So, we know that Hollywood is a place full of fiction. Even those movies based on real life and in reality are exaggerated in order to tell an exciting story for the audience. After all, that’s the job of Hollywood and the movies, to tell a great story.
Although many moviemakers, especially these days, like to bring realism into their movies and produce more grounded and gritty stories, even the science fiction and superhero genre like to put their characters and stories in a more real life situation, which adds a layer of grit to it. However, there is one thing that Hollywood never seems to want to portray in a “real life” way and that’s sex.
We all know that sex is a big part of our life so therefore should be a big part of the movies we watch, which it is. But the Hollywood big wigs often leave a lot about it out of their movies and only leave in the bits that can sell their product. With that in mind here are 15 things Hollywood always gets wrong about sex.
15. Married People Don’t DO It
Married couples have been the subject of movies, and comedy, forever. Pretty much every stand up routine, TV show, movie and anything else has the notion that once you’re married, or at least been married for a few years, you never have sex. So many movies both in the comedy and drama genres follow this train of thought. There is always a single person and a married couple, the single person is having a string of sex while the married couple just sit in bed together, planning their next brunch date or whatever. It also has to be said that in these married couples, the men always try to initiate it, while the women are the ones that aren’t interested.
While this may be the source of a lot of jokes in Hollywood, the simple fact is that this isn’t true. Not only is it not true but Hollywood is basically telling everyone that long term relationships are bad! The fact is that if you’ve been with one person for a long time, you’ve had more sex than your single friends. Yeah, the desire may fizzle out a bit from time to time but you get into bed with someone, who hopefully you find attractive, every single night.
14. Any Big Gesture Guarantees Action
Our next entry is an easy storytelling device in order to put two couples together. We know that but we just can’t help feel that this misleads people from time to time. Basically in movieland if you do anything that a woman deems as good, you’re going to get sex. We don’t just mean if you save their life or the world or anything like that, although that does get you sex too. But even in a more grounded and “realistic” setting, you just have to make a gesture in order to get laid.
That could include running to the airport, always a classic move, telling a woman a secret, even if it’s bad, or anything really. The fact is that if you do pretty much anything in a movie, you’ll get sex. Even if in reality you would be arrested for being a stalker or a pervert, in the movie world you’ll get laid. Let’s all remember Andrew Lincoln‘s character in Love Actually. He basically harassed, bullied, and then confessed his love to his best friend’s wife, but because he did it in a “cute” way, it was all okay.
13. Everyone Is Doing It In A Shower Or An Elevator
If Hollywood movies are anything to go by then we shouldn’t be able to walk into any shower or elevator without bumping into a couple that are going at it. The shower and elevator love making scenes are so common within movies that we’re sure that these things only serve a purpose for the main characters to do it in.
After all, in pretty much every shower scene in movies, the people, mainly women if we’re honest, never actually shower. You never see them reach for the soap or shampoo. No, they just seem to wait around under the water for the man to come in and surprise them. Also, elevator love also defies any kind of biology. We’ve all heard of a quickie, but a quickie between floors? That’s fast for anyone’s standards!
12. And Also Public Men’s Rooms, Which Aren’t Disgusting!
Speaking of places in which sex takes place in the movies a lot but not so much in reality, we have to ask ourselves why Hollywood has an obsession with public bathrooms? We’ve see the plot before, a man and women are getting excited in a restaurant, dive bar, hospital, etc. and they can’t take the heat anymore so they rush into the men’s bathroom and have some wild and hot fun.
We have to wonder if any Hollywood producers have been into a public restroom lately and if they have, what makes them think they’re arousing? Most of us have been overcome by passion at some point in our lives but is that enough to overcome our other senses such as smell? We don’t think so either. It doesn’t matter how much passion there is, it can’t take away how disgusting public bathrooms are.
11. Women Only Exist To Please Men
For many many years now, Hollywood has been at the center of an equality battle. Whether that’s race, sexuality, or gender, movieland has really struggled to get this right. Many people out there still think that Hollywood is a male dominated environment and to be honest, it is. All you have to do is look at the sex scenes in mainstream Hollywood to know that more often than not, women are there to excite, entice, and give pleasure to the men. Whether that’s being the subject of the male character’s desire, or to entice a larger male audience, women tend to be their just for the pleasure of men.
It’s a really bad trend that doesn’t seem to want to go away in Hollywood and it’s not a trend that reflects reality in any way. The only women in movies that are comfortable with themselves, enjoy sex just as much as men, and are generally content with themselves, tend to be either the “loser,” the messed up one, or the quirky best friend of the main female lead. Then there’s sexuality; let’s be honest here, throwing a lesbian into a mainstream Hollywood movie is just to get men to watch the movie.
10. You Can Have The Greatest Moments With Your Underwear Still On
So our next entry is probably more about censorship than anything else. Because sex and sexual chemistry/love stories are a big part of movies, even in family friendly movies, the movie producers have to be careful about how much flesh they show on screen. Otherwise every time you want your characters to “get it on,” the movie will most likely get an R-rating, so the producers and directors need to make sure nothing can be seen but the characters can still “connect” with each other. We understand this, we do.
However, more often than not, the main couple in these movies seem to have earth shattering love making sessions, and they don’t even take off their underwear. We understand the need to cover up, but this disbands belief more than most things. How is the man supposed to satisfy his love if he can’t be bothered to take of his underwear? How would that even work? All Hollywood needs here is a large blanket and then the problem is solved. No one needs to see anything and everything is more believable.
9. Bedrooms Marathons Happen Daily
So our next entry gets down to the actual details. In a lot of movies, two characters get together and they just can’t keep their hands off of each other. They are at it every minute of everyday. They spend all day in bed, rolling around and having tremendous fun, and then the next day, they do it all again.
Not to get into it too much, but we all know that sex is great but all the time and everyday? Surly at some point these people need a rest or at least some anti-chaffing cream?! We know that a lot of the time these “sex marathons” are there to show us that these characters have a lot of passion and attraction for each other, but even so, how much passion can they have? For all the inexperienced people out there who go see one of these movies, sex doesn’t need to last all day. In fact, in reality, most people would have gotten bored hours ago!
8. Men Can Recover Instantly
In the movies, all male characters seem to have a superpower and that is they are instantly all ready for round two. After making the Earth move already, the woman will usually turn to the man and inquisitively ask for round two. Instead of the man asking for a moment or two, or more realistically ten to fifteen, let’s be honest, the man smiles and jumps back on.
Now we’re not saying that some men don’t have a quick recovery time, because we’re sure that some do, but every single time and pretty much with every single male character, this happens. We find that a bit hard to believe. That is unless every single male character in the movies is on Viagra, or maybe they are all 18 years old with a sex drive that an over 30s audience can only dream about!
7. There’s No Messy Cleanup
The next two entries on our list do focus on the aftermath of sex, and let’s be honest, the bits that no one talks about. Firstly, it’s that awkwardness that occurs afterwards and the mess that we all leave. Admittedly, if two sexy stars are getting it on onscreen, we may not need to see them have the clean up afterwards. After all, that would spoil the moment.
Having said that, considering, as we’ll mention later on this list, Hollywood never uses condoms, the mess is going to be, well, everywhere. But never does anyone clean up or even make a comment about it. We know that it can be a beautiful and magical moment at times, but it can also be messy and we all have to deal with that so why can’t Hollywood? We think it’s time to show this side of love making if movies want to be more realistic and grounded in reality.
6. Nobody Has To Pee
Like our previous entry, this one is more about the practical aftermath of sex rather than the act itself, so we won’t go into too much detail and we’ll keep it brief. Firstly, we’re not saying that we should have scene after scene of people going to the bathroom, but this is one act that is never mentioned and we feel that it should at least be referenced from time to time.
The fact is that everyone needs to use the bathroom after doing the deed. Not only is it a physical thing but it’s a cleanliness thing as it clears everything out. As Hollywood doesn’t want protection on its screens, this point becomes even more important. We know that movies are supposed to be fun and exciting, but a little truth and knowledge once in a while could go a very long way, especially with the younger audiences out there.
5. Warming Up? What’s that?
In pretty much every TV show and movie out there, sex is only one act. They may kiss for a moment or two but then it’s pants off and go time! In what reality do these Hollywood bigwigs live in? It’s fair to say that foreplay isn’t just a nice thing between couples, it’s pretty much essential in order to get everyone “in the mood.” After all, you wouldn’t run a marathon without stretching first would you? No, exactly. So why Hollywood seems to think it’s fine or natural to show a couple going for it without “stretching” first is bizarre to us.
Once upon a time every moment on screen was valuable and every act and line had to move the plot on or at least have some relevance. But today that’s not as true as it was. With binge watching TV spread out over several episodes and movies running at least 2 and a half hours, there is plenty of time to show a more realistic setting in the bedroom.
4. Everyone “Finishes” Together
The next entry on our list is something that makes us all laugh every time we see it. Not only is the fact and the thought of couples finishing together unrealistic, but this single act is pretty much in every single movie. We get that the movies are trying to tell a story to show that the couple in question are a perfect match for each other, but seriously has no one in Hollywood ever done it before? We don’t think they have.
We’re not saying that “finishing” together doesn’t happen, but it’s extremely rare. This is for several reasons; the male and female bodies work very differently and a woman can become “happy” several times before the man finishes once, or maybe the woman doesn’t finish at all, it doesn’t also mean that she didn’t enjoy it. It also depends on how excited either party is and how into it they are. Whatever happens during sex, we know one thing; either every women on screen fakes it or the men lie about their timing hoping that that’s what the women want.
3. STDs Are A Myth
Our next entry is one we find the most surprising and shocking, especially given today’s social climate. Considering just how much sex and love making scenes are in the movies, hardly any of them reach for protection such as a condom, nor does the woman show any signs of understanding what the morning after pill is. If this was real life then pretty much everyone would have an STD or unwanted pregnancy.
It’s strange to think that most governments of the world do try hard to get, especially teenagers, to understand the dangers of sex, STDs, pregnancies, etc. and how they can still enjoy sex but do it safely and yet Hollywood, which does influence a lot of people, don’t bother with this side of sex. The only time condoms, STDs, and pregnancies are mentioned is in the comedy genre and it’s usually the source of a joke rather than factual. Would it be so hard for a Hollywood leading man to reach for a condom once in awhile? We don’t think so.
2. Magical Position Swapping
More often than not the Hollywood movies do seem to adopt the missionary position for a lot of their love making scenes. After all, it’s easier, more practical to film, and a lot of people do this too so it’s relatable, plus, the main characters get that magical moment when they can look into each other’s eyes in order to convey just how much they love each other. All that is well and good but sometimes a director comes in and wants to change things up, so they have the main couple in a movie doing all sorts of crazy positions.
In comes the gymnastics as the movie couple go through the pages of the Kama Sutra, and even make up a few moves of their own, each one more ridiculous and possibly genital-breaking moves that not many people could, or would want, to try. The reason we put this entry on our list is mainly for those younger adults out there that are finding their way into the world, they watch movie stars doing this crazy stuff and think that’s how to have great sex. Well, it’s not. Let’s be honest, even holding someone up against a wall or something is difficult enough, but not in movieland.
1. There Is No Such Thing As Bad Love Making
The number one entry on our list is the fact that there is no such thing as bad sex in Hollywood. Maybe in some comedies, sex can be the butt of a few jokes, but in mainstream Hollywood everyone is a sex god. No matter if it’s your first time or even how physically tired you are (after all, a lot of love making scenes come right after some kind of battle or huge physical act in which the hero has saved the woman). And yet everyone’s ready to go and everyone’s amazing at it.
In reality however, people are very different. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible, people do have off days, and some people just don’t know what they’re doing. These things never seem to penetrate Hollywood and everyone is always good at it, everyone always “finishes” together, and every time they have sex, it’s perfect.
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