Like Madonna in the ’80s, Pamela Anderson in the ’90s, and Jessica Simpson in the ’00s, Emma Stone has established herself as the 2010s “it” girl. She’s the girl who adorns the covers of magazines that showcase beautiful people. She’s the girl directors cast in the leading role when they need sex appeal to sell tickets. She’s the girl young men use as the gold standard for comparing the relative hotness of other girls — “yeah, she’s fine, but she’s no Emma Stone.”
Raised in Scottsdale, Arizona, arguably America’s biggest mecca outside of Hollywood for gorgeous women, Stone rose to prominence in 2007 playing Jonah Hill‘s love interest in the teen comedy Superbad. Roles in Zombieland, Crazy, Stupid Love, and The Help followed, all which were well received. Her acting chops are unassailable and so are, according to many of her fans, her looks.
But is Emma Stone really that beautiful? Hollywood studios, with their cutting-edge film equipment and studio lighting, can make an average-looking person appear gorgeous with ease, the same way adult film directors use lighting and camera angles to make six-inch members look like Hulk Hogan’s forearm. Moreover, all of us have those pictures that were captured with just the right facial expressions and in just the right lighting to bump us up at least four points on the 1-10 scale. Those are the shots we feature on Tinder, even though we’re average-looking in person.
Emma might look hot in her movies and on the covers of popular magazines. But plenty of evidence exists to suggest she might not be all that. Here are 15 ugly AF Emma Stone photos that prove she’s way overrated.
15. Fake Tan and Bad Bangs
My family went through a financial rough patch when I was in elementary school. One way we saved money was to cut the monthly barber expense from the family budget. Instead, my parents would wait until my hair got long enough to fall into my eyes, and then they’d put a cereal bowl over my head and snip off anything that remained visible. The result was bangs that resembled Emma Stone’s in this picture. They were always uneven since my folks lacked the steady hand of a professional barber. It was no big deal, though. I was in fourth grade and not exactly killing it with the ladies to begin with. But Emma has no excuse. She’s rich enough to afford a world-class hairdresser and high-profile enough that she should avoid being seen with haircuts like this. And the obvious spray tan is just as bad. Nothing wrong with a little color to get you through the winter months, but subtlety is the name of the game.
14. Bieber on a Bad Day
Justin Bieber popularized the swoop hairstyle in the early 2010s. It worked for him. But he was also male, 15 years old, and a late bloomer to puberty. The ridiculous haircut added to his cute, little boy appeal. I have no idea what Emma Stone is thinking in this picture. The signs behind her advertising Wells Fargo and a film festival indicate she’s at some sort of high-profile event. Don’t A-list celebrities have style advisers who advise them not to go out in public, much less to a place swarming with paparazzi and tabloids, when they look like this? She looks like she just came from the gym and suddenly realized she had a public appearance to make, so she let her hair down and threw a part in one side like a little boy on the first day of school. Some chicks look hot when they tuck their hair behind one ear, but not Emma in this pic. And her facial expression looks like she just caught whiff of a particularly odoriferous flatulence.
13. The Screen Actors Guild Speech
Here she is accepting the 2017 Screen Actors Guild award for Best Female Actress in a Leading Role. She earned the award with her performance in La La Land and was presented it by her Superbad co-star Jonah Hill. First things first: her speech was emotional, graceful, and thankfully bereft of any political undertones. So I commend her for that. But once again, she’s sporting the Bieber swoop with her hair tucked behind her ear on the other side. It just isn’t a good look. And while I criticized her spray tan in an earlier pic, her skin looks almost transparent here. Her face looks not like that of a beautiful actress but like that of my seventh-grade math teacher when our class got disruptive during a lesson on the quadratic formula.
12. Bad Dye Job
When you’re rich, you should be able to dye your hair any color you want and have it look natural. I’m serious, if your bank account looks like Emma Stone’s, you can pay a hairdresser to give you blue hair with pink streaks and make it look like you were born that way. Here, Emma Stone is going for the traditional blonde look, which should absolutely be the easiest color to dye your hair. More people dye their hair blonde than any other color, and as a result, dye manufacturers have pretty much perfected the process. So then why does Emma Stone, one of the richest and highest-profile actresses in the world, have hair that looks like straw in this pic? And furthermore, why does she insist on her bangs looking like those of a middle school skater, and lazily throwing the rest of her hair behind an ear? Do you think Marilyn Monroe or Madonna ever looked like this in their prime?
11. Thin Lips
The first thing that stands out about Emma Stone in this pic is she simply looks like a plain Jane. She’s not necessarily ugly here, but I’d wager at this very moment, there are at least a half-dozen women shopping at the Publix down the street from me who are hotter than Emma looks here. Which makes it baffling that Emma is the number one spank bank deposit for men around the world. If I’m pointing out something specific in this shot it’s how thin her lips are. When it comes to female celebrities, lip size matters. You think Angelina stole Brad from Jen because of her dazzling personality? Please. He was thinking of one thing: how those big, full lips would feel in certain places. Emma’s lips are way too thin, and it’s even more noticeable when she tries to pull off a pout look like she’s doing here. Also, maybe it’s just me, but she looks like she has bad breath in this pic.
10. SAG Part 2
Emma Stone is famous for being one of the hottest women on the planet, so why in this pic does she look like the ugly RA in the freshman girls’ dorm who used to write you up to the dean of res life for being there after visitation hours? We all hated that chick. She never had any guys visiting her because she was so ugly, so she took out her frustrations by writing up the chicks and dudes who were actually getting some action. Here, Emma’s bright red lipstick makes her pallid complexion look even more ashen, and holy mother of God the shape of her mouth is ugly. I’m not sure if her arms look too thin or too fat. I guess that’s why someone coined the term “skinny fat.” Her hair is a mess. I wouldn’t hit on a chick in a bar if she walked in looking exactly like Emma Stone in this pic. You’d like to think an A-list female celebrity could meet such a lowly standard.
9. Revealing Close-Up
In this Emma Stone shot she reminds me of chicks on Facebook and Instagram who are always angry about something. These chicks whine about “social justice”, even though most couldn’t define the term if you asked them to. Particularly since the election of Donald Trump, you’ll see them hashtagging things like #notmypresident. Side note: Have you ever seen a good-looking female at a protest march? I honestly don’t think I have. It doesn’t matter if the cause is liberal or conservative. The vast majority of people who protest are unattractive. My theory is they’re bitter in general about their lousy genetic hand, and they use controversial issues and public figures as an outlet for their anger. Back to Emma Stone. The most revealing thing about this photo is the wrinkles around her mouth. She’s not even 30 years old, and she claims she doesn’t smoke. Let’s hope her aging process from here on out is more Leonardo DiCaprio and less Nick Nolte.
8. Baywatch Reject
Action shots don’t always cast people in the most flattering light. But if the chicks and dudes on Baywatch could look glamorous while diving into the ocean, why can’t the current hottest actress in the world? Here, Emma reveals that her legs have no shape, she’s got no gluteus maximus, and sweet baby Jesus, look at those clodhoppers. I wonder if she has to special order her shoes the way Shaq does. And here’s a fun test: take your finger and cover up her hair in this pic. Her face is indistinguishable from a dude’s. Making out with her would be like making out with the redheaded kid from my middle school whose farts used to make us have to switch ends of the basketball court in gym class. Suffice it to say, she’s no Pamela Anderson circa 1995. And what’s with the wet suit top? If you’ve got it, flaunt it. Sadly, Emma ain’t got it.
7. Not Good Enough for Gosling
When we’re out in public, from time to time we all notice those couples that don’t seem to match up. One partner is way more attractive than the other. It’s always fun to speculate how they ended up together. Where I live, in South Florida, it’s almost always the dude who’s way less attractive than the chick, and it’s almost always because his bank statement features a ton of zeroes and commas. It’s rarer to see an ugly chick with a handsome dude. That’s because men are more visual than women and prioritize looks more when choosing a partner. But if you want to see that dynamic in action, check out La La Land. Emma Stone plays the love interest of Ryan Gosling, and there’s no question in whose favor the attractiveness scales tip. I mean, look at the picture above. I’m not saying she’s an even match with her homely Superbad co-star Jonah Hill. But even her biggest fans have to agree that Gosling is a major reach.
6. Plug Ugly Profile
Here’s a pro tip for those on Tinder or any other dating site or app. Demand a profile picture before meeting someone in person. I don’t mean the main picture from their dating profile. I mean an actual “profile” picture — one taken from the side that shows the contour of their face and body. It can be revealing. It’s relatively easy to hide a turned-up nose, weak chin, misshapen ear, or slight stomach pouch in a straight-on shot. But the truth comes out in a profile picture. It’s hard to define what’s so off-putting about Emma when you look at her profile, but it’s definitely something. The mouth plays a big part. It’s just not a mouth you want to run up and start making out with. Her face and head look overly rectangular, though I think her perpetually awful choice of haircut is a contributing factor.
5. Big Set of Chicklets
Emma’s teeth dominate this pic, and not in a good way. They’re just too big and square, and they seem to protrude from her mouth. If her incisors were a little longer and sharper, her smile could pass for one of those Dracula mouthpieces people wear on Halloween. And while I’m not advocating for chicks to start embracing beer and coffee stains on their teeth, Emma’s are almost too white in this pic. It doesn’t look natural, and you know from looking at them she’s paid thousands of dollars and had all sorts of chemicals applied to her teeth to make them sparkle that much. It’s like the difference in a chick having fake breasts that enhance the size and shape of her bust but look subtle and natural, and having cartoonish balloons that throw her body entirely out of proportion. And once again, for an international sex symbol, she just doesn’t have good hair.
4. Scary Lips
Some dudes might actually find this picture attractive, but not me. First of all, her row of earrings just looks like a mess. And her ears have a weird shape to them, which means she probably shouldn’t be drawing attention to them with shiny jewelry. Her skin looks like she’s trying to make it as white as possible, which is as bad as having a Jersey Shore fake tan. It’s like the far left and the far right of the political spectrum — they’re both equally stupid, they just take opposite approaches to being dumb. But the standout feature of this ugly Emma Stone pic is the lips. They look like the iconic Rocky Horror Picture Show poster. And the contrast between the bright red of her lipstick and the pale white of her skin is just too much. It’s striking, yes, but so is Carrot Top‘s appearance. It’s okay to be subtle, and more often than not, it makes you more attractive.
3. The Hipster Look
No matter how hot you are, dressing like a hipster knocks you down a couple points on the 1-10 scale. You could get those points back by rolling into Brooklyn or Portland or Austin, but to the rest of the world, you’re significantly less attractive when you look like a hipster than like a functioning member of society. Here, Emma Stone is seen in classic hipster attire: a beanie, plastic-rimmed black eyeglasses, and a gray jacket pulled over a plaid shirt. I bet her Starbucks order is so complicated. I’ve never heard of Emma being associated with the hipster movement, so I’m not sure if this look was for a movie role or just for fun, or if it was a fleeting phase she went through. But needless to say, Emma’s not hot enough to sport the hipster look and still hang out on the right side of the hotness bell curve.
2. Wild Hair Don’t Care
If this picture were of Jennifer Lawrence and it featured the same wild hair blowing everywhere and the same half-smirk, half-smile, it would be totally hot. Seriously, just imagine a picture of J-Law in the same setting. You know you’d be sportin’ wood. Now stare at this picture of Emma for a few seconds and let me know if anything is stirring in your groin. That pretty much sums up why Emma’s name shouldn’t be included on the same list as the real Hollywood hotties of today. I’m not discounting her acting chops, nor am I suggesting that certain dudes who have a certain “type” shouldn’t find her attractive. But to put forth the idea that she possesses the same all-encompassing sex appeal as someone like J-Law or Kate Upton or Margot Robbie is not just crazy in my opinion, it’s intellectually dishonest. I know inclusiveness is all the rage now, and a lot of folks who would’ve been outcasts in another time are finally having their day, and I’m all for that. But hot is hot and not is not. And this picture, along with the others on this list, make it clear which category Emma is in.
1. Just … No
I’m not sure what look Emma is going for here, but hopefully she’s at one of those events where the goal is to look as tacky as possible, like we used to have during Spirit Week in high school. Side braids almost never look good, but hers looks especially bad here. The frizzy strands of hair splayed every which way on top of her head make it look as though she furiously rubbed her feet against the carpet in the dead of winter and then touched something metal. Her attire looks like one of those things the barber puts over your neck and shoulders to catch all your hair clippings. But as tacky as her haircut and clothing are here, a hotter actress — the aforementioned J-Law and Kate Upton come to mind — could still pull it off. And that, in a nutshell, is why Emma Stone’s looks are the most overrated in Hollywood. To be a true A-list hottie, you have to be killing it even on your worst day.
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