In the 1977 children's book Everyone Poops, children are taught that it's totally OK to poop because hey, everyone does it! An elephant makes a big poop, and a mouse makes a tiny poop. Dogs poop in the grass, and cats poop in a box. But everyone poops.
We all know this, but our business in the bathroom is ours and ours alone. Which is what makes public pants pooping so horrifyingly hilarious. Surely we've all experienced that frightening moment when you know you have to go but can't find a bathroom. Unlike celebrities, however, we don't have a mob of paparazzi following our every move, or, in the case of a few stars, bowel movements.
What is it about bodily functions that turns us into giggling 12-year-olds? And what is it about stars doing what everyone does that makes it that much funnier? Maybe it's because we hold these people in such high regard, so it comes as a shock that a beloved actress or singer would not only poop but poop their pants like a little kid who just learned to use the toilet.
Sh*t happens, as they say. Sometimes it happens in a very public way, documented for all the world to see for eternity. From tricky farts that came with more than their owner bargained for to leaky bladders, here are a few stars who just couldn't hold it in.
20 Chris Brown - "I Just Remember It Running Down My Leg"
When he appeared on the MTV show When I Was 17 in 2011, Chris Brown admitted to getting fooled by a deceptive fart which led to him crapping his pants on stage. It all started with some bad food.
"When I was 17, I was going around touring around the world performing, and for the kickoff for one of our tours, I was eating the food that gave me food poisoning," he said, laughing. "So I got, like, midway through the show, and I just remember my stomach starting bubbling."
"The crowd didn’t know it, and I had like an outfit change coming up, so I said, ‘Yeah, I can hold it out one more song,’ and this is real disgusting and too descriptive, it was just … I just remember it running down my leg."
You're right, Chris, that is real disgusting.
19 Ed Sheeran - "I'm Just Going To Stand For The Rest Of The Performance"
Although most of us would be absolutely horrified to confess to letting a rogue fart turn into a shart, singer Ed Sheeran didn't seem to be that embarrassed when he recounted his sharting moment in an interview with Australia's Nova FM.
Playing the Yes/No game, Sheeran was asked if he'd ever broken wind on stage. He answered an enthusiastic yes, saying he does so all the time. I mean who cares, it's a fart in a crowded stadium, might as well. However, he went on to say that he once misjudged a fart, and sharted his pants in front of everyone.
"It was like midway through a performance and I was really lively, and then halfway through I was like, 'Alright I'm just going to stand for the rest of the performance, and hope it's over soon and then go home and throw these trousers out!'" he said, chuckling.
It seems the audience didn't notice, as the incident hadn't been reported until Sheeran himself confessed to it.
18 Kris Jenner - "I Just Wet My Pants"
In an infamous episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, family matriarch and momager Kris Jenner just couldn't hold it. It was season six when Khloe decided to prank her mom and take off in her car without her, leading Kris to chase the vehicle and blurt out that she totally just peed on herself.
"I just wet my pants!" Kris said when Khloe finally stopped the car.
Khloe asked her mom if she needed diapers, and went on to say "this is disgusting you and Mason shop at the same stores." It wasn't the only time Kris had trouble keeping it in; in another episode, she's seen writhing in the back of a car driven by her daughter Kendall begging them to pull over the car so she could go. In still another, Kris pees herself at a restaurant when Khloe refuses to let her get out of the booth to head to the bathroom.
Clearly, this was way too many accidents for one person to have. Kris eventually went to the doctor, who reassured her that a little leakage isn't all that weird for a woman who birthed six kids. She used her humiliation as an opportunity to let other leaky women know they aren't alone.
"People think they’re the only ones dealing with this," Kris Jenner later says. "When you realize that the woman sitting next to you is probably going through the same thing, you feel less lonely."
17 Fergie - It Definitely Was Black Eye Pee
Many, many years ago, cameras were rolling when Fergie was on stage with the Black Eyed Peas and famously wet her pants moments into their set. She got it started, alright.
Although it was unconfirmed as urination at the time, Fergie admitted in an interview with Hot97's Ebro in the Morning that yes, yes it definitely was Black Eyed Pee.
"We were late for stage, driving down the freeway, it's Friday traffic ... get to the stage, we have to start right [into] the show," she recalls. "I'm running on and we jump and do 'Let's Get It Started', and I get crazy and I jump and I run across the stage and my adrenaline was going and gosh, I wish it didn't happen. It was so embarrassing!"
At least she owns it.
16 Hugh Jackman - Peed On Stage
In 2011, Hugh Jackman was on the Rachel Ray show when he revealed his deep dark secret: he once peed himself on stage in 1996.
"The first show I ever did, singing and dancing, was Beauty and the Beast. I was playing Gaston," Jackman, he recounted. "Gaston has red tights, knee high boots, and it's very physical. I had headaches everyday for two months. I went to an astropath [psychic] and he said 'Well, you're dehydrated.' So of course [following his advice] I had four liters of water." You can guess what happened next.
"I go down to the stage, getting ready for my first number… and I'm like I really need to go again. [The routine is] the most cardiovascular song I've ever done: literally I'm picking up Belle and as I pick her up, I stopped singing and right in that moment I realized the muscles you need to release in order to sing are the ones you do not want to release if you need to go," he told Rachel.
15 Kanye West - What's That On Your Pants, Kanye?
To this day, we still don't know what exactly happened in Kanye West's pants but it appears that he totally had a boo-boo.
Appearing at the Met Gala in 2016 looking fly in his carefully-ripped jeans and sparkly jacket, all eyes were on the suspicious stain at the back of his pants. Did he sit in some chocolate? Or did he straight up poo?
Kayne has never spoken of the event, so we may never know what exactly happened in the vicinity of his poophole that day. Looking at the photo, though, we can pretty safely guess. That's poop. Runny, embarrassing poop.
14 Jenny McCarthy - It Was "Water" ...
Jenny McCarthy has always been kind of gross, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that she has a 'couldn't hold it in' moment of her own. To be honest, we're a bit surprised she doesn't have more tales of letting it leak.
When appearing on the Howard Stern show way back in 2005, McCarthy was tied up in the tickle chair when she peed a little right in her jeans. She says it was actually water that was poured on her, but weird that the water would be poured in that small spot where pee would be had she peed her pants as we all believe.
Perhaps one of Howard's staff should have confiscated and squeezed out her jeans; back in 1997, a known hoaxster attempted to sell Jenny's Pint o' Pee for $19.95. As it turns out, no such product existed, but the Internet is a weird place and no doubt there's some creep out there who would totally buy it.
13 Jack Black - "Today There Was Something Rumblin'..."
Rumor has it that while filming Nacho Libre in Oaxaca, Mexico, comedian Jack Black was hit with a case of Montezuma's Revenge.
In a video diary he filmed on set, Black— dressed in a powder blue friar's robe slash luchador outfit— expresses that he's had kind of a rough day. "Today, there was something rumblin'," he says, deadpan.
Anyone who has ever experienced the joy of food poisoning and/or the stomach flu knows where this is going, you don't need to have traveled to Mexico for that.
While filming a scene in a bus, he urgently had to go. Holding his buttcheeks together, he can't find a bathroom so decides to run to a nearby forest to do his business, pleading with production assistants to find some paper for him.
"Luckily, I didn't get any crap on my kick ass blue unitard that I'm wearing," he said. "I was able to zip it down in time."
"It was just a big pile of yellow soft serve," he adds unnecessarily.
12 John Cusack
In a completely unconfirmed but likely true story, it's rumored that John Cusack used to crap his pants on set of The Thin Red Line and leave the poopy pants in a foxhole. The incidents, it's believed, were actually on purpose. Why someone would take a dump in their drawers intentionally is beyond me.
None of his co-stars have stepped forward to say yes, they definitely came across a pair of Cusack's sh*t slacks on the set, but it's believed that the rumor was started by a PA on the film.
It was such common behavior, in fact, that he earned the nickname John Poopsack.
11 Kim Kardashian - "I Always Pee All Over My Spanx"
In an interview with Love magazine, Spanx enthusiast Kim Kardashian revealed that the body-shaping underwear can lead to several mishaps involving a full bladder.
"I always pee all over my Spanx, it's a disaster,” she said. “They aren't crotchless enough!"
In the same interview, Kim went on to bust out her sister Kourtney for being the worst urinator of the family. According to her, Kourt once popped a squat behind a curtain at the Delano Hotel in Miami. "They will probably never let us stay there again," she added. Ya think?
Still, it's Kris Jenner who is reigning champion of bladder leakage in the Kardashian clan. She's had not one but at least three incidents of urgency filmed on their show Keeping Up with the Kardashians. And those are just the ones that were recorded.
10 Nick Kroll - "Filled My Underwear With A Travel-Size Pillow's Worth Of Brisket."
In an interview with Conan O'Brien, the late night host cut straight to the point and asked flat out at the start of the interview if it was true that comedian Nick Kroll once took a dump in his car.
Before he gets to the story, Kroll asks the audience if anyone has pooped their pants in the last year. A few "woos!" erupt, leading us to believe that pooping your pants happens a lot more often to average people than one might assume from potty-trained adults.
Nick says his "car accident" was brought upon by a few coffees and a fruit smoothie earlier in the day.
He describes holding it in as "butt Lamaze," saying he was only five minutes away from home when his gut started rumbling. He made it as far as the curb in front of his house before he, in his words, "filled [his] underwear with a travel-size pillow's worth of brisket."
9 Victoria Beckham - Sure, A Spilt Drink
To this day, Victoria Beckham will tell you that she absolutely did not pee her pants leaving a party at her London flagship store back in 2015, but the Internet seems to be absolutely sure that was pee. We'll let you decide if the wet spot on the front of her pants was pee or not.
“Victoria had been working so hard ahead of her show,” a source told Us Magazine after the infamous piss-cident. “She’s been running around and using every ounce of her energy. She let her hair down last night and had a few drinks,” they added.
Her press rep also denies the spot was pee, telling E! News "This was simply the result of the most unfortunate positioning of a spilt drink, whilst Victoria was sitting down."
Suuuuuuure. It may have been a drink, but not one that was spilt.
8 Jaime Pressly - Sure, Just Pop A Squat!
Though she will staunchly refute the claim until her dying days, cameras once caught a drunken Jaime Pressly squatting for a public pee in front of West Hollywood bar The Abbey. Several horrified gay dudes— one of whom captured the incident on video— say there's no doubt she popped a squat right on the sidewalk and let it rip.
Pressly got pissed (no pun) when the news leaked (again no pun) and shot back at critics insisting it was just a bridal shower prank.
"Yes... that is me doing dare #8 at my bridal shower. Things are not always what they seem," she wrote in the days following the scandal. "Notice my hand in the back.. its pouring a bottle of water!!! C'mon guys! Do you think I would really pee in the entry way to the Abbey in broad DAYLIGHT!!!"
Well, yeah, actually.
7 Robin Thicke - Easy Guys, It's Just Sweat... Or Is It?
Although the incident is still up for debate (was it pee? Was it sweat? Was it just his manly essence bursting forth from his body uncontrollably?), it is rumored that at a 2009 concert Robin Thicke let nature get the best of him and peed his pants on stage. Photos taken that night clearly show a large wet spot right where, well, you'd expect one if he did in fact soil himself.
Given how much he puts into each performance, it is certainly within the realm of possibility that he simply sweat through his jeans. In that one area. In an area usually associated with peeing your pants if a wet spot appears.
Thicke has never discussed the piss-cident, so the world may never know what really happened under his zipper that day. We certainly have our suspicions.
6 Britney Spears - At Least TRY To Hide It... ?
Out and about for a regular shopping trip in Los Angeles in 2012, comfortably-dressed Britney Spears was busted rocking a rather suspicious wet spot across her sweats.
Everything seemed to be going fine— Brit-Brit even had shoes on!— until she reached for a car door and apparently lost control. Her light grey sweats left nothing to the imagination as the spot spread over the front.
Britney has been known for far more scandalous behavior than a little public pee, so we'll let this one fly. Like you've never peed your pants in the middle of the day with paparazzi snapping your every moment!
5 Jennifer Lawrence - "I'm Actually Peeing"
During a chat on The Late Late Show With James Corden, Jennifer Lawrence confessed that in an adorable photo she shared of her with her mom she was actually peeing as the snap was taken. "I'm actually peeing in that photo," she said happily, pointing to the pic. "And she has no idea. No clue."
Her mom appears chill, wine glass in hand, completely unaware her darling daughter is taking a leak just inches away.
"I went to pee and my friend got the phone because she knew I was peeing and then we both decided to leave my mom out of it," she explained.
Struck by her casual face in the snap, James Corden points out that J-Law is actually a pretty good stealth pee-er. "That's a very relaxed peeing face," he says, giggling.
"Yeah, I know how to do it," she responds. "I've done it a lot." Well then. We'll never be able to rewatch The Hunger Games without wondering if she's taking a secret tinkle.
4 Justin Bieber - "And... Milk Was A Bad Choice"
It's ironic that Justin Bieber used to go around sagging his pants looking like a toddler who just crapped his pants, because here he is on this list for something other than soiling his drawers.
Lest everyone forget that accidents sometimes happen above the belt as well, let's not forget about the time Justin Bieber barfed all over stage. On the opening night of his Believe tour in Arizona, the Biebs bounced gleefully across the stage, perhaps too much so, as after just a few minutes he lost his lunch. The show must go on, and it did, until Justin hoarked again.
"And .... Milk was a bad choice! Lol," he later tweeted.
3 Al Roker - Sharting In The White House
In a 2013 interview with Dr. Nancy Snyderman on NBC Dateline, Today Show weatherman Al Roker confessed to sharting at the White House, which is more embarrassing than that scene in Forrest Gump where he flashed his buttocks at President Lyndon B. Johnson.
Roker had recently had a gastric bypass, which means his inner workings had been rerouted a bit. "When you have a bypass and your bowels [have] been reconstructed, you think you’re pretty safe,” he explains.
“And I probably went off and ate something I wasn’t supposed to. And as I’m walking to the press room I gotta pass a little gas here. I’m walking by myself. Who’s gonna know? Only a little something extra came out,” he said in the interview.
“You pooped in your pants,” says Dr. Snyderman.
“I pooped my pants. Not horribly, but enough that I knew,” he said.
Sharting can be a common side effect of the surgery according to Snyderman, so it really wasn't that big of a deal. Everyone's favorite weatherman said he freaked out, ran to the press room restroom, tossed his drawers and went commando for the rest of the day.
2 Vicki Gunvalson - "I Leaked... Whatever"
In Season 8, Episode 10 of Real Housewives of Orange County, the gals were on vacay for Tamra's bachelorette party in Mexico when Vicki knocked a few too many back, as is her wont. "On a scale of 1-10 of being super drunk, I’m probably a 6 or 7. Maybe an 8," she said that evening. Chilling in Tamra's room for a bit after their night of debauchery, the housewives exchanged jabs at noticeably-absent Gretchen until Vicki decided to hit the sack.
"Goodnight, I love you, goodnight," she said to Tamra, tapping her lovingly on the shoulder until she got off the bed and turned to leave. It was at that moment Tamra saw the present Vicki left behind: a small but obvious wet spot.
Upon realizing Vicky peed and ran, Tamra blurted out "Oh my God, that's so disgusting."
"I leaked," Vicki confessed the next day. "Whatever."
1 Ted Nugent - "My Pants Got Crusted Up"
In a 1977 interview with High Times magazine, Ted Nugent famously recounted how he avoided the draft by purposely being a rank slob.
"I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin' and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin' kinky, matted up," he said. But wait, it gets worse.
"Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I'd drink the syrup, I was this side of death. Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up."
That's right, Ted Nugent said he crapped his pants to avoid the draft. He later came out and said the story was a joke, and that he avoided the draft through a student deferment. In the immortal words of the Tootsie Pop owl, the world may never know.