15 Thoughts Men Have When Seeing A Woman With New "Assets"

There's something about a chick with fake boobs, but the question really is, what the heck is it? When a guy sees a woman with implants, he gets totally confused, and by that, I mean his mind is really blown.

First of all, an inexperienced guy is almost never totally sure if a woman's boobs are fake even if he suspects that they are. The fact of the matter is, if a woman has a nice chest, quite often, that's where a guy's mind stops. He isn't going to be like, "Hey, are those real or not?" At least he isn't usually going to be that way. But then, every once in a while, a man sees a woman that has a set that's so amazingly large and firm that there's no place else to go in one's mind except wondering if they're fake.

But then, of course, there are the guys that aren't inexperienced, that can tell right away whether a chick's chest is real or not. You might think that those guys don't have any questions once they know they're fake, but actually, it's the exact opposite. As soon as you know they're fake, the more questions you have.

Here are 15 Thoughts Every Guy Has When He Sees a Woman With New Boobs.


15 Does this mean she's trashy?

Have you ever heard the expression "Where there's smoke, there's fire?" Well, it's kind of the same thing here. You asking if chicks with fake boobs are trashy is sort of like asking if the sun's going to come up tomorrow. The answer will always be yes. Some of them are more trashy than others, and some of them are really nice and cool and all of that, but all of them are trashy. How can I tell, you ask? Well, I can tell because these women are all walking around with fake boobs on their chests that they purchased. If that doesn't say "trashy," then I don't know what does. Now, hey, don't get me wrong. I have a long and colorful relationship with trashy women, and I love all of them. Just don't expect them to meet my mom.

14 So, what do those feel like anyway?


So hey, this might sound kind of rude, but it's actually a really legitimate question. A lot of guys, and I mean a whole lot, have never felt what fake boobs feel like. It's a whole different thing if you're living near Venice Beach as opposed to if you are living in Arkansas. If you are not someone from Florida, California, or New York City, you probably haven't come across a whole lot of these puppies out in the wild, so of course, you're going to be dying to know what they actually feel like. Well, guess what? I'm not going to tell you. It's the kind of thing that a man should find out for himself or die trying. Or you could just google it; I can't stop you. But I'll think you're a coward. Go out and find some implants!

13 Is she insecure?

Gee, what do you think, Columbo? Of course, she's insecure. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that a woman with fake boobs is totally insecure. That goes for pretty much any kind of cosmetic plastic surgery. I mean, you're looking at a woman who paid thousands of dollars to have her breasts actually opened up and have implants shoved in there, all so she looks more attractive. She might as well be carrying a sign over her head that says, "I need attention and compliments."  This is actually one of the more difficult aspects of this kind of thing because just like with all sort of women, the ones that are the least concerned about the way they look are usually the coolest to hang out with and, without a doubt, the least insane.

12 What did they look like before?


Of course, you're going to go here. How could you not? This is the thing with guys, and it's like this pretty much across the board. One would think that if you're looking at a woman with fake boobs, then the very last thing you would be doing would be wondering what her boobs looked like before she went under the knife. Well, you'd be wrong. A guy is going to want to know pretty much exactly what her boobs looked like before and is also going to want to know why she did it. Was she really flat? Did she get them reduced? Does she want to be a model? An actress? Is she nuts? All of these can be answered -- well, at least some of them -- if we just had the chance to see what they used to look like.

11 If I date her, will my friends be jealous?

Now, this is a tough one. It really is kind of hard to tell. I guess the question is, who do you hang out with? There's a certain crowd of male friends who will be totally envious if you show up with some chick with totally obvious implants, who will act like you're the absolute coolest guy in the world. They'll flirt with her, tell you how lucky you are, and basically act like fake boobs are the coolest things in the whole entire world. I guess the true question is, are these guys that you want to hang out with? It's kind of like those two kinds of friends: one that will buy you another drink when you're plastered, and another that tries to get you home safely. Guess which ones these guys are?

10 If I date her, will my friends make fun of me?


Yeah. They probably will. That's what guys do, isn't it? I mean, at least that's what my friends do. We all make fun of each other pretty much all the time, from the top of our chain, right down to the guy who's on the very bottom. Remember, that's what guys do. They do it if they don't like you, but sometimes they do it even more to people that they do like. Why would I possibly bother to make fun of someone I didn't like -- to his face anyway? Behind his back is a whole other ballgame. So yeah, if you end up chilling with some chick with ridiculous fake boobs, if your friends are cool at all, they're going to totally and completely mess with you. And it shouldn't be any other way if you ask me.

9 Why did she do that?

Well, I guess the whole article is about this really, but it still needed to be said. Why would someone do this? What would make a woman alter her body just to look better to someone else or to herself? If a guy were to get enhanced, whether it be above or below the belt, there's no doubt whatsoever that he would be roundly ridiculed and mocked by pretty much every single person he knew. So even if a guy is incredibly attracted to a woman because of her fake boobs, I'm telling you, no matter what the situation, he's still going to wonder what's going on with a woman that has them. It's one of those things that's hard to explain but exists without the shadow of a doubt.


8 Is she crazy?


Well yeah, man, she probably is. I've been over this before in this article, but maybe I haven't been all that clear. If a woman modifies her body, she's probably pretty nuts. The only explanation that one can give in this situation is that she's an actress or a model, and she's trying to make more cash by having a bit of a more striking rack. Other than that, there's pretty much no explanation whatsoever under any circumstance that would explain the crazy away. Even if she acts normal for a super long amount of time, it's almost certain that at some point, she's going to show you just how crazy she is, and you can't say she didn't warn you because she did with the boob job.

7 Is she easy?

This one's confusing. Sure, you're going to think that she's easy. How could you not? She has fake boobs! That pretty much screams, "I'm easy!" right? Well, not necessarily. It seems like it does, but as I mentioned before, unless you're dealing with a wannabe actress or model, then you're dealing with someone who's crazy. And if she's crazy, then you pretty much can't count on anything at all about her personality. She could be as pure as the driven snow and have fake boobs, or she could be a pole dancer with fake boobs, but you still wouldn't know if she was easy. That's the whole thing if you're paying attention: when you're dealing with a chick with implants, it's a whole other species.

6 So, do they jiggle at all?


This one's a question that you can often answer with your eyes, so feel free to stare at her for as long as you want. I mean, she does have fake boobs; she's got to expect it. But in all seriousness, this is kind of a 'chicken or egg' kind of question in the sense that you can kind of tell her boobs are fake if they don't jiggle a whole lot, but then once you figure out they're fake, then you want to know if they jiggle for real. So then you have to go out with her to find out, unless you want to get arrested. And even then, you have to be pretty sly so as to not make a total fool of yourself when you're messing with them. So many problems, so few solutions. The list of unanswered questions a guy has around this type of thing is endless.

5 Does this mean other people I know have fake boobs, too?

This is one of the hardest things about the whole fake boob scene. Once you find out that one woman you know has them, all of a sudden, you start to suspect that all the women around you have them. Maybe this whole time, the only woman in the world who still doesn't have fake boobs is your girlfriend, and you didn't even know it. Or wait, maybe even your girlfriend has fake boobs, and you didn't know. But hmm... now that you think of it, hers are kind of small, and you know that she doesn't have the money to do something like that. Unless, of course, she's been hiding money from you! Oh man... the web of deceit never ends. You were such a fool, and you never even knew it.

4 Is she a stripper?


I know that I said before that some women get boob jobs for professional reasons, but the only type that I mentioned were models and actresses. Of course, there are other types of professional women out there as well who get boob jobs to pump up their earnings, and yes, I'm talking about strippers and also escorts. Now, a lot of guys kind of get excited about the thought of going out with a stripper. To those guys, I say, "What the heck is wrong with you?" Not that there's anything wrong with being a stripper, but there does tend to be something wrong with strippers. You get my drift? I'm not saying it's their fault. In fact, it hardly ever is. But most strippers are kind of messed up, especially those with boob jobs.

3 How much did those cost?

This is a legitimate question. The average boob job costs a little under $4,000, but it can cost much more. Some operations could cost as much as 3 to 5 times that much. And that's the thing: if you're going to get a boob job, do you want to get an average one? Do you want to go with one of the best plastic surgeons out there who's working out of an expensive office, or do you want to go with some guy that has a medical degree from Cuba and is working out of a strip mall? I know the answer to that question, and I'm a dude. And of course, this is elective surgery, so insurance is not going to touch it. Once again, the question needs to be asked: who would possibly do such a thing? Not that they don't look hot.

2 Can I touch those?


Of course, you can't, but this question would just go away if one simple thing happened: if the woman with fake boobs would just let you touch them. Sure, it would be a little awkward, I suppose, but not really. I mean, it's not like you're actually touching her body now, are you? No, far from it. You're touching something that looks like part of her body. So, I don't know... instead of wondering about all of these things, maybe you should just touch them. But of course, you have to ask first, and also make sure that you have bail money. All kidding aside, I have to repeat that the answer is obviously no (because most of you guys are so numb). Don't do this! Just don't.

1 Will she go out with me?

Well, we're down to the very last and most obvious question of all: is she going to go out with you? I know. I've messed around a lot and kind of said that women who have fake boobs are kind of crazy and maybe even a little unstable. But honestly, isn't that the whole point? Crazy and unstable women are awesome! Well, not for the long term, but for the short term, they're just totally great. And here you are looking at a woman who's probably crazy and unstable, and she also has fake boobs! Man, it's like you hit the lottery on this one. What are you waiting for? Hustle on over there and ask that beautiful lady with the fake boobs out immediately. You can deal with the fact that she's crazy later, and you can also maybe get some of your questions answered.

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