This piece is all about things that just don't make sense on, or beyond the Wall. And there are a lot of things. I think probably more than what is listed below, but that's beside the point. The point is, the writers of the Game of Thrones show kind of sh*t the bed when it came to season seven.
Why didn't Jaime mention that Cersei is going to stab everyone in the back? How is Thoros the only man to freeze to death on that suicide mission? Why not just use a dragon to capture a wight? Speaking of dragons, why did the Night King not just kill Drogon who was the closer and bigger target? And how the hell did he get the chains to drag Viserion out of the lake?
There are so many glaring holes in the season (especially toward the end) that I don't know how anyone really buys it. I know it's a fictional story, but at least George R. R. Martin uses logic in his books. I mean, how the hell does a raven fly 164mph to deliver a message in time to get dragons to save Jon and company? It's just ridiculous. So buckle up, and learn all about the bullsh*t that was Game of Thrones season seven.
20 Why Not Kill Drogon First?
"Why didn’t the Night King first try to kill the dragon that Dany — and eventually the rescued members of Jon’s party — was riding? Assuming that what he really wanted was a zombified dragon, wouldn’t it make more sense to start with the biggest of the three and the easiest one to hit?" Not to mention that Drogon was sitting right there! Was the Night King just showing off? Viserion was quite a piece away. And if he had just taken out the easiest target first, he could have wasted Dany, Jon Snow, and a slew of other important fighters in one go. I know it wouldn't work for the story, but that's why you don't put characters into positions that make no sense for them to get out of. The Night King seems like a smart guy...for a dead...undead guy. Why wouldn't he take out his literally biggest threat first?
19 Why Not Use A Dragon To Capture A Wight?
This really gets me. Tyrion comes up with the dumb idea of going out beyond the Wall to capture a wight. No one really has any idea how many there are out there, or where they'll find them, but why not. Apparently, it's the only way to really get Cersei on their side (bullsh*t). But why send out seven guys (and lose one of them) when you could just send out a dragon to scoop one up, and then boogie out of there? Less hassle, less drama, and fewer casualties. Not to mention it would take much less time. And considering how many issues Game of Thrones seems to have with time this season, that probably would've been the best bet to make sense of a ridiculous situation. Either way, instead they sent out seven men and lost the guy with the flaming sword to the cold. Lots of sense.
18 Taking Your Time, Jon?
There are a great many issues with time in season seven, and while some of them can be excused by the need to drive the story, some of them are just bizarre and silly. One of these time issues is Jon's decision to waste a ton of time getting onto Drogon just after Viserion is killed. "Could Jon really not break away from the fight to get on the dragon with everybody else?" He just keeps fighting outward along the thin ice. And he knows it's thin ice. For someone who is supposedly pretty smart...he's pretty dumb right here. This also gives the Night King enough time to ready another ice javelin, and almost hit Drogon. And, of course, this ends with Jon falling through the ice after being tackled by a bunch of wights.
17 Viserion Is Not An Ice Dragon!
This is one of the things that drives me mental! Everyone is calling Viserion an ice dragon now. Ok, I get it. His eyes and scales are tinged blue now because he's a wight or a Walker, but that doesn't make him an ice dragon. If anyone reading this knows anything about the lore of the fantasy realm that Martin has created, they will know that ice dragons were a completely different breed of dragons. They were many times greater in size than their fire-breathing brothers to the south. This is a detail that's specifically mentioned in the books fairly early on. Which, to me, sets up the possibility for them to emerge. And given that Drogon is much larger than Viserion, and Viserion is nothing more than a zombie dragon, I think people need to stop calling this creature an ice dragon.
16 That's How You Break The Wall?
This is probably the biggest piss off I've had since the Red Wedding. When I read the Red Wedding in the book, I stopped reading the series for over a month. I'm so glad I enjoy the books more than the show because this is the stupidest way of bringing down the wall. The Night King turns Viserion into a Walker. And that's cool, I guess. The blue-tinged dragon is pretty cool (pun intended). But don't tell me that his newly magical blue flame is enough to bring the 700ft wall down the way that it did. Not only did the one blast do so much initial damage, but then everything around it collapsed so easily. The Wall was built to keep the undead out...with magic. What is Viserion? He's undead! If the Night King and his magic ice javelins, zombie bears, and hordes of wights couldn't pile up and either get over, through or around the Wall then how is it that the undead dragon can do it?
15 Are Ravens Really That Fast!?
Ok, so this one is just nuts. A lot of people say, oh come on, they don't mention how much time has passed anyway, so of course, a raven could make that flight in enough time to save Jon and company. Well, someone worked out the distance and time the raven traveled and thusly worked out its speed. "How the hell did a raven travel the 2,000 miles from Eastwatch to Dragonstone in less than a day? If it took 12 hours, and the raven never stopped to rest, that’s a 167-mph raven." That's just nuts. I'm sorry, you can keep saying that they don't specify the time, but they surely weren't out there more than a day, else the ice would've frozen, there would have been an attack, and then it would've melted again at least once before Dany showed up to help. That's how cold weather works from day to night.
14 Who Swam To Viserion To Attach The Chains?
So, this whole pulling Viserion out of the water thing. No matter how much you can excuse the time issues or the stupid decisions by apparently smart character, there is no way you can justify this one. "Who jumped into the freezing lake to attach the giant chains to the submerged dragon body — the wights that previously wouldn’t enter the water?" It makes no sense. Even if the Night King and his White Walkers could miraculously swim, there is no way that the few of them could drag those chains down, and attach them to the dragon. Did he just pile as many corpses down there as he could until he could get the chains wrapped around? If the wights can't swim how did they take those chains down? And if fire kills them, then how did they make the chains in the first place!?
13 Isn't That A Convenient Trap?
"Wasn’t it really, um, convenient to have the ice break just in time to stop the wights? And for Jon and his buddies to end up on a perfectly placed island?" That's a very fair point. I know it has to exist for the writers not to end up screwing the story, but they could've just written their way into something more logical. Either way, the ice breaks just in time for the group of seven to get on this little island and wait for the wights to cross once the ice freezes again. It seems a little too convenient, and then also a little too boring. I get the impending sense of doom from something like being trapped in Helm's Deep, but I don't think this quite has the same effect. Especially since arrows or javelins would have made easy work of the little band of heroes. I know the wights are pretty stupid but are you telling me the Night King or his White Walkers really never thought of that?
12 Why Not Just Ice Javelin Jon And Company When They Were Surrounded?
"Why didn’t the Night King just use his ice javelins against Jon, Jorah, Tormund, and the rest of the wight hunters while they were stranded on an island in the middle of the lake? Was he playing a longer game to lure Dany out?" Even if he was luring Dany out, this still doesn't really make sense. Sure, let them send Gendry for help, but then just pick the rest off and bring them back as wights. Why not? So far as Dany would be able to tell, the party would still be alive and well, until it was too late. And then she and her dragon would be wasted by an apparently magical ice javelin. And then the Night King could have some pretty epic White Walkers made from the corpses of these heroes. Not to mention the biggest dragon in the show so far. But apparently logic doesn't work for either the heroes or the villains in season seven of Game of Thrones.
11 Why Not Kill The Night King Right Then And There?
Besides the fact that Dany doesn't really seem all that upset about the loss of Viserion...she's a Targaryen. They're known for being a little fiery (pun intended), and a little mental. Are you telling me that this self-made queen who stuffed people on pikes and tortured a good number of others isn't willing to rear her gigantic dragon round in order to blast a huge column of fire at the Night King? He just took out one of her children (well I guess her actual child was already taken care of way earlier on in the story)! She is more than close enough for Drogon to waste the Night King and his White Walker generals. Some people have told me that we don't know that fire will work on the Night King...but let's be honest here, would she really care in that moment either way?
10 What's The Deal With Benjen?
Alright, so this was at least partially explained. For some reason, the Children of the Forest decide to stop the full conversion to wight for Benjen. And I guess that's fine. Though I'm wondering where the rest of the not-fully-transformed wights are, and why they haven't also been helping. What's so special about Benjen? And given that the Night King is apparently the fault of the Children of the Forest, they should be helping out a little more. But more importantly: "Why didn’t Benjen show up earlier in the battle against the Night King? The last time he suddenly appeared to help a fellow Stark, he said that the Three-Eyed Raven had sent him; presumably, that means Bran sent him to help Jon. But does that mean that Bran didn’t dispatch Benjen until Jon was stranded, dripping wet, and being chased by wights?"
9 Did No One Think About The Undead Brute?
"Who truly believes that seeing a wight will actually convince Cersei to join Jon and Daenerys in battling the White Walkers? Has anyone pointed out to Jon and Dany that Cersei technically has her own wight bodyguard? Like, maybe Jaime could have mentioned as much when he met with Tyrion about this very plan?" Yeah, this may have already been briefly mentioned in the article, but what were they thinking when they decided to bring a wight to convince Cersei? I'm pretty sure that, by now, everyone knows that Robert Strong is the super-jacked, undead Gregor Clegane. And somehow they think an undead dude who is many times smaller than the Mountain is going to truly convince Cersei that she needs to help the living?
8 Really? Only Thoros Freezes?
So the man who makes swords burst into flames is the one who freezes to death? Sure, he was mauled by a zombie bear, which would be a pretty badass way to go. But, of course, we know that Martin isn't always about making characters go out in a blaze of glory (pun intended). But come on. None of them are wearing hats. Most of our body heat escapes from the tops of ours heads, and Thoros, who can make steel catch fire manages to be the only one who freezes to death? did they suddenly lose the ability to light fires? It's not like it would've given away their position. They were already just sitting there, stranded, while the wights waited for the ice to freeze so they could go in for the kill. But he freezes to death. I know I've said that a bunch, but I still don't get it...he freezes to death? Come on.
7 How Does Jon Survive That Dip In The Drink?
I know everyone thinks Dany was reborn in fire, and so too must Jon Snow be reborn in ice (the book series is called A Song of Ice and Fire after all). But we've also worked out that Jon is a weird hybrid and is actually Aegon Targaryen. So, presumably, he's not as resistant to cold as everyone thinks he is. And considering he's tackled by wights (Which would take his breath) plus he goes straight into the freezing cold water (which would take his breath), and then is submerged for quite some time, I think there is little chance that he would make it all the way back to safety by himself. Thoros was injured, sure, but Jon was drenched, and made a night ride in the freezing cold...and didn't die? He'd die of hypothermia for sure.
6 Doesn't Tyrion Know Better?
"Shouldn’t Tyrion, at the very least, know better than to bet so much on appealing to Cersei Lannister’s humanity?" It's true. He knows that Cersei is bathsh*t crazy. Sure, she's pretty smart when it comes to backstabbing people, but Tyrion already knows this, and I would like to think he's smarter than Cersei if for no other reason than that he's nowhere near as crazy. So why would he think bringing a wight to her might make her realize that people are more important? Especially since her new bodyguard is clearly an amalgamation of corpse parts thrown together to make the Mountain even scarier. She blew up a building full of people and has a zombie guard. She clearly doesn't care about people or the undead.
5 What Happened To The Dragonglass Cache?
Sam happens across what could've been a brief glimpse of the Horn of Winter (which the showrunners obviously decided to do without), and a pile of dragonglass. Surely some of the glass would be very helpful against the wights. But also, having the enormous cache of dragonglass available from Dragonstone now, how is it that the seven men who went out to capture a wight didn't all go with weapons capable of killing the damned things? There were two flaming swords, a Valyrian sword, and one or two dragonglass daggers? There were seven men! They know what can kill the damned things. Were they really expecting to be able to get in and out without a fight? They've all been through so much hell that they should definitely know better.
4 Gendry's Really That Good A Runner?
"How was Gendry able to run all the way to Eastwatch, however far that was, in what appears to be record time? While we’re at it, how did Gendry even know where to run after fresh snow wiped out Jon and co.’s tracks, especially since Gendry had never even experienced snow before, period?" Again, people will say that we have no idea how far they traveled, or how much time had elapsed, but still. He's never seen snow, has no tracks to follow, and suddenly knows exactly where to run, and can do so incredibly quickly? Have you seen Gendry's weapon of choice? There is no way that he could make that run with that weapon in that time. There are things I can forgive in the world of fantasy, but this is just not one.
3 Where Did They Get These Chains!?
This makes me sigh with disappointment every time I think about it. And there are so many people who don't even bother to think about it. I don't understand how you could so mindlessly miss the fact that these wights can't swim, and can't be near fire. Given that, then how the hell did they get those chains into the water and around Viserion? And beyond that, how did they even manage to forge the chains? They are gigantic chains! Were they just kicking around in the snow from some previous group? Did the Wildlings decide to forge chains for absolutely no reason out of resources they didn't have? Imagine how many wights it would take to forge those chains! How many would have melted or burned up in a forge big enough to make those chains?
2 Was There No Better Winter Gear?
Alright, so they set out and had some furs and gloves. But where the hell are their hats? Jon has spent his entire life up North. Shouldn't at least he know better? I know that the show requires him to show off his pretty, black curls, but give me a break. Are you telling me that all of these guys, one of whom had never even seen snow before, wandered out beyond the Wall with no food, supplies, or proper winter gear? No wonder why Thoros froze to death. Sure, he was injured and that really added to the danger of freezing, but I'm pretty sure Gendry would have been the next one to go. Good thing he started running faster than anyone could bloody well imagine. That must have kept him warm enough, even without the proper gear.
1 Jaime's Leaving Cersei... But Is He Going To Warn The "Good Guys"?
I know this doesn't happen beyond the Wall, or even at the Wall. Hell, it hasn't even happened yet at all! Jaime is fully aware that Cersei plans on backstabbing the Starks and Targaryens as soon as Euron arrives back with his pile of mercenaries. Considering that Jaime decided to turn his back on his sister (so far as we know), isn't it a little odd that he hasn't mentioned a single thing to his new companions? Did he think it would be best to wait until they are already being attacked by the Night King before mentioning that they were about to be attacked from behind as well? I'm sure they're waiting for a dramatic moment for him to mention it in season eight (whenever that finally drops), but it's just a huge hole in the logic of the character and the story. "Hey, everyone! I'm joining you, but I'm also not going to tell you that we're going to get f*cked from both ends before long!"