The Twilight films were a disaster. We’re not trying to downplay that at all. We fully acknowledge and understand the depths of their atrociousness. The books on which they’re based are–to put it bluntly–silly. The execution of the film adaptations was ridiculous. Even the performances from some pretty decent actors were horribly underwhelming. But, in spite of all the ugliness that is the Twilight franchise, we can’t sit here and pretend that it’s the worst film franchise ever. Sure, it’s up there. Oh, it’s awfully high on the ranking of awfulness too. When you consider that they’ve also made five films of garbage, the stench gets even more potent. But, young girls’ parents kept paying for movie tickets, so they kept the films coming.
But, enough about Twilight. On this list, we want to dishonor all those films that actually make the Twilight films seem pretty decent in comparison. Every year, we get a handful of films released that are so bad to the point that they make us question the integrity of the film studios. What executive greenlit this clunker? What test audience actually thought this was decent? How did the cast and crew not realize what was happening, or did they not care? These are the questions we ask ourselves. Thankfully, with the movie-reviewing sites, we no longer have to find out how bad films are for ourselves. We can be forewarned about the worst of the worst and avoid wasting our precious time and money. Still, some of these films are worth watching just to learn what not to do. See with your own eyes how a director can fail. Or don’t. Yeah, maybe don’t. Just avoid these ones if you can. Here are 16 Recent Films Worse Than The Twilight Franchise.
16. No Stranger Than Love
When dealing with indie romantic comedies, we often hear the term ‘quirky’ passed around. Well, No Stranger Than Love is the word ‘quirky’ personified or “filmified.” This movie tries so hard to be quirky that it is appallingly clear that it was the only direction the filmmakers had, to begin with. Let’s quirk it up so hard that no one will have any effin’ clue what’s going on. We thought it would be nearly impossible for us not to like this movie. We’re so in love with Alison Brie that we thought there was nothing she could ever do that we wouldn’t enjoy. Holy hell. We were wrong…so wrong! This is dangerously close to being awarded the worst movie of the year right now, and we’re only halfway through 2017. This film is exactly what happens when you have one single quirky scene and you love it. You love it so much that you stretch it into an entire feature-length film.
15. Life On The Line
Life on the Line is a film that perfectly encapsulates the fall from grace of two once-great acting careers. Starring John Travolta and Kate Bosworth, this film is about the dangers that electrical workers face on the job. In the ’90s, Life on the Line would have fit right in. We used to love these beat-by-beat heroic dramas. But it’s NOT the ’90s anymore. We can tell because no one wears windbreakers anymore. Today, Life on the Line feels so rife with clichés that even small children would have déjà vu watching it. Instead of honoring the lives of these workers–as the film set out to do–Life on the Line just reuses the beats from better films and places them within the “lineman” profession. More than anything, this film just feels basic. Thankfully, it’ll soon drift into anonymity, and we’ll all forget it ever existed.
14. Divergent Franchise
Like the Twilight franchise, the Divergent series made a good deal of money and had plenty of fans, but most were loyal without knowing or caring why. The first film, Divergent, wasn’t half as bad. It wasn’t good. Not at all. But it’s really all that bad. The second film, Insurgent, got much worse. The film never went anywhere. It just sort of existed. It was bland enough and boring enough that it was painfully clear that the final film was going to be brutal. It didn’t even stand a chance. But then, it hit. And when that final film, Allegiant, did come out, it was even worse than we expected. It surprised everyone. Even fans who would argue for that Insurgent‘s honor ’til they were blue in the face refusing to fight for this final installment. It was meaningless. Worst of all, it highlighted how shallow and directionless the entire series was to begin with.
13. Term Life
The cast in Term Life makes it seem like it’s a big-budget film. By watching it, you’ll see that that’s clearly not the case. It’s not that it’s a low-quality film or sets or anything. It’s just that the creative was of low quality. No one could have been paid very much to create this script or shoot this film. This film had a cast led by Vince Vaughn and Hailee Steinfeld, one of the most talented young actresses working today. It also had Johnathan Banks, Jon Favreau, Mike Epps, and the late Bill Paxton. Oh, for the love of Pete! Just give these actors a halfway decent script, roll the camera, and sit back and reap the rewards. Unfortunately, the script is so far from halfway decent so much so that it can’t even see decent. The film never does decide what it wants to be either. Whoever wrote this one must have simply watched all the noir classics, jotted down all the best parts, and then tried to replicate them. It’s disheartening to see how wasted these incredible actors are.
12. Book Of Love
The 2017 film, Book of Love, is honestly not that bad of a story. The problem is, we’ve all seen this very film for countless of times. The difference with this one is that Book of Love is so heavy-handed and overly sentimental that it feels like it’s constantly punching you in the face with emotions, hoping so hard that you’ll cry. We don’t cry, though. We know what’s coming from about five minutes in. If you happened to be one of the suckers who watched the trailer, you knew what was coming before you ever turned this one on. Unfortunately, we watched the trailer after we saw this and discovered that we could have saved ourselves an afternoon if we watched the trailer instead. It’s the entire movie in order in 90 seconds. Above all else, this film will be remembered for Maisie Williams‘ accent. This is too bad because we’re big fans of this tiny bundle of talent, but she should have fired her voice coach.
It doesn’t take many minutes of watching this film for the viewers to start asking questions. Is this film trying to be serious? What the heck is on Nicolas Cage‘s face? Why did I pay to see this? We’ve discussed this stinker before, but it doesn’t seem to go away. Arsenal is a film that is trying much too hard to be campy and over-the-top, desperately hoping for it to become a cult hit. This will never become a cult classic. Never…ever! The characters are totally uninteresting if not despicable. Seriously, the good guys are almost worse than the bad guys. Cage’s performance was so hammed up to get people talking, it actually makes us sad. The desperation is real. We can just see the director begging Cage to play up the character more. Please Nic! Help us get on YouTube.
10. Contract To Kill
It’s been a very long time since Steven Seagal was relevant, and Contract to Kill is a stark reminder of that fact. It’s not really fair that we’re including this straight-to-DVD film, pitting it against the massive budgets of Twilight, but we couldn’t ignore what we saw. It might be the most embarrassing Seagal effort since he tried to convince us that he’s not one of the world’s biggest creeps. While the accusations about Seagal have let it known that he’s been terrorizing women for many years behind closed doors in real life, he’s still trying to convince the world that he can save the world from terrorists in the movies. Contract to Kill is one of the most racist films you’ll see in years and one of the saddest. Old Seagal looks like he struggles to get out of bed in the morning, but we’re supposed to believe he’s nimble enough to fight thugs in hand-to-hand combat. The quick cuts and editing tricks are far too poorly done to hide how slow and borderline disabled Seagal has become in his old age. Hang ’em, up Seagal. It’s past time.
9. Point Break (Remake)
Remakes are so rarely done well that we expect them to be horrible from the start. Well, Point Break doesn’t disappoint…our expectations. So really, what we’re trying to say is that it’s entirely disappointing. When the remakers sat down and watched Katheryn Bigelow‘s original film, they must have only noticed the action because that was what the primary focus of this new film is. They forgot all the tension, the witty banter, the drama, and the stakes. But this was never meant to be good, was it? It was meant to make money without the effort. The characters are so impossibly bland that it’s difficult to know who’s who. By the end of the film, you’ll be left shaking your head wondering what just happened. If we wanted just pure stunts without any drama or plot, we would watch the X Games. It’s remakes like this that make people question Hollywood’s integrity. This film is nothing more than just a weak attempt at a cash grab.
8. Get A Job
Both Anna Kendrick and Miles Teller play the same in most of their films—pretentious and snarky kids who act like they’re better than everyone else until they learn a valuable lesson. Honestly, they’re both so good at that character that we actually like it. Well, instead of flipping this and asking them to break out of their shells, Get a Job cast both of these actors in their comfort zone. And, when there’s two of them at once, it’s a bit too much. In a film that is meant to satirize the current job economy for new graduates, Get a Job ends up being so cynical that it’s impossible not to finish the movie so angry. There’s no lesson here. These young people are so ugly and entitled that their dejection actually brings happiness to the audience. When they succeed, we lose. The bad guys have triumphed.
7. Precious Cargo
The most amazing thing about the film Precious Cargo is that it actually got a theatrical release. There’s nothing good about this film, unless you’re tricked by heavy-handed action sequences. Rather than impress us, this film just makes us realize how close Bruce Willis is to throwing his legacy away. Either he has to adapt or he’ll soon be on par with Steven Seagal. Yes, we realize how wrong that is to say, but for every good film Willis does these days, he does five that are nothing but garbage. We hope he figures that out soon.
The last time we saw John Cusack and Samuel L. Jackson team up in a movie adapted from a Stephen King novel, we got one of the most underappreciated horror films out there, 1408. The latest effort from this unlikely trio, Cell, is vastly inferior. Vastly…so vastly that it’s shocking. The concept is interesting as are most of King’s ideas—an electronic signal that turns people into zombie-like killers. The problem was in the execution. The film fails to do anything different than zombie movies have been doing for years. Worst of all, the filmmaking is wildly amateurish. At certain points, it feels like an undergrad film student’s midterm project. Add in the fact that we’re at a stage in the zombie film universe where filmmakers are forced to try new and creative things to keep people hooked, and here, we got a basic old zombie flick that’s not even fun. Cell is 20-30 years too late and even then, it might not have been all that good.
There’s nothing to see here. Or rather, we’ve already seen it. Or should we say, we’ve already seen I.T. Nah, maybe not. Either way, the last time we saw this film, Pierce Brosnan wasn’t in it. Maybe it wasn’t about a high-tech home. Maybe hackers were just plain old home invaders, but we’ve seen it—the creepy voyeur spying on the daughter. A standard home-invasion film that follows the exact same path as all those before it. This isn’t Cape Fear, though; not the original and not the remake. Hell, I.T. isn’t even as good as Firewall, which is, again, nearly an identical film. From start to finish, this film plays out exactly as we expect, except for the odd scene that is so ridiculous they might drag out a small chuckle or two (unintentionally, of course).
4. The Darkness
They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but when you’re part of an audience that pays hard-earned money to watch movies, you should expect that you’re getting something somewhat original. With The Darkness, you’re not. Plenty of films have copied from the horror films of the past, but few have ever copied as blatantly as The Darkness does. Take Poltergeist and make it horrible and you have The Darkness. Sure, it’s not only Poltergeist that this one steals from, but it’s the main source. It’s so disappointing when you watch a film just going through the motions. We know that there is no passion behind it. Nothing more than a paint-by-numbers horror film made up of unoriginal bits, The Darkness isn’t just one of the worst horror films of recent history; it might be the worst of the decade.
3. Cabin Fever (Remake)
Say what you will about the original Cabin Fever, but it was a great film for a gore fest. More often than not, splatter films are awful, but the original Cabin Fever brought in some refreshing humor and silliness that lightened the disgusting mood in a big way. Why 14 years later, they decided to remake the film almost shot-for-shot, we’ll never know. It’s confusing to us. The original had great practical effects, arguably better than the remake. The jokes were the same. Sure, there were some new deaths, but who cares? What is going on here?
2. Fantastic 4
We’ve seen the Fantastic 4 origin story before. We’ve seen it a few times. This one does the same, but this time, it tries to build around characters. Perhaps the thinking was, if we can properly develop the characters, the following films in the franchise will benefit from it. Well, the characters were uninteresting, the development was too slow, and now, there won’t ever be a sequel. Made in 2015, Fantastic 4 feels like it might have been a solid film in the ’90s. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this film just felt too little too late, and the result is one of the worst superhero movies that have ever been made.
1. Fifty Shades Franchise
As an entire film franchise, we may never again see something as bad as the Fifty Shades franchise. The concept for the film was never going to work. Yeah, it would make money. But after people realized what was happening, they were bound to change their minds. You’re making a p*rnographic novel into a film. Those are called p*rnographies, except–and here’s the kicker–you’re taking all the steaminess and eroticism out of it. The one thing that kept women with wild imaginations buying the book was eliminated. What was leftover was one of the worst stories ever told with some of the worst acting you could ever see—vanilla s*x and lukewarm performances. It was inconceivable that anything could be worse than the first film until we saw the second. When we saw the third, our minds were forever changed about what a terrible movie looked like.
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