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15 Things Marvel Wants You To Forget About Wolverine

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15 Things Marvel Wants You To Forget About Wolverine

He’s the best at what he does, and what he does isn’t very nice. Logan, a.k.a. Wolverine, is considered one of the most popular characters in the Marvel and X-Men universes. Gifted with an adamantium skeleton, claws, a healing factor, and near-eternal life, Wolverine has become the biggest hero — and anti-hero — the comic book industry has ever seen.

Being over a century old, Logan has seen plenty of things and done twice as much.  During his long life, his moral compass has definitely skewed, and he’s been involved in things that would make even the most emotionless person cringe. With the release of Logan back on March 3rd, 2017 being the last we’ll see of Hugh Jackman‘s performance of the character, it’s probably best to go back and take a look at some of this mutant’s shadier moments.

Ready or not, bub, these are 15 moments in Wolverine’s long life that Marvel wants you to forget.

15. He questions The Punisher’s sexuality

The Punisher and Wolverine have never seen eye-to-eye. They’re more likely to see claw-to-gun before that happens. It might be because Wolverine considers himself a hero while The Punisher has counted himself among the same people he’s killing. Maybe it’s two war veterans (in Logan’s case multiple wars) not getting along. Or maybe, it’s just to make sales when an issue including both of them comes out. Who knows?

In Wolverine 186, the two square off again, this time in a less gory ‘Punisher-esque ” fashion than before. This time around, Wolverine wins the fight, throwing Frank into a plate-glass window. Logan then finds something of The Punisher’s: a collection of men’s bodybuilding magazines. Wolverine then ridicules his rival for possibly being gay. Frank counters by saying they’re ‘suspects.’ Other than this being one of the most awkward comic book panels you’ll ever read, it’s surprising that Marvel would let this type of humor fly off the shelves. Anything to beat D.C.’s sales, I suppose.

14. He slept with Mary Jane (kinda)

Ultimate Spider Man #66 essential sealed Wolverine’s fate as a major pedophile. In this universe, Jean Grey is still a teenager. Logan keeps hitting on her until she’s had enough. Her revenge? Causing Logan to switch minds with young, 15-year-old Spider-Man. Other than the hijinks of Wolverine calling Aunt May an ‘old-hag’ and Peter impaling himself multiple times with Logan’s Claws, this goes as well as you expect.

In this universe, Peter Parker is still in high school. That means Mary Jane-Watson, Peter’s girlfriend, is also around that age. When she meets up with ‘Peter’ before school, they kiss and embrace. However, the smirk on Peter/Wolverine’s face implies he’s got other things in mind. Toward the end of the comic, Peter (now back in his body) apologizes to Mary Jane for acting weird, through which it’s revealed that while in Peter’s body, Logan may have tried to do more than a little making out. Remember, Wolverine is over two centuries old. You’d think he’d learn by now that humping teenage girls is very frowned upon. And to think he’ supposed to be the good guy!

13. He’s supposed to be short

Wolverine made his debut as Hulk’s adversary in Hulk #181 (he appeared beforehand, but only as a cameo). Since then he’s become a staple of the X-Men roster. Later on, he starred in his own comic series and alongside The Avengers. Soon, in 2000, the X-Men movie was released with Hugh Jackman as the face of Wolverine. Until recently, Hugh Jackman has always portrayed Logan in the movies.

With his adamantium skeleton, Wolverine weighs almost 300 lbs. That’s very heavy for someone that’s supposed to be 5’3”. Most people probably forgot that fact, seeing that Hugh Jackman makes him 6’2.5”. Granted, this is more of a casting issue than a mess-up by Marvel, but it’s weird trying to imagine Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine being a foot shorter.

12. He Drowned his son Daken

Throughout Logan’s very, very long existence (both in his timeline and as a comic book character), it’s revealed he’s had many children. Some were planned, while others weren’t. This is the case with Akihiro, also known as Daken.

Daken and Wolverine’s father-son relationship goes as well as a napalm strike on a gasoline station. The two quarrel constantly, coming to a point where Daken almost drowns Logan (which is the only way to kill this 200+ year old Canadian, apparently). Logan escapes, and he has a final duel with his son. It ends with Logan drowning Akihiro in a puddle. It’s not a bad scene at all. On the contrary, onscreen, it could have plenty of weight. But it’s just so… depressing. Even though Wolverine’s history is bloody and violent, it’s a terrible way to end your relationship with your son.

11. He killed a mutant kid to stop bad publicity

Logan killing people isn’t something unheard of — especially in more modern incarnations of the character ( It’s a big part of Old Man Logan). He’s also known for doing questionable things. Ultimate X-Men Volume 1 shows a young mutant boy’s power go haywire, killing over 200 people. He ends up hiding in a cave, and the X-Men sent Wolverine in to take care of him.

Wolverine finds the kid, and they end up sharing a beer. Then, Wolverine’s true purpose is shown: he’s not to pick up the kid and take him to Xavier’s school — but to kill him. The reason why is because if it got out that a mutant killed two hundred people, it would look bad. Toward the end of this story, Wolverine is the only one seen exiting the cave. Logan’s attitude in this situation is stony and remorseful, of course, but it’s still shocking to know he killed a kid because of bad press.

10. Squirrel Girl in his fantasies

Doreen Green, a.k.a. Squirrel Girl, is considered a goofy superhero by some fans. Her abilities include, but aren’t limited to, being able to leap several stories and talking to Squirrels (obviously).  But don’t let those two powers fool you into thinking she’s a weakling; she has quite the rap sheet of people she’s beat. To put it in perspective, she beat Thanos (who is pretty much a God)! And she’s able to do this at a young age as well.

Now, it’s not illegal for mutants to have a relationship or hookup in comic books. But it is still very much illegal for a minor to sleep with someone who’s older. It’s suggested that Wolverine and Squirrel Girl were a little more than friends at one point in time. How’s this? In Wolverine’s ‘Sexual Fantasies’ section of his mind, found in Wolverine Vol. 4, Emma Frost finds Mystique and herself along with Doreen Green. Logan’s obviously been around long enough to learn about statutory rape, so even thinking about doing things to Squirrel Girl isn’t a good thing at all!

9. His real name isn’t Logan

Wolverine has gone by many aliases: Weapon X, Death, Patient Zero — but everyone knows him as Logan. Logan lived for many, many years — his life starting in 1880s Canada. Once his claws came out, however, he lived as a warrior. He led a pack of wolves and took part in many wars throughout the world. This was all before his skeleton was coated with Adamantium and turned into Weapon X.

For the longest time, many people didn’t know Wolverine’s origin story. In Wolverine: Origins (and the iffy X-Men Origins: Wolverine), we see how his life began. Logan, or what we thought his name was, actually was born James Howlett. He assumed the name Logan after his mutation announced itself. It’s actually a pretty fascinating story, so spoilers won’t be shown here.

8. He was white trash

Logan has always had his set of vices — mainly, a fondness for hooch. With his constant ‘on-the-run’ lifestyle and active healing factor, however, his addictions never affect him in a negative way. In the Earth X series, we see what happens when Wolverine decides to settle down. And it’s not pretty.

Before the X-Men disband in this series, Jean Grey and Scott Summers split up. Wolverine decides to form a relationship with Jean Grey, and they soon move to New York City. Their mundane, normal lifestyle takes its toll on both Jean and Logan. Logan, who is usually active and muscular, appears with a beer gut and loses most of his hair. His alcoholism gets worse, so much so that he doesn’t care when Jean Grey tells him that she’s actually Madelyne Pryor — a clone of Jean Grey. It’s kinda sad to see someone like Logan become so lethargic and pathetic, so it’s probably best that Marvel wants you to forget about that.

7. He was a salesman for Gerber Baby Products (seriously)

For those who bought stock in Marvel during 1993, they received the Marvel Annual Financial Report. It was essentially comic book characters talking about different companies and products. Needless to say, it was one of the weirder moments in Marvel’s history.

In this ‘comic,’ it’s revealed that Wolverine likes Gerber baby products. Really likes them. Remember, this is a comic book character who’s been known to kill kids, including his own! In the same issue, even Iron Man is in awe of the Gerber baby. Despite it being hilarious, it’s strange to see a violent character such as Wolverine sponsor baby products.

6. He tried — and failed — to fight Spock.

The X-Men have had many crossovers in the past, either with the Avengers or other comic book entities. There was even a crossover that combined Batman with Wolverine (which is freaking awesome!). However, there are some crossovers that make little to no sense, like the one where the X-Men join forces with Captain James T. Kirk and the crew of the original U.S.S. Enterprise. That’s right — good old Wolvie and the gang boldly went where no man has gone before!

In this crossover between the X-Men and the crew of the original Star Trek series, Logan goes feral and tries to attack Spock. Spock, however, shows him how illogical it would be and simply Vulcan Nerve Pinches him. Wolverine literally gets pinched in the neck and crumples like a wet noodle. You’d think someone with an impressive healing factor and metal bones would be able to withstand a simple pinch.

5. He gets downright humiliated by The Punisher

Wolverine’s rivalry with The Punisher knows no bounds. Before Logan taunted The Punisher with male swimsuit magazines, they faced off in Marvel Knights: The Punisher #17. Well, ‘faced off’ may be a bad choice of words, considering The Punisher blew off Logan’s face, causing him to spend the rest of the comic with his metal skull showing.

Frank doesn’t stop just there. He proceeds to unload a clip into Logan’s “mini-me.” Amidst the groaning and cries of agony caused by the then-eunuch Wolverine, Frank calmly states that they’ll grow back. At the end of their adventure, The Punisher runs over Logan with a steamroller and just parks it on top of him. It’s very odd to see Logan take so much punishment from someone like The Punisher (no pun intended). He just takes most of it like a chump.

4. Wolverine- Lord of the Vampires

Marvel is very fond of their What If scenarios, much like D.C. Comics. One of their most popular What If? stories was that of Gwen Stacy actually surviving and marrying Peter Parker. Most characters have been affected by these alternate story lines, and Wolverine is no exception.

In What If? Volume 2 #24, Dracula bites Wolverine and turns him into a mindless thrall. Fortunately for Logan, his healing factor is able to fight off the mind control. Wolverine defeats Dracula and takes his place as king of the vampires. He then proceeds to attack all the other Marvel Heroes in an attempt to turn them into vampires. It may seem like a cool concept, but a vampire Weapon X is just plain overpowered.

3. He became an evil dictator

Another alternate scenario that Logan finds himself in takes place during the Age of Apocalypse story line. In this version of events, Charles is killed and Magneto takes his place as head of the X-Men. Apocalypse, the mutant, then takes over North America. It’s then up to the X-Men to fight for justice, as comic book heroes do. In this story, however, Logan isn’t a main part of the X-Men until later. He also loses a hand; it won’t grow back, oddly enough.

Furthermore, in this story line, Logan replaces Apocalypse. He’s then dubbed Weapon Omega. As it turns out, Weapon Omega is no better than his predecessor; he even convinces other X-Men to join him, and they begin an evil dictatorship over the world. When Logan returns to normal, he then hunts down and kills his former comrades that joined him when he was Weapon Omega.

2. Patch

During a point in Wolverine’s story, the X-Men are hunted down and most — if not all — are presumed dead. Logan ends up in hiding, going by the name “Patch.” Granted, it’s a smart move for Logan to go incognito during this time of crisis, but the way he does it’s so ineffective.

First off, Wolverine still uses his claws. Anyone who’s seen Wolverine in action would obviously recognize those claws — it’d be like a criminal in hiding showing his I.D. with his real name and social security number. Secondly, he has an eyepatch on. That’s it. That’s the whole disguise. He doesn’t even grow a beard or cut his hair — just puts on a stupid eye patch!

1. He died before ‘Logan’

Hugh Jackman’s final appearance as Wolverine was on March 3rd, 2017. Many fans obviously assumed that Logan would die in this film. They were right. Wolverine finally succumbed to his wounds and died. In the film, it was at the hands of a clone. But in the comic world, the “Prime” Wolverine is also dead (Prime, meaning the original, so the Wolverine from 1974 is considered dead)

In Death of Wolverine #4, released in December 2014, Logan hunts down and kills the head of the Weapon X program but not before being submerged and completely coated in adamantium. In earlier issues, it’s revealed that Logan’s healing factor is completely gone. So, without the ability to heal, Logan suffocates in a metal tomb. It’s kind of poetic, actually, seeing that the metal that gave him his claws soon leads to his death. His daughter, Laura, or X-23, as some know her, takes up the mantle of Wolverine in Logan’s stead.

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