As far as winter sports go, there is none nearly as hot as a Lindsey Vonn hot. The main reason Vonn has stayed in the spotlight, besides her stunning looks, is her relentless athletic ability. She gets injured and gets healed. She keeps striving to be better than before, and uses her rocky past as inspiration, saying, “My scars remind me that I'm strong and beautiful.” Just a few days ago, Vonn raced on the South Korean slope that will host the Olympics next year, and she finished in an impressive second place.
Beside skiing, the reason Vonn has stayed topical, is her love life, and presence on social media. Her relationship with Tiger Woods was very public. She even admitted, when she guest starred on season three of Running Wild with Bear Grylls, that she loved Tiger, and was sad it hadn’t worked out. Regardless of break-ups and injuries, Vonn has maintained her vibrant, gregarious personality, and constantly posts entertaining images on social media.
So just how exactly do you go about dating such an indomitable woman like Vonn? Her current boyfriend is Kenan Smith, a former athlete, and assistant wide receiver coach for the Los Angeles Rams. He is new to the the public eye, and will have to learn quickly how to deal with all of the hype. To help him along on his bumpy ride into the spotlight, we’ve collected some images that he definitely doesn’t want everybody to see. Sorry, Kenan, but things can only improve from here on out. Just getting the hard part over with, buddy. Gotta jump in the water if you want to swim.
15 Wardrobe Malfunction
The clothing gods are always pulling these pranks on their unsuspecting victims. Clothes should be tried and tested like cars are with crash test dummies. The runways are more of a show-off grounds than a testing grounds, and usually the stars are the ones who reveal how unwearable many of these gowns truly are. Of course, if you’re Lindsey Vonn you’re going to pick out the dress that shows off those long, beautiful legs. This dress was so high-cut that Vonn couldn’t help it when her undies were revealed. My question is, shouldn’t she have worn a pair that was a little bit fancier, you know, just in case? Then maybe it would look like the slip was all part of the plan. Instead it’s obvious that those white granny panties were not supposed to be seen. It’s just embarrassing. You don’t want your girlfriend getting embarrassed like that.
14 Eating Sausage
Why in the world would you ever let anyone take a picture while you’re eating a sausage? Sure there’s a piece of corn on the cob there to justify the meal setting, but still, come on, Lindsay. Sausages are the most phallic food on the planet, you don’t just pick it up and bring it to your lips unless you’re just asking for the king of innuendo. That’s why Oscar Meyer calls them wieners. Slice that link up before you eat it, girl. Or put it in a bun for crying out loud. What else was at the picnic? Bananas? I’m surprised there’s not a picture of her sucking one of those down too. Or maybe a nice drippy popsicle for dessert? This is probably the most immature innuendo around, but hey, guys can’t help themselves, her boyfriend included. Not sure he’d be a big fan of this picture.
13 Turning Heads
This may be one of the hottest pics on the list, and it’s hot because it’s not over-the-top. Sometimes these Maxim style shoots are so glammed up it’s like Playboy, and that stuff is way too posed to be real. On the other hand, you find a shot like this of a girl just walking down the street and looking this hot, and it's like wow! Now that’s a gorgeous, confident girl. Her makeup is on, so she may have been leaving a shoot, or expecting the cameras, but everything is still looking great in this candid. You can even see the dudes in the background. Check them out. One dude is breaking his neck getting another look at the blond babe who just walked by. He’s checking out the rear view, which is surely just as appealing as the front. Kenan has gotta be jealous he wasn’t there in person to see this outfit too.
12 Injury Queen
This shot is pretty gross. And no boyfriend wants to see gross body parts of his girl. These are the legs that he wants to caress. He wants to fantasize about the flawless flesh that leads up, up, up, and away into wonderland. The legs that he sees on the red carpet are not the legs he sees here, and this image is hard to forget. Truly, it is a testament to how tough Vonn is. Many women, and dudes, would see results like this and say, F---- skiing. With Vonn however, this is just another day at the office. Her injury history is incredible. In 2006, at the Torino Games, she was taken to the hospital via helicopter, suffered a bruised hip, and was back the next day, finishing 8th place. In the 2010 Vancouver Games, she won gold even though she was in “excruciating pain” due to a deep shin bruise. She missed the 2014 Olympics after tearing her ACL. She has also broken her right arm, fractured her knee, tibia and ankle, and has torn about every ligament in her knees.
11 Holy Yoga Pants
You may have glimpsed at the title and thought “Holy” like “Holy Cow” or what Robin might exclaim, “Holy Yoga Pants, Batman!” But take a closer look. There are actually holes in these yoga pants, therefore they are quite literally holy. No dude wants to see his girl rocking some tattered up clothes, especially when she’s going to the gym, taking pics, and showing it all off on social media. Get some new pants on, girlfriend. So you gotta wonder, how did those pants get holy to begin with? Well, Vonn happens to be a dog lover and her pet got a hold of the leggings before she went to the gym. Not sure why the dog was attracted to the pants, or why Vonn decided to wear them. Sometimes comfy pants are hard to quit.
10 Chest Tattoo
Here’s a question: Who gets a chest tattoo? Just below the breast? This tat is just a temporary one, not like the real one Rihanna has, but seriously who does that? Kenan has got to be questioning Vonn’s reasoning for this one. It seems like you must be kind of sexually risqué, like Rihanna, in order to even consider getting a chest tattoo. Consider the process of getting a large, time consuming tattoo anywhere near a private part of the body. She must have been laying there topless for hours while the artist did their work. It’s also a little odd that it’s a temporary one. Who get a temporary tattoo? It’s like she just wanted to try one on and see how it looked. Or more likely, like she was feeling very sexual, perhaps following a big break-up, and wanted to have a romp-filled weekend, and then erase the tattoo and the memories forever.
9 Kissing Tiger
We all know that Vonn dated Tiger Woods. The unexpected pairing brought both of them back into the spotlight, after Tiger’s bumpy divorce, and Vonn’s terrible injuries. They did several interviews and appeared on the golf course and the red carpet. There are also many pictures of the couple at parties, where Tiger always appears hilariously wasted. And I’m sure Kenan Smith knows all of this already. But what he doesn’t want to see is a picture of his girl kissing her ex. That is the pic that beats all. It’s just gross, too visceral. And then his mind must start thinking about Tiger’s past, and all the adult stars that he slept with. And that Tiger's sex binge was BEFORE he dated Vonn. This pic has got to hurt.
8 Ultimate Ski Fantasy
This pic is too hot for all dudes to see, so Kenan doesn’t want to share. What’s hot is the subtlety of it all. If you are a skier, you know that one of the best things about skiing is the scenery. The landscapes are so beautiful that sometimes you have to stop mid-run, to take it all in. Then, when you’re back in the lift line at the bottom of the hill, there are other nice things to look at, mainly what are known as ski bunnies. Ski bunnies are the hot woman that are usually covered from head to toe in winter gear. Most skiers are wealthy, and therefore their attractiveness is pretty well assured. Sorry poor people, but rich folks have nice dental plans, better diets, and if they’re really ugly they can afford plastic surgery. And maybe these ski bunnies aren’t truly that hot, but the imagination is. Dudes see a pretty face and get to imagine what is under all those layers. And in this shot, Vonn gives us a sneak peek.
7 Dude Looking Tiny
So this is the boyfriend, Kenan, in case you weren’t sure what he looked like. Most dudes would assume that an NFL coach would be way bigger, right? A humongous, muscular guy, like The Rock (who played defensive tackle on the championship Miami Hurricanes before his NFL dreams were dashed by injury). But no, Kenan looks like a little dude. And no dude wants to look at a picture of himself getting dwarfed by his girl. Every time a camera comes out, dude has to stand up straight, or get closer to the camera so he looks bigger. And Vonn doesn’t want to look like a giant either. Girls want to look petite and pretty, right? Well conceptions and dating dynamics are constantly changing, so maybe Kenan doesn’t mind looking up at his girl. If that’s the only downside to loving those long, long legs, then maybe he weighed his options and the legs won.
6 Body Paint Candid
Like many athletes and models in the history of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, Vonn subjected herself to the nothin-to-hide “outfit” called body paint. Ronda Rousey has donned the paint as well, and if you think about it, those two girls look a lot alike. They both have the blonde wavy hair, muscular frame, and out of this world drive to win. But for the sake of this article we’re going to say that Vonn is way hotter than Rousey. But why would old Kenan object to this shot? Well, for one, Vonn has her bits and pieces flapping around for the world to see. And for two, who is that dude all up in her business? Is that the photographer? The guy looks kind of old and creepy. And check out his slimy hand creeping around Vonn’s hip. Like it wasn’t enough that she is wearing body paint, but she also hung out with this shady dude all day.
5 Basic Instinct
Most of us recognize the film reference in this shot, but if not, let me explain. Way back in 1992, there was a film called Basic Instinct. For an entire year at least, this film rocked the movie business. It was a groundbreaking film because it was oozing sexuality, thanks in large part to the female lead, Sharon Stone. There’s a famous scene, lampooned by Vonn here, in which Stone is being interrogated for a murder, but she’s a super smart and hot psychologist, and she knows how to mess with dudes’ brains. Under a short, white mini skirt, Stone wears zero undergarments and crosses her legs to seduce and distract the entire room full of men, and theater-goers alike. What Kenan doesn’t like about this pic is that not only was Stone’s character sexy, but she was a cold blooded killer. She offed dudes during sex with an ice pick. Yikes! Don’t be getting any ideas now, Lindsey.
4 In Bed
This is a hot image, but overall it’s rather sweet and offers an intimate look inside the bed of Lindsey Vonn. No boyfriend wants to share that stuff. These situations are supposed to be intimate, you know, private. Vonn does have a bright red bikini on, but that could just have easily been lingerie, and the lighting and body positioning are so casual, that it seems like the morning after. Well maybe there’s too much lipstick left on her lips for it to be a morning after shot, but it’s close. The way she is hugging that blanket, it’s like she is drawing a loved one close. This shot was published in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue back in February, 2010. Then it was picked up and ran again across multiple sites once word got out that she was dating Tiger.
3 Rings Photo Opp
If you think about the body mechanics and muscle groups that are involved, gymnastics and downhill skiing have a lot in common. Both sports require strength and balance in the farthest reaches of the core, as well as stability and stamina in each appendage. As proof, both gymnasts and ski bunnies have some of the best butts in the business. In this pic, that’s Vonn training on gymnastic rings. If you have never attempted these things, watch out, they are hard as hell, and your muscles will be aching in no time. Looks like Vonn may be rehabbing her broken arm here, and getting a nice tan on the beach at the same time. What would drive any boyfriend nuts however, is the guy on the left. What is he doing taking a pic of all this? There are more pics we found online of Vonn on the rings, upside down, legs spread, leaving little to the imagination. And there’s a dude with his phone, just taking some pics. It may be her trainer, but who knows. Not all trainers can be trusted.
2 A Mighty Wind
Here is a really odd pic, taken by the photography legend, Annie Leibovitz. Annie has shot famous images of everybody from Miley Cyrus to Leonardo DiCaprio. Her most famous shot that catapulted her career was the one of Yoko Ono dressed in black, laying down, while a completely naked John Lennon, embraces her, knees bent, in a fetal position. Annie has been no stranger to controversy, so you think she could have come up with something better than this shot. Here we have Vonn, in what appears to be a hotel suite, and she’s acting like she’s downhill skiing on a coffee table. What makes it look weird is-- where is the wind coming from? She’s obviously inside, on a flat surface, in heels, sure there’s a fan somewhere in the room, but why? To an immature mind, aka most dudes, you just gotta imagine that Vonn farted, and that’s why her skirt is in the air. Kenan must have laughed. That look on he face. Vonn also did have a truly beautiful shot in this session, with her sitting at a desk with her feet up, and no pants on.
1 Hot Tub Hotties
Well, this shot looks like a party. If there’s one awesome thing about skiing and ski resorts, it’s that there is no shortage of hot tubs. All skiers, whether you’re a novice or an Olympian, love hopping in the hot tub when the day is done. Another thing all skiers love to do after a long day on the slopes is drink. They usually go for a nice hearty beer like an IPA, and after all that exercise, the booze goes straight to your head. The last missing ingredient is some hot babes. And they are usually around in ample supply too. Mix that all together in a pot, somewhat literally, and you have images like these. Boyfriends love to imagine their girlfriend getting it on with another hot woman. Bot does he want us drooling over such an image? Probably not.
Sources: SportsIllustrated, Wikipedia