Alright, so I'm sure everyone was very excited by season seven to some extent. Isn't it great that Littlefinger finally got what was coming to him? Isn't it nice that Arya and Sansa finally sort of get along now that almost everyone else in their family is dead? Isn't it nice that Sandor and Gregor Clegane finally see each other again?
How amazing is it that the Wall finally crumbles, that Viserion is a crazy zombie dragon, and that basically all of the main characters who still matter all happen to be in one scene together with an insane amount of tension!? I guess it's pretty exciting, but there is at least one thing with each of these pieces of exciting news that makes no sense whatsoever. And that's what we're here to talk about.
For all of the action and the incredible amount of witty banter that was season seven of Game of Thrones, there is a lot that makes absolutely no sense. And I'm not even talking about the weird jumps in time that make it seem like people can travel faster than a dragon flies. There are some glaring flaws in this season that I'm willing to bet George R. R. Martin will not f*ck up in the book.
15 Arya And Sansa Fighting...Sort Of
I bet that almost everyone reading this is very happy to know that Littlefinger is finally dead. And if you're not one of those people...then you are a horrible human being. He deserved to die right from the very beginning. If he wasn't trying to nail Catelyn Stark, he was trying to nail her sister, or make everyone kill each other so he could rule all. At the end of his arc, he tried to turn Sansa against Arya. And they played up this family feud for a while. What's interesting is that they played up this feud even when Baelish wasn't around. That makes no sense whatsoever. Sure, they've always fought with each other, but they still love each other. Once it is revealed that Littlefinger is at his own forced trial, you realize that the sisters were just faking the whole time...which I'm pretty sure everyone already knew. Or were at least confused about. So why waste that time?
14 What About That Dragonglass?
Does anyone remember Sam Tarly saying something about an amazing cache of dragonglass that could help turn the tide of the war against the dead? Everyone by the Wall now knows that dragonglass, Valyrian steel, and fire are the only weapons that really work against the undead. So, when they decide to follow Tyrion's dumb idea of marching into an undead army with their Magnificent Seven-style suicide mission to grab a wight, why wouldn't they wait until they've had some dragonglass weapons made up? Some arrowheads and blades? Jon Snow has Longclaw, and Thoros has his flaming sword. Ultimately those are the only two really effective weapons in the whole company. Considering how quickly a raven flew to Dragonstone from the Wall, surely weapons could be made and flown to them just as quickly. If we're already not going to worry about time.
13 What About Cersei's Own Undead Beast?
There are so many glaring issues with the White Walkers in not only this past season but the entire series. It would take a whole other article to get them all down. But that's not the point here. "Has anyone pointed out to Jon and Dany that Cersei technically has her own wight bodyguard? Like, maybe Jaime could have mentioned as much when he met with Tyrion about this very plan?" This is a huge f*ck up on the part of the writers. This is why it takes George R. R. Martin so many years to finish a book (and he still manages to mess up sometimes). How could Jaime actually forget or decide not to mention this very huge, undead issue? Besides the fact that Tyrion should know you can't really appeal to Cersei's rational side...because she doesn't have one.
12 Daenerys Gave Up Too Easily
Alright, so look, the Night King surprised everyone when he nailed Viserion with that epic ice javelin toss. The scene wasn't all that emotional though. Dany seemed to hardly care. She just watched one of her babies plunge into the icy water. And then Jon Snow starts yelling at her to fly away as he falls in too. And she doesn't care enough about either to seek revenge for them or try and save them. This is the same woman who put a whole group of people on pikes for enslaving and torturing others. And she's not going to get fiery (pun intended) about losing her baby!? That dragon fire can shoot a hell of a distance. And I guess the King's ice javelins are magical to some degree, but if Drogon just turned his head and shot a single blast, the Night King, and all of the White Walkers standing next to him would be f*cked for sure. But I guess Drogon was just too fat and lazy.
11 Dragging Viserion Out Of The Drink
If there's anything anyone learned from the second-to-last episode of the series, it's that wights can't swim. When Jon Snow gets tackled on the ice and goes through into the water, the wights sink to the bottom, and Snow swims up to safety. That makes enough sense I guess. Corpses not being able to swim. But there's something that really gets me. How the hell do they have the dexterity to get down to the dragon, swim around enough to get the chains on him, and then signal the "good to go" to the wights on the surface? Completely nonsensical. I suppose it makes sense it would take so many wights to drag Viserion out of there. But how they get to that point is just absurd. Never mind the need to do that to bring him back in the first place.
10 Time Jumping
Alright, so I might have mentioned that I wasn't going to mention anything about how time progresses in the show...but I just can't help it. I know it's a fictional world, and that there are dragons, and zombies and all that. I know. But how is it that Gendry can run so damn fast from the middle of nowhere to the Wall, then how can a raven fly halfway across Westeros to find Dany in time for her to fly all three of her dragons to Jon Snow just in time to save him? That kind of perfect timing is what happens when you don't have any good ideas to progress the story other than a just-the-right-time moment. There are only so many times you can get away with that so blatantly. And I think the writers on the show may have gone overboard.
9 Why Did The Night King Have To Touch Viserion To Bring Him Back?
We all know that the Night King can raise the dead. We got to watch it happen after the brutal slaughter at Hardhome. Jon Snow and company watched hopelessly from their boat as tons of people were hacked to bits. Then, the Night King walks to the end of the dock and raises his arms to bring them all to life in one go. That's pretty damn cool. But then it makes me wonder something. If he could do that, and we all know that...then why the hell did the wights have to drag Viserion out of the water so the Night King could touch him to life? Were they worried that zombie Viserion couldn't swim? Because neither can the other wights. So either way, once Viserion has plunged to the bottom, everything afterward is made nonsensical. Can wights swim, or no? Can the Night King just bring things back to life by raising his arms, or does he have to touch them? Make up your mind!
8 Gendry's War Hammer
This might not matter to too many people. Especially since this is a fantasy story, but look at the size of Gendry's hammer. And I actually mean hammer. It's huge! It's actually enormous. I don't know how many of you know about weapons outside of Dungeons and Dragons, but actual war hammers are not that big. Imagine trying to effectively wield a massive block of metal like that. Even someone like the Mountain (before becoming a zombie beast) would struggle after a while. So, imagine how someone like Gendry would feel after a couple of swings. Everyone is so used to seeing Thor swing his hammer around that they forget he's the only one who can use the damn thing...because he's a god! Gendry is a Baratheon. Not a god. And speaking of Baratheons, Robert also had a gigantic hammer that he certainly would not have been able to use in all of those battles he bragged about back when.
7 Viserion, Tear Down That Wall!
Yeah, ok. It's cool that Viserion has become a zombie dragon, I guess. And I guess it's cool that he now shoots blue flame. But there's something that's just incredibly lame and disappointing about Viserion having the power to take down the Wall. First of all, the Wall is 700 feet tall. And it is so bloody thick too. How in the hell does one dragon blast a hole in it, make it crumble, and let the White Walkers through? It makes absolutely no sense! Especially because the whole thing about the Wall, besides the fact that it is huge, is that it is magical. And what is so magical about the Wall? The fact that the undead can't bloody well get past it. If White Walkers and their other risen creatures can't bring it down, how is it that Viserion can? Did Bran the Builder ward it against all zombies except for zombie dragons?
6 Why Does Tyrion Keep Messing Up?
There are a few examples in season seven of characters who completely abandon any character work that had been built up over six seasons, and lose all momentum that they could possibly have had. The biggest example of this is probably Tyrion Lannister. In every season leading up to now, Tyrion has been the smartest character in the entire show. He knows how to manipulate people, and knows how to help people. He is cunning, calm, works well under pressure, and always comes out on top eventually. He might still end up on the winning side in the end, but this season he has done nothing but f*ck things up. All of his plans have been ridiculous. Like sending people to capture a wight to take to Cersei. And speaking of his sister, how is it that she is suddenly more clever and cunning than her genius brother?
5 What Is Up With Jaime?
"[Jaime] killed the Mad King Aerys because he threatened to kill innocent people with wildfire. In other words, Jaime sacrificed his honor as a knight to save innocent people. But he keeps fighting and killing for his sister, Cersei. In "The Spoils of War," Jaime charges at Daenerys because the fire reminds him of the Mad King, her father. Yet Cersei sets the Sept of Baelor on fire, which causes their only living child to commit suicide, and he's off fighting a war for her. At this point, Jaime's choices aren't adding up to the person we've gotten to know. Sure, he does finally walk away from Cersei in the final episode of the season, but his character is going to need a lot of work to make up for the inconsistencies of the past...too many seasons.
4 Thoros Of Myr Froze To Death? Not From Being Attacked By A Giant Undead Bear?
Look, I'm not about to argue that the death of Thoros made no sense. It certainly made sense to the writers. They had to kill someone that the crowd liked, but not someone important enough to make much of a difference. The only thing Thoros' death means is that Berric may not have another life after he loses the next one. But how the hell is it that Thoros manages to freeze to death? He doesn't die of his wounds. He is said to have frozen to death. Because the time constructs of the show are so f*cked up, there's no way to tell how long the guys were out there, but would not any of the others meet a similar fate? Or is that only reserved for people who are partially injured? He was mauled by a zombie bear. At least be good enough to the character to have him die from bleeding out thanks to gigantic teeth or claw marks.
3 Stop Teasing Us With All These Deaths We Know Won't Happen!
The number of times that Game of Thrones has teased main character deaths in season seven is just silly. It's all over the place! At least in season six, when Arya got stabbed, we cared and worried that she might die (and while I'm glad she didn't, those wounds would definitely have killed her for sure). In season seven, the people they tease the most you know are not going to die. Viserion is probably the craziest of any significant death, and he's brought back to life anyway. And there seems to be water around to save each person who almost dies too. The two notable ones being Jaime Lannister and Jon 'Aegon Targaryen' Snow. Jaime just about gets cooked but is shoved into water and saved. Jon is overcome by wights, but they all fall through the ice and Jon swims to safety. We know they can't die right now. Stop pretending we'll believe they could.
2 What Happened To Suspense?
If there was one thing that was really lacking in the seventh season of the show, it was suspense. There were certain things like the Wall coming down and Clegane-bowl that everyone was very excited for. But only one of those ended up happening anyway. And what's more? Everyone knew it was going to happen. And while it's completely lame, everyone knew it would be because of a dragon. And everyone also knew that no really significant characters could die before the end of this season. Why? Because they need to be able to carry the story of the final season in a year or two. Littlefinger was expected. Thoros was sad, but not important. This season was like watching an episode of Survivor, but knowing that no one was going home that week.
1 Remind You Of Something?
There's something very odd about the way Game of Thrones has been shown the past little while. It reminds me of another show from another production house. It's an AMC show in fact. It has to do with barriers being constantly broken by an army of the undead. And what is it called? The Walking Dead, of course. "[In The Walking Dead, plot and logic have always taken a backseat to pure zombie-killing action. I don’t expect more than blood and guts from TWD, but I do expect more from Game of Thrones, which in years past has been one of TV’s finest dramas, with or without dragons. In season seven, it’s just another action show… and that’s a Hodor-sized disappointment." Now, that is one hell of an insult. Just a testament to how poorly done this season was.