Have you ever been at a place in your life where you feel as if you are the only one who doesn't get what you want? It's possible to think you're the only one, but the truth is that everyone has been there at one point or another, and some people's lives are characterized by such disappointments. However, you need to know the worst thing isn't getting into such a situation, but it's continuing to live in it.
When people talk about settling in relationships, they often think about ending up with a person other than the one they truly love, or continuing in a relationship where they compromise on their needs and what matters to them most. You might be in a relationship that is far from what your definition of a "loving relationship" is, but continue to stick there because you have settled.
Most people settle out of fear, low self-esteem, and ignorance, although there are numerous other reasons and excuses other people give. One way to know if you've settled is to consider whether your relationship makes you want to love the other person even more, or whether being in the relationship is killing you slowly from the inside.
It would be foolish to expect the other person to be perfect since you're not perfect and you probably never will be, but you deserve someone who makes you happy and will love you just as you are. Instead of settling, you would be doing your significant other, as well as yourself, a huge favor by getting out, since by sticking there you might be preventing yourselves from meeting the right person for you.
Here are eight signs you've settled, and seven signs your girlfriend thinks she has. Do any of these apply to you?
15 You've Settled: You Would Rather Spend Time Doing Other Things
What would you rather do on your day off: go spend time with the boys watching football or spend time with your woman cuddled up on the couch? Your answer to that question will tell a lot about where you're at with your girl and how important she is in your life.
Sure, you need to spend time with the boys every so often, especially when your team is playing, and you need some time away from her for you two to miss each other just a bit. However, when you find yourself looking for excuses not to be with her, guess what, you've settled.
If you know from the bottom of your heart you are with the woman of your dreams, you would rather miss the most important game of the season for an opportunity to be with her. She might not even need you to be there, you just want to be with her so much that you cannot see how you shouldn't spend your time off from work with her.
14 She's Settled: She Is Fresh Out Of A Relationship, And The Other Guy Is Much Hotter Than You
Some guys don't mind dating a woman who is fresh out of a relationship, since they might have been waiting for such a moment for the longest time, and the end of her previous relationship was an answered prayer. However, despite the circumstances surrounding her breakup and the length of time you waited for her to be free, you are a rebound, especially if she didn't take enough time to heal after her breakup.
Since numerous successful relationships started under such circumstances, it's possible to make the relationship work and end up spending the rest of your life with her. However, if you know the other guy is much hotter than you, or at least you've heard people say so, you don't need anyone telling you that your girl has settled, it will be clear. If you truly love her and want to be with her, you need to love her so much until she realizes how much better it is for her to be with you compared to being with the other guy.
13 You've Settled: You Always Think About How Many Worse Relationships Are Out There
One interesting thing about social media is how it has opened up other people's lives to us, especially those who usually feel the urge to give us detailed explanations of just how terrible their relationships are. Such people give us an opportunity to know how good or how terrible our relationships are compared to theirs, which can be either a good thing or a bad thing.
If you are one of those people who compare your relationship with people in terrible relationships, then you have a problem. You might be with her simply because you know someone has it worse and is still holding strong, which is a terrible reason for holding on to a relationship. If you have to compare, look at the most successful relationships and consider how well you are faring. If you settle for being better than the worst, your relationship will soon end badly.
12 She's Settled: She Tried Changing You But Suddenly Stopped
If your woman is constantly trying to change some things about you, you don't need to worry much because it's just how most women are, since all men are lost and wild, and they desperately need women in their lives. Although these attempts to change men might be annoying and, in most cases, futile, they work towards making men better lovers and bearable partners to live with.
When your woman suddenly stops trying to change you in any way, you seriously need to get concerned because such a change can be the result of a number of things. First, inquire about her health; she might have discovered she's suffering from a terminal illness and doesn't have the energy to keep fighting you. She might also be getting ready to dump you, so she needs as many reasons as you can give her to get rid of you. Finally, she could just give up on changing you after realizing she has settled and has stopped expecting you to become her prince charming.
11 You've Settled: Your Ex Looks Happier In Her Relationship And You're Competing With Her
How often do you find yourself stalking your ex online? Most people would never truthfully answer this question for obvious reasons, but at the back of their minds, they know how attentive they are to their ex's movements. One thing most people realize is that their former lovers always seem to be doing so well and having so much fun in their new relationships.
Therefore, if you start to do some things with you woman only to show you are also happy, then you should really think about your relationship. If you have to pretend to be happy just because your ex seems to be having the time of her life with her new man, you definitely have settled.
If you truly love your woman and you know she deserves better than you do, you would be so busy carried away with loving her you wouldn't even notice you used to be in a relationship with someone else.
10 She's Settled: You Two Hardly Talk About Serious Stuff
When was the last time you and your woman talked about your future together? If you can't remember, yet you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with her, you need to get concerned. If a woman is excited about being with you, she won't hide her feelings and you will know her answer if you happen to pop the question.
However, if she has never brought up anything about the two of you in the future, except planning a date night or spending the weekend together, she has probably settled. If you bring up serious conversations and she never seems interested, you can be sure she either has settled or doesn't see a future where the two of you are together. You might probably want to put more effort into making her feel special and loved, especially if you want a future with her.
9 You've Settled: Everyone Asks You Whether You're Sure She's What You Want
When you choose to get into a relationship with someone, it's important you be honest with how you feel. Some people might not really understand what you see in your girl, and that's fine, because if they did they would definitely be your competition. However, when several of your friends keep asking you whether you are sure she's the one, you have enough reasons to get concerned.
You might think that some of your friends are just jealous and they want to mess with you, which might not always be the case. Actually, hardly anyone would ask you this question if he or she thought your woman is in your league or much better than you.
Therefore, if you ever have two or three people ask you this question, you don't need me telling you that you've settled. People's reactions should always be the opposite of this, telling you how lucky you are to have her.
8 She's Settled: She Keeps Talking About Her Ex
Have you ever heard the quote, "For out of the abundance of the heart, his mouth speaks?" These words are part of a discussion Jesus was having with his disciples, found in the Gospel according to Luke. According to the quote, people will often talk about what is in their heart, and this is so true. If you are excited or sad about something, you will want to share your experience with the people closest to you, which is normal.
Therefore, if your woman can't stop talking about her ex, regardless of whether she is saying good or bad things about him, you don't need anyone telling you who is in her heart. Of course, you should be there for her whenever she needs someone to talk to, but you should also listen closely to know what is truly going on in her heart. Even though she might think she has settled, you still have the power to turn things around by loving her the best way you know how.
7 You've Settled: You Hope She Will Change
Have you ever gone for marriage or relationship counselling? If you have, and actually went to a professional who wasn't afraid to tell it as it is, he or she probably told you that you can't change your partner.
It's possible to encourage your woman to start doing some things a bit differently, but any real and lasting change must come from her realization and desire to change. If you are in a relationship with a woman you are hoping will change into your dream girl, you must know she most probably won't, and you have definitely settled. The only change you can hope for is your own.
If you want to have a good relationship with your woman, accept and love her as she is, the good as well as the bad. Successful relationships are those between people who can tolerate each other's weaknesses and celebrate each other's strengths.
6 She's Settled: She Does Things And Tells You Later
Women love to talk, and the bulk of what they say concerns their feelings, the experiences they are going through, and the projects they're taking on. Therefore, you don't have to ask your woman too many questions concerning what she is doing, since she would gladly share the information with you as soon as she starts thinking about it.
However, if your woman can buy another car, change jobs, start a business, or even go back to school without telling you first, you need to be concerned. A man can probably do these things without telling his woman and not have anything against her, but a woman will not.
A woman would love to hear the opinion of the man she loves before doing anything since his approval means so much to her. Furthermore, a man will want to support his woman in every way to ensure she achieves her objectives. If she does things first and then tells you later, she has settled.
5 You've Settled: You'd Love To Break Up With Her, But You Don't Want To Hurt Her
Have you ever gone through a breakup? As painful as they are, breakups are normal, and apart from those people who fear to get into relationships, everyone reading this has gone through at least one breakup. In every breakup, there is always a villain and a victim, and no one ever wants to be the villain, since the victim's friends can gang up and beat him up as soon as he lets his guard down.
However, if you are holding on to a relationship for no other reason other than the fear of hurting your woman, you have definitely settled. The longer you stay in a failing relationship, the worse both of you will feel when it eventually ends.
If you'd love to break up with her, please do so as soon as you can because she might be feeling the same way. However, if you cannot imagine life without her by your side, you had better fight through whatever problem comes your way and win.
4 She's Settled: She Does Not Give You The Respect You Deserve
If a man was to understand just how important it was to love and care for his woman and do so to the best of his abilities, his woman would never leave him. On the other hand, every woman knows, or ought to know, the value of respecting her man. When a woman respects her man, regardless of whether she makes more money than he does, she makes him feel like a king, and there is no reason why such a man wouldn't treat his woman like a queen. The beauty in relationships is in giving the best if you want the best.
On the other hand, a woman who doesn't respect her man as she ought to, and belittles him even in the slightest way, clearly doesn't value him. Such a woman would leave him as soon as she gets the opportunity to or comes across a man she thinks is worth her respect. If she is still with you and doesn't respect you, she is probably sure that she has settled for far less than she deserves.
3 You've Settled: You're Convinced She Is The Best You Can Get
Often, we look down on ourselves for no reason at all, and we end up settling for relationships far less than we deserve. Have you ever looked at a woman and determined she was far too hot for you and didn't even try to ask her out? She might have said yes, and you have no one to blame but yourself. Furthermore, she might have been praying for you to say something but you took no action; this happens too often.
Are you with her only because you are afraid of leaving, and that you might not find anyone better than her? It's important to be with someone who isn't just good enough, but one who is right for you. If she is right for you, fight for her and focus on remaining faithful to her, but if you have to convince yourself to stay in the relationship, you are hurting yourself and will eventually hurt her in the end.
2 She's Settled: None Of Her Friends Or Family Know You Exist
One way you can know your woman isn't really into you, and is with you because she has no better option, is when you realize her close friends and relatives don't even know you exist. If she won't introduce you to her sister who she claims to love so much, especially if you have been going out for a while, you need to question just how valuable you are to her.
Furthermore, if she will spend time with you only on her own terms, you need to find out if she could be cheating on you or if she just doesn't want to be seen with you. Regardless of which of the two is true, she doesn't value you as she should and she is hiding more than your relationship. If you are in this situation, she thinks she has settled, until she finds a way out.
1 You've Settled: You Keep Justifying The Relationship
One of the clearest signs someone is settling is the need to justify the relationship, both to his or her friends and to him or herself. Are you truly happy being with her, or are you convincing yourself that you must be happy because you think other people have it worse? Making excuses for your woman for the negative things she does is probably a sign you shouldn't be with her, and your excuses aren't improving the relationship.
Clearly, no one is perfect, and even the people we claim to be so can have some annoying things about them you don't know of. However, if your significant other will obviously never change, and what she does almost drives you crazy, you will only stick around if you have settled. If you are truly right for each other, those seemingly annoying things won't be too bad, at least from your perspective.