America has given the world so much. No really, it has. There’s Coca Cola, rap music, the hamburger, and (last but not least) blue jeans. Invented at the end of the 19th century as tough, long wearing work pants for men, jeans have become the go-to casual wear for many. And hot young celebrities, like the rest of us, love their jeans. Now, some steamy stars rock skinny blue jeans. And that’s nothing but good news. Those jeans display pert booty and long toned legs to perfection. And joy of joy, some hot young stars have done totally sexy ads for jeans. We’ll get to those in a bit. Is there a downside? Sadly, yes, there is. Some celebrities cram themselves into tight jeans when they should be covering up. Why? Well, maybe they are out of shape and overweight, with unsightly bulges. It’s not a pretty sight. Or maybe their booty enhancement has been taken to ridiculous lengths, making the sight of them in jeans almost a joke. They simply did not know when to quit when it came to those implants. So, let’s have a look at the hotties and the notties.
Here come 8 babes who are scorching hot in jeans and 7 chicks who should consider covering up…
15. Kate Upton – Girl-Next-Door Hot
Kate Upton, that 20-something hottie who is every young boy’s dream; she is a combination of innocent and hot, and the go-to model of the moment. And in jeans? She is beyond hot. These days, there is talk of diva behavior and attitude. Seems like she was a nightmare on the photoshoot for the 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Rumor has it that she pushed swimsuit models Serena Williams and Christie Brinkley aside by demanding that she be featured on all three covers of the Swimsuit Issue. She got her way. But, rumor is that she also put more than one or two noses out of joint. And what about the “F” bomb rant on Twitter when her baseball pitcher boyfriend Justin Verlander didn’t win an award?
14. Scarlett Johansson – Old-Style Bombshell
Scarlett Johansson is a kind of throwback to the old Hollywood. She’s an unashamed bombshell and s*x symbol. ‘Hooray’ is all we can say. And in jeans? She’s hotter than hot. Now, twice married and twice divorced Johansson has gone on record saying that monogamy is unnatural. The woman who rocks that jumpsuit she wears playing Black Widow in the Avengers films is not afraid of flaunting her considerable assets. Those Double Ds and her 36-25-36 body are a wonder to behold. Plus, believe it or not, she’s a pretty good little actress. Little? She’s only 5 feet 4 inches tall. Our Scarlett should be good at the acting thing by now. See, she’s been acting since she was 10 years old. So, she’s had plenty of practice.
13. Kylie Jenner – Made In Hollywood Hottie
Kylie Jenner, the baby of the Kardashian/Jenner clan, is now 20 years old and has come of age. And, thanks to the butt and chest docs of Hollywood, she’s got some serious booty and “girls” going on. We can’t decide if we like her better in yoga pants or skinny jeans. Both are a treat. Now, big (and much older) sister Kim Kardashian may have a cool $150 million in the bank, but little sister Kylie and her $3 million are catching up fast. To begin with, she’s ahead of Kim K in terms of her social media following. And that means the millions will roll in fast. These days, she is (or was) loved up (at least some of the time) with rapper Tyga. Kylie’s into buying the troubled singer expensive cars and (occasionally) posing topless next to him for Instagram posts. No wonder she’s beating Kim in the social media number stakes.
12. Kelly Clarkson – Oh Dear, Say It Isn’t So
She won the first ever series of American Idol and has a string of hits to her name. Now, there is just no doubt that Kelly Clarkson is hugely talented. She can belt out a song with the best of them. But let’s face it, she has her weight issues. She’s a yo-yo, up and down, and then up again. And the thing is, she seems to have settled into “big” as a permanent thing. And the sight of her in skinny jeans? Well, you decide. But we think she needs to make a better wardrobe choice. But it appears she is done with being body-shamed. She’s taken the offensive, hitting back at Internet trolls who try to diss her. When one guy tweeted to her “you’re fat”, her reply was the perfect slap down. She tweeted back, “and still f*cking awesome.”
11. Coco Austin – Laughable Implant Overload
These days, Coco Austin in jeans is looking like an overstuffed Jessica Rabbit on a bad day. There is a fine line between enough and too much. And we think Coco Austin went over it with her latest round of implants. Ice T‘s baby mama and wife had implants in her booty and boobs so that they would be the same size. That’s as in H-U-G-E. No word on what Ice T, who probably paid the bill, thinks of it all. He seems to enjoy patting her assets. They occasionally appear on TV talk shows together. It usually goes like this: The host comments on her butt and boobs. She invites the (usually guy) host to pat something. At the end of the day, our Coco was a glamour model who got lucky and married a celebrity of some standing. Talent? Not much. But she’s got plenty of boob and booty going on.
10. Eva Longoria – Pint-Sized Scorcher
It takes a brave woman to wear skinny jeans. It takes an even braver woman to wear white skinny jeans. There is nowhere to hide in those pants. We think you’ll agree that Eva Longoria rocks this outfit. The soap and Desperate Housewives star was supposedly all loved up with husband, basketball star Tony Parker. Things were cool until Longoria discovered a bunch of text messages on his phone that made it clear he had been playing ‘away’. And we don’t mean basketball. So, Parker’s a cheat and dumb for not deleting the texts? Probably. It was goodbye Tony. Don’t worry, she’s now married to totally rich guy millionaire and media mogul Jose Baston. She’s still working her actress backside off, with several movies and TV shows coming up. She’s been around for so long, it’s hard to believe she is only 42 years old.
9. Penelope Cruz – Sizzling Latina Babe
Penelope Cruz and hubby Javier Bardem, are a golden couple and practically acting royalty in their native Spain. But they are intensively private people. Coming from a pretty poor background, the young (and gorgeous) Cruz was spotted and signed by an agent when she was all of 15 years old. Her big break came in 2001 when she starred alongside Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky. She was the love interest, on and off screen. They had a “thing” going on until 2004. Cruise seems good at picking up chicks. But keeping them? A completely different matter, we are sorry to say. Here’s a bit of trivia: Cruz and husband Bardem are the only Spanish actors to have won an Academy Award. They got Best Supporting Actor and Actress nods.
8. Jessica Simpson – White Hot Mess In Denim
We remember the Jessica Simpson who was channeling her inner trailer park in The Dukes of Hazzard. But that was then and this is now. The leggy, trim Daisy Duke is no more and has been replaced by yo-yo Jessica. She’s been up and down the scales like a pro. A while back, she was young, thin, and famously married to singer Nick Lachey. Why famously? Well, after they divorced, she went public commenting on the inadequacy of his private parts. No way? Yes way. And like her weight, Jessica’s singing and acting career have been all over the place. She was booed off stage in 2009 and since then, has tended (understandably) to focus on her business ventures, including ranges of clothes and shoes. At the moment, she appears to have slimmed down a bit. It won’t last, will it?
7. Eva Mendes – 50 Shades Of Hot
When you put Latina hottie Eva Mendes and Fifty Shades of Grey actor Jamie Dornan together to film Calvin Klein jeans ads, what you get is a lot of s*x and a little bit of jeans. But that’s the point. There was Eva in tight jeans and little else, sometimes with Dornan on top of her. Now, Calvin is known for pushing it when it comes to its ad campaigns. One lot of ads featuring model Lara Stone was banned in Australia for suggesting boy-on-girl violence, maybe even r*pe. These days, Eva isn’t doing much acting, preferring to concentrate of her toy boy actor Ryan Gosling and their two (of course) adorable daughters. And what about Dornan? He’s finished his third Fifty Shades film portraying the wicked Christian Grey. Nice work, if you can get it.
6. Ariel Winter – That Tacky Trailer Park Vibe
There are two kinds of people in this world. The first are those who think that Ariel Winter is totally hot. And the second? It’s made up of people who simply can’t see what the fuss is about. What we have is a pleasant-looking young woman with big boobs, who tends to be a little or a lot pudgy and who seems to make a whole career out of figuring different ways to display her big assets. Plus, her vibe is often straight out of the trailer park, with looks that are a little (or a lot) trashy. Word is that the makers of her show Modern Family, have been dismayed by Ariel’s street (walker) style. And, since she turned 18 years old and shut the door on her pushy stage mom, it’s just gotten worse and worse.
5. Beyonce – Lumpy Bumpy Fail
Beyonce looks fabulous when that full figure of hers is draped in booty-hugging dresses that flow. But in jeans? Sorry Queen Bey, stick to the frocks. She just looks kind of lumpy and bumpy and…well…sad. Last year, in the wake of husband Jay-Z‘s cheating on her, she took the lemons she had been pelted with and made mega-hit album Lemonade. Yes, it was all about being brokenhearted and stuff like that. Then, more recently, Jay-Z released a song titled “4:44” by way of apology. In it, he sings “I don’t deserve you.” Many who never saw what Beyonce saw in the bad-boy rapper would agree. But, with twins Rumi and Sir Carter joining Blue Ivy in the family’s mansion, we can only hope the guy has straightened up. Somehow, we doubt it.
4. Heidi Klum – Booty Made For Skinny Jeans
Heidi Klum‘s booty was made for skinny jeans. The mother of four and certified cougar is now 44 years old and (just possibly) hotter than ever. The sight of a young Klum on the cover of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue or strutting her stuff for Victoria’s Secret was a wonder to behold. She went on to be a little bit of a media mogul, with star turns on shows such as Project Runway and America’s Got Talent. Her whole career kicked off in 1992 when she beat thousands of other contestants to win a modeling competition in her native Germany. She’s done a little acting. Not well, but nobody noticed, really. It’s like saying Kate Upton is an actress. It just means she looks good on screen and utters a few lines.
3. Charlize Theron – Bombshell Vibe
Charlize Theron grew up in South Africa on a farm near Johannesburg. Sounds idyllic? Not quite. When she was around 16 years old, she watched as her mother shot and killed her father. Charlize and mom claimed self-defense. Not so, says his family. At the end of the day, mom got off scott-free. It’s no surprise that the young Charlize did a bit of modeling, but not many people realize that her first love was ballet. At least that is until over-training in New York City bummed out her knees and, with very little money and a one-way ticket, she hit the road (or rather the airways) for Hollywood. One day, she pitched a fit in a bank and got the attention of an agent who just happened to be there at the time. And the rest, as they say, is history.
2. Kim Kardashian – Woman With A Big Booty
30-something mother of two Kim Kardashian has been on a booty journey for some time now. She went from pert and smallish, to bigger and heart-shaped with the help of a plastic surgeon, a so-called butt doc. The thing just sort of grew and grew. Then came her second pregnancy, weight gain, and a backside that has some calling her “Kim KardA*Sian.” So sorry to say, but she’s has gone from a big-a** woman (attractive) to a woman with a big a** (unattractive). Plus, she’s being beaten in the social media stakes by little sister Kylie Jenner. If that’s not bad enough, rumor has it that she and Kanye West are on the outs. Between Kanye’s mental problems and Kim’s struggles to cope with the aftermath of the Paris robbery that saw her robbed at gun point, things are reportedly tense at home.
1. Nicki Minaj – Bubble Butt Fail
Nicki Minaj has a bubble-shaped butt made in Hollywood. Some say her considerable implants may have burst at some point. But her butt and those jeans are total fails, as far as we are concerned. That booty’s too big and looks like it’s not real. That’s because it isn’t. The rapper is not the most subtle star in Hollywood. She’s the kind of babe who shows up for Paris Fashion Week and sits front row center wearing a jacket that was cut away to reveal her boob. Don’t worry. She was wearing a pastie. Of course, the picture nearly broke the Internet. That was the point. Nicki’s been kind of coy about what work she’s had done. But, one thing is for certain. If you look at booty pictures from about ten years ago, it’s just so totally clear that she has a booty made in Hollywood.
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