Farrah Abraham really wants you to think she’s hot in a bikini. It’s kind of hard to figure out what to really think about Farrah Abraham. Now, when I say that I’m not talking about whether you actually like her or not, I mean she’s totally awful, and if you are a fan of hers, then there honestly might be something wrong with you.
But what’s hard to figure out is whether she’s totally clueless and just doesn’t understand how awful she is or she’s incredibly smart and is laughing all the way to the bank. If I were to guess, I would probably say it was the latter. I mean, come on… how could you think otherwise? First, she was the star of 16 and Pregnant, then she moved on to Teen Mom, then to top it all off, she wrote a book and released an album called My Teenage Dream Ended. The book actually made it to the New York Times bestseller list, and how amazing is that? Then, she actually did a pair of adult films, which, to be honest, pretty much no one in the world wanted to see, then went back to Teen Mom, and then even did Teen Mom OG. So if you didn’t get the point, she really, and I mean really wants you to pay attention to her.
She also really wants you to think she’s hot wearing a bikini. There’s only one problem: she isn’t. At all. Here are 15 Times Farrah Abraham tried to get us to look at her in a bikini.
15. Way Too Happy
This is a very good example of Farrah and how she’s just a little bit off. She’s running towards the camera with a big smile on her face, acting like she’s Pamela Anderson from Baywatch, but as usual, she’s not coming across quite how she thinks she is, sort of like what she recently did when she upset Kendra Wilkinson by making some apparently racially insensitive comments. It seems that all that Farrah really wants to do is to get attention, whether it’s good attention or bad. She seems to have done a pretty good job at that, to tell you the truth, except for one area, which is trying to get people to look at her wearing a bikini. Farrah, face it: things just aren’t happening in that area.
14. Fake Hollywood
If there’s one thing that’s pretty much for sure about Farrah, it’s that she’s pretty much totally fake. How else could she try and get away with everything that she does and still play that she’s a good mom? A good example is when she had her sex tape with James Deen that was supposedly leaked and wasn’t planned. Not quite… it was planned all the way. According to James Deen, “I got a call, and they asked if I wanted to do a celebrity sex tape with Farrah. They said, ‘We’ll set it up so it looks like you guys are dating, and then TMZ will find out, and it’ll be all over the TV.’” Yeah, so it appears like that whole sex tape was as fake as Farrah trying to look all cool in this bikini photo.
13. No Cushion
This is just a super odd photo, in general. First of all, what’s going on in her armpit? I just don’t get it, and actually, now that I think of it, please don’t let me know what’s going on there; I really honestly don’t want to know. Then, of course, we have the whole “look at my butt” thing. There really isn’t all that much to look at here, so why is she showing it off? This is the kind of butt that you might not mind looking at, but you sure aren’t going to go out of your way to check it out. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I would even cross the street to look at it. You could find a butt like this or better, pretty much on any single woman under the age of 40 in the world. Nice try, Farrah.
12. Crazy Eyes
This photo is just an absolute disaster in pretty much every single way that you could possibly imagine. If this photo is supposed to make anyone feel anything related to Farrah being attractive, then it totally fails miserably. If the point of it is to make someone feel like a scrawny lunatic in a weird-looking bikini is running towards him, then it’s a total success. I don’t know who took this photo, or who the people are who decided that they would actually let this photo be seen in public, but I can tell you that whoever it was probably doesn’t have a job anymore. Farrah is already kind of nasty-looking — how could you possibly decide to make her look worse? Who knows?
11. The Outie
This is kind of an odd one. Let’s forget the face, at least, if you can. Whether you love Farrah or hate her, you have to admit that her face is not all that special. But if you focus on the chest area and ignore the face, then this is actually not that bad of a photo. At least until you get to the stomach. What the heck is going on with her belly button? And what about those odd-looking hips? Okay, I know that sounds mean, but wait a minute — is anyone forcing her to do all of these ridiculous bikini shots? No, she’s doing them because she’s trying to look all hot, so people will think of her as a big star and give her money. Well, she may be getting a lot of money, but the hot thing doesn’t fly.
10. Pretend Relaxing
Here’s Farrah pretending to relax while she chills out on a beach. Not that impressive; even her towels look cheap. It must be interesting to try and pretend you’re just chilling on a beach while in reality, you’re trying totally hard to be super cool and failing miserably. Speaking of failing miserably, she wrote a trio of novels called Celebrity Sex Tape. Her goal was to outsell 50 Shades of Grey. Obviously, that didn’t work out, which isn’t that big of a surprise. Obviously, she’s totally delusional. How do I know that? Well, probably because she’s done all sorts of bikini shots. Who wants to see this stuff? No one, really. Yes, she’s made a lot of money, but only because she’s willing to be made a fool of.
9. Mom In Yellow
Casey, of course, is a mother, which is how this all started in the first place. At one point, she had some pretty serious postpartum depression and actually considered suicide. The father of her daughter died in a car accident. One would think that she might regret having children, but no. In fact, she said, “I would do it all again. [Daughter Sophia] has helped me have so many opportunities. I’m so glad I got pregnant in the younger part of my life.” Well, there’s no arguing with that; if it weren’t for your daughter, then you probably never would’ve had the chance to be a p*rn star. Does that sound awful? Yes, it totally does, but only because it’s one hundred percent true.
8. Wrong Kind of Rock
Here’s Farrah in a bikini in front of an enormous rock, which will probably be the only rock that she ever gets from anyone. See what I did there? Farrah is not marriage material, it seems, or honestly, even girlfriend material. She’s proven herself to be one that simply can’t get along with others. She truly is a hard one to figure out. Do you feel bad for her because she’s such a pathetic trainwreck? Or do you choose to feel envious of her because she’s so totally loaded? Well, if you need to decide, just take a look at some of these photos of her in a bikini; in some of them, her bathing suits don’t even fit, and in all of them, she looks kind of silly. I’m choosing to say I feel bad for her, without a doubt.
7. Baby Don’t Got Back
In a world of entertainment where big booties are where it’s at, Farrah has one that’s really pretty tiny. This would be fine if she were a fitness model, but no. Farrah’s butt is small and out of shape, and that isn’t easy to accomplish. She’s said before that her difficult upbringing made it difficult for her to feel attractive. Okay, so that makes me feel bad, but then why spend all of your time making sex tapes and trolling around in bikinis? That’s the whole thing about people like this. It might seem like I’m being awful to her, but that’s because she’s actively trying to get me and every other dude in the world to think she’s hot so she makes more money. It isn’t going to work. Sorry.
6. (Worst) Mom of the Year
The whole entire reason that Farrah is famous is that she’s a mother — well, that and she was willing to sell out her daughter to be on television. Farrah has been open about how she’s spent a lot of time in therapy saying, “The person who I used to be when I was growing up was very judgmental and very reactive, [but now] I’ve opened up my mind. I forgive myself. I love myself more… if not for therapy, honestly, you would be talking to a whole other woman right now.” Aww, that’s so great Farrah. I guess the only problem is that because of all of your actions, your daughter is going to have to have years of therapy as well. But Farrah is probably not all that worried about that.
5. Bad Party Time
Here’s one of Farrah trying to show how fun she is and how she’s ready to get down and party. And of course, if Farrah is going to party, she’s going to be wearing a bikini, because that’s what the cool girls do. One other thing that she does that’s cool, or cold anyway, is own a frozen yogurt shop in Austin Texas of which she says, “It’s my own concept. It’s about having fresh and frozen cuisines and foods at this restaurant. It’s very family friendly.” Did you guys hear that? This is her own concept! I mean, she not only looks great in a bikini and stars in sex tapes, but she also even has her own concepts! Now that I think of it, maybe she should just stick to bikinis after all.
4. Does This Look Okay?
When it comes to seeing a bunch of photos of Farrah Abraham wearing a bikini, this one is better than most. Does that mean anything? No, it means absolutely nothing at all. You know what else means nothing? Her pasta sauce business with her mom about which she said, “I decided currently to not proceed with my mom in her pepper sauce endeavors and many other products because our personal life is not together.” Oh man, Farrah… that’s the absolute worst. You decided not to continue on with your pepper sauce business with your mother? My heart is broken. Well, at least I have all of these totally mediocre photos of you wearing a bikini to look at; that should get me by until you start your next amazing business.
3. Hut One, Hut Two, Hut… No Way
If there’s one photo that really encompasses every single thing that’s wrong with this whole concept of Farrah Abraham in a bikini, this would be the one. What’s going on here? Is this supposed to be hot? Because it isn’t. I can’t even imagine many photos that are less hot. She not only doesn’t look even slightly attractive, but she also looks totally insane. So I guess what I should say is that this is a very accurate portrayal of what Farrah Abraham is all about. How does something like this even happen? How many things have to go wrong before a group of people actually think that taking a photo like this and putting it out there is a good idea? But then again, Farrah’s become rich by following through on bad ideas.
2. Looking For Her Dignity
Here’s a shot of Farrah where it appears she’s looking for something on the beach. Who knows what it could be? It’s possible that it might be some sea glass, but it also could be that she’s looking for her dignity that she sold so many years ago. All of this might sound kind of harsh, but is it really? Here you have a woman who is famous, as well as totally rich unless she spent all her money, which I wouldn’t doubt. And why is she rich? Well, she’s rich for totally selling out herself and even worse for selling out her daughter. There are a lot of worse things out there than struggling to raise your daughter as a poor single mother. Like what, you might ask? Well, I can think of one thing, and that’s raising your daughter as Farrah Abraham.
1. Running From Reality
Here’s yet another photo of Farrah where she appears to be trying to act like a star of Baywatch, running in slow motion and looking totally hot, but instead, she has an entirely different vibe. She more looks like someone at a public pool running for an ice cream truck. It’s hard to tell how many photos of Farrah Abraham have been taken in a bikini, but I’m sure it numbers in the thousands, and out of all of those, there have been hundreds that have been used commercially. But how many of those actually make her look really hot? Hmm, let me think. Oh, I know. None. Not one of them. Hopefully, Farrah is saving her money because her time is going to be in the rear view mirror very soon.
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