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15 Things You Didn’t Know About Two and a Half Men’s Charlie Harper

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15 Things You Didn’t Know About Two and a Half Men’s Charlie Harper

Charlie Harper is an alcoholic, drug abusing, chauvinistic, wise cracking smart a** that frequently seeks the services of prostitutes when he is in between relationships or just wants no-strings-attached lovin’.

For the better part of a decade, we allowed this dysfunctional heathen to come into our homes as we watched his exploits on Two and a Half Men. Harper was not in the final seasons of the series because the actor who played him, Charlie Sheen, was fired from the show. Sheen’s termination was a result of his real-life Harper-like behavior and conflicts with the show’s creator, Chuck Lorre.

The character was apparently so popular and influential that Sheen himself became so immersed in the role that it caused him to develop Harper-like qualities in his personal life off the set. Several years after Charlie Harper’s television death, he lives on in syndication. The character has graduated to becoming a fixture in American Pop Culture. To honor this unscrupulous and non-deserving person of low moral fiber, we have compiled this list of 15 Things You Didn’t Know About Two and a Half Men’s Charlie Harper.

15. Alan Exists Thanks To Charlie

Charlie was born to Evelyn and Frank Harper. One year after Charlie was born, he told his parents he wanted a little brother for Christmas. So, they are telling us that Charlie was speaking complete sentences and having complete thoughts when he was just a year old. He knew what Christmas was, and he knew what a little brother was. Okay, if this guy was such a child prodigy then why did he make such poor choices as an adult? Most people don’t even have memories from when they were 2 or 3 years old, but Charlie was much more advanced than most. Perhaps he DID have the blood of a tiger in him. We think his parents had a second child so soon because they wanted a daughter. When Evelyn saw the ultrasound of Charlie, she was told it was a girl because no little boy parts were visible. They thought Charlie was going to be a girl.

14. Charlie Had No Positive Male Role Model Growing Up

Charlie’s and Alan’s father died of food poisoning when they were young. While the boys were growing in fully dysfunctional adults, they had three stepfathers. The first man, Harry Grosky, left the family for a younger woman. Now that we think about it, maybe Charlie did learn something from that one. Next, Evelyn married a man named Don Thomas who was a gay Texan with a nervous twitch. He referred to Charlie and Alan as buckaroos. The third time wasn’t the charm either. Maybe because it was the fourth time when you count Frank Harper. Luther King was an overweight fellow whose daughter was seduced by Charlie. Many children have it much worse when it comes to step-parents, but these three were no winners and may have contributed to the Harper Boys being so messed up as men.

13. Growing up, Charlie Was A Horrible Big Brother To Alan

Even though Charlie lets his brother and his brother’s son live in his home without charging them rent or asking for money for bills, Charlie was not always such a good big brother. Charlie never was a good big brother. His verbal and emotional abuse of Alan outweighed anything positive he had done for his younger sibling. It all began when the two were young lads. Charlie would bully his little brother at school by giving him wedgies and making fun of Alan. Even before that, the two were out shopping with their parents when Charlie stuck a toy in Alan’s pocket to make him shoplift. When Alan was caught, Charlie let him take the blame for the crime.

12. Charlie Had Relations With His Sister In Law’s Sister

Charlie and Judith, Alan’s bride-to-be, had bad chemistry and did not like or get along with each other. Charlie even tried to bribe Alan with money to back out of the planned marriage with Judith. At Alan and Judith’s wedding, Charlie hooked up Liz who was Judith’s biological sister and the sister-in-law of Charlie’s brother, Alan. While there was no blood relation between Liz and Charlie, it’s just plain wrong. She was still part of Charlie’s extended family. A hook up like this offers nothing but potential turmoil within the family. The two had their memorable fling in the coat closet. It must not have been so insignificant for Liz because when she saw Charlie years later, she didn’t even remember who he was.

11. Charlie Got The Malibu Beach House In A Breakup

Charlie was dating a girl he fell deeply in love with, named Lisa. The two bought the Malibu Beach home together. Charlie and Lisa hired Berta as the housekeeper. The two had clashing personalities and constantly fought. During the troubled relationship, at times, both Charlie and Lisa resided in the lovely home. At times, only Charlie lived there. Other times saw only Lisa living there. Sometimes, neither of them stayed in the home. Eventually, the two decided it was healthiest to sever the relationship permanently. Charlie got the home in the breakup. At the same time, his brother Alan was having marital problems with Judith. Eventually, Charlie allowed Alan and Jake to move in. Several times in the series, Charlie refers to Lisa as his favorite girlfriend out of all of them. Lisa was the one that Charlie let get away.

10. Charlie Dated A Woman Who Became A Man

Charlie never really had luck in love. He was lucky if you consider he was always able to find quick love. If there was ever a time when he could not find a one night stand or a quick hook up, he was fortunate enough to be able to afford to buy the girlfriend experience by the hour. When it came to finding a good woman, he did not do as well. This might have been because he was not a good man. He was a chauvinistic, alcoholic drug abuser. Everything a woman looks for, right? It’s no surprise that a woman Charlie dated named Jill wanted to end things with him, so she traveled to Europe to find himself. Yes, we did say she wanted to find himself. This is because Jill had surgery to become Bill. One can only wonder if she saw Charlie living that rock star lifestyle and she wanted a piece of that action.

9. Charlie Called Off His Wedding For Alan, Who In Turn Screwed Charlie Over

Charlie started dating a ballet instructor named Mia. The relationship was progressing well, but Charlie broke it off because Mia was relentless in trying to make Charlie change to the way she wanted him rather than just accept him along with his long list of character flaws. Mia comes back into Charlie’s life for a second run at things and Charlie pops the question to Mia, asking her to marry him. Mia agrees, and the two began planning the wedding. It wasn’t too difficult to plan because Charlie and Mia decided to elope in Las Vegas and only invited Alan and his girlfriend, Kandi. Charlie soon finds out that Mia wanted Alan and Jake to move out and Charlie calls off the wedding ending the relationship; this time, for good. Charlie gives the wedding rings to Alan and Kandi who were going to get married. Alan winds up moving out anyway making Charlie’s efforts all for naught. Kandi eventually gives Alan the boot and Alan comes crawling back to Charlie, who allows him to move back in.

8. Charlie Had Intimate Relations With His Sister

Charlie was dating a woman named Lydia, who had traits identical to Charlie’s mom, Evelyn. Lydia was a snobby real estate agent. Lydia gets into a skirmish with Berta and Charlie is forced to choose between Berta and Lydia. Farewell, Lydia. Charlie reverts to his one-night stand lifestyle and has an intimate relationship with a woman named Gloria. It turns out that Gloria was the half-sister of Charlie and Alan. The father to the Harper men had an affair with another woman, and during that fling, Gloria was conceived. You must think that Charlie would not have done anything differently even if he did know of the relationship. This is the same man who got together with his sister-in-law, Judith’s sister, during Judith’s wedding. He also had a thing with the married sister of Judith’s husband. This makes her Judith’s sister-in-law. This was the sister of Judith’s second husband, after Alan.

7. Charlie Was Married In Las Vegas

Charlie was determined to tie the knot on a meaningless relationship in a meaningless ceremony in Las Vegas. He sunk into a depressed relationship after another failed one. That failed relationship was because the woman Charlie was dating helped Alan find a lawyer when Alan punched a man in a bar. That attorney got close with Chelsea, the woman Charlie was dating. When she indicated she might be having an affair with the lawyer, a fight ensued that ended another relationship for Charlie. While depressed in Vegas, Charlie married a girl named Betsy. It turned out that the nuptials to Betsy were invalid because she was already married. Charlie then stalks Chelsea when he learns that she is now dating the attorney. Of course you can guess what happens next. Charlie gets back with Chelsea for a one night stand.

6. Charlie Had An Intimate Night With A Woman, A Mime And A Goat, While He Was Married

Faced with getting older and realizing he may never find love, Charlie decides to settle. He marries Rose. Rose was the one he had a one night stand with after meeting her in a bar only to find out that she lived just next door to him. Rose stalked Charlie for many years. Charlie and Rose were married and they spent their honeymoon in Paris. Charlie was Charlie and could not stay faithful, even on his honeymoon. Rose caught Charlie in bed with another woman, a mime, and a goat. This is what sent the already mentally unbalanced Rose over the edge. Rose tried to murder Charlie but instead killed the goat when she tried to push Charlie in front of a train. You know the old saying, “if you can’t kill ‘em, hold ‘em hostage.” This is exactly what Rose did. She put Charlie in a pit straight out of a scene from Silence of the Lambs.

5. Charlie’s Real Father Played Rose’s Father And Stalked Charlie’s TV Mother

The apple does not fall far from the tree. Stalking ran in Rose’s family. Martin Sheen, the real-life father of Charlie Harper’s Charlie Sheen, guest-starred on the show as Rose’s father. The paternal Sheen stalked Evelyn, the TV mother of his real-life son. The show is famous for their questionable situations of questionable morals. However, this scenario is so wrong and immoral on so many levels that everyone involved, including the show’s writers, directors, camera crew, caterers, you for having watched the show, and us for having written about it, all need counseling.

4. Charlie Was Expelled From Juilliard?

Charlie studied at Juilliard and was expelled for an unknown reason. If Charlie won’t tell why, it must be something horrific and terrifying. Who knows what he did with or to the dean’s daughter, or the dean’s pet goat, if he had one. After being given the old heave-ho from school, Charlie moved back to Los Angeles with the intent of becoming a film composer. Charlie met a commercial producer who listened to Charlie’s work. This was how Charlie ventured into the business of writing catchy tunes for TV commercials. His first job was writing a jingle for a toothpaste brand, and his first national spot was writing a jingle for Pepsi Cola that was seen by 20 million viewers when it first aired. If Two and a Half Men had that kind of rating, anything Charlie Sheen did would have been overlooked, and the show would still be on today.

3. Charlie Harper Has Been Known As Charlie Crawford And Charlie Waffles

The character of Charlie Harper was actually based on another character played by Charlie Sheen. On Spin City, Sheen played Charlie Crawford. Crawford lived a comparable lifestyle to Charlie Harper’s. Once Charlie Harper returned from his unsuccessful stint at Juilliard, he began composing and singing children’s songs before venturing into the television ad industry. When he wrote these kiddie tunes, Charlie Harper used the alias Charlie Waffles. Everyone loves waffles, and no one loves Charlie Harper, especially children. Harper can often be seen playing the Steinway grand piano in his living room. Sheen, though, was just acting as he does not play the piano. That piano proved to be the death of Charlie Harper when in the series finale it fell from an aerial transport and crushed him.

2. Charlie Harper Suffers From Many Phobias

Charlie Harper suffers from several common phobias. Glossophobia is the fear of public speaking or stage fright. That is a fear Harper can overcome, if he is drunk (which is always). He also has a fear of his overbearing mother. Other fears that Charlie lays claim to are spiders, large birds, fear of commitment, germs, hard work, and… drum roll please… change. We would ask if you realized how messed up Charlie was, but anyone with one eye that doesn’t work could see that Charlie Harper is a troubled soul with a plethora of problems. You can now add several phobias you didn’t know about to his list of personal issues.

1. The Character Charlie Harper Is Loosely Based On Charlie Sheen

There is no actor who could have handled the role of Charlie Harper better than Charlie Sheen did. This is because Charlie Harper’s conduct is like Charlie Sheen’s. Sheen was known for a wild lifestyle filled with drug usage, sexual encounters with prostitutes, and inappropriate social behavior. Charlie Harper, as outrageous as he was, may have been a watered-down version of Sheen. The actor was diagnosed with HIV although he claims to only having unprotected intercourse twice. However, twice is two times too many as it only takes one time. After being diagnosed, it has been reported that Sheen had sex with at least 25 people. It was Sheen’s behavior that was his undoing as Charlie Harper. The producers of Two and a Half Men classified Sheen as an addicted and self-destructive man who was losing control of mental and physical wellness. Charlie Harper was bad, but not that bad.

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