When we were kids, the world was much different than it is today. We were different. Parents were not as careful or as paranoid about what their kids got into as they are now. Everything was different. This is not a bad thing, but it is a reality. The massive change might be the most visible in films and television. While censorship is probably getting a bit more lax for adult television and films, it’s much more strict for children. Stuff that was allowed in movies for kids (or movies that kids watched) would never fly today. In some cases, things that were meant for kids only a couple decades ago may even be questionable for adults today. So, we decided to look at this change. Many of us have had the jarring experience of sharing movies from our childhood with our own kids. Learn from us. This is usually a mistake.
What we’ve done is go through the movies that kids loved and watched years ago. We selected some of the craziest scenes from those films, scenes that would send the parents of today into a frenzy looking for a way to stop the movie before their kids catch on to what they’re seeing. These scenes are the cringe-worthy, the racist, the bigoted, and the racy. Really, when you look at all of these scenes, it’s a real wonder we didn’t turn out worse than we did. We don’t want to shame these films or revise our love for many of these movies. We’re simply giving the parents out there some fair warning. You may not want to show these films to your kids. They didn’t have the same conditioning as we had. Here are 15 Scenes From Kids’ Movies That Make Adults Extremely Uncomfortable.
15. The Brave Little Toaster
The Brave Little Toaster has a few scenes that would be troubling for the kids of today. First of all, the clown, the air conditioning, and the blender scenes are pure nightmare fuel. But we’re mostly interested in the crazy computer scene. In this scene, a computer in Rob’s house is infiltrated. The computer is intrigued at first, but then things get awkward. This is when the computer announces that whatever the infiltrator is doing feels good. He then says, “my memory banks are being stroked and by an expert.” Then, it starts to get kind of gross. He says, “I feel something happening inside of me and I can’t keep it to myself any longer.” We hear the tone of his voice and we see the s*xual excitement on his face. We just hope our kids don’t. This is where he starts printing, climaxing in the weirdest way possible. Too far, Brave Little Toaster. Too far.
14. The Little Rascals
When we were kids, The Little Rascals was the most harmless movie around. But times definitely have changed. While the s*xualized little girls in the film aren’t as big of an issue as the old Shirley Temple movies, the implications are still there. But there are other issues that are more glaring. There’s Donald Trump‘s horrible acting. There’s the scene where Spanky dresses up as a girl and attracts the bullies. When they discover him to be a man, they chase him and call him a freak. That type of behavior was rampant in ’90s films though, so we’ll let it slide. Perhaps the most awkward of all is the kiss between Darla and Alfalfa. It’s sweet but it’s also a bit naughty. After smoothing down Alfalfa’s alfalfa, Darla kisses the young boy. Directly after, his hair springs up visibly and audibly, and he makes an embarrassed face. Awkward glance at your kid.
13. The Bad New Bears
When The Bad News Bears came out, kids were allowed to say whatever they wanted in films. Well, they weren’t allowed to swear, but they could be as racist as they wanted. You got that little kid, Tanner, using every racial epithet in the book. You have Jackie Earle Haley’s character saying that baseball is for “fa**ots and old farts.” Then, there’s the scene that has the team van pull over to pick up an attractive hitchhiker. When she recoils in fear from the drooling kids and runs away, the van follows her. This attempted kidnap was pretty acceptable in 1976.
12. Problem Child 2
Problem Child 2 is just not a good movie, but in case you ever decided to watch it with your kids, prepare to cringe a little during a lemonade scene. Now listen, we expect to be grossed out in adult comedies. That’s fine. We don’t hate that type of humor at all. But, in a kids’ movie, we don’t expect to see a child pee in a lemonade pitcher. We don’t want to see a grown man drink that child’s pee at the lemonade stand and then exhale with enjoyment either. We especially didn’t expect to hear him say “tangy” with a smile afterward. We certainly don’t want our kids getting any ideas.
11. The Goonies
It’s only a few minutes into The Goonies before we get our first swear word. That’s about the time you realize that kids’ movies are different nowadays. Still, the worst scene is one that we all remember but most people don’t think about. Mouth drops the statue and the little man’s special spots breaks off. This is when we learn that Mikey’s mom declared that piece to be her favorite piece. Though it’s said quickly and disguised a little, Mouth then says, “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.” That’s just begging kids to start asking questions about the meaning behind the line. Also, after they reattach the piece upside down, Josh Brolin’s character, Brand, informs everyone that if “God meant it that way, you’d be pissing in your faces.” Thanks, Brand.
10. Krippendorf’s Tribe
Were we really so behind the times in 1998? How did Krippendorf’s Tribe, a movie about an entire family that dresses up in blackface to invent a fake New Guinean tribe, ever get made? If there is one saving grace to Krippendorf’s Tribe, it is that it offends everyone equally. This family film is chock-full of innuendos and crude humor. It’s a Disney movie too, which might convince you to give it a try. But, if you value your children’s innocence, avoid it. This movie will shock you in how blatantly prejudice it is, and your children may become bigots after watching it.
9. 16 Candles
While 16 Candles never was a little kids’ movie, it was devoured by young teenagers. After all, the focal point is on young teens. For the longest time, this movie was sacred. No one could try to make into something it wasn’t. This was a sweet and wholesome movie. But times have changed. This movie has some truly awkward scenes. The most awkward, by far, is when Jake Ryan, the lovable popular guy, sends Caroline home with Ted. Nothing wrong with it at a glance, but remember the specifics. Caroline was passed-out drunk, like filthy wasted. The geek desperately wanted to sleep with a woman too, so we fear for her safety. When Jake Ryan “gave” Samantha to the Geek to drive home, he even said, “Be my guest.” While this may be the way to do things in Hollywood, it is not in our home.
Shrek is a kids’ movie that is rammed full of adult humor. Most of it is so subtle or harmless enough that most parents don’t worry if their kids get wise. But for us, there is one joke that pushes the envelope a touch too far. This joke comes when Lord Farquaad is lying in bed asking the mirror to play him videos of Princess Fiona. After asking, the mirror gives a disgusted look, as if he’s afraid of what happens next. Then the video starts, and we see a small movement under the blankets. We look to our kids, praying they didn’t notice. It was too subtle. They missed it. Why are they smirking. Do they even know what that is? Oh God! Why have you forsaken us Mike Myers? But, in case your kids missed it like we did on our first viewing, Farquaad then checks under the blankets to really ensure that we all, adult and children, have an idea what’s going on here. Thanks.
7. Ernest Goes To Africa
Ernest P. Worrell is a god among men, but he does some weird stuff from time to time and perhaps nothing weirder than getting in full black/brown body. This might have been his weirdest decision in the Ernest franchise, and it’s one that makes us question if we should ever show it to our kids. Now, will your kids watch this and then start wearing blackface to school or talking in a thick African accent? Probably not. But, there’s a better chance that they will after watching Ernest than if you had never shown them this film in the first place. Ernest Goes to Africa is the worst of the bunch, the most offensive, and the one that, if you were to skip one, would be the most acceptable to do so.
6. Starchaser: The Legend Of Orin
In 1985, Starchaser: The Legend Of Orin came out and was met with tepid applause. Actually, even that is too much. No one applauded this movie. It is one of the most blatant rip-offs in history. Picture Star Wars but animated. It’s too bad because this was one of the first animated 3D films. It could have been a contender. Despite its PG rating, kids took in this movie. At least, we did. Watching it now, as adults, we wonder how we never noticed how awkward that one scene is. If you’ve seen the movie as an adult, you know the scene we’re talking about. In it, the Han Solo character doesn’t like all the self-confidence that a female robot is showing, so he reprograms her. When he learns that the circuits he needs access to are in the bum area, he gets a glint in his eye. Actually, he smiles and his eyes sparkle. He then starts invading the female robot who cries out, so he tapes her mouth shut. You may think we’re joking, but this is a real scene.
5. Short Circuit
Every few generations, a film is made that shakes our understanding of cinema. These films shatter everything we knew about greatness. Short Circuit definitely wasn’t one of these films, but it was pretty frickin’ incredible. When we were kids, this movie was a true feel-good film. Now, especially after watching Aziz Ansari’s Master of None, we watch it and can’t help but notice that Fisher Stevens is a white man in brown face for the entirety of the film. Stevens plays Ben Jabituya in the film, an Indian man with a thick accent and who butchers idioms and English phrases constantly. Now, to be honest, the portrayal is pretty good. If you didn’t know Stevens, you might not clue in. If you do know him, this is a very awkward performance to watch. Just keep it secret from your kids. They can find out when they’re older like we did.
4. Teen Wolf
Teen Wolf is easily one of the best sports monster movies ever made. In fact, it’s definitely the best in that jam-packed genre. We watch it about once a year because you can never have too much of Michael J. Fox in your life. That being said, whenever we get to the part where Fox reveals his secret to Stiles, our faces bunch up with cringe. In this scene, Fox needs to let his pal know that he’s a werewolf. It’s a huge secret, so he struggles to find the right words. As he fumbles, Stiles tells him, “If you’re going to tell me you’re a f*g, I don’t think I can handle it.” At this suggestion, Fox recoils. How dare he? Now that he’s been accused of being gay, Fox’s secret isn’t that big of a deal. In fact, Stiles, who wouldn’t have been able to handle the alternative, is more than okay with the werewolf thing. Hell, he makes t-shirts and sells merchandise.
3. Beethoven’s Second
Inappropriate dating might feel out of place in Beethoven’s Second, a family movie about a St. Bernard, but nothing is out of bounds in this franchise. The scene in question is really strange and off-putting. It begins with Ryce going to a high school party. Of course, there are copious amounts of drinking. Like, these kids are just pouring beer down their gullets, which is cool. Kids can see this because it’s legal. But you know what’s not legal? Date r*pe. Well, at this party, Ryce gets locked in a room with her crush. This guy has bad intentions. The mood starts getting super creepy but thankfully, some stupid kids were outside pouring beer all over Beethoven who was tied to the deck. Beethoven freaks out and pulls the entire house down. Though we have some serious questions about the construction of that house, this move saves Ryce from being assaulted by this creep, so everyone is happy in the end, except for your kids who now want to know what that man was going to do to that girl. Just shush your mouth and go to bed sweetheart.
2. Toy Story 3
We’ll admit that the memory reset scene in Toy Story 3 passes over children with ease. It’s harmless and won’t ruin any lives. But as adults, we know what’s going on here. For many of us, we’re wondering if the kids watching the film are going to catch on, so when the gang holds Buzz down and Rex inserts his finger into the hole, while Buzz is grunting on in great distress, we grimace. We see the positioning of the camera and this looks like a scene better suited to prison shower than an animated children’s movie about toys.
Ladybugs is basically the opposite of She’s the Man with kids. The film has Rodney Dangerfield coaching a little girl’s soccer team and has his stepson, Matthew, dress as a girl to help the team succeed. In the scene where Dangerfield brings Matthew to a girl’s dress store to get outfitted, we are bombarded with maybe the most awkward, albeit hilarious, scene. First, when Dangerfield suggests the boy try on a dress, pretending it’s for his sister and they’re the same size, the store clerk is visibly disgusted, offended even. Later, Dangerfield himself puts some balloons under his shirt and a female customer is so shocked that she runs away.
But that’s all child’s play. It gets real when the stepfather joins the boy in the change room to help him zip up the dress. As this happens, another customer comes and sits down, thinking the man is in there with his daughter. The woman then overhears Dangerfield say, “I don’t want your mother to find out about this.” Then some grunting. The woman jumps to conclusions. She’s shocked. Then Dangerfield says, “I’ll be finished soon,” and the boy yells in pain. This is when Dangerfield says, “Don’t worry. If it’s too tight, you’ll get used to it.” The woman is not impressed and neither are we that our children have now witnessed this joke.
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