If you’re one of these people who believe that fame is calling to you, then you need to have a seat and actually think about what it would be like walking down the street and being bombarded with mobs of your adoring fans every hour of every day. Going out to eat? That’s done. Relaxing strolls in the park? Never again. Crossing the street? Good luck even standing on the corner. People only consider the positives when imagining themselves being a household name. Sure, you’ll be at the top of every guest list but if you ever spill your soda at the movies, the entire world is going to know about it. That’s the trade-off. And sure, I guess it would be cool to have a small army of devotees at the ready. But after looking into that further, I discovered that most people are twisted. And when the twisted ones get obsessed, they really give it their all. I compiled a small list of some of the best stories I found on the net, and I warn you that they range from cringy to downright grotesque. So continue with caution because these are 15 times “Super-Fans” took it too far.
15. When Tattooing Lyrics Just Isn’t Enough
I used to know a guy in high school that had Third Eye Blind lyrics tattooed on his arm, and no, I didn’t go to high school in the nineties, and no, Third Eye Blind was not a cool band at the time, but that didn’t slow him down. I always think back and wonder if when he takes a shower and sees those words from “Jumper” staring backward at him in the mirror, if they still hold as much weight with him. That’s the problem with tattoos. They last too long. Cue in Carl McCoid, the 44-year-old divorced father of three and proud owner of 23 Miley Cyrus-inspired tattoos. At least he was the proud owner. Recently, McCoid has either been getting his once prized ink removed or covered up claiming he can’t have a conversation that isn’t about his Miley Cyrus tattoos. This shouldn’t be a surprise. Obviously, if you’re on a date with someone who is covered head to toe in permanent drawings of a teen pop star, it’s your responsibility to inquire about them and leave the restaurant immediately. On a side note, is it crazy to say that McCoid looks pretty good for his mid-40’s? I mean, awful tattoos aside, the guy could get carded at the movies if he was wearing his hat low, all I’m saying.
14. The Time Some Girl Took A Nap In Brad Pitt’s Bed
While the rest of us, everyday Joes, are jumping through flaming hoops to get a girl to even look at us, this chiseled chinned Adonis has them breaking into his house for a chance to sleep in his bed. Back in 1999, Athena Marie Rolando, 19, slipped through an open window in Pitt‘s Santa Monica Hills mansion and tiptoed into his bedroom wearing nothing but an intimate pair of panties and a hopeful smile. I think it’s pretty clear that her plan was to find Pitt in dreamland and snuggle up next to him. But when she found that his bed was empty, she proceeded in classic Goldilocks fashion. Rolando went through the actor’s closet and took the liberty of tossing on a pair of his pants, his shirt, his hat, and his sneakers before crawling into the satiny confines of his snuggle matrix where she ended up falling asleep for TEN HOURS! It wasn’t until the maid found Rolando snoozing away that the police were finally called, and the obsessed young fan was taken into custody where she has to ask permission before even taping a Brad Pitt magazine cutout to her bunk.
13. When A Dolly Parton Song Is Just THAT Good
Dolly Parton has had a heaping pile of hits over the course of her fifty-year-long career (I’m personally a “9 to 5” man), but none were bigger than her 1974 hit, “Jolene.” Parton was enjoying her newfound fame when she came home to find a strange gift from an admirer. Apparently, some die-hard Dolly Parton fanatic thought it was necessary to present the country music star with their infant child as a gift. Sitting in a small box on the stoop of her home was a baby with a note attached that read, “My name is Jolene, my momma has left me here, and she wants you to have me.” First of all, the song “Jolene” is about a man stealing trollop who has affairs with other people’s boyfriends for sport, so why on this planet earth would you ever name your daughter Jolene? Second of all, what in the actual f***? You’re that much of a crappy parent AND that much of a Dolly Parton fan, you thought she would not only raise your child, but she’d be flattered by the gesture. I can’t stop wondering if whose kid this was thought that it’d be kind of a gamble or if they were like, “Oh, wow, Dolly’s gonna love this!” The short finish is that Dolly did not love it. She called authorities immediately, and they scooped up little Jolene Doe and found her a new home. The real mother was never located, and Parton hasn’t had a thing to do with the kid since she left the property which is, by no means, a jab at Ms. Parton. She was thrown into pretty odd one there.
12. Beliebers Will Pay Anything For Just A Taste
We’ve all heard tales of teeny bopper fans trying to get a lock of their idol’s hair for whatever reason. And although I can’t really imagine what in the world someone would do with another person’s clump of dead hair outside of performing voodoo curses, hey, do you, baby. But wild-eyed, scissor-wielding tweens bum-rushing David Cassidy don’t come close to the stack of crazy in New Zealand that went online shopping for some Justin Bieber merch. Back in 2010, a fan actually paid $608 for a bottle of water that Biebs took one sip out of. If you have money to burn, I guess that type of cash is just a drop in the bucket. But it seems like such an odd thing to spend your money on regardless. Think about it. You could never buy the same brand of water as the Bieber bottle because there’s a chance you could mix it up, and if you keep it separated, like put it on your mantle or something, people will always think you’re a dirty person and wonder why you never throw away that one bottle. And if you want to avoid that scenario and explain the significance of the bottle to them, you risk losing friends because who would want to hang out with some weirdo who spends half a paycheck on water they can’t drink.
11. Ke$ha Needs Some Teeth
Okay, so this one is as much on Ke$ha as it is her fans, but whatever. Ya know, it’s disgusting enough to be on this list. A few years ago, a super fan thought it would be for the best to send Ke$ha her tooth, and would you believe that the pop star didn’t think it was a horrific act of self-mutilation at all? In fact, she thought it was so endearing that she made a necklace out of it. Think that’s teetering on the crazy fence? Well, brace yourselves because Ke$ha thought the necklace made her feel so much like P. Diddy, she asked her fans to send her more. The response was staggering, and soon enough, Ke$ha had received over 1,000 human teeth in the mail which she used to make bracelets, bras, headdresses, etc. And years later, when she was in rehab for an eating disorder, her friend tweeted on Ke$ha’s behalf and asked her loyal supporters to once again send their teeth along. Although the teeth were going to be used for arts and crafts, the rehab facility would not allow them to come on the grounds because it’s their policy not to allow human remains on the premises.
10. That Time That Girl Did This To Her Face
The year: 2011. The place: Los Angeles, California. The incident: another devastating tale of tattoo trouble; this time, caused by Hip-Hop and R&B super talent and spokesperson Drake. When this image first started making its murky crawl across the internet meme world six years ago, people were positive that it was fake. Who in their right mind would get the name of anyone tattooed that big across their forehead, let alone the king of O.V.O. I mean, I guess I could see it working if maybe she had, like, a bunch of face tats all over. Like, I’m talking wall to wall, floor to ceiling face tats. But alas! Drizzy flies solo (he can’t be locked down). Also, does anyone else feel like her font choice is completely out of left field? If anyone reading this can honestly say when they close their eyes and think of the name “Drake” that THIS is how they imagine it looking, please contact me because I’m at a loss. Anyway, according to Kevin Campbell, the tattoo artist currently still famous for only this, said the girl seemed to have it all planned out and even came in with her eyebrows already shaved. Campbell also claims that he didn’t even know who Drake was at the time and assumed it was just the name of her ‘crew’ and now feels kind of bad for tattooing the name of the “softest m*****f***** in hip-hop” on her forehead. Which is an exceptionally funny quote when you consider that it’s been six years and his name is still being brought up in any conversation including the words “Drake” and “tattoo.”
9. Mrs. Kanye West
You’re right, that’s not Kim Kardashian. What gave it away? Back in 2012, Linda Resa, a Chicago woman with an imaginary singing career, was doing what she could to break into the public eye and some would definitely have called her the toast of the town if by toast, they meant “nothing” and by town, they also meant “nothing.” This woman has “Kanye” tattooed down her arm and across her rear end because she “thought it was sexy.” But it was when her stage name was causing copyright issues that she fully committed to jumping into the deepest ends of the crazy pool. To avoid any future legal speed bumps (and to stand out to the love of her life, Kanye West) Resa legally changed her name to Mrs. Kanye Resa West. Yes, “Mrs.” is her first name, and according to her interview above, she has a book deal in the works and sincerely believes in her love for Ye. She’s also happy that Kanye and Amber Rose have split up but doesn’t quite know what to make of that Kim Kardashian (remember this was filmed in 2012).
8. The Most Expensive Vegemite Toast Known To Man
Vegemite is weird because it has this suspiciously thick consistency and extremely dark coloring, but its one overall standout quality is probably that it’s disgusting. People love to hate on Vegemite (I’m clearly no exception), and it makes sense. It’s an easy target. You put it on toast like jelly, but it’s, like, spicy or something. I don’t know, but either way, the Aussies really go coconuts over the stuff. So when it came time to let Niall Horan, a.k.a. “the blond-haired one from One Direction,” try a few local cuisines on a live Australian radio show, naturally, Vegemite was represented. But surprisingly, Horan was grossed out by the slop and put the piece of toast down after just one bite. That’s when the broadcaster of said radio show had the brilliant idea to put the partially-eaten piece of toast on eBay and donate whatever it sold for to charity. I doubt he was expecting it to rake in $100k in less than a day which is exactly what it did. Granted, it’s suspected that some 1D jokesters ran the bidding up in the auction. The winning bid was still matched by an actual buyer, making the piece of Vegemite toast the most expensive leftovers known to mankind.
7. The Lengths To Which A Girl Went For A Selfie
“I get it. I mean, you want people to know YOU were the one who met Harry Styles, a.k.a. ‘the long-haired one from One Direction.’ But at what cost?” That’s the thought I imagine mostly everyone has when they read about the girl who accompanied her aunt to a funeral in hopes of snapping a quick pic with the heartthrob for her social media. Gemma Styles, Harry’s sister and overall #girlboss, wrote on her blog about the girl approaching her brother AT THEIR GRANDMOTHER’S FUNERAL and asking for a picture. I don’t want to sound catty but this chick should flip that iPhone camera around and take a good long look at herself because this is a bad move from top to bottom. I know how good it would feel to step off those cemetery grounds with a coveted Harry selfie already 70% uploaded to the ‘gram, but have some da*n class, girl. Do you really want to be the girl who has a picture of her crush taken on the day he buried his family matriarch? No. Because that’s a creepy story to tell.
6. Jared Leto Listens To His Fans
Jared Leto is kind of strange guy, right? Like, he’s super artsy and dresses like a grotesquely fashionable 19-year-old Asian girl even though he’s 45. Anyway, if you don’t know a lot about Jared Leto, those first two sentences should be enough exposition to prep you for the story about one obsessed fan mailing a severed human ear to the actor with a note attached asking, “Are you listening?” He wasn’t. Because the Oscar winner took one look at that ear and only had two words on his mind—fashion and accessory. That’s right, not to be out-crazied, Leto did what any middle-aged alt-rock frontman would do and ran a string through the da*n thing, hung it from his neck, and waited for the wave of compliments to come wash him away. This is why famous people still get body parts in the mail! These nutty fans continue to think celebs are going to really enjoy the gorey mess once you sign for the package, and you celebs keep proving them right.
5. When You Can’t Find A Pen So You Write Your Fan Mail In Blood
K-Pop has only recently broken through the force field of American pop culture, but believe me when I tell you that it’s the biggest thing since bottled water everywhere else in the world. And the group 2PM is a hot ticket at the moment. But before you dive head first into a love affair with these guys, it should be made known that the group’s resident rapper, Taecyeon, was once sent a letter written entirely in blood; ya know, just so you’re aware of what kind of fan base you’re joining up with. Back in 2009, the musician/actor/ model received a letter of ever-growing loyalty and adoration from a beloved fan. Her loyalty and adoration were not directly mentioned in the letter, but you know she means it because the letter was written with her menstrual blood. The fan mailed the letter to him (but not before she sprinkled a quick pinch of pubic hair in there as well) and posted a pic of her “proving” that she used real blood to silence the haters across the web. She later received so much negative response from the public that she apologized for the entire thing on social media. Remember kids, friends don’t let friends fan out.
4. This Guy Sent J.Lo Nudes And Then Sued Her For Not Liking Them
This one is straight up wacky. Like padded wall and muzzle bonkers. Back in 2008, gullible Los Angeles man, Rodrigo Ruiz, sent a few of his demos to a person he believed to be close to actress, singer, and former Ja Rule collaborator, Jennifer Lopez. And when she wrote back, imagine Ruiz’s surprise that a) Jennifer Lopez answered his letter and b) She asked him to send nudes. Yeah, in the letter, “Lopez” writes about how she’s “interested” in Ruiz and even plans to leave her husband for him just before cutting to the chase with, “Send me pictures of you both with clothes and without clothes.” Ruiz, thinking love was just around the corner, stripped down and followed instructions but found nothing but embarrassment when he stepped around. Lopez didn’t respond positively enough for Ruiz’s liking or, rather, “didn’t respond at all” is probably more accurate. So, he filed a lawsuit against her (a move Lopez’s lawyers called “desperate”) claiming some s*xual harassment charge and emotional damage. Either way, he didn’t get a red cent AND it turns out that the address he’d been sending his nudes to belonged to some 53-year-old woman.
3. Norman Reedus Has Breast Implants
Well, not really. At least not sewn inside of him. A few years back, a fan of Norman Reedus thought the Walking Dead actor seemed a little blue, so they mailed him a breast implant. I’m pretty confident they didn’t cut it out of their own body or anybody else’s for that matter. For all intents and purposes, it was a brand new silicone implant, but I admit, I’m not 100% on that. Anyway, I digress. Reedus ended up truly enjoying the gift and (much like Ke$ha) even ended up asking his fans to send more. He’s quoted saying that he wanted to lay in a pile of them or something along those lines, and I’ve heard that he actually uses one as an iPhone holster on his desk during filming.
2. When You Love Beyonce This Much
I get it. She’s an icon. A vision of perfection in YOUR city, in front of YOU, and she’s singing a song about YOU! Sometimes, emotion gets the best of us and sometimes those emotions can lead to that face Beyonce makes juuuuust before she vanishes into the abyss of the right side of the screen. You can tell the woman is in a blissful “Oh, s***” state made of one part confusion and two parts terror. You wouldn’t just go around grabbing the Queen of England, would you? Of course not, so why would you grab Queen Bey? And this guy is lucky because we’ve had plenty of cases of artists not hesitating to fight back. Fans who get a little too comfortable in the front row end up heading to the after party in a cop car. But Beyonce was as classy as ever and invited the overzealous fan backstage to hang a bit after the show.
1. This Guy Who Wants Bieber Taken Out
Out of all the pop stars I’ve seen rise to the level of having an equal amount of lovers and haters, no one has surmounted as many on either side as Justin Bieber. The kid has an actual battalion of teen girls at his beck and call anytime of any day, but often times a great love can turn into a great enemy if the opportunity may arise. And for Dana Martin, the middle-aged man who felt betrayed that Biebs made the switch from cute tween star to the tatted up devil he is today, that’s exactly what happened. Martin had gotten upset at Bieber while in prison, a place where he’d been since he killed a 15-year-old girl in 2000, and hired a few prison buddies to not only strangle the singer but to castrate him with hedge clippers as well. But in stereotypical boneheaded henchmen fashion, the two hired hands got lost on the way to the Bieber concert, ended up at the Canadian border, and were promptly arrested for violating probation. Martin claims he still has a score to settle and vows this isn’t the last Bieber has heard from Dana Martin. When asked for a comment, Justin Bieber said, “Dana who? Is she hot?”
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