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15 Reasons Why “Rogue One” Will Fail Horribly

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15 Reasons Why “Rogue One” Will Fail Horribly

via:Business Insider

Everyone is a stickler for nostalgia. That’s why so many people will be blinded to the many failures there’ll undoubtedly be in Rogue One, which we’ll cover extensively on this list. More oftentimes than not, nostalgia will trump every good form of storytelling. While Episode VII promised (and saw) the return of “the tremendous trio” — Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill), Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and Leia Organa (Carrie Fisher) — this next movie – Rogue One – is promising all that and more.

This new storyline will not only see the return of characters we love, but it’s set in a time and place we’re very familiar with (right before the original trilogy). In fact, Rogue One will officially end where A New Hope begins, the Holy Grail of all that is Star Wars. The truth is that, while this might seem like a dream come true, it’s actually a ticking thermal detonator and will ruin the movie for us all.

15. The Past Failures Of The “Masterminds”

via Inverse.com

via Inverse.com

While we’re glad that someone too emotionally attached to the Star Wars universe like J.J. Abrams is no longer at the helm, the film’s new director, Gareth Edward, has a very disturbing resume. He’s the guy who brought us Godzilla (2014). No matter who you are, that film felt like an actual Godzilla was attacking our minds rather than various cities.

Then there are the ones who came up with the story. One of them is Gary Leslie Whitta. His claim to fame is The Book of Eli (2010). Another is After Earth (2013). Read the synopses of both films and then think of how this movie will turn out. Not good.

The second writer is a little more terrifying. John Knoll. He wrote the prequel trilogy. And to many fans, those films are blasphemous. Why bring in someone who was apart of something so widely despised? Maybe John learned his lesson? Highly unlikely.

14. Can We Have A Normal Droid?

tudyk-k2so-tall-1536x864-968056422844

In the original trilogy, C-3PO (Anthony Daniels) and R2-D2 (Kenny Baker) were wonderful characters whose “banter” enhanced the story. Heck, these droids were the only “good guys” for quite some time in A New Hope. Since then, the portrayal of droid sidekicks has been almost a joke, the saddest being that 3PO and R2 became a caricature of themselves in the prequel trilogy. Then we met BB-8 (Dave Chapman/Brian Herring): a blatant rip-off of R2. Now we have K-2SO.

Luckily, K-2SO is described as being the exact opposite of C-3PO. While it’s great he’s not yet another facsimile, K-2SO’s other characteristic isn’t very comforting: he’s essentially a “Chewbacca (Peter Mayhew/Joonas Suotamo) droid.” In other words, a droid with spunk.

The fact that every droid “sidekick” in Star Wars can’t be just a plain drone makes their personalities appear less special and humanistic each time. What’s more, the actor playing K-2SO only makes it worse: Alan Tudyk. Most of Tudyk’s characters have been completely goofy, and, it’s terrifying to think of his normal character type oscillating into this new film.

13. Yet Another Character With Daddy Issues

via ScreenRant.com

via ScreenRant.com

It would be nice if at least one main character in Star Wars had a constant father figure in their lives. We get it. Having an estranged family member creates inner turmoil and conflict. But, seriously, can’t you change it up just a bit? In The Force Awakens, Rey (Daisy Ridley) was ostensibly abandoned by her parents. In the original trilogy, Luke Skywalker was raised by “Uncle Owen” Lars (Phil Brown) and “Aunt Beru” Whitesun Lars (Shelagh Fraser) and thought his dad was dead. Heck, in the prequel trilogy, Anakin Skywalker (Jake Lloyd/Hayden Christensen) was the product of immaculate conception! In Rogue One, Jyn Erso (Felicity Jones) has a father — Galen Erso (Mads Mikkelsen) — but he’s apparently distant (this is also hinted at in the trailers).

After a while, the same formula starts getting old… really fast. It would be nice to have a character who isn’t like all the rest. Heck, the Star Wars galaxy is a lot larger than ours. You’d think there’d be at least one kid whose father is a major part of their life and can still can do something great. Or is that impossible?

12. The “Last” Of The Samurai?

via SlashFilm.com

via SlashFilm.com

This is one of the many reasons why it was such a bad idea to create a story that takes place so close to the original trilogy. Chirrut Îmwe (Donnie Yen), even in the original trailer, looked as though he was some type of samurai warrior. In the official casting, he’s described as a “warrior monk” who doesn’t have the ability to wield the Force but believes in its power. Knowing what we know about Jedi, it’s awkward that there’s suddenly a warrior monk when there was never one before. Here’s why.

In the post-Revenge of the Sith world, the Jedi, as Obi-Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness) said, were all but extinct. Without Jedi, it would’ve made sense for other kinds of warriors to “replace” them, such as “warrior monks.” But there are none in the original trilogy. So why now? It makes sense to have creative license, but that’s a little too much. It just seems like a random character placement that creates a huge enigma.

11. The Revenge of the Sith Keeps Avenging

via LylesMovieFiles.com

via LylesMovieFiles.com

It turns out that characters we’ve already seen in previous Star Wars films will be making special appearances in Rogue One. The one worth noting is Bail Organa. Why? Because he’s played by Jimmy Smits. And, well, Jimmy Smits also portrayed Organa in the prequel trilogy. Seeing as those movies are something many fans are still trying to forget, forgetting will now be harder to do if you’re being constantly reminded of it. And putting him in a A New Hope “prologue” story is like infecting the original trilogy.

And who’s to say that others won’t follow? What if Jimmy Smits is only the beginning? Sure, this is only speculation. But the fact that these writers have decided to go this route, who knows what could happen? Heck, what if Jar Jar Binks (Ahmed Best) returns?

10. Stop Putting The Kids In Charge

via SlashFilm.com

via SlashFilm.com

We get it. Adults don’t know everything. There are kids out there who are just pretty darn amazing. But, in the real world, even science-fiction, it’s more likely that an adult will save the day rather than a child, especially one who hasn’t been extensively trained to one day save the galaxy. And yet, again and again, snot-nosed brats are always beating the odds in Star Wars, defeating full-grown adults who’re bred for war.

It looks like, once more, this film revolves around the “amazingness” of a girl named Jyn Erso who can not only fight like a seasoned warrior but lead a “rebellion” (and give motivational speeches). The thrill of farm boys and slave girls saving the galaxy lost its appeal long ago. It’s not all fiction. The word “science” is in the genre name for a reason.

9. Lethal Weapon- and Han/Luke-Chemistry Envy

via Wired.com

via Wired.com

The way character Captain Cassian Andor (Diego Luna) is described feels as though the writers were trying to recreate the phenomenal chemistry in Lethal Weapon. Apparently, Captain Andor is a “by the book” Rebel officer who teamed up with Jyn so he could “ground” her. Kinda sounds like the relationship between Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) and Danny Glover (Roger Murtaugh). It’s such a cliché pairing!

And that’s not even mentioning yet another rehash of a famous dynamic relationship: Luke and Han. In Rogue One, Chirrut Imwe believes in the Force (even though he can’t use it) while Baze Malbus (Jiang Wen) doesn’t quite share those spiritual beliefs. Kinda reminds us of the time when Luke asks Han, “You don’t believe in the Force, do you?” to which Han replies, “It’s all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense.” Come on! Be original.

8. Tragically, The Best Ending Is Already Known

via SkullGarrison.com

via SkullGarrison.com

Even without all the details, we already know what’s going to happen. Rogue One is going to get the Death Star plans. Can you say spoiler alert? Of course, there’s more to a story than just its ending. But there’s more to our point, too.

The fact that none of these characters appear or are even mentioned in the original trilogy means a few things. When it comes to Jyn, she’ll either succumb to the Dark Side or die. In fact, it’s quite possible that everyone in Rogue One will go “kapoot.” This would’ve been an amazing “shock factor” because it’s rare for the main characters to die. And when they do (if they don’t, there’s a lot of explaining to be done), their deaths will be meaningless because we won’t really be surprised. It’s irony at its finest.

7. The Death Star Was Already Old In The Return of the Jedi

via StarWars.Wikia.com

via StarWars.Wikia.com

While the excitement of there being a new story about the original Death Star is, well, exciting, the creators should’ve tried to make the plot more than a “copy-and-paste” affair. The Death Star should have only been a bonus part of the film, maybe a “surprise” that we find out later. While creating a movie about the Death Star and advertising it as such is smart, especially from a marketing perspective, it kind of seems a little safe to make the whole premise of a new movie revolve around something we already know about.

Here’s what they could’ve done: have Rogue One deal with some other threat. Then, during the mission, they come across the Death Star by accident. Basically, they should’ve done what The Force Awakens did with that the First Order’s Starkiller Base (except not as random and not as badly done).

6. Keep Daggett Out Of Rogue One

via FilmOfilia.com

via FilmOfilia.com

The antagonist is just as important, if not more so, than the protagonist. And it’s rather upsetting that the character of Director Orson Krennic, an “ambitious” Imperial officer who tries to keep his ambitions from upsetting Darth Vader (yes, James Earl Jones), is played by Ben Mendelsohn. This is a problem because of the villains Mendelsohn has portrayed.

Probably Mendelsohn’s most famous role is John Daggett in Christopher Nolan‘s The Dark Knight Rises. You know, the buffoon who not only thought it was a good idea to employ Bane (Tom Hardy) in his plan to take control of Wayne Enterprises, but thought he could control him. That’s the problem. There are too many “stupid” villains from Star Wars already. Heck, there are rumors that Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) might even make a special “cameo.” If so, it would’ve been cool to see Tarkin putting that “leash” Leia talked about around Vader. Heck, Vader was already “leashed” when A New Hope began. Let’s see Vader fight the leash. There’s nothing much to fight if “Daggett” is involved.

5. Freaky Friday?

via TheWorkPrint.com

via TheWorkPrint.com

The ironic thing is that someone who would’ve made an amazing Krennic is actually in the movie. Another irony is that this same guy is known for playing villains, and yet, he’s playing “the good guy” (Galen Erso). Yes, we’re talking about Mads Mikelsen. Throughout the film, we’ll be constantly reminded of the kind of villain we could’ve had every time Mendelsohn’s rendition of Krennic is seen blundering around like a fool (and whenever we see Mikelsen’s Galen Erso).

Mads Mikelsen is probably best known for playing Le Chiffre in Casino Royale. Remember? He’s the guy who tortured James Bond (Daniel Craig) by slamming his private parts with a heavily knotted rope. Yes, we should see a guy like Le Chiffre “leashing” Vader, not Daggett.

4. Put A Muzzle On Darth Vader!

via ABCNews.Go.com

via ABCNews.Go.com

This story is seeing the return of the franchise’s most crucial figure, Darth Vader (Anakin Skywalker) — seeing as Anakin has appeared in every film, save Episode VII, for obvious reasons (he’s dead), unless you count his mask as a cameo.

But this was a dangerous move because James Earl Jones is, once again, offering his amazing voice to bring Vader to life. The problem isn’t with Jones, though. It’s the scriptwriters. Once wrong step and Vader could be tarnished forever. It’s like what happened to Han and Leia in The Force Awakens. Han looked like some old man limping around, trying to relive his glory days, while Leia was just an old hag. Wonderful characters were brought back to life but, instead of being fully alive, they were zombies. Don’t do that to Darth Vader. Keep James Earl Jones away. Have Vader’s “voice box” broken. Don’t let him speak. Keep him in the shadows. But that’s not going to happen.

3. Stuffing In As Much “Awesome” As Possible

via BrickSet.com

via BrickSet.com

There are certain things this movie has to have. There should be X-Wings. There should be Tie Fighters. And from what we’ve seen, there are. But just from the trailers alone, there’s already a feeling of over-saturation.

Probably the most obvious example is that there are both AT-ATs and AT-STs in this film. As many fans know, AT-ATs were the main All-Terrain vehicles in The Empire Strikes Back (with one lone ST) and the STs in The Return of the Jedi (with some stationary ATs). The fact that both of these vehicles are in this one film makes this choice feel forced, as though they’re trying to cram as many things from the original trilogy into this movie as possible.

Then there’s that obnoxious scene in the second trailer of a character ostensibly “mimicking” Luke’s famous “staring-off-into-the-faraway-setting-suns-longingly” scene. If the whole film is filled with moments like this, it will be a fully cringe-worthy experience.

2. Still Expect 2-D Characters Even Though It’s A Standalone Film

via IGN.com

via IGN.com

The one positive thing about this being an “Anthology” film is that it won’t be part of a “grander” story. Meaning, it won’t directly suffer from what movies are emulating these days: television shows. Films are becoming more episodic, providing as little information as possible to create cliffhangers because, well, more will be told in a later episo—uh–movie.

This style has, unfortunately, gone a little too far. Writers tend to withhold too much information, making many plotlines feel rushed (or sluggish) or characters completely two-dimensional. See, it’s quite possible that Rogue One will be the starting point for some of its characters, introduced for the primary reason to either star in their own spin-off series or join the grander universe. This hypothesis is quite likely, seeing as Disney (through Lucasfilms) is borrowing what X-Men began with Marvel. Heck, this now happens in DC. The days of fully fleshed-out characters is over.

1. Ruining The Magic: Stop Building Bridges

Star-Wars-A-New-Hope-Opening-Crawl

This isn’t necessarily a bash on the Star Wars Anthology. It’s a great idea to have standalone films. The problem is that Rogue One’s plot takes place right before… like, right before… the Star Wars Holy Grail: A New Hope. There are various reasons why this was a bad move.

The main reason is that they’re essentially recreating the “Special Edition” fiasco, like how George Lucas decided to show the ice wampa creature in the Special Edition version of The Empire Strikes Back rather than keeping it hidden (letting the unknown proliferate into truly terrifying things in our minds). In other words, this act of filling in every “gap” that hasn’t been shown ends up taking away the mysteriousness (read: magical nature) of the galaxy. Once you show everything, it looses that special something we all love.

 

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