Movies are something that we all enjoy. With the invention of Netflix and other on-demand options, watching a movie has never been easier. Still, there is a certain experience that is only available in a movie theater. Many people see movies in theaters for just that reason, and the theatrical reception can make or break any film. Especially now, when watching a movie is so easy, people cherish going to the theater. If people are excited about a release, they’ll likely see it in theaters. This can, however, affect someone’s enjoyment of the film. Movies that don’t perform up to expectations can seem even worse after you pay $15 to see it once. There is a certain standard that exists for going to see a movie in the theater.
These 15 movies, while they may not be outright bad, will likely not deserve theater attention. Some of them will certainly be awful, but others just don’t deserve your coveted theater visit. There are a few blockbuster films on this list, and while they’ll probably have a good opening weekend many people will likely say they hated it. Batman vs. Superman was a perfect example of this. Watching it at home, it was long but it wasn’t terrible. Paying $15 to see it in the theater, though, may have changed my opinion. I could be off the mark on many of these predictions, but do yourself a favor and wait for the reviews before you see any of these in the theaters.
15 Friend Request
Friend Request has already been released overseas, so the work of predicting whether or not the movie will stink has already been done for us. It currently has a 40% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is not the worst score in the world, but not something that will draw a crowd either. Horror films are hit-or-miss, and this one seems to have missed. The plot seems to have already been explored – albeit to a less drastic degree – by South Park, where a popular girl loses all of her social media friends by becoming a pity-friend of a lonely, disturbed young lady. The movie deals with murder and obsession, but there is hardly anything believable in the plot. There’s nothing there that will make you keep the lights on when you get home; it’s just a throwaway horror movie. It’s something you may watch when it’s available on Netflix, but not something many people will line up at the movies for.
14 Girls Trip
Girls Trip just looks bad. There’s not much else to say about it. For some, it will come as a happy, heartwarming break from the real-world but for those who are looking for substance in their comedy should look elsewhere. The movie promises to play out exactly the way you expect it to. A group of women go on a trip, some mishaps occur, someone meets the perfect guy, there’s a heartfelt message that friends are great, credits. From the trailer, there appears to be no apparent attempt at differentiating itself from any other movie of the sort. Girls Trip isn’t focusing on attracting viewers like me, and I get that, but even a lighthearted comedy needs a bit of depth to succeed. It’s unlikely that many people will venture to the theater to see this one play out.
13 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Pirates of the Caribbean has been a relatively successful franchise for Disney, and they are sure not going to let us forget it. The films have been dropping off a cliff in quality with each release, and their next venture proves to continue that trend. It looks like Johnny Depp ran out of money to fund his bracelet habit and needs another fix - I know, really breaking ground with the Johnny Depp bracelet joke. Thank me later.
While Pirates of the Caribbean has a decent fanbase, it gets smaller with every sub-par release in the series. The character of Jack Sparrow, who was originally a funny, accidentally clever menace you couldn’t help but love. He’s still that, but the lack of development has made him stale. The movie is set to release May 26 of this year, and will likely do fine in the box office due to the name recognition of the franchise alone. That doesn’t mean it won’t get killed in the reviews like the fourth one did, receiving a 32% on Rotten Tomatoes.
12 The Emoji Movie
The Emoji Movie, when looking at the cast list, seems as though it may have some promise. The trailer, however, tells a different tale. The trailer features the “meh” emoji, and that’s exactly what people are thinking when they see it (I mean, I feel like I’m cheating here. If you just let it hang over the middle of the plate like that I’m going to smash it every time). TJ Miller, James Corden and Anna Faris are promising names, but the concept of a movie based on emojis seems so commercial it’s disgusting. It’s as if the studio asked, “What is something that everyone uses. Emojis? Perfect, get a script together.” It’s not even clear who this movie is targeting. It doesn’t quite seem like a kid’s movie, but will almost certainly not be as dark as Sausage Party ended up being. The whole concept reads as a money-grab, and the movie is likely to deliver on that exact sentiment.
Snatched, unlike some other entries on this list, has some promise. Amy Schumer’s previous movie, Trainwreck, did well and many people thought it was funny. The same goes for The Heat, which was written by the same woman who wrote this film. From the trailers, however the movie feels basic. It tells the story of an ill-informed mother and daughter who take a trip to South America and all hell breaks loose. Movies like this are heavily reliant on writing and dialogue, which could prove to shine, but Amy Schumer has fallen out of favor with many comedy fans of late. Her last special was just bad, and many credit it for being the final straw that pushed Netflix to abandon their five-star reviewing system. It’s not guaranteed to stink like so many of these other movies, but the cards are stacked against it.
10 Wonder Woman
Let me preface this entry by saying this first and foremost: Wonder Woman will not be a failure because it is a superhero movie about a woman. It will be a failure because we have nothing but negativity to project onto it. 2017 was supposed to be the year of DC Comic movies. So far, we’ve gotten Batman vs. Superman and Suicide Squad. The former was an outright flop and the latter had mixed reviews – a term you never like to hear in association with a budding franchise. Wonder Woman needs to deliver, but it probably won’t.
It’s not fair or right that Wonder Woman has so much responsibility for getting the water out of DC’s sinking ship, but it’s the way it is. There’s so much hype surrounding the film, as DC has always been good with trailers, but it’s a long-shot to think Wonder Woman will live up to it. On top of all of DC’s shortcomings, Wonder Woman has the burden of being the first female superhero to have her own feature length film. These elements bring a perfect storm of disaster that I expect Wonder Woman to fall victim to. I hope they prove me wrong, but expecting DC to finally make a hit with Wonder Woman is misguided.
Barbie isn’t planned for release until 2018, but it’s already guaranteed to be a stinker. While the advertisement for the film centers on Barbie becoming a beacon of women’s empowerment, the whole thing reads as an attempt to pander to the public and sell more dolls. Barbie has been in some hot water of late, as people are claiming that the doll promotes an unattainable female figure. They plan to change all of that by releasing dolls that are different shapes and sizes, aiming to capitalize on the “objective beauty” ideology that’s so hot in the streets right now. In the film, Barbie will be banished from Barbieland for not being perfect enough. She journeys to the real world and eventually finds that perfection is found on the inside, not the outside. While the message is a decent one for young girls, it’s hard not to get the feeling that the movie is only being made for positive PR and a false sense of activism.
8 Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle
The concept of rebooting the popular film Jumanji actually has a lot of promise. The cast, namely Jack Black and Kevin Hart, give the movie a lot of upside in the realm of comedy, but it remains to be seen whether or not the film will be executed to our standards. Jumanji was a fantastic move, and one that many of us saw as children. The world of Jumanji was beautiful, intricate and terrifying, but I’m worried that the reboot will fail to fully capture the world we came to love.
Some people were outraged by the fact that Jumanji is a video game instead of a board game, but that doesn’t seem to make much of a difference. There’s something inherently creepier about a board game, but video games are more relatable at this time. One aspect that does worry me, however, is that the main characters we follow will be played by the four stars of the film. Instead of getting sucked into the video game, they will be playing as pre-made characters. Something about Dwayne Johnson and Jack Black playing high school students doesn’t fit for me, and I’m worried that Jumanji 2 will suffer from the high expectations.
7 Justice League
Justice League is going to be bad for the same reason Wonder Woman is going to be bad: the DC Universe just can’t get it together. With each movie release, fans claim that this will be the one to dig DCEU out of the hole it’s been in. Each movie fails to meet those expectations. Marvel is killing the movie game right now, and DC just can’t seem to put an engaging piece of content in front of us. Justice League is aiming to create a market for The Flash and Aquaman among others, but it’s doubtful that this will happen. There seems to be two trains of thought when it comes to DCEU movies: benefit of the doubt and prove me wrong. I’m done giving these films the benefit of the doubt. The trailers are always awesome and the movies can’t live up to the hype. Prove me wrong DCEU. Prove me wrong.
6 Saw: Legacy
Is anyone expecting Saw: Legacy to be any good? The original Saw movie was always intended to be a one-off, but it was such a success in a genre practically devoid of modern franchises that they kept churning out movies. The first one was good, the second and third were okay with twist endings and the rest just fell off of a cliff. The plot for the upcoming film seems to be the exact plot of most of the others, except the killer is supposed to be dead. I’m sure the killer will end up being someone who was onscreen all along, as Saw always seems to do, and it will come as a shock to very few. Saw has devolved into a torture-movie franchise, and original fans have been falling off left and right. There is little to no excitement for this movie, which releases in October, and anyone who’s even remotely interested will probably be content with a Redbox rental at most.
5 My Little Pony
Including My Little Pony in the list of upcoming movies that are destined to stink is, admittedly, a bit of low-hanging fruit. The movie is geared towards little girls and I’m an adult male. There’s likely little crossover here. Sure, there are adult males who are My Little Pony fans who are known as “Bronies,” but those are mostly outliers. This movie could be a successful kid’s movie, and I’m sure many kids will love it, but it seems more like an excuse to sell more toys to kids. The movie will be accompanied by a flurry of new pony toys and make the Hasbro an ungodly sum of money. My Little Pony will not be one of those movies you don’t mind bringing your kid to. It will likely be the one that will haunt your dreams and give all other kids movies a bad name. I could be wrong, but unless your child is a die-hard My Little Pony fan, this one will likely be a miss.
4 7 Witches
7 Witches follows a couple as they plan their wedding on a remote island. Of course, there is a coven of witches practicing on the island, and subsequent horror ensues. This was never going to be a blockbuster hit, but it’s still looking to stay out of the “cheesy horror” section. Genuinely scary films are hard to come by these days, with so many of them falling flat and failing to deliver. Relying on jump-scares, as so many of them do is not a recipe for continued success. Sure, something may scare you in a quiet room, but once you’re home in front of a smaller screen with other distractions, the scares are more laughable than anything. Based on the trailer – as cryptic as it is – this movie will not be as scary as we may have hoped.
3 War With Grandpa
War With Grandpa, starring Robert De Niro promises to deliver on the recent expectations that are placed on Robert De Niro movies. It’s to the point where it feels like De Niro owes someone money, as we can no longer bank on a movie starring the actor to be any good. This movie appears to be geared towards younger audiences, but it seems like a slapstick comedy about an old guy and a young guy. A young man’s grandfather moves in and takes his room. The boy attempts to get revenge by pranking his grandfather, who he finds out has the capability of pranking back. I’m sure it will end with a message as the two become close, but the movie will almost certainly lack depth and character development. De Niro has been cranking out dud after dud in the comedy realm, and this movie appears to be another one added to the list.
2 How to be a Latin Lover
How to be a Latin Lover is set to release on April 28 of this year, and if the official trailer is any indication it’s going to be a strong flop. The film centers on Maximo, a Latin man who has focused on seducing older, rich women his entire life. Twenty five years after marrying one, he finds himself dumped for a younger man and out on the street. He moves in with his sister and young nephew, and heartfelt comedy ensues.
The only thing that shocks me about this movie is that Adam Sandler has nothing to do with it. It seems to have all of the bad elements of recent Sandler ventures without the name recognition that brings people to the theater in the first place. The trailer promises cringe-inducing joke after cringe-inducing joke, with just enough heart to make you puke. Unless they throw a serious wrench in the plot here’s what we’ll get: a rich guy becomes not rich and has to connect with his young nephew. He meets another woman he wants to seduce, some conflict happens with the nephew and Maximo realizes that family is the most important thing. Credits.
Baywatch is one of the most imminent movies on this list, and you probably shouldn’t go see it. For those who are too young to remember, Baywatch was a 90’s television show that focused on crime-fighting lifeguards – but mostly just scantily clad individuals running on the beach. Baywatch is responsible for the careers of Pamela Anderson and David Hasselhoff, but the reboot is unlikely to launch any careers in the same way. Baywatch faces the hurdles that any reboot faces, but has the added difficulty of being inherently superficial and douchey.
Baywatch is attempting to get the returning viewers who were fans of the original show, as well as a new crop of young fans who will be watching the content for the first time. Based on the early reviews and trailers, though, it seems that they’ll be missing the mark on both counts. Baywatch is certainly a movie people will watch when it’s inevitably free on HBO in six months, but for now I’d advise you spend your money on another flick. Baywatch is set to be released on May 26, 2017, but keep an eye on the premium channel schedule; it won’t be too far behind.
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