15 Ways To Cheat On Your Girlfriend...And Get Away With It

Cheating on your wife or girlfriend isn't easy. If it was, everyone would be doing it. I know that sounds like a really lame thing to say but... okay, who am I kidding? It was a totally lame thing to say.

But still, the point stands: all sorts of people cheat on their girlfriends, but most of them get caught sooner or later. Yeah, there is the occasional guy that just cheats once or twice and then never does it again. Usually, though, someone either cheats all the time, or they never cheat ever; there really isn't much in between. If you're the guy that never cheats ever, this article isn't for you. Just go about your day, which probably consists of you mowing the lawn in the morning, going to Bed Bath & Beyond with your girlfriend in the afternoon, and watching some Lifetime movies with her at night.

If you're a guy that cheats, though, then you better read on because if you do all of these 15 things, and do them well, you'll never get caught cheating and will be able to stay in your relationship and still have all sorts of fun. And isn't that what it's all about? You know it is. So what are you waiting for? Read up, and happy cheating!

Here are 15 ways to get away with cheating on your girlfriend.

15 Have Friends That Will Lie For You

This one is enormously important. If you have a good friend that will lie for you, then you're pretty much as good as gold. You honestly are pretty much totally bombproof in this situation. Let's say you want to go hang out with the chick you're cheating with some night, but you can't get out of the house, or maybe you want to take her away for a romantic vacation but you can't because of your nosy girlfriend. All of that is easy if you have a buddy who lies for you. All he has to do is say that you're hanging over at his house watching the game or that you guys went away for the weekend on a fishing trip, and you're as good as gold. Just make sure that you return the favor down the road for him when he needs it.

14 Have No Shame

FIGHT CLUB, Brad Pitt, 1999, TM & © 20th Century Fox Film Corp./courtesy Everett Collection

A woman can smell shame and can sense when you're acting differently than normal, which is why being nervous or having shame is a big red flag for her. Walk around like everything's cool and act like you own the place because, in reality, everything is cool, and you do. As long as you keep her in the dark, then you're going to be pretty much all set when it comes to cheating. It really is all a mindset. If you act nervous, she's going to be able to tell, so just don't act nervous. It might not seem like it's that simple, but in reality, it is. You just might need some of the practice that I wrote about earlier. There isn't a woman in the world that can tell if you're cheating once you get this down.

13 Always Log Out of Your Computer

This should be simple, but it's amazing how many guys get caught cheating just because of this one simple thing. Always, and I do mean always, make sure that you log out of your computer. Log out of your email, log out of your social media, log out of everything. You may even think that a certain account is okay, but then maybe you said one little thing in a Facebook chat that let her know you were not where you said you were going to be. When women get suspicious, going through your computer and going through your phone are the very first things they're going to try and do. Why hire a private detective when all she has to do is check the history on your computer? Oh yeah, and make sure you clear that, too.

12 Tell Her You Love Her For Keeps

I know this sounds kind of mean, but don't kid yourself... everything you're doing is kind of mean. The biggest mistake a lot of guys make when cheating is not doing it all out. You don't want her to be suspicious at all, and if you're arguing with her or telling her that you're not happy in the relationship, then she's going to be suspicious. So be nice to her -- all the time. Tell her that you love her, take her out to dinner, say you want to be with her forever, make love to her and look deeply in her eyes. If you can't do all of this with your girlfriend, then you probably shouldn't be cheating in the first place; you should just break up with her instead. Cheating is for the guy that actually wants to stay in the relationship and not break up with his girlfriend. So make your girlfriend feel special, and she won't suspect a thing.

11 Tune Your Game

Being a good cheater takes a lot of practice. When you first start doing it, you probably aren't going to be very good at it and will get caught pretty much right away. Becoming a good cheater is just like riding a bike, though; just don't give up, keep at it, and everything will be fine. While at first you're going to be a bad liar with no game at all, after some time goes by and after leaving a few angry girlfriends along the way, you're going to bet pretty good at this whole cheating thing. What you really need to remember more than anything else is not to give up. There are going to be some rough times, but soon, you'll be the best cheater that you can possibly be as long as you keep trying.

10 Have an Email Address Just For Cheating

Using your regular email to write the woman you're cheating with is strictly amateur hour stuff. So is using your work email. In fact, that's even worse, especially if you're cheating with someone that you work with. Make your own email account just for cheating. Of course, this isn't groundbreaking, but most wives and girlfriends are pretty trusting souls -- at least they are before you get done with them. If they do get suspicious and check your email, there won't be anything for them to see, which, of course, will convince them that they were just being silly and that there's no reason to be suspicious, which of course allows you to keep cheating. Just don't forget to log out of your cheating account, and you're golden.

9 Stay Away From Chicks at Work

I know, this is no fun, believe me, and I hate to be the one to even mention it. Having affairs with women at work is super fun. It makes the affair easy, first of all, because you have to be at work, so it doesn't look suspicious to your girlfriend. It also makes going to work so much more fun. It's way easier getting ready for work in the morning knowing that you're going to have a nooner in your car. The problem here is that affairs don't usually last forever, and when this one ends, you're still going to have to see this person every day, and if it ends badly, then she has the ability to mess up your job and maybe even rat you out to your girlfriend. Basically, you can't hide from this one, so try your best not to do it.

8 Hide Your Phone

Woman Checking Mobile Phone

I know you can lock your phone, of course, and that's cool. But what if you forget to lock it, or what if you just leave it around when you go to the bathroom or something before it locks? The key here is to just not leave your phone by itself, pretty much ever. Keep it on your person at all times, and don't ever leave it out of your sight. Also, make sure you have sound notifications turned off; it just doesn't look good if your phone is blowing up all the time, especially if that's not what usually happens. The phone is going to be the first place that she looks when she's thinking that you might be cheating on her, so don't give her the opportunity to blow you up by reading your texts or checking your phone history.

7 Don't Bring Her Home

To a certain type of guy, it's kind of fun to bring the mistress home. I know that this might sound horrible to a lot of you, but let's be honest. I'm not here to judge; I'm here to keep you from getting busted. Just don't do this one. It might sound fun and even a bit thrilling to have a roll in the hay in the bed that you share with your girlfriend, and the odds are that you won't get caught if you have your #1's schedule down pat, but with all that said, it's just totally reckless to bring your mistress home. I mean, come on... are you actually wanting to get caught? If you act this recklessly in bringing your mistress home, then you're going to act that recklessly in other ways, too, and sooner or later, you'll get busted.

6 Hide The Condoms

This one all depends, of course, but a lot of people that are in committed long-term relationships don't use condoms anymore. So if you're in one of those relationships, nothing will blow up your game faster than her finding condoms lying around or in your wallet. Of course it's good to practice safe sex, so I encourage you to use them with your mistress, without a doubt, but with that said, you need to make sure they're well hidden, or you just should buy what you need as you go. Yes, the whole thing is a pain, but at least you're being responsible with your health as well as your partner's, and also, at least you're not going to get caught, which, of course, is the name of the game.

5 Gaslight Her

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 14: Actress Amanda Bynes attends Jill Stuart Spring 2010 fashion show at The New York Public Library on September 14, 2009 in New York, New York. (Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images for IMG)

Gaslighting is when you manipulate someone into questioning their own sanity. In other words, when she starts to act suspicious or asks you questions about anything, just straight up act like she's completely insane. This is surprisingly effective. Most of the time, your girlfriend is already thinking that she might be nuts, and she's definitely feeling insane. I've actually been almost caught red-handed before, and within half an hour, have had my girlfriend apologizing to me for acting so awful. Is this a nice thing to do to your girlfriend? Well, no, but neither is cheating. If you're going to cheat, then you have to be willing to follow through with it all the way to the bitter end, and gaslighting is certainly effective.

4 Get Busy in the Bedroom

Young woman with mouth open, eyes closed, close-up

You have to be careful with this one. If you and your girlfriend haven't been doing it at all, then getting all romantic in bed might be a big warning sign, but for the most part, this is an incredibly good way to throw your girlfriend off track. How is she going to get super suspicious if you're making her totally happy beneath the sheets? The odds are she'll be going to bed cuddling you and leaving for work in the morning whistling, never even suspecting that you're getting some on the side. Most women aren't like guys, and they don't understand that you could be having a good physical relationship with her and still want to cheat. So the more you do the deed with your girlfriend while you're cheating, the less likely she is to suspect anything.

3 Pay in Cash

Whether it be the motel room that you go to at lunchtime or the diner you take your mistress out to while your girlfriend is out of town on a business trip, you want to try and pay in cash for things when you're with her. If your girlfriend sees motel receipts on your credit card statement or sees something from a diner that she never went to, then it's not going to take very long for her to get suspicious. The easiest thing to do is to keep a lot of cash on hand at all times. She won't know what you're up to, and even if, somehow, she figures out that you've spent a lot of cash, she won't know what you actually spent it on, and that's what this is all about: not having her know things.

2 Don't Text All The Time in Front of Her

This one probably doesn't even need to be explained, but it's amazing how many people totally mess up on it. Don't sit there and constantly text your mistress on your phone. Even the least suspicious girlfriend is going to wonder who you're texting constantly, and she's going to ask. Then what do you say? That you're texting your buddy who, up until now, you've never texted more than once in a day? She isn't going to buy it, and eventually, you're going to get busted. Keep the texting to a minimum when she's around. If you don't, then you're just totally asking for trouble. And if you are cheating, then why would you possibly want to ask for trouble? The whole point is to stay out of it.

1 End It

Fashion shoot with Ashley Dupre. photo: Liz Sullivan/ New York Post.

There may come a time in the course of your affair when it seems like you're close to being outed. Maybe your girlfriend found some evidence of some sort... not enough to know for sure, but enough to be suspicious. The best thing to do at such a point is to just end the affair and lay low for a while. One has to be careful, of course, when ending such things; if you don't do it right, then your mistress might totally blow up your game. But if done delicately, you can survive and live to cheat another day. I could try and explain how to break up with your mistress, but that would be another list all in itself. But let's be clear: make sure you do it carefully, or you're going to be out on the curb. And who wants that? Your girlfriend is awesome.

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