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15 Things Discovery Channel Execs Don’t Want Us To Know

Entertainment
15 Things Discovery Channel Execs Don’t Want Us To Know

Alright, so look. Everyone should know by now that the Discovery Channel has messed up a lot of things in past years. They spent a lot of time going the way of the History Channel and the National Geographic Channel, and a lot of stupid reality tv shows have popped up. Not to mention some really lame “documentaries” trying to tell us some pretty silly stuff.

With a new executive in charge of the Discovery Channel, I bet they want us all to forget some things. Like the Megalodon Shark Week special. And the Ghost hunting. And mermaids! They may also want us to forget about the time they helped prep people for the zombie apocalypse. And that’s before getting into the fact that Bear Grylls faked his way through a lot of his show.

Not to mention all of the criminal stuff that’s gone on with the network. Like the star of Sons of Guns getting arrested for some very naughty and disgusting stuff. Or the several shows that were caught up in fraud scandals…and let’s not get into the Alaskan Bush Family just yet. You have to scroll down to learn more about them and why the new Discovery Channel executives don’t want you to know them.

15. The Megalodon Is Extinct!

So, many of you may remember a terrifying Shark Week that came from the Discovery Channel a number of years ago. There was a shocking documentary about a prehistoric and gigantic shark that rivalled the size of the blue whale called the Megalodon. Now, it’s true at least that this gigantic shark did once exist. It was not near the size of a blue whale but it did exist. So at least that much is true in the documentary. But there’s a very big difference between digging up info on an extinct predator and telling people that it definitely still exists and that there have been sightings and attacks all over the world. That much is total bulsh*t. There was a lot of controversy when this documentary hit screens all over the world. Real scientists weren’t very happy. It was the beginning of the end for the Discovery Channel showing anything useful.

14. Bear Grylls Faked His Way Through His Show

This might piss off or disappoint a few of you. It turns out Bear Grylls is actually just full of sh*t. Don’t get me wrong. He does actually eat live scorpions. He does jump off cliffs and waterfalls managing to land safely. And his cameraman is just as daring with those sorts of stunts. But that’s all they are. They are stunts. Grylls doesn’t actually face off against the wild. He doesn’t feel the fatigue that a normal person in the wild would feel. Why? Because Grylls goes back to his hotel at the end of each night and enjoys some drinks and good food and is fully energized for the next day of shooting. So, if anyone ever watched that show to learn how to survive in dire situations…don’t pay attention to it. You’d be better off watching Les Stroud in Survivor Man. Even if he’s too busy chasing bigfoot now.

13. The Government Didn’t Burn The Bush Family Home

Big-daddy-bushman went off on a few anti-government rants in his time during the first season of The Alaskan Bush Family. He even went so far as to say that the family cabin was burned down by the government to try to drive them off the land. What’s interesting about that is, by season two, for some reason, poppa bushman had changed his mind about what exactly happened. Instead, it seems that the place caught fire by accident while he was out of the house. I wonder why he changed his tune on that one. It’s not the only lie this guy has ever told. Not by a long shot. But it’s pretty daring to call out the government that way when you’re already exploiting your family to make some money of the Discovery Channel.

12. Discovery Channel Pushes Bible Stories…

Ok, I have no idea how the hell this happened in this day and age. I don’t know if the former executive of the Discovery Channel was from the “Bible Belt” or something, but Amazing Facts is a ridiculous lobby trying to teach everyone about Jesus. And it found a new home on the Discovery Channel. I think enough people know about Jesus. There’s not much more to discover other than that it’s total bullsh*t. I mean come on. If God really existed and loved us, we wouldn’t have to put up with stupid “reality” tv on a channel that’s meant to talk about science and new discoveries. It makes no sense to start preaching on the Discovery Channel. It’s like those Sunday morning church shows. Those don’t belong on that kind of network. But money talks, right?

11. ‘Sons Of Guns’ Star Was Arrested For Naughty Business

This is something that a bunch of you might not have known about. First of all, I didn’t know there was a show on Discovery called Sons of Guns, so all of this was kind of new to me when I “discovered” it in my research. It turns out that the lead man of this ridiculous show was arrested and charged with assaulting a minor. Now, that’s definitely the kind of guy you don’t want to have anything to do with your network. That’s for damn sure. Especially since a lot of Discovery is meant to help parents teach their kids. You know, since tv has been the replacement parent for decades. All you need to know is that the guy forced himself upon two underage girls. And he’s now serving two consecutive life sentences plus an additional 40 years…just to make sure he’s there forever.

10. Remember When They Tried To Tell Us Mermaids Were Real?

I once had a girlfriend who loved watching ridiculous documentaries that were clearly faked. It got to the point where I had to start calling her Mulder because she really seemed to believe all of this garbage (except unlike X-Files, there actually aren’t mermaids in real life). Anyway, I remember when she sat me down to watch this documentary. It had “real, live footage” of a mermaid corpse…well, they thought it was a corpse but it apparently moved! Anyway, it was obviously found to be a fake. Made just for the “documentary”. There were also a few interesting computer-generated segments that featured mermaids swimming around, talking about how they function as a society and where they must be living. Some people believe this sh*t.

9. Discovery Prepped People For Zombies

Yeah…that’s right. The Discovery Channel actually had a show called Zombie Apocalypse. And this ridiculous show actually outlined ways to prepare for the inevitable zombie hordes. The program gave instructions on how to survive, work together, arm yourselves, feed yourselves, and so on. For some reason, the Discovery Channel thought it would be a good idea for people to learn about how to deal with zombies. I’m sorry, but I think that should be left to shows like The Walking Dead. Why? Because it’s a fictional show. Just like how zombies are fictional creatures. I shouldn’t fully say that. There is a process called zombification that involves certain drugs and procedures that basically turn people into very basic creatures that seem pretty empty-minded besides violence.

8. …They Hunted Bigfoot…

This should just be left to Les Stroud from Survivor Man now that he has gone buts and stopped really caring about anything to do with survival. The fact that the Discovery Channel was giving in to these nutty people who have no evidence for the existence of Bigfoot just goes to show that they didn’t care about the quality of their programs. They just cared about the views. And apparently, they thought that most people in America are just stupid and want to watch stupid “reality tv”. How ridiculous? It’s no wonder so many people began hating Discovery Channel. It lost sight of what it should be showing off. Real science! Real evidence! Actual discoveries! Thankfully, they’re getting slightly better. At least the new executives are trying to get rid of this sh*t.

7. All They Cared About Was Ratings

This cannot be a surprise to anyone at all. For sure! The Discovery Channel seemed to only function, for a long time, on what would get them ratings. If this article doesn’t prove that to you, then I have to tell you to go watch any of the shows from that channel over the last 10 years. From zombies to mermaids and from extinct shark sightings to hunting bigfoot, the Discovery Channel really only cared about ratings. I have to be honest when I say that I’m happy the new executive wants to change all that garbage around. But that doesn’t stop the fact that the new executive definitely does not want any of you to know about all of those old shows. That being said, the new executive still puts out some garbage “reality tv” like Garbage Rehab and other similar and stupid shows that have nothing to do with discovery!

6. The Alaskan Bush Family Doesn’t Live In Solitude

If you’ve ever watched The Alaskan Bush Family, then you’ll know that they love talking about how they live away from everyone else, in the middle of nowhere. The whole point of the story is to watch just how messed up this family is that stays away from society. The interesting thing about this is that one of their neighbors complained to the authorities about how the production of the show was disruptive. Neighbours! That’s right. They don’t live very far from a number of people. There’s a whole community around them. They are even a short walk from a local pizza joint. Now, that is definitely something that Discovery does not want anyone to know about. But…too late! They should be getting rid of all this reality tv anyway. All we discover is how full of sh*t they are.

5. Discovery Hunted Ghosts For A While

There was an interesting show that existed on the Discovery Channel that was all about stories of the paranormal. Do you want to know what there wasn’t anything of in that show? Discovery! Maybe that kind of sh*t could work well on the Space Channel. Maybe it would work well on the Stupid-Ghost-Hunters-Network. But come on. How could the Discovery Channel actually think that talking about ghost stories would be anything other than a money grab for higher ratings? It’s pretty awful when the only way for Discovery to get viewers is for them to produce shows about things that are complete bullsh*t. I always thought that the Discovery Channel was all about talking about science and new discoveries in the world. Not about bullsh*t that has been talked about with no discoveries for centuries.

4. Colin Drake Doesn’t Actually Exist!

Does anyone remember the Megalodon documentary? Do you recall the world-renowned marine biologist from the documentary named Colin Drake? He kind of looks like Nathan Drake’s brother. Well, it turns out that Colin Drake is just as fictional as Nathan Drake! Colin Drake is played by an actor named Darron Meyer. So, when the documentary doesn’t start with any exclaimer about the program being fictional, everyone is meant to believe that it is real. It mentions that some scenes will be dramatized, but what about the kids watching the show? Or the people coming in part way through the program? They’re just going to believe everything this fake biologist has to say. I bet that’s something that the Discovery Channel didn’t want you to know!

3. Rich Ross Calls Out The Old Execs

Rich Ross is one of the new bigwigs at the Discovery Channel. He has vowed to take away all of the garbage and bullsh*t from the network. And doesn’t that tell you something about how the channel had been running beforehand? It’s pretty sad when a new executive actually goes out in a press conference and basically rips apart the old executive, tells them they’ve all done a terrible job, have been pushing fictional documentaries all this time, and then tells everyone that he’s going to get rid of all of the old crap. But it’s even sadder when it turns out that Rich Ross hasn’t changed all that much about the channel. Sure, there aren’t as many stupid documentaries about stupid things that don’t exist. But that doesn’t change the fact that Discovery is littered with stupid “reality tv”.

2. The Anaconda Never Actually Ate A Human

If a bunch of you don’t remember the time that the Discovery Channel said they had a show coming up where someone was eaten alive by an anaconda, there is probably a good reason for it. They didn’t want anyone to remember one of the biggest f*ck-ups in the history of the Discovery Channel. First off, even just telling people that they sent someone out in protective gear to be eaten by an anaconda pissed off a lot of animal rights people. And secondly – and even worse for ratings – the snake never ate the guy anyway. Oh, it definitely attacked the guy. It clobbered him pretty good. But it did not try and consume him. And what exactly were we supposed to discover in that segment anyway; how stupid people are? We already know that.

1. A Bunch Of Their Shows Are Guilty Of Fraud

So, look, it’s pretty ridiculous to know already that there was a convicted child molester who worked for Discovery. This will look much less important than that, for sure. But did you know that there are a bunch of people and places a part of Discovery guilty of, arrested for, or under suspicion of fraud? There are a bunch of the stars from The Alaskan Bush People who have already pled guilty to fraud, which is hilarious since they have lied about everything else in their show as well. The star of American Guns was both indicted and arrested for fraud just last year. The entire garage of Highway To Sell, as of last year, has been under investigation for fraud. It’s incredible how so many of these garbage “reality tv” shows have so many crimes thrown at them.

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