa was Joffrey’s favorite person to pick on, but I forgot about the prostitutes. Oh, the poor prostitutes. This prostitute scene was really something else. Though, in Joffrey’s defense, I don’t know what Tyrion was thinking. (Also, I never thought I’d type the words “in Joffrey’s defense.” I don’t know who I am anymore.)
On Joffrey’s Name Day celebration, Tyrion gives Joffrey a present: two prostitutes. It is Tyrion’s thinking that this will relieve Joffrey’s stress and aggression, hopefully making Joffrey kinder to Sansa. (Ha-ha!) Instead of hooking up with the prostitutes as Tyrion intended, Joffrey instructs them to spank each other. But not spank in a cutesy way. Like, really spank. Joffrey even gives them his belt and then a stag’s head scepter to use. This was one deranged kid.
9. That Time He Killed Sweet, Sweet Ros
One of the prostitutes in the Joffrey’s spanking torture scene was Ros. Ros was also in pretty much every prostitute scene, as she was the only prostitute the audience really got to know.
We met Ros way before she was even at King’s Landing. Ros worked in Winterfell, where she was friendly with Theon, y’know while he still had a penis. Ros then traveled to King’s Landing, where she fell in at Littlefinger’s brothel. During her time at Littlefinger’s, it was evident that Ros was a beauty and smarter than your average prostitute. In fact, if Ros wasn’t born to a lowly family, she probably would have been playing the game with the best of them. Actually, Ros kind of was playing the game with the best of them, as she was spying on Littlefinger for Varys. When Littlefinger found out about this, he handed Ros over to Joffrey, who tied Ros to his bedpost and uses her as target practice. Yes, Joffrey killed Ros for target practice, as if he couldn’t do target practice on a squirrel or something.
8. When He Killed Peasants Because Of A Little Cow Pie
In all honestly, it’s easy to forget about how politically charged Game of Thrones is. There’s the dragons, and the sex, and the White Walkers to distract us. However, at its core, Game of Thrones is about politics, and the people of King’s Landing hated Joffrey for political reasons.
During the War of the Five Kings, the people of King’s Landing really suffered. There was a food shortage, which was made worse when people sided against King Joffrey. When families sided against Joffrey, they stopped their food imports to King’s Landing, which left many of the people starving – starving and hating Joffrey. So when Joffrey was in procession down the street, someone threw a cow pie at him, which is a pie full of cow sh*t. I want to shake the hand of the peasant who had the balls to throw cow sh*t at Joffrey.
Obviously, Joffrey was not happy about that, so much so that he ordered his men to just kill all of the peasants. Just kill them all? Uh, Joffrey needs some lessons in politics.
Oh, it gets even better. Sansa was separated from the crowd. When Joffrey finds this out, he basically just shrugs his shoulders. Meanwhile, Sansa was saved by the Hound only seconds before getting gang banged. Not that Joffrey cared about that.
7. That Time He Tried To Drown Someone In Wine
Apparently, Joffrey was in a horrible mood on his Name Day. Not only did he torture those poor prostitutes, but he also condemned a man to death for being drunk. Yes, condemned a man to actual death for being drunk.
When Dontos Hollard showed up to Joffrey’s Name Day celebration drunk, Joffrey of course took it as a personal insult because Joffrey took everything as a personal insult. To punish Dontos, he sentenced Dontos to death via drowning in wine, which sounds delicious but isn’t. In fact, was gruesome to watch. Thankfully, Sansa told Joffrey that killing someone on your Name Day is bad luck and Dontos was saved. (Smooth move, Sansa!)
Dontos got his revenge though, as it was him who gave Sansa the necklace containing the poison that killed Joffrey. So actually, Dontos killed Joffrey via wine, just as Joffrey has intended to do to Dontos. I see you, GRRM.
6. When He Has Sansa Publicly Beaten
Do you remember the “Leave her face. I love her pretty.” moment? Because, gross.
It went like this: Joffrey had Sansa on her knees in front of him in the Great Hall. Joffrey pointed his crossbow at Sansa and berated her because Robb won a battle. (Sucks to suck, Joffrey.) Joffrey decided he couldn’t kill her, but he could hurt her. Then, Joffrey orders his man to beat Sansa, but not her face because he likes her pretty. It was one of Joffrey’s ickiest lines.
Sansa was punched in the stomach, beaten and stripped down, at which point Tyrion comes to her rescue. Tyrion publicly embarrassed Joffrey, before clothing and helping up Sansa. So, it ended fine. But still, what kind of dude embarrasses the woman he is supposed to marry in this way? Joffrey had some deep psychological issues.
Though, I will also say that Margaery Tyrell was able to handle being Joffrey’s betrothed with much more tact. Then again, I think Margaery could probably manipulate just about any man into just about anything.
5. When He Threatened To Take Advantage Of Sansa
When thinking about Sansa Stark’s sex life, Joffrey’s threat of rape is certainly not as awful as Ramsay actually raping her. Also, can Sansa Stark get a happy ending? In terms of the show, there have been two standout villains: Joffrey and Ramsay. Sansa had relationships with BOTH of them. Girlfriend deserves some joy at the end of all of this.
Okay, back to Joffrey’s threat. On the night Sansa married Tyrion, Joffrey threatens to rape her, stating that the king can do as he likes. I don’t doubt that Joffrey may have eventually made good on this threat, but since Joffrey dies shortly after he never gets a chance.
Also, Joffrey seemed to be slightly asexual. He wasn’t interested in having sex with the Name Day prostitutes. And, if kings can do as they please like he says, he very well could have had sex with anyone, at any time, and he never did. It seemed like power, violence and torture – not sex – got him off.
4. Basically, Everything He Ever Did To Sansa
Like I said, Sansa was Joffrey’s favorite toy. He loved to play with her, and by “play with her,” I mean torture the sh*t out of her. This obsession with making Sansa’s life a living hell likely came from many adolescent feelings, because remember they were young teenagers.
There was certainly parental jealousy. Yes, Joffrey and Sansa both have doting mothers, but Sansa also had a loving father and Joffrey did not. Of course, the distance between Robert Baratheon and Joffrey came from the fact that Joffrey was not his actual son, though neither of them actually knew that. Joffrey tried hard to win Robert’s affection and interest. In fact, Joffrey tried so hard that (in the books) he killed a cat, cut open her pregnant belly, and brought the kittens to Robert. Robert Baratheon was pretty freaked out, as pretty much anyone would be.
This parental jealousy was mixed with embarrassment, as Sansa had seen Joffrey get bested by Arya and Nymeria. Robb Stark was also winning in battles. I’m not saying his treatment of Sansa Stark – his betrothed – was acceptable, but one can see why she was the object of his torture. Speaking of torture, what else did Joffrey do to Sansa? UH, Joffrey told Sansa that he was going to get Robb Stark’s head from the Red Wedding and make her eat it.
3. When He Even Threatened Cersei
Joffrey has to have someone he loves, right? Wrong-o. But, I suppose not having a weakness is what makes for great villains. For example, Ramsay Bolton killed his own father, killed his baby half-brother, and fed his long-time lover Myranda’s body to his dogs. That’s cold. Joffrey was equally as cold in that he didn’t have attachments. There was seemingly no one he wouldn’t kill, even his mother.
In season two, Cersei tries to talk reasonable war strategy with Joffrey, who was, as we all know, unreasonable. During this conversation, Joffrey brings up Robert Baratheon’s bastards by saying, “I’m asking if he f**ked other women when he grew tired of you.”
Um, that is so not something you say to your mother. Cersei slaps the shit out of him, as she should, and the workers in the Great Hall noticed Joffrey getting bitch slapped. At this point, Joffrey informs Cersei that what she did is punishable by death and that she will never do it again. But Joffrey, like, definitely means he’ll kill her.
2. Everything He Did At Sansa And Tyrion’s Wedding
I think we can all agree that Sansa had the worst two wedding nights in the history of wedding nights. I mean, the Red Wedding definitely sucked for Robb and Talisa, but that wasn’t their wedding night.
At Sansa’s wedding to Tyrion, Joffrey insists that he’ll walk her down the aisle, because y’know, her dad couldn’t, because he was beheaded by Joffrey. When they arrived at the altar, Joffrey removed the stool on which Tyrion was to stand. So when Tyrion had to cloak Sansa, she has to bend down to Tyrion’s height, which was an embarrassing insult to them both.
At the reception, Joffrey threatened to rape Sansa, which I already pointed out in a previous point. But Joffrey also suggested a bedding ceremony, in which Sansa would be stripped down – in front of everyone – and carried to her bedroom. Tyrion protests, because Tyrion is just a perfect human being. Though Tyrion protected Sansa, Joffrey was down for getting Sansa naked in front of everyone on her wedding day.
1. Also, Everything He Did At His Own Wedding
Joffrey is the worst wedding guest, even at his own wedding, which is aptly nicknamed “The Purple Wedding.”
This was Joffrey’s wedding to Margaery Tyrell. You’d think he’d be, I don’t know, nice or something? Instead, Joffrey entertains guests with a mock play of his victory in the War of Five Kings, and all the actors are dwarfs. Joffrey encourages Tyrion to join the actors, because he’s also a dwarf. (Ha-ha, so clever, Joffrey.) Instead of joining the actors, Tyrion publicly outwits Joffrey, leading to a small giggle from the guests. This enrages Joffrey, so he pours his wine on Tyrion’s head. You know, because when someone can outwit you in any conversation, your only choice is to pour wine on their head.
At this point, Joffrey makes Tyrion be his cupbearer and then the most amazing thing ever happened. After eating some pigeon pie – which is a Game of Thrones meal I have no desire to try – Joffrey takes a hearty gulp of wine, then he begins to choke and turn purple.
Bye, Joffrey. No one misses you.
Joffrey may be dead, but his reputation of being one of the most despicable characters ever lives on. Of all of Game of Thrones’ villains, Joffrey was the most frustrating because of his senselessness. He was a kid on a power trip, exerting his power, authority, and violence over anyone he could. Other villains – like Cersei Lannister, Ramsay Bolton, even Walder Frey – have clear motivations and desires. Joffrey…well…he was just the worst for no good reason.
With the seventh season of Game of Thrones out on July 16th, let’s all remember the first villain that really made us hate him and let’s all be thankful that he’s dead AF.
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