Relationships are awesome, but they can also be crazy complex and hard to deal with. And why wouldn’t they be? I mean, merging your life with another person’s should be complex and hard to deal with. And on some level, everyone in a relationship always wants to be putting their best foot forward and keeping a bit of themselves private, which is a totally normal and healthy way to feel. But sometimes playing certain things close to the vest can create more problems than it solves, and sometimes sharing things that you might feel awkward or afraid of sharing with someone else can actually make your relationship easier and make both of you feel closer to each other. So, what are the secrets that all boyfriends keep from their girlfriends that they really shouldn’t?
15. They’re A Lot More Sensitive Than They Like To Let On
Most guys have a really strong idea of what masculinity means to them in their own minds, and from the time that they’re little kids, they’re all taught that showing their emotions is “unmanly.” That’s a real crappy thing to teach them for a lot of reasons, and one of the big ones is that they’re just left with a whole lot of internal feelings that they know they’re not supposed to ever make external. But as kids, girls learn almost the opposite life lessons; that it’s okay to be upset and express yourself and that it is in fact a “girly” reaction to have to things. So while a lot of women might assume that their man is completely dead inside or feel frustrated at his lack of sharing, he actually has just as much of an inner emotional life as you do. But dudes, do not keep this a secret from your girls! If there is one thing women know how to deal with, it’s emotions, and there’s no one better to show you how to deal with yours.
14. Sometimes They’re Just Not In The Mood
Men have a reputation for thinking about getting it on 24/7/365, but that is just not a reflection of reality. I mean, sure, if the option is available, most guys would be ready to go whenever, but men are human beings, not robots. It should be expected that any guy will at some point be too tired, too sad, too angry, or just not particularly up for whoever and whatever is thrown at him, and that’s more than okay. It’s also something that women will totally understand if you actually explain it to them, so if you ever find yourselves in a pickle like this, just fess up. Because of the stereotypes, most women don’t expect to be turned down, so if you aren’t feeling it and she doesn’t know why, she’ll likely assume that she’s the problem. An open dialogue will avoid that problem, and if she reacts badly to your honesty, then at least you’ll know she’s a jerk and not worth your time.
13. They Fantasize About What They’re Not Getting
The old adage “the grass is always greener on the other side” is really a true one. Everyone feels that way about everything in their lives at some point, just because it’s human nature to want to explore and have different experiences and just enjoy life. On some level, everyone really understands that, but it’s also normal to feel a bit of a sting if anyone ever sees you as the “less green grass.” So if you ever want to share your fantasies with your girlfriend, it’s okay, so long as you let her know that you don’t expect that to be reality. On some level, she already knows that there are things you wish you could have and don’t, but if you let her know that you understand that the reality of her is spectacular and awesome, she’ll understand that you’re just having the same flights of fancy she does, and that it really doesn’t mean anything about her and your relationship as a whole.
12. Whatever Vice They’re Admitting To Their Girlfriends, They’re Actually Doing More Of It
It’s actually awesome when a boyfriend feels comfortable enough to share any of his dirty little secrets with his girlfriend, and unless whatever you’re doing is really, insanely disgusting or illegal, most girls see it for what it is and appreciate their guy feeling open in their relationship. However, one quirk of this secret spilling almost always tends to be that the man in this scenario almost always underplays how big of a deal this particular vice is to him. Which, like… dude, they already know what you’re doing. If you tell a girl something personal and she doesn’t care, then she almost certainly won’t care if you’re actually doing more of that than she thinks you are, so why keep up the facade? Plus, this is something that can really go both ways. If you’re willing to speak the God’s honest truth about what you’re doing, then she’s a lot more likely to feel willing to do that too.
11. They Have Unrealistic Standards
Every man on earth has his idea of a fantasy woman, and unfortunately, because of mainstream media, there are a pretty big portion of men who think that this fantasy is attainable. Sorry to be a downer, but it’s not. Women are like people, and like people, you just have to take the bad with the good with them. If you’re looking for a Stepford wife, you’ll probably spend your whole life looking. But if your girlfriend is somehow not meeting your hopes or expectations, why not share them? Of course, don’t be a jerk and don’t say anything that can’t be changed, but if you like pink lipstick on her more than red, or are super annoyed when she sings along to the radio, then you should feel free to bring it up (nicely). Everyone has quirks that annoy them or certain things that they really like, so if you want to share yours and let her share hers with you, then it could be much smoother sailing for the whole relationship.
10. They Might Still Be Hung Up On An Ex
When it comes to relationships, women do a lot of the emotional heavy lifting. And having that kind of outlet and complex emotional relationship can be a really new experience for a guy, so it’s no surprise that it might leave a strong impression. But something that’s important to ask for everyone in a new relationship where one partner seems to be preoccupied with their previous partner: Is it that this person is remembering an experience they cared about fondly, or are they trying to use their new partner as a replacement for the old one? Because women are so encouraged to have emotional bonds with people, they understand that sometimes you can have a relationship that you still care about or feel sad over even if you don’t want it to continue, so if that’s the case, then you should say that. But if you’re still obsessing over your last girlfriend and waiting for the right moment to get her back, then you should say that too. It will hurt, but no one ever deserves to be treated as a stand-in for someone else.
9. Sometimes They Don’t Know How To Talk To You
Guys are really not taught how to express their feelings well through words, at least nothing even close to what most girls learn to do from the time that they’re really young. So there are a lot of times that a boyfriend might actually really want to talk to his girlfriend, but literally just doesn’t quite know how to express what they’re thinking or feeling inside. And learning how to do that takes work, but most women learned how to do it so early that they forgot that it’s not actually something that comes naturally, so there can be some unfortunate miscommunication when a guy wants to say something but doesn’t know how and a girl assumes that he knows what to say but he won’t. If you have any feelings that you don’t quite know how to express, just say that. Your girlfriend would rather know that you’re trying, and most of the time, sharing is more about connecting than knowing exactly what you’re thinking every minute of the day.
8. And Sometimes They Just Don’t Want To Talk
Again, guys are really not taught how to use words to express their feelings, so that usually means that as they grow up, they learn different ways to deal with how they’re feeling instead. Women like to talk and share things because that is a comfortable mode of communication for them, so it can be frustrating to deal with someone who deals with things differently. Just make sure your girlfriend knows that’s what it is, and that you’re just dealing with it in a different way. Most girls want to be helpful for the guys they care about, so if she sees you going off to play video games for five hours in silence, she might think that you’re trying to avoid the problem instead of just dealing with it by venting in a way that’s unfamiliar to her. If she knows that it’s just about your personality and personal preferences and not about her, it should be fine.
7. They’re More Insecure About Their Appearance Than You Think
Of course, everybody in the world wants to feel hot. Being attractive certainly isn’t the most important thing about anybody, but it’s a nice ego boost when someone likes the way you look and it can be a hit to your ego if someone doesn’t. And sorry dudes, but women will pretty much always have you beat when it comes to the pressure to be pretty. That doesn’t mean that guys aren’t dealing with their own insecurities, though. I mean, it would be great to just be able to throw on some clothes and be out the door in five minutes and have the world not judge me for it, but on the flip side, the world also expects men to fulfill their appearance standards without any effort. While being vain is discouraged for boys, good lord, if you’re ever feeling bummed about your appearance, then tell your girlfriend! If anyone in your life will understand how you’re feeling, it’s her, and sometimes it can be comforting to realize that your man worries about these things too.
6. They Cry
There are some pretty specific emotional stereotypes that are placed on both sides of the gender coin, and crying is definitely one of them. People think that girls cry when they’re upset, and boys hit stuff when they’re upset. And it’s a real shame, because crying can be awesome when necessary, and people should cry when they’re sad. Anyone who is judgmental over someone else’s waterworks is probably too emotionally repressed themselves, and it’s ridiculous to think that men should be embarrassed by having a normal human reaction to something. But your girlfriend will understand this, and if she doesn’t, then she’s a jerk. Girls like feeling like they are emotionally connected with their boyfriends, and knowing that a guy is comfortable enough to cry in front of you actually feels really good. And honestly, there are certain situations where most women would be creeped out if you didn’t cry. Like, if your dog just died or you broke your elbow, they don’t think you’re tough for holding back the tears; they think you might be a sociopath or something.
5. Sometimes They Like When You Force Some Girly Stuff On Them
Masculinity is kind of a weird thing, because in a lot of ways, it’s something that guys perform just for the sake of the guys around them. And because of this weird social standard, a lot of men would feel a bit uncomfortable admitting that they enjoy things that are perceived to be “unmanly” even if they actually do like it, and unfortunately, a lot of that can be applied to traditionally “girly” things. So if you’re dragging your boyfriend to the mall or forcing your new Amazonian mud mask on him, his protests might not be as legit as you think. I mean, come on, it’s impossible that every single man on the planet doesn’t enjoy doing anything associated with femininity. But if you were ever going to share these secrets with anyone, share them with your girlfriend. She doesn’t have even half the weird manliness expectations for you that the guys you know do, and if you already know she likes something, then why in the world would she judge you for liking it too?
4. They Love To Slob Out When You’re Not Around
Really, everyone does this in some way or another. Regardless of who you live with or how much you love them, everyone has that immediate sense of freedom when they’re fully alone. It just makes you want to do silly things just for the sake of doing them, and just because there’s no one around to think you’re weird or tell you not to do it. And, while neatness varies between both men and women, most guys try to put on a slightly nicer, cleaner, and more polite face for the girls they care about. Which is a really nice thought that women definitely appreciate! But honestly, we know what’s going on when we’re not around. And it’s okay. We love doing weird stuff by ourselves, too. So if you’re ever feeling a bit shy about cutting loose, or if your girlfriend catches you doing something unusual when you’re not expecting her to see it, you really shouldn’t worry about it. Unless it’s something really creepy or really weird, it’s just something funny that we can relate to, and makes us feel less scared about you catching us doing our weird things when we are alone.
3. They Might Be Jealous Of The Other Dudes In Your Life
Being competitive is a totally normal part of life, and everyone kind of wants to feel like they’re getting the best out of something. And if you choose to be in a relationship with someone, that’s kinda like you’ve chosen them as your best choice; for them you’re the number one pick. So, it’s not that much of a surprise when people feel threatened by even just the notion that someone else might be able to snag the gold medal. Both men and women feel this way, but women have a lot more training on how to read social situations and how to deal with things that might annoy them. Sometimes when a guy sees another guy enjoying quality time with his girlfriend, he gets annoyed and worries that she might be into him. But if you’re ever in a situation like this, just admit that it upsets you! No one who cares about you wants to do something that hurts your feelings, and women have a lot more social training than guys do, so a situation that might look totally one way to you will look another way to her, so it’s most likely completely unintentional.
2. They Don’t Have A Lot Of Emotional Support
Men don’t have a lot of emotional support, because the world puts a lot of pressure on them to not be emotional, period. And it’s a totally unfair system that screws over both men and women. Of course every woman likes the idea of having a strong man to lean on in hard times, but most women would also love to fulfill that role for you, too. The trouble is, if you don’t actually tell us that you need or want help, we can’t really give it to you. When it comes to emotional support, women usually have a whole lot of backup; they can rely on their boyfriends, friends, and family. A lot of men don’t have that or wouldn’t feel comfortable asking for it with anyone else, so it’s easy for us to forget that you might be in need of some help that you’re really not getting.
1. They’ll Do What They Need To For A Relationship If They Really Care About It
When it comes to relationship maintenance, ladies often take on a disproportionate amount of the workload. Sometimes that’s a situation that works fine for a couple, but sometimes it’s not. Women have a lot of experience being the “feelings managers” in their lives, but it is also a lot of emotional labor to do by yourself and a lot of guys are completely blind to it. But if a guy is really invested in you as a person and you tell him that you need him to help you or change in some way, he’ll do what you ask, especially if he thinks he might lose you if he doesn’t. And the flip side of that is also true. Sometimes people just stay in a relationship because they can’t bother themselves to get out of it, or because they don’t know how to get out of it. So if you give someone an ultimatum and they don’t do what you need, then they’re already telling you what you need to know and the relationship is over. But dudes, if you’re in a relationship you want out of or don’t care about, just come out with it anyway. Stringing someone along sucks, and it’s best to just rip off the band aid.
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