Everybody would love to be an actor. Essentially, you get to earn big money to play make believe, and the options are limitless. You could run around in camouflage, shoot bazookas and be a military badass. You could wear a spandex unitard, fight evil psychopaths in midair, and be a superhero. You could wear a three-thousand-dollar Armani suit, smoke cigars, surround yourself with beautiful women, and be a mafia kingpin. Or you could simply chill, eat and drink whatever you wanted, and be a total slob. Sounds like fun, right?
What inspired this article was a recent image of a beloved actor that had gone viral. Ewan McGregor, who we all know well as the young Obi Wan, and a slew of other characters, looks like total crap for his latest role. You can hardly even recognize him. He plays a criminal in the latest episodes of the FX series Fargo, due out in April. The dude looks like a complete creep. His skin is pasty, his hairline has receded, there’s a mullet in the back, and a big juicy mustache in the front. He looks like the kind of guy that belongs in the seediest of bars (like Frank in Shameless, the degenerate drunk dad, played ingeniously by William H Macy).
But, alas, these are television examples, and we’re gonna focus on films only here. Movies are the first and the best, the top tier that sets the standard for TV. Movies have even sloppier slobs, some with major weight gains and the health scares that come with it. We love all slobs. We can relate to their laziness, their appetite and their surly attitude. Here are the stars that transformed themselves into the greatest slobs ever.
15. Brad Pitt
Let’s take it all the way back to 1993, when one of Quentin Tarantino’s first scripts gets optioned for a movie. Similar in a way to Natural Born Killers, another Tarantino masterpiece, True Romance was about a couple on the run. Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette steal some drugs and then the mafia is hot on their trail. As an odd take on comic relief, there is a complete and utter stoner slob who pops in now and then, and that character is accurately portrayed by Brad Pitt. Pitt is so high he never gets up off the couch. The dude is constantly in a fog of smoke and Fritos, and doesn’t look like he has bathed in weeks. This must have been the easiest acting gig ever. It’s known that Pitt liked the herb anyway, he didn’t have many lines, and he got to steal every scene he’s in. Plus he got paid to do this? Did they supply the pot as well? How easy can it get?
14. Jared Leto
Jared Leto played the most infamous real-life slob/psychopath in the history of music, Mark David Chapman, who murdered John Lennon in 1980. Leto attacked the role in Chapter 27 with full commitment, and gained a ton of weight, nearly 70 pounds. Leto said that the weight gain was awful, and that his doctor wanted to prescribe him Lipitor, since his cholesterol had reached dangerous levels. Once the role was over, Leto lost 20 pounds in 10 days, but said it took him about a year to feel normal, and he vowed to never again gain weight for a role. Leto did lose weight however, shedding 40 pounds to play Rayon in Dallas Buyers Club, a role that would earn him an Oscar.
13. Jeff Bridges
How can you have a list about slobs and not include the biggest, coolest slob of the 90s, The Dude, in The Big Lebowski. Jeff Bridges should have won an Oscar for this role, as it is legendary. He’s just ‘the dude’, man. The guy is sipping on White Russians and bowling until suddenly he gets wrapped up in a mistaken identity plot, with another Lebowski, who happens to be a millionaire. Then he gets his rug peed on, and it’s a rug that totally tied the room together. Once his bowling buddies become involved, played by John Goodman and Steve Buschemi, the movie gets better and better. It’s surely the finest Coen Brothers project alongside Raising Arizona. The dude is the master of lazy, who we all wish we could be sometimes.
12. Charlize Theron
Charlize is as pretty as can be, but she turned into a complete slob for her role in Monster. She looks angry and awful, largely due to hair and makeup, but she gain many pounds for the role as well. She looks like such a slob that it won her an Oscar. When asked what inspired her to do transform like she did, Theron said, she was just trying to imagine what a life of being homeless for 14 years would do to a person. Theron was a slob in this role, and she seems to transform every time. Whether she plays a beautiful queen for Snow White and the Huntsman, or a dystopian army leader in Mad Max: Fury Road, Theron always seems to inhabit the characters with full commitment.
11. Joaquin Phoenix
What in the world was Joaquin thinking? The documentary of the actor’s downfall, and attempt at being a rapper (which was later revealed to be a huge hoax… obviously), was one of the worst decisions of Phoenix’s career. The director of the film, Casey Affleck, said Phoenix’s role was the performance of a lifetime, but Phoenix was pretty-much just being a jerk, and a giant unshaven slob. Has anyone been able to sit through this entire film? Phoenix plays the slob too well, and most viewers are annoyed to the point of giving up. Phoenix crossed a line on this one, even disrespecting industry legends like David Letterman, and making a joke out of the entire hip-hop music scene. The actor is good enough that he has somehow managed to recover from this horrific project.
10. John Travolta
Unless you’re a Grease fan, which you probably are not, Travolta’s greatest role is without doubt Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction. The loveable gangster is a dufus, a clutz, and a total slob. I’m not sure what Quentin Tarantino was thinking when he casted Travolta, who was in the biggest lull of his career at the time. Whatever it was, the decision worked, and the role shot Travolta back into the spotlight. Vega is a hilarious slob. His most detailed dialog is about cheeseburgers. He dances like a goofball, accidentally blows a dude’s head off, and doesn’t know how to wash his hands. He ends up dying because he left his machine gun on the kitchen counter when he went to use the bathroom. Yet he’s a bad guy? He’s one of the most well- rounded characters in cinematic history.
9. Matt Damon
Matt Damon just did an awful movie called The Great Wall. What was he doing in that film? It was an action packed, CGI monstrosity that any old actor could have played in, not a relatively well respected actor like Damon. It was the first film of his in a while that got totally panned by fans and critics alike, perhaps his worst since Stuck on You, when he played half of Greg Kinnear’s siamese twin. Damon was personally a bit of a slob in choosing to do those films, but as far as character roles go, his biggest slob was Mark Whitacre in The Informant. Damon gained quite a few pounds for this loosely nonfiction role, and he also grew out an awful mustache. Whitacre was a slob in every sense of the word, and also an idiot, who tries to team up with the government to take down one of the biggest corporations in agriculture, ADM.
8. Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie played the hot seductress in Wolf on Wall Street, and as soon as there were money problems she turned into a complete witch, which is kind of a slob thing to do. But what is even more of a slob is Margot’s latest role of Tonya Harding in I, Tonya. For those of you who don’t know who Tonya Harding is, she is one of the worst athletes in Olympic history. Sure there are a lot of jerks who try to cheat and take performance enhancing drugs, but old Tonya beat that by a long shot. Harding was a figure skater, and she was totally being outperformed by her teammate, and much prettier rival, Nancy Kerrigan. Then the slob of slobs, Tonya, gets her ex to bash Kerrigan in the leg, which scared the hell out of the poor woman, and nearly ended her career. Somehow Tonya never really got busted for the evil deed, but everybody knew she was in on it.
7. Leonardo DiCaprio
There are a couple of real slobs that the once pretty-boy DiCaprio has played lately. The first one that comes to mind is his latest role of Hugh Glass in The Revenant. The guy is a fur trader on the wild frontier, which is way too difficult for any real slob to pull off, but the fact is, the dude just looks awful. He hasn’t shaved in a really long time, and he’s always got some kind of gross fluid flying out of his mouth. Then when he finally gets back to the camp, he still doesn’t clean himself up. Come on man, that’s just gross. Another gross slob of a man is Calvin Candi in Django Unchained. That dude is an awful person and ugly as hell, which also makes him a slob. Leonardo himself has been accused of being a slob in real life too. Hanging out on yachts all day, not shaving, and not working out. Come on dude, get your act together.
6. Christian Bale
Christian Bale is pretty much one of the most insane actors on the planet. Can we agree on this? I mean, the guy is always going way overboard, whether it’s losing weight or gaining weight for a film. Dude meets weight like a high school wrestler. There’s only one other actor in Hollywood that competes with Bale’s level of commitment, and that’s another Oscar winning maniac, Daniel Day Lewis. For this article, however, let’s focus on Bale’s biggest slob, Irving Rosenfeld, in American Hustle. If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s worth checking out, as there are a lot of hilarious scenes. Jennifer Lawrence yells at her new microwave, which she calls a “science oven.” And Bradley Cooper laughs in Louis CK’s face so hard you’ll be laughing too. But another great scene is in the very beginning when Bale fiddles with his wickedly complex comb-over, until he gets it just right.
5. Renee Zellweger
Prior to her mysterious did-she or didn’t-she controversy over her alleged plastic surgery, Zellweger was one of the hottest blondes in Hollywood. She started out in teen ensemble flicks like Dazed and Confused, Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Empire Records. Then she transitioned into lead roles in Jerry Maguire and Me, Myself and Irene, all the while getting hotter with each passing film. Then she delivered one of the finest performances of her career, and starred as the loveable slob in Bridget Jones’s Diary. I must admit, for a total chick-flick, rom-com, this one makes me laugh. Renee is brilliant in the lead role, who goes bumbling about her life trying to find mister right. Renee gained a lot of weight for the role, but she looks better than ever. There’s a hilarious scene when she goes to a party dressed as a Playboy Bunny. She thought it was a costume party and had read the invitation totally wrong.
4. Mike Myers
So we have seen a lot of these actors who have gained actual weight. They quit exercise, and ate what they wanted. Ryan Gosling even sucked down melted pints of Haagen Dazs to play a part in The Lovely Bones, but when the director saw Chubby Ryan, he fired him and hired Mark Wahlberg instead. But enough about the weight game. We should also include a special effects slob. And there is no better example than Mike Myers as Fat Bastard in the Austin Powers series. Fat Bastard is so gross, talking about “put the baby in my belly.” He actually wants to eat mini me, Verne Troyer? That’s despicable– an overeating slob gone over the edge. Then he’s even grosser later, when he loses the weight and has all that leftover skin. This style of comedy didn’t really age well, did it? A much better message, as far as lessons of acceptance from the fake-obese go, can be found in Fat Gwyneth from Shallow Hal, or Fat Eddie from The Nutty Professor. These two are not slobs, they are perfect angels.
3. Johnny Depp
One of Johnny Depp’s greatest roles as a slob, his most renown role to date, Captain Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack is a slime-ball to the core, and although he may not be fat or lazy, dude is definitely a slob. Look at his teeth for crying out loud, they’re gross. And he likes to drink way too much rum. He also treats women like crap and gets slapped a few times in Curse of the Black Pearl. And that accent. He basically imitated Keith Richards on a bad day, which about as slobby as it gets. The problem with Johnny is he brings the slob habits home with him and starts slurring and using his accent in real life. And for each film he gets more and more into the costume aspect, and less into the acting. For Black Mass and Yoga Hosers, he was a nearly unrecognizable, and unconvincing.
2. Robert De Niro
We’re hopping back into the way-back machine for this one. The year was 1980, and Martin Scorsese directed a film called Raging Bull. He shot it in black and white, which was a bit over-the-top, but the film overall is a masterpiece. Robert De Niro won an Oscar for playing the part of gritty boxer, Jake La Motta. For months De Niro trained alongside co-star Joe Pesci, and the two became lifelong friends. De Niro chiseled himself into a boxing machine, and was so good that some pros even admitted that he could have fought for real. Then filming took a break, and De Niro gained 60 pounds. Scorsese feared for his friend’s health, but the show must go on. La Motta had now stopped boxing and was in every way, a slimy, misogynistic, douchebag slob. One of the best performances ever, and worst fake noses.
1. Curtis Armstrong
I know what you’re thinking… Who in the hell is Curtis Armstrong? You see that name in print and have zero clue whatsoever. But just look at the image and you know him. A constant supporting actor on film and TV, but above all, he’s Booger, the defining slob of cinema. He makes Lebowski’s The Dude look like an amateur. Every line Booger has in Revenge of the Nerds is legendary. When mister cool dude, Stan, asks, “What are you looking at, nerd?” Booger, wearing a ‘give me head till I’m dead’ t-shirt, hits his cigarette and nonchalantly replies: “I thought I was looking at my mother’s old douchebag, but that’s in Ohio.” Wow. He instantly coined the insult douchebag and made nerds cool all in one sentence. Another college comedy legend who deserves mentioning here is John Belushi from Animal House. That guy was a major slob too, but not quite as eloquent as good old Boogs.
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