Hollywood moms are supposed to be hot, desirable, and…well…thin. They are supposed to have pert, usually big, ‘girls’ and (these days) an ample and lifted booty. Well, that’s the theory anyway. We’re here to tell you that some mommy celebs are hot while some are not. Most of the women on this list have sailed through pregnancy, motherhood, and growing older and still have bodies to die for. Unfortunately, whether it be because of pregnancy, ageing, or a tendency to inhale pizza and ice cream, some of these once-hot Hollywood moms have bodies that can only be described as disaster areas. Or maybe just as white hot messes. They have well and truly gone from hot to not. Some don’t seem to care at all. Others are in denial. Here come 8 hot Hollywood moms whose bodies sizzle and 7 whose bodies are a bit of a drizzle. In other words, a flop.
15. Sofia Vergara – 45 And Still Posing In The Buff
She’s 45-years old and has a son, Manolo, who is nearly 25 years old! And this year, Sofia Vergara hit the Women’s Health Naked Issue. The Modern Family star has gone on record saying that her boobs are not as pert as they once were. Nobody who has seen her in Women’s Health is buying that one. The Daily Mail reported that she said her size F twins were beginning to droop and that she was going to have surgery before they start “hitting her knees.” No danger of that. And her booty? It’s one of the hottest in Hollywood, or anywhere else for that matter. Sofia Vergara, the living embodiment of TV’s Gloria Delgado Pritchett, just seems to get hotter as the years roll by. Colombia’s loss is Hollywood’s gain.
14. Scarlett Johansson – 36-26-36 Perfection
What can we say about Scarlett Johansson, twice-divorced and proud mom of Rose? Well, we can say she is one hot mother. Literally. Scar-Jo sizzles in that skintight black jumpsuit she wears as Black Widow in the Captain America and Avengers films. Who knows where to look first? That pert backside is tempting. But then, so are her “twins.” And she’s got a wicked sense of humor. She totally rocked her Ivanka Trump gig on Saturday Night Live. Some say Scarlett is like a bombshell throwback to the Golden Age of Hollywood. She seems to exude a Marilyn Monroe kind of vibe. And, praise be, she’s not afraid to show you what she’s got. So, is the divorced Scar-Jo looking for hubby number three? Probably not. She has said that monogamy is “unnatural,” though. So, who knows?
13. Blake Lively – L.A. Face With An Oakland Booty
Man, did Ryan Reynolds‘ wife and mother of his two children get a lot of flack last year when she attended Cannes and posted a picture of herself on the red carpet. She was dressed in a gold gown that gave the photographers an eyeful of boobs and booty. It was captioned “L.A. face with an Oakland booty.” “Oakland” means ample. True, Blake Lively looked totally hot, but many thought the reference to multiracial Oakland was an insult to people of color. As in racist. Now, Blake is not the kind of girl to back down or apologize. So, she waved away the critics, saying, “I was celebrating my body.” But the thing is that the phrase comes from Sir Mix-a-Lot’s 1992 hit song, “Baby Got Back.” It was a kind of celebration of black women’s bodies that many thought had been unfairly hijacked by a privileged white.
12. Kim KardAS*ian – Say It Isn’t So
We remember a while back when Kim Kardashian-West did a ‘bare’ photoshoot in a desert somewhere. Oh, she was wearing a little body paint, but that was about it. And she was scorching hot. And who can forget all those sitting-on-a-wall-in-a-bikini shots that showed her ample heart-shaped booty to best advantage? But, somewhere along her booty journey and all those trips to the butt docs to have enhancements, things went very, very wrong. Two pregnancies and weight gain have given her once pert booty an unsightly “spread” that is no longer merely ample. These days, it’s just a BIG a**. You know, as in Kim KardAS*ian. Out of respect for the woman who made big booty hot, we choose to remember the old booty days when Kimmie rocked anything tight. These days? We recommend very long and loose tops.
11. Tyra Banks – Way Too Much Of A Good Thing
She was the hot go-to Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue babe back in the 1990’s. Older models such as witchy Naomi Campbell hated her with a vengeance. These days? Tyra Banks is an all-loved-up 40-something and mother of one. So, pregnancy did her hot bod in? Not exactly. She used a surrogate to carry her son, York. So, what happened? Who knows? It’s probably a combination of eating too much and moving too little. Now, Tyra has said that she looks and feels better with a little fat on her bones. But, in all honesty, Tyra, enough is enough. Stop already. These days, the 43-year-old model and TV mogul seems to be taking life a little easier than she did a few years ago. With $90 million in the bank, she can totally afford to. Has love and motherhood mellowed the fierce Banks? Maybe. Just a little. Oh, baby number two via a surrogate is on the way.
10. Heidi Klum – Hottest Mother Of Four On Earth?
Heidi Klum‘s go-on-forever legs were reportedly once insured for more than $2 million. But, her right leg was worth $1.2 million and the left only $1 million? Why? There is a scar on her left knee! So, a $200,000 scar? Precisely. This 40-something divorced cougar has produced four children and still looks…well…near perfect. In fact, we think she’s only gotten hotter and hotter over the years. From gracing the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue to strutting her ample assets for Victoria’s Secret to building her own little media empire, our Heidi has gone from strength to strength. She’s even received an Emmy for her work on Project Runway. And what about her toy boy art dealer Vito Schnabel? Let’s put it this way, he was 6 years old when Heidi began her modeling career.
9. Jessica Simpson – Losing The Battle Of The Bulge
Believe it or not, Jessica Simpson is seven years younger than Heidi Klum! A while back, she was every guy’s trailer park dream girl when she played Daisy Duke in The Dukes of Hazzard movie. But it has not been plain sailing for our Jessica. She came out of nowhere in 1999 to launch a hot singing career. But by 2006, her career and personal life were in shambles. That year, she divorced singer Nick Lachey, pausing only to trash the size of his “equipment.” Tacky. It only got worse. In 2009, our Jessica was booed off the stage following a pretty bad performance at a Wisconsin festival. Talk about embarrassing. After hooking up with former football star Eric Johnson, and having two kids, she’s packed on the pounds and, some say, just let herself go. Bring back Daisy Duke is what we say.
8. Mila Kunis – From Hot Mom To Bad Mom
Mila Kunis, once famously addicted to playing video games with ex-boyfriend Macaulay Culkin, is now married to hunky actor Ashton Kutcher and mothers his two children. No, we don’t think Demi Moore visits much. The petite 30-something star of Bad Moms has sailed through two pregnancies, delivered two beautiful children, and then gotten down to the business of working darn hard to reclaim her pre-baby body. And we think she’s done a great job. Now, is everything happy in the Kutcher household? Some point to rumors of Ashton K visiting a certain massage parlor that offers “special” services, if you get what we mean. Well, it’s hard to believe with that Mila at home, he would look for fun and games elsewhere. But many said that of his marriage to Demi Moore just before he was caught in a hot tub with a hottie.
7. Christina Aguilera – Words Fail Us
Oh dear. Oh dear. The young Christina Aguilera was beyond hot. But, even then, she had the kind of “hard” face that you knew wouldn’t age well. Now a 30-something, she is a white hot mess. These days, she is the poster child for too much of everything. Her over-bleached blond hair, the makeup that is applied with a towel, and her weight gain have all conspired to make the still young Christina look middle-aged. She’s gone from perky Mouseketeer, to sexy pop princess, to coach on The Voice, to washed-out failed diva. Now with two kids in tow and a string of failed comebacks behind her, she’s just looking sadder than sad. Good thing she’s got her millions to keep her warm. Will she stage a big comeback? Probably not.
6. Beyonce – Queen Bey, Queen Bod
Mom of three and diva extraordinaire, Beyonce is a powerhouse of talent and (some say) ego. Her diva demands are legendary. Rumor has it that her 2016 Super Bowl gig was awash with demands, demands, and more demands. So, she and hubbie Jay-Z are blissfully happy? Well, sort of. A few years ago, Beyonce’s sister, Solange, had a bust-up with Jay-Z in an elevator. Then, rumors of Jay-man playing away began making the rounds. He came clean, sort of. Beyonce poured her heart out in her album Lemonade, with cryptic references to “Becky with the good hair.” WTF? It’s code for the other woman. Some say she is fashion designer Rachel Roy. Now that daughter Rumi and son Sir have joined Blue Ivy, here’s to hoping everything is happy-happy at the Knowles-Carter mansion.
5. Gisele Bundchen – Super Mom, Super Bowl, And Super Bod
Back before Gisele Bundchen and other shapely models hit the big time at the end of the 1990’s, models were super “heroin-chic” thin. Gisele and other models like her brought sexy back to the runway. The Brazilian bombshell is famously married to New England Patriot’s Super Bowl champion quarterback Tom Brady, and the proud mother of two beautiful kids. Not many people know but the couple met on a blind date. Our Gisele is the kind of model who breastfeeds her baby as she gets made up for a photoshoot. And she’s the kind of footballer’s wife who roots for her man from the sidelines and then goes nuts with joy when he pulls off his fifth (yes fifth!) Super Bowl victory in February of 2017. Apparently, life with the uber-competitive Brady can get tense. Word is, Gisele and the kids are hoping he’ll retire already. After all, he’s hit the BIG 4-0.
4. Janet Jackson – From Insanely Hot To Totally Not
Janet Jackson is a yo-yo weight kind of dame. One minute, she’s thin. Then, she’s a little overweight. Then she’s…well…big. You get the general idea. Now, Michael Jackson‘s baby sister has had a decent-enough career. She was never in Michael’s league, but then who is? So, late in life, she gets all loved up with totally rich Arab tycoon (and toy boy) Wissam Al Mana. Then, shock and horror, she has a kid when she’s 50 years old. Then, no shock or horror comes separation and a mega divorce battle. Wissam, by the way, is worth a cool billion. Meanwhile, Bet.com is reporting that James DeBarge, Janet’s ex, claims they had a “secret” daughter together. With a $175 million fortune, we’re betting that there have been and will be quite a few who claim she’s their mom.
3. Halle Berry – Older And Hotter Than Ever
The three-time divorced mother of two sizzled in her tight black jumpsuit when she played Storm in the epic X-Men movie franchise. She may have been totally unlucky in love, but her career has been a mega success story. Halle Berry, believe it or not, is the only black woman to have ever won a Best Actress Oscar. She got the nod for her performance in 2001’s Monster’s Ball. And our Halle is still smoking hot at 51. Yes, she’s 51 years old. Wonder Woman‘s Gal Gadot has hinted that she’d love to see Wonder Woman hook up with Berry in a future installment of the franchise. We see some hot girl-on-girl action in our Halle’s future. That’s certain to put a lot of bums on seats, we think. Many are shocked to learn that Gadot probably only got around $300,000 for the first movie. Let’s hope there are big bucks in her future.
2. Kirstie Ally – 80’s Hottie To Totally Nottie
Whoa! Many have forgotten just how smoking hot Kirstie Alley was back in her prime. The twice-divorced mother of two is another yo-yo up-and-down weight babe. She’s been on more diets than Oprah Winfrey, was a spokesperson for diet company, Jenny Craig, and has been a fully paid up member of the Church of Scientology. Like a lot of women, the young Alley could stuff her face all she wanted and not gain an ounce. But, as she got older and the metabolism slowed down, she began packing on the pounds. Back a year or so ago, she had a recurring gig on TV’s Scream Queens. But guys of a certain age will remember her sexy comic turn as barmaid Rebecca Howe in TV’s iconic show Cheers.
1. Hilary Duff – From Stick To Stump (Now Back To Fit)
She was a Disney kid and, beginning in 2001, was a mega-hit as Lizzie McGuire in the TV show of the same name. After that, Hilary Duff had mixed success as a singer and an actress, but struck gold a few years back when she was cast in TV’s Younger. She and hockey playing hubbie Mike Comrie were apparently all loved up. And in 2012, along came a son who was, as Hilary said, “surrounded by love.” Of course, the divorce came not long after. Then, shock and horror when Comrie was accused of r*pe. The real story is a corker. It seems that the woman in question was a high-end working girl who, together with another working girl, engaged in a threesome with Comrie. Then, they demanded millions to keep quiet. That, by the way, is called blackmail.
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