For as far back as human beings have been wearing clothing, there have no doubt been countless wardrobe malfunctions over the centuries. Think about it: Adam and Eve had to figure out how to rock those leaves over their junk! Did Eve wear an extra leaf so she didn't have an unfortunate panty flash when stepping out of their canoe? Did Adam accidentally give a little plumber crack every time he bent over? So many questions we'll never have the answers to, as there were no celebrity gossip pages in the Old Testament.
Despite all the practice we've had as a species, human beings still have this bad habit of being caught with their pants down. Or their pants ripped. Or their pants with a stain of dubious origin. You get the drift. People aren't always so perfect at this clothing thing.
Some celebrity wardrobe malfunctions are fun, flirty even. Think Justin Timberlake "accidentally" ripping the bodice from Janet Jackson's costume at Super Bowl XXXVIII. Fun fact: CBS was fined a record $555,000 for airing that malfunction, making it the most expensive TV nipple in history.
Unlike that pricey nip, the following clothing mishaps are not fun. They're definitely not flirty. They're horrific, traumatic, and, frankly, should all be filed away in a big ugly closet never to be seen again.
17 Kayne West Sharts
Let's be blunt: sh*t happens. Although the exact nature of this odd stain between Kanye's butt cheeks is still up for debate, there's no denying it looks like something down there leaked. Who knows, maybe he sat in some chocolate.
It's too bad his awesome sparkly button-down had all its attention stolen by this poo-colored splatter on the back of his jeans. Honestly, who thought his butt could possibly steal the spotlight from his wife's butt?
No one was looking at Kim's spectacular thigh slit, all eyes were on the shart heard round the world.
Perhaps Kanye should reach out to singer Ed Sheeran for support. Sheeran has openly admitted to crapping his pants, saying "I actually once misjudged a fart on stage, which ended up being a shart." Like we said, "-it" happens.
16 Madison Beer's Time Of The Month
Anyone who has ever seen a feminine hygiene commercial, male and female alike, generally has the same question: who are all these smiling women wearing white during that time of the month and why are they so happy? Well, now we know. Madison Beer is one of those smiling women.
You know things aren't all that bad in the world when people have so much time to discuss a little period stain, which is exactly what happened when Justin Bieber's protégé was caught committing the crime of being a female of reproductive age.
She took the mishap like a champ, announcing on Instagram that it was no big deal and she isn't at all ashamed. As she shouldn't be. Still, no one wants to see this, which is why it scarred us just a little bit. She does get points for being so bold as to wear white during this "period" (see what I did there?).
Perhaps she can turn a swimsuit malfunction into a lucrative deal with a tampon company and be the smiling face of happy menstruators everywhere.
15 Deena Is A Blast In A (Gl)ass
When Deena Nicole Cortese made her debut on Jersey Shore's third season, we just knew she was going to be a party. After all, who can forget when she accidentally dropped trou in front of The Situation her very first night at the Shore House.
It must be pretty breezy in New Jersey, unless her blue dress was tailored in such a way as to blend seamlessly with the thong underneath— but who would do such a thing? Again, given that she literally stripped naked just hours after she moved into the house, her entire butt showing really isn't that big of a deal.
The best part is the pale streaks below her butt cheeks. I guess spray tan doesn't always reach all the nooks and crannies.
14 Mickey Rourke Works Out
You young'uns might not know this but Mickey Rourke was quite the sex symbol in his day. At least, that's what I hear.
It's been almost ten years since Rourke played Randy "the Ram" Robinson in The Wrestler, and you can clearly see he shares The Ram's affinity for tight, obnoxious pants. In addition to channeling his washed-up, tortured character, he's putting off a strong vibe of 'soccer mom on her way to Starbucks after a Zumba beginners class'. That stance. The clean-shaven legs. The satchel. We can't deal, Mickey.
Still, he's doing alright for himself considering he's a 64-year-old man standing around in the middle of the sidewalk in tiny neon capris. Neon capris with a bizarre neon codpiece. Good for him, though, staying fit is a good idea at any age.
All that said, are these even pants? They might be innerwear if you know what we're saying. As in workout longjohns dudes wear to keep their stuff from, you know, doing what stuff does when you're shaking it at Zumba class.
13 Jennifer Garner's Plumber Crack
Butt cracks are so weird. We all have them. We all know everyone has them. But something about a stark white crack appearing out of nowhere is just... unsettling.
Hanging out at a soccer game with her kids one day just minding her business and BAM there goes Jennifer Garner's butt crack screaming "look at me!" I mean, look at it. I think it's trying to tell us something, you guys. Maybe it needs help.
This cracksident reminded us all, as proud owners of butt cracks, that we too could fall victim to such a catastrophe at any moment. She needs to fire that belt, it clearly failed in its important duty to hold up her pants.
A thong might have spared us all the horror of this jean malfunction, but probably not.
12 Courtney Love's Bikini
Back in her day, Courtney Love was a style icon. With her "I just rolled out of bed and it wasn't even my bed in fact it may have been a box in a doorway" aesthetic, Courtney single-handedly defined an entire generation of young women in babydoll dresses. Those days are long gone.
While on holiday in Hawaii back in 2004, Courtney made a poor choice in bathing suit when she picked this weird peppermint candy-colored number. While her top seems to be hanging in there, her bottoms look like a cut up T-shirt tied carelessly around her waist. What were you thinking, Court?
Women of all ages and sizes can wear a bikini, but the key is picking an outfit that flatters your body. This was far from flattering, and mostly horrifying.
11 Katie Holmes Gets In Character On The 'All We Had' Set
Sometimes, an otherwise gorgeous and polished performer has to get into character for a role. And sometimes, that role is a tacky single mom hit hard by the Great Recession of 2008, as in the case of Katie Holmes in her directorial debut All We Had.
The film, released in late 2016, follows Rita and her teen daughter Ruthie. Now let's imagine that you're Ruthie for a brief moment, and you're forced to go to the grocery store with your rough-looking mom wearing this rancid denim jumper thing. Suddenly you can feel tremendous sympathy for Ruthie's character and you haven't even watched the movie trailer. Poor Ruthie. This outfit was worse than the fact that they basically lived out of a car.
Not only was this "dress" or rather denim body sock ill-fitting, it led to several embarrassing malfunctions including cheek peeks. No wonder Katie was snapped tugging at the horrible thing all throughout filming. Maybe a few extra inches could have saved it, but even then it was ugly and unflattering. Burn it.
10 Nancy Grace's Ungraceful Nip Slip
Nip slips are so common that a free range titty here or there isn't all that shocking, especially these days in the age of DVRs and rapid-fire tweeting "did you see that nipple!"
But Nancy Grace? No, not Nancy Grace! Nancy Grace is like our serious aunt who reads the police blotter section of the local paper and thinks Uber is just asking to be kidnapped. For years she has caught us up on missing girls, murdering husbands, and all matter of accused criminals.
So when we thought we saw a boob during her 2011 Dancing With the Stars performance, it's safe to say we were unsettled. That isn't supposed to happen to Nancy Grace!
She swears, however, that it wasn't a nip. "I have been judged guilty without a trial... I will go to my grave denying the nip slip," she said at the time. Funny, as she's been criticized for serving as broadcast judge-and-jury on her own show, often forgetting that here in the good ol' U.S. of A. all alleged criminals are assumed innocent until proven guilty.
9 Robert Redford Goes Swimming
Perhaps it might be considered a low blow to pick on an 80-year-old man in a Speedo but it isn't the Speedo itself that makes this an upsetting wardrobe malfunction, rather the fact that it looks less like a Speedo and more like he borrowed some grandma's black panties.
It isn't entirely fair to judge anyone just minding their business on vacation, though. I'm sure if you had cameras following you around on holiday you'd have some less than flattering moments at the beach yourself. Judge not, lest you be judged for rocking an old lady's black panties on the beach.
Plenty of old guys can rock the Speedo look without looking like they just took a dump in it. Think bronzed Italian fashion designer Roberto Cavalli or former California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. Sure, they look kind of gross in a Speedo too, but at least they pick bottoms that kinda fit.
Guys, can you please just not?
8 Miley Cyrus Needs To Do Some Squats
To be entirely fair to Miley Cyrus, there aren't many people on the planet who can rock a nude latex bikini. That said, Miley Cyrus isn't one of them.
Viewers of the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards were both shocked and transfixed by Miley's routine; even the giant bears on stage with her looked embarrassed to be there. It wasn't until she stripped off her furry bear bustier onesie that the world got its first site of what the Internet later said were chicken cutlets masquerading as her butt.
We got a better view of her butt band-aid after she twerked on Robin Thicke, who was himself dressed as a creepy bootleg Beetlejuice. It was glorious. It was horrifying. It belongs on this list.
Like a few other celebs on this list, this wouldn't even end up being the worst of Miley's mishaps. Who can forget the time she sat legs spread wide on the hood of a car on stage and gave us all a glimpse of naked camel toe. It was less camel toe and more the camel staring you right in the eye. Shudder.
7 Whatcha Packin, Khloe?
The Kardashian family is a big fan of Spanx and who can blame them what with all those assets to contain. But paparazzi got more than they bargained for here when Khloe's dress betrayed her to reveal the nude shorts beneath.
Khloe has famously said when a guest on RuPaul's Drag Race that she has a large... package. "I have a very big camel toe," she proudly declared. Clearly.
What's up with the bunching? These shorts are not only displaying uncharacteristic exhibitionism, they are straight up failing at their one job. See that thigh poking out? That's not supposed to happen. Why wear them at all if they're going to fail so spectacularly in their duties?
It must get windy in Los Angeles.
6 Tara Reid Feels A Breeze
Oh, Tara. A true American treasure. Over the years she's blessed us with all manner of hot mess but this red carpet slip at P. Diddy's 35th birthday is no doubt the most infamous.
Nip slips are understandable but this was straight up letting it flop out like she was about to breastfeed an infant. Look at the joy on her face. Her outfit is falling apart, her boob is out, some random person is pulling up her dress and she's having the time of her life. We love you, Tara.
It begs the question: how do you not notice your breast blowing in the breeze?
This particular incident scarred her more than it did us, as it set the Internet a-twitter discussing what appeared to be botched plastic surgery. You see, she was literally scarred. And boy did the Internet have plenty to say about it.
It seems she has since fixed the issue, but now concerns have been raised about her thin frame. Bring back the throwback nipple, Tara, we'll be waiting.
5 Victoria Beckham Just Can't Hold It In
When you gotta go, you gotta go. We are led to believe that Victoria Beckham really had to go as she stepped out from a London party on the arm of her hottie husband.
It's hard to believe that wet spot spreading across her crotch was anything but pee, however Victoria's rep insists it was no such thing. Come on, her Spice Girls name was Posh, you really think a high class lady like Victoria is going to pee her pants? In public no less? Leaving her flagship store?
"This was simply the result of the most unfortunate positioning of a spilt drink, whilst Victoria was sitting down," claimed her rep. Unfortunate indeed.
The world may never know, but one thing is for certain: we were left rattled by the thought of Posh peeing her pants.
4 Nicki Minaj Lets It All Hang Out
It bears repeating that nip slips on their own aren't all that shocking nor disturbing. It's a nipple, even your dog has them and she's running around naked all day just letting 'em all hang out.
On her Pinkprint Tour, her nipple made an appearance for several seconds before she looked down and noticed that she was exposed. That's what makes this such a shocking failure of that poor overworked bra: she carried on for quite some time completely unaware that she was giving the audience more than they paid for. After she realized what had happened, she paused to grimace in embarrassment after tucking her junk back in.
It wouldn't be the last time Nicki's enthusiastic nip popped out of her top, but surely the audience was more distracted by the fact that she was wearing what amounted to tiny bikini underwear and a mesh bodysuit at the Wireless Festival in London back in 2015.
Maybe, just maybe, she is doing it on purpose.
3 Toni Braxton's Unmentionables
Maybe it's the fact that she was surrounded by a bunch of dudes buttoned-up head-to-toe in black tuxedos at the opening of Adidas World of Football in 2006, but the more likely reason this wardrobe malfunction was so disturbing is that we just don't expect this from her. Britney Spears, sure. Lindsay Lohan, absolutely. But Ms. Braxton? NO.
From the back, there was nothing bad about this wardrobe malfunction whatsoever (well, for us at least, it was probably bad for her at the time and in the weeks after) but we need to talk about that front. Are those granny panties? An ice-skater leotard?
We're scarred by this not because her everything is hanging out, but rather because we can only feel bad for her. Still, bet you wish you looked that good if a good breeze blew up your skirt.
2 Taylor Swift's Marilyn Moment
What's with all these butts? It's almost as if stars' behinds are desperate for the same kind of attention their owners receive. It seems Taylor Swift's junk-light trunk is no exception.
Quite easily Swift shook, shook, shook, shook, shook it off and continued her performance as though her butt hadn't just been hanging out for all to see, Spanx and all. For all these celebrity Spanx in the spotlight, why not just wear Spanx alone. Screw it. We're gonna see it anyway.
You'll never find leaked naked photos of Swift because she just isn't that kind of girl, but this isn't her only wardrobe malfunction. Once, during an iHeartRadio performance her dress totally slipped off her shoulders but wouldn't you know, she thought ahead and wore a shirt underneath. Atta girl.
1 Kim Kardashian's Spray-on Pants
You knew there was no way we could get through this list without giving Kim Kardashian's ass a mention, if not a feature. Hell, an entire list could be dedicated to her backside alone.
But something about Kim bent over in paper-thin jeans was absolutely terrifying. Maybe it was the fact that her massive cheeks were swallowing up that pathetic strip of fabric she called a thong. Maybe it was the way we all wondered if her pants might burst at any moment. Maybe it was the fact that the pants seemed totally fine up until the point that she bent over and made us wonder what kind of space age fabric that was.
We should take a moment to thank those pants, actually. This could have gone either way. We should be grateful this blessed fabric clung fiber-by-fiber to keep it together as it was stretched to the absolute limit. Seriously, what is this stuff made out of and where can we find some? Perhaps NASA can use it to catapult astronauts to the moon like a giant human slingshot.
Sources: dailymail.co.uk, usweekly.com, eonline.com
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