Are you sick and tired of the Kardashians? Join the club. I can't stand them. Every time you turn on the television, or go on the internet, there's a Kardashian. They're everywhere and they're unavoidable. Never has a non-political family been so polarizing. People either love them, or hate them.
In fact, if you Google 'hate the Kardashians', you will see an endless supply of links to articles about why and how much the Kardashians are hated. From celebrities voicing their disdain -the best was Cher who said the b*tches should be "drop kicked down the freeway"- to apps that help you avoid anything Kardashian related, there is plenty of hate towards this family to go around.
Yet, people also love the Kardashians. There's a reason why this dysfunctional family is worth hundreds of millions of dollars and have had their hit series 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' on television since 2007, including tons of spin off shows. People can't get enough of them. Why? I have absolutely no idea.
I don't hate them. And from what I can tell, they're actually somewhat nice people. But let's be honest here, the entire family has as much personality as a slab of drywall. Listening to them sit around talking, which is about 90% of the show, is beyond brutal. So if you've had enough as well, come aboard and enjoy the ride.
To be honest, I actually like Scott. He's the only one who brings any entertainment value to the show. He's the only one who actually has some sense of a personality and he's even funny at times-especially when he's trashed-which is, or was often.
The "Lord's" biggest mistake is even being involved in this hot mess. He had his chance to get out, but came crawling back. Understandably though, considering he has three kids with Kourtney and claims this is the only family he has left (what a sad state of affairs).
According to the Daily Mail, he famously "went to visit a psychic to try and rid himself of the 'Kardashian curse' after becoming convinced that bad things happen to all the men who date anyone in the family." The psychic told him that " there was a lot of negative energy surrounding him and pointed out the devil card which came up in the center. " No surprise there. Get out while you can, Scott.
Actually, Kendall is a breath of fresh air in this loony bin. If anything, she is a moron by association because she is still a product of the Kardashian madness. As far as I know, she hasn't had any of the surgeries that her plastic siblings have had done to themselves, which is probably the reason why she's having such a successful career. That, along with the fact that she's a very hardworking young lady. This is also the reason why we don't often see her during recent 'Keeping up with the Kardashians' episodes, as she spends most of her time travelling to places like London, Rome and Paris for her modeling career. Having said that, she is just a normal teen, who happens to be blessed in the looks department. Nothing special, and not much personality, which is one gene they all have in common. At least she's not fake and annoying as hell.
Malika is Khloe Kardashian's best friend, and she's unbelievably annoying, as well. At one point she even became Khloe's personal assistant. Can you imagine having a best friend as your personal assistant? Neither can I. Listening to these two talk, which is often, is worse than getting your teeth pulled, without the novocaine. 'Oh my God', 'totally', 'like whatever', is about the extent of her contributions to the show. She even gets jealous and has a little tantrum if her 'bestie' doesn't call her, or decides to spend time with someone else. It's brutal, to say the least. And if you think that's bad, she even has a twin sister who is almost equally as annoying. It's ironic that her name is "Haqq" because that's exactly what she is.
Yet another victim of the Kardashian curse, this former NBA player is having a tough time getting back on his feet after his brief marriage to Khloe Kardashian which created a spin-off show called Khloe & Lamar and documented the couple's married life together. After a heavy dose of Kardashian medicine, Lamar started hitting the pipe, hard. He then had numerous run-ins with the law, including his infamous stay at a Nevada brothel, with reports of Odom being found unresponsive after overdosing on an "herbal sexual stimulant" that he'd been taking for several days. Needless to say his life has been all downhill since he got involved with these morons. What makes matters worse is that he's apparently trying to salvage his marriage and get back into the Kardashian fray. Don't do it, Lamar. Run and don't look back.
Okay, where do we begin. Chyna used to date Tyga -who somehow avoided being on this list, but does not exclude him from being a total moron- who is now dating Kylie Jenner. So, by some mere coincidence, Chyna started dating Kylie's brother, Rob. Was it to get back at Tyga, or to keep her name in the limelight by dating someone from this reality show trainwreck? Probably both. Does that make her a moron? Indeed. What makes her even more of a moron is the fact that she chose Rob, who is a total disaster. I know a lot of paths cross in Hollywood, but this is just too much of a coincidence. She had a baby with Tyga named "King Cairo" and now has a baby with Rob named "Dream". You couldn't make this stuff up.
Now you've heard of pilot shows, but have you heard of pilot fish? They're the tiny fish that follow sharks wherever they go and feed off of their parasites. In return, the sharks do not eat them. It's called a "mutualist" relationship. That's exactly what's going on here. Cheban is just trying to stay relevant in the public eye by befriending Kim and following her around like a little puppy dog. He's incredibly annoying and makes us all even dumber than we actually are for even watching this circus. He looks gay, acts gay and sounds gay-not that there's anything wrong with that-but he won't actually admit he's gay. No normal male would 'just be friends' with these people. The guy is a total clown. Perfect fit on the show.
Speaking of clowns, may I introduce Kris Humphries. Somehow the satire Gods added another 'K' name to this mix of toxic waste. It's not the fact that he has such a bland personality, or that he's extremely immature, but the guy is just a clueless idiot. You can really tell about someone's character by the people they not only surround themselves with, but fall in love with. Which doesn't say much for Kim, who has an uncanny ability to find the biggest douchebags (excluding maybe Reggie Bush). To make matters worse, this chump is currently playing basketball for my hometown Washington Wizards. At this point, I'd rather have Caitlyn Jenner as our starting center. At least it didn't take long for Kim to realize what a loser the guy is. One of the very few good things I can say about her.
Out of the three older Kardashian daughters, Kourtney is probably the least of an air-head. Okay, let me take that back, she's also a total airhead. What separates Kourtney from the others is that she's the biggest nag in the family. She's always nagging and complaining, and it drives me crazy, so imagine how Scott must feel. Poor Scott. But he knows first hand what he's getting into. It's no surprise that they're separated, as you couldn't have a bigger difference in personality. One is outgoing and humorous, while the other is looking for people to scold in between her yoga and organic snacks. Somebody give her some shots of alcohol, or stick a joint in her mouth. Maybe that would shut her up for once. Simply brutal.
Another 'K' name and again another victim of the family curse. Kanye recently checked into a hospital under the name Jim Jones for a "psychiatric emergency.” According to hiphopdx, his doctor said it was because of “temporary psychosis due to sleep deprivation and dehydration”, but we know the real reason why. Perhaps he and Scott should consider sacrificing a chicken. Seriously though, anyone who proclaims themselves to be a genius is usually the complete opposite, and that's exactly what he is, the opposite. His beats are good, but his lyrics suck. He's an overrated, cocky, arrogant fool, who stumbled upon a female version of himself-at least IQ and personality wise. If he was on the show any longer he'd be a shoo-in for top 5. And to top it off, he named his daughter North West.
Now Khloe isn't a mean person, she just happens to be a Kardashian, which in itself is puke-worthy. Khloe, for all of her good intentions, seems to combine that all too common Kardashian airheaded-ness (is that even a word? If not it's a keeper) with the lack of intelligence that runs so deep in the family. Perhaps being homeschooled wasn't the best of ideas, but what are you going to do? What's done is done.
So it's no surprise that her new show Kocktails with Khloe bombed before they even finished the first season. According to RealityTea.com the executives said her "lackluster performance as a host" and the difficulty finding celebrity guests were the main reasons they pulled the plug. Now please, God, could you do the same with KUWTK?
If Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump met in a bathroom...man, that would be some story. I wonder...nevermind. Honestly, how on earth can any LGBTQ be a Republican? And not only is he/she a Republican, but she/he was surprised to find out that the Trump Administration was "lifting Obama-era guidelines geared toward transgender students." Duh! Have you not been following politics and the news over the last century? What a moron.
And how bizarre is it to hear everyone refer to their dad as 'her' and 'she' all the time on the show? It's insane. Many reports are saying that Caitlyn wants to transfer back to Bruce, or that Bruce isn't happy about being Caitlyn, but to be honest, the whole thing is just too confusing and downright crazy to 'keep up with'. It's better to know as little as possible.
According to Lifestyle.one, in regards to allegations of Kylie having multiple plastic surgeries, she claims, "I haven't done anything except my lips but nobody seems to believe that, so I don't really care." Sure thing, Kylie. The only thing left that isn't fake on this real life Barbie is possibly her pinky toe, at best.
This nerdy looking teen grew up idolizing her big sister, Kim, and is going down the exact same path. All that's missing from her resume is a scandalous video, which is probably in the works and coming to a theatre near you and soon. You can tell all the botox has gotten to her head, as she's made a living taking selfies. Not only does she share the same image as her sister, but she also shares her immense lack of talent, which is a Kardashian trademark.
On the podium for biggest Kardashian moron is the one and only son, Rob. I know it must be tough growing up with all of those moronic sisters around, but it could be a lot worse. Or, maybe not. Poor Robert has been battling depression since for ever and over the last year or so, has ballooned into a sort of "Kardashianator," adding 100 pounds in oreo cookies.
Now there have been many theories regarding Robert's depression. His sisters, his parents, and even Rob himself have all "weighed in" on what they feel is the root of the problem. From the weight gain, to relationships, to losing his father, and many other reasons. The real reason is because he is jealous that all of his sisters are successful and have their own careers. Rob has no talent and no personality. But that hasn't stop his siblings. So it really shouldn't be a problem, especially with the Kardashian name. He could look like Jabba the Hut and still make tons of money, which isn't far off.
The runner-up moron is the Queen B - and you know what the B stands for. At the top of this klan is the mother/manager, Kris Jenner who makes us cringe almost every time she speaks on this stupid show. She's always getting emotional, or trying to give advice , or trying to quell some petty family argument, and it's always intolerable.
Seriously, her husband, Robert Kardashian Sr. was a very smart guy, so how did his kids become such morons? You'd think that they would meet somewhere in between his intelligence and her idiocy to produce even half-witted children. The whole thing is nuts, which is what she is.
And the award for the biggest Kardashian moron goes to the ringleader herself, Kim Kardashian. Thanks to her hard working nights of attention-seeking with fellow moron Paris Hilton and her very public sex tape, the whole family got to cash in. Now we can't get rid of these peasants. Thanks, Kim.
Do us all a favor and keep pumping your rear with botox so that you either explode, float away, or sink to the bottom of the ocean. Any of those would be a massive help to all of us. She can't act, she can't sing, she can't dance, she can't do anything. All she can do is annoy the living hell out us and we're all sick to death of it. Please make it stop. I can't turn on the television or log on without having to hear, or see these complete morons.
Sources: Daily Mail; Wikipedia.org