Most times, if you feel miserable in a relationship, it’s usually because you and your boyfriend are growing apart for different reasons. Many girls attempt to “fix” the relationship, and this is due to two reasons. They don’t want to break up with their BF because then they’ll be alone and they don’t want their BF to leave because they are still in love with them. The problem is, a woman can’t fix the relationship on her own without the cooperation or knowledge of her boyfriend. A relationship is a two-way street, and the beau needs to be involved to make reconciliation possible. The best way to handle the situation is to come up with concrete reasons of why you are unhappy and then, in a calm manner, present them to your significant other. “Calm” is the keyword here. If he doesn’t know where all of this is coming from because of course you haven’t shared, he’ll bolt, leave, or get scared.
However, many women are afraid to confront their partner. The easiest thing to repair the relationship is through communication, and it is actually the hardest thing to do. If you could just talk through the problem, you wouldn’t be in a miserable state. Instead, you go out of the way to not talk to your BF and instead take the route of being passive aggressive. We all know the ways: jealousy, not giving him all the information and more. Not shockingly, these games don’t fix anything. Here are 15 things every girl does if she’s miserable with her boyfriend.
15. If She’s Miserable, She’ll Hold Out
Doing the deed is an integral part of a relationship. Remember when you first started dating and how it was so great? And then you fell in love and felt you had the life you’ve always wanted? A boyfriend whom you adore and who gives you what you want in the bedroom. But also in simple things, like him making dinner for you or surprising you with a gift when it’s not any special date. Then things take a turn. It may because your boyfriend keeps working late, or he enjoys lounging on the couch watching television rather than spending quality time with you. After feeling miserable, you might withhold sex from him. Instead of making him unhappy and confused, try talking it out.
14. If She’s Miserable, Her Efforts May Just Escalate Her Misery
If you’re miserable in a relationship, you won’t get anywhere bottling things up. In fact, if you do this, your pent-up anger may end up in a blow-out that will make your beau scared (or even question your sanity). Especially if he doesn’t know that you’re miserable, the argument will seem to have come from nowhere. So, find a way to tell your boyfriend how you feel. Don’t call him names. Couch potato, stupid, moron—all of these will trigger your boyfriend’s anger and cause him to emotionally break down. He will resent you or even leave you, and you will be stuck where you were: wallowing in misery.
13. If She’s Miserable, She May Find It Easier to Continue The Relationship
So you don’t know how to fix your relationship. Instead, you become hyper-critical of your boyfriend, nit-picking him for his small faults. You may engage in whoopie, but you are certainly not into it. You might not even be in the mood for it, after a while. That’s when the white lies come into play. “I have a headache” is a classic. The boyfriend may be clueless or be picking up the signs. If it’s the latter, he’ll do the same to you and criticize you too. At this point, you should be trying to fix the relationship instead of playing games, but you don’t. It’s sometimes easier being with someone whom you fell out of love with than being alone. This is what you do when you’re miserable. You stay. You fear being alone and you start to slump into loneliness.
12. If She’s Miserable, She Will Cut All Form of Communication With You
If you live apart and no longer feel good about the relationship, you may end up distancing yourself from him by blocking him out using today’s myriad forms of communication. You will not respond to his texts. You say you had a busy day. You don’t take his calls. You lie and say your job is your first priority, even if it actually is not. Emails aren’t returned. If they are, you are curt. You may even cut him out of social media. You can block him on Facebook without him ever realizing it. Remember, if someone blocks you and you don’t know, he’ll just think you don’t have time to post, or anything new to say. All of this underhandedness is obviously not good for the relationship, but this is one of the things every girl does to let you know she’s miserable with you.
11. If She’s Miserable, She May Hold On To The Way It Was
You dream rather than act. Many women will try to hold onto a relationship because they think it can’t get any worse than it is now. You see a light down the tunnel, and you dream that things will get better, that your partner will someday change. But wanting the change is not going to ever happen if your head is in the clouds. Clinging onto an imaginary state is debilitating and can only lead to foolishness on your part. As happy as your made up life can be, life isn’t a fantasy. In a relationship, there will be strife, difficulty and arguments. But when you’re miserable, some women can’t even begin to envision a breakup.
10. If She’s Miserable, She May Keep You Around As Plan B
Being afraid of ending a relationship is often hard for women. You don’t want to hurt your boyfriend or you don’t actually know how to get out of the affair. So instead, you start going out more in the hopes of meeting Mr. Right. Maybe you go to the gym a lot in hopes of finding someone. Or you get all dressed up and head to the hippest bar and wait for something to happen. Meanwhile, you haven’t broken up with your boyfriend. You keep him as Plan B. You keep him solely for the fact that having someone around is better than being alone. You may also cheat. You’ll end up treating your boyfriend badly, perhaps in retaliation to the way he treated you. This tactic is all wrong. You are hurting your boyfriend and pimping yourself out.
9. If She’s Miserable, She May Flirt
When a woman is miserable in her relationship she may go shopping. But more often than not, she’ll flirt. Flirting with other men allows her to get the attention that she may not be receiving with her BF. Importantly, the BF need to be around to make him jealous, to make him see he’s taking you for granted. So you’ll make him tag along to restaurants, parties, etc. Then she’ll flirt with, say, a waiter or some random guy while you’re at a bar. This is an unhealthy way to get over your misery. Even if you end up making up, you have to deal with your guilt, and let’s be honest, no one likes feeling guilty.
8. If She’s Miserable, She Will Look Elsewhere
If you’re unsatisfied with your boyfriend, many women find cheating on him is actually better—and easier—than being confrontational with him and telling him you are unhappy. But are you just cheating to get back at your boyfriend? Or are you cheating solely to fill your needs? Whatever you’re doing is wrong. You are committing adultery. So, instead of dreaming up reasons why your life would be better with this random person, maybe try and see if you could salvage your relationship before you throw it in the toilet. Even if you think he’s the problem, the fault lies with whoever cheats. There’s no way around that one.
7. If She’s Miserable, She May Remain Out of Guilt
Obviously, no one wants to hurt anyone’s feelings, even if someone is unhappy. This goes double for those who are past the honeymoon stage and have developed into a serious relationship. Misery loves company, so perhaps instead of breaking up with him, you stay out of guilt. You may be miserable with him now, but instead of bolting, you stay out of guilt. We get it, you fear yourself alone, and you fear how he will end up without you. Good news though: this isn’t a Victorian novel. You don’t have to stay if you are miserable. You’re also wasting your time. What you should be doing is ending the relationship altogether and putting yourself out there to look for a new BF.
6. If She’s Miserable, It May Be Emotional Withholding
If you’re miserable with your boyfriend, he may be in a stage of emotional withholding, which means he’s probably not into any communication right now, evidently making the connection between the two of you even weaker. No matter what you or your boyfriend did to get to this stage, if he’s withholding, this means he doesn’t actually want the relationship to end. So that’s good. The issue with getting too emotional with him is he might come out of that confrontation thinking worse of you. With that, the vicious circle continues. Do you want that kind of relationship? The only way you can tolerate him is by threatening to move out if he doesn’t change.
5. If She’s Miserable, It’s Because She Can’t Envision A Life Altogether Different From Her Own
You are miserable. Maybe you’ve been miserable for a long time. But you’ve fallen into a pattern. There is some comfort in staying because you’ve been in a bad relationship so long that you can’t remember what a contented life looks like. You can’t envision what’s good because you don’t remember the feeling. If you can only see the bad, you equate your relationship with those feelings. Tricking yourself is all too common. You’re used to your boyfriend. If he wasn’t around, you would be alone. You believe you’re cursed into a bad relationship, and in your mind, you have no choice but to endure it.
4. If She’s Miserable, She’ll Test Him
Say you’re in a relationship for longer than a year and it’s been good. It’s not great, but it’s better than nothing. What makes you miserable is that you don’t have the guts to ask him where this relationship is going. Instead, you do something duplicitous. You tell your partner that you’re pregnant even if you are not. Then you don’t say anything and just watch and wait. Look at the reaction on his face. If he’s surprised, that’s kind of hard to decipher. Is he surprised in a good way or in a bad way? If he hesitates, pulls away, leaves, doesn’t react, he probably doesn’t love you enough to stick around. Remember the misery and break up with him now. You are not getting closer to what you want.
3. If She’s Miserable, She May Be Forthright
Here’s what a girl will do if she’s miserable but sane. She works through her problems with her beau, which can be a very hard thing to do. But that’s the right step. And trust is, you will feel as if the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders once everything is out in the open. There may be heartache, there may be pain, but being truthful is the cornerstone of a good, healthy relationship. So just because you’re unhappy, doesn’t mean you should end the relationship. The talk is where it’s at, and combining your grievances and then working on them will surely make things right again.
2. If She’s Miserable, This Is Her Way of Telling Her Beau Why
So, you’re miserable. But do you know why? Before you blurt out to your boyfriend that the relationship isn’t working, make sure you know the reason first. Think of what you want to say and when the time comes to divulge, make sure to make fun of yourself, or use humor in any way you can so your BF doesn’t feel threatened. If you can’t explain it in concrete terms and using specific examples (“You seem distant from me when we have dinner with friends”), your BF won’t know where all this disconnect is coming from. Like humor, being calm also goes a long way; if you are using expletives, if you start to scream, you won’t get anywhere. And the last thing to remember is that you should always be mindful of how your boyfriend feels. He has feelings too!
1. If She’s Miserable, She May Try to Break Through His Stonewalling
We’re at it again. But this time he’s also miserable. He’ll put up a wall. But here’s the thing. Stonewalling is actually a sign that your boyfriend cares for you more than you realize. He’s not ending things or moving out. Your response SHOULD NOT BE to break down that wall and ask him to start explaining why there’s one in the first place. You have to respect his boundary because he’s telling you, in his own way, that he needs space. If you do enter his space, an argument will escalate and he may be cornered into saying things that he doesn’t like about the relationship that may be too soon for him to have revealed. Give him the space and he may come around. If he keeps stonewalling you and you’re just getting more miserable by the day, by all means break down that wall for good.
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