We’ve all had a lot of those nights. Well, maybe I should speak for myself — I know I have. You go out looking to have just one or two, or maybe you even set out to have a really good time and party hard, but however you initially mean to do it, sooner or later, you stop having a good time and the good time starts having you. If you’re lucky, all you get out of it is a totally brutal hangover and an empty wallet the next day. If you’re unlucky, you might wake up somewhere that you don’t recognize or maybe with someone you don’t recognize, or even worse, someone that you wish you didn’t.
Celebrities don’t have it easier than we do when it comes to this kind of thing. As a matter of fact, they have it way worse. Imagine being drunk out of your mind, and all the while, some dude is snapping photos of you so he can sell them to a tabloid. And the thing is, sometimes, these celebrities get so drunk you can tell that they don’t even have any idea where they are or what’s going on. It kind of makes your last night out seem not all that embarrassing after all. But don’t kid yourself: it truly was.
Here are 15 totally drunk celebrities that will make you feel better about how you acted last night.
15. Kate Moss
While you might not think of Kate Moss as being a total booze bag, it turns out that she gets drunk a lot. In fact, some publications run entire articles based on photos of her getting drunk. You may have had a lot of really bad nights, and you may have made a fool of yourself numerous times, but have you ever had an entire article devoted to how drunk you get all the time? I think not. Sure, it might be because you aren’t that famous, but I would prefer to think of it as being because you don’t get drunk as much as she does. Actually, it seems kind of hard for anyone to get drunk as much as Kate Moss does, but I have to admit, it sure does sound fun to try, as long as she isn’t around anyway.
14. Tara Reid
Tara Reid was known for being drunk pretty much all the time, to the point that her whole career became about that, and she turned into a big old joke. This should be a lesson to all of you partiers out there, of which I am one: it’s cool to have a good time and all that, but you have to keep it under control because the line between a cool party chick and a total loser is very thin, and Tara passed that line a long time ago. The above photo of Tara smashed is one of hundreds that are easy to find. In fact, it’s probably even harder to find one of her sober. She seems to be doing better as of late, but she’ll always be known as a big time boozer, so keep yourself in line so that doesn’t happen to you.
13. Christina Ricci
Christina had a very bad night here. In fact, if there were photos of you kicking around like this, then you would probably pay someone a lot of money to try and make them vanish. There are a bunch of different kinds of drunk. There’s being a little tipsy, then there’s getting kind of loose, then there’s being totally hammered, and then there’s the stage that the lovely Christina was at here. She’s basically become luggage. You never want a photo of yourself out there being this drunk, and as bad as a night that you had last night, I truly doubt that it was as bad as this. If it was, then you might want to check into a rehab immediately, or at the very least, take a break for a while. Hopefully, that’s what she did.
12. Matthew McConaughey
At this point in time, Matthew is thought of as being a clean liver, one who works out all the time and is all into the paleo diet, but at one time, he was “living it up in Nicaragua in early June, getting wasted and hitting on as many girls as possible before heading outside to search for a missing flip-flop in a ditch.” Now, we all know that this is one dude who doesn’t seem to have a lot of shame, but it’s one thing to be the star of Dazed and Confused, and it’s another thing entirely to be as dazed and confused as he was in this picture. Don’t get me wrong; it doesn’t seem like he did all that much that night, but you know he must’ve woken up with one of the worst hangovers in history. Hope it was worth it.
11. Courtney Love
Courtney Love has had a lot of bad nights, and I really do mean that. Some people think that she’s cool, and that’s fine, of course, but many more people consider her to be a drunk trash bag that got way more out of her attitude and willingness to make a fool out of herself than she did with her talent. The above photo is pretty much representative of how I feel about her in general. This is how I imagine her to look first thing in the morning, as well as when she’s out partying late at night. This isn’t just old new either; just last year, she got kicked out of a Coachella afterparty for being so drunk she was falling over. Courtney is, without a doubt, someone that can always make us all feel better about ourselves.
10. Mel Gibson
Good old Mel Gibson. Look at this meat bag, will you? Here he is totally blacked out on his feet with a smoke in his mouth getting ready to throw a punch. How was it possible that everyone used to think that he was cool? I even thought that he was cool, and let’s be clear about something just in case there’s any confusion: Mel Gibson is not cool at all. The only cool thing about Mel Gibson getting totally drunk is that, at least, he can blame some of his terrible behavior on the booze; when he’s sober, he’s just a jerk. You may have made a complete and total fool of yourself last night, but at least you woke up and you weren’t Mel Gibson. So no matter what happens in your life, you’ve got that going for you.
9. Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton used to party and get drunk pretty much all the time when she was in her 20s. If I have to be honest, though, I pretty much did, too, at least when I could afford to. The only times that I wasn’t getting wasted was when I didn’t have enough money to do so. Paris never had that issue, which must’ve been the reason she was drunk constantly — she could be without any consequences. Well, I take that back — there were a few consequences. She made some pretty bad decisions here and there, and there are just a ton of photos out there of her looking like a drunken fool. Still, though, she’s super rich, and I’m not, so I don’t think she would trade her life or her money just to make these pictures go away. Party on, Paris.
8. Lindsay Lohan
A list like this simply couldn’t exist without a photo of Lindsay Lohan on it. She literally destroyed her career because of her inability to control her personal demons. This should be sad, but somehow, it really isn’t, and most of the reason is because of photos like this. Come on, Lindsay… at the time, you were one of the most famous stars in Hollywood, and you can’t even keep it together to the point that you aren’t passed out in a car with your mouth hanging open? And that sweatshirt? If you were going to pass out cold while looking totally ridiculous, at least you could’ve done a little something better with your outfit. If you’ve never had a photo like this of you taken, then you’re one up on Linday Lohan.
7. Lily Allen
As you can tell by the expression on her face here, Lily Allen is totally hammered. In fact, I would be willing to bet my bottom dollar that she has no recollection at all of this photo being taken; she probably doesn’t even remember anything about the day it happened. Partying is fun; I love doing it myself, but you don’t want this to be you. You also don’t want to pass out and have to be carried off, but she did that recently, too. Hopefully, Lily pulls it together a bit and stops acting such a fool, but until then, as least we all have the consolation that we’re not nearly as bad off as she is. Usually, I feel envious of famous people, but in this case, I have to say, not so much. Lily is a total mess.
6. Christina Aguilera
Christina is known for being a bit of a boozer. Just recently, she refused to perform because she was too drunk. “‘She was a mess,’ a witness told Page Six. ‘The reason she didn’t get up is because she was wasted.’ It was also added that she nearly fell into a Christmas tree.” Falling into a Christmas tree is never a good look. She looks a lot better in the above photo; her hair and makeup look absolutely perfect. There’s the fact that she’s so drunk that she’s completely unconscious, but hey, you can’t have everything. It’s enough that she looks so good; one can’t expect her to also stay conscious for the whole thing. If you went out last night and made it home without passing out, then you’re one up on Christina Aguilera.
5. David Hasselhoff
Of all the embarrassing celebrity drunk moments in the history of time, this one may have been the worst. Hasselhoff was so incredibly hammered that he could barely eat his burger and was mumbling incoherently to his daughter while she filmed the whole thing and was talking to him about how worried she was about his drinking. Oh yeah, and he was also shirtless and not looking all that hunky. This was an incredible train wreck, the kind of thing that you really never see happen. And like an incredible trainwreck, it was impossible to look away. If you’ve never been totally wasted and eating a cheeseburger without a shirt on while your daughter films you and begs you to stop being such a drunk, then you’re one up on the Hoff.
4. Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson has long been known as having some issues. For one, she was married to Tommy Lee of Motley Crue. Pretty much anyone that thinks that marrying Tommy Lee is a good idea has to have a whole bunch of problems, and one problem that she has, without a doubt, is that she likes to booze, and I mean she likes to booze a lot. Drunk Pamela Anderson sightings are pretty much commonplace, and they continue to this day. If you want to be respected in your own personal life, it’s probably best to make sure that you always behave better than Pamela Anderson. To be honest, if you can’t do that, then there’s not much that anyone can do for you. That bar is set pretty low.
3. Miley Cyrus
Miley is one of those people that you either love or you hate; there’s not a whole lot in between. This seems to be the same sort of thing with how she boozes. She doesn’t seem to get drunk a whole lot, but when she does get drunk, she pretty much goes all out. She’s pretty small, so it probably doesn’t take a ton to get her loaded. So, if you ever end up taking Miley out on a date, at least she’ll probably be a cheap one. On the other hand, if you do take her out, try and keep her in places where there aren’t a lot of cameras; otherwise, it’ll be both of you on the front of the tabloid pages. For someone who grew up in front of the camera, though, there could be a lot more embarrassing things out there — that’s for sure.
2. Mischa Barton
Oh man. Talk about drunk. That look on Mischa‘s face in this photo shows her to be in that unique state of total drunkenness where anyone could probably go up to her and tell her that they were an alien about to take over the world and she would believe that person. Mischa recently flipped out totally and said it was because someone had spiked her drink while she was out. I don’t know if I buy it, to be honest. She seems to be just a total mess. I can say one thing: I’ve had a lot of bad nights, but I don’t think I’ve ever been quite so hammered as Mischa looks in this photo. I hope that she pulls it together soon, but if she doesn’t, then at least she can keep making all of the rest of ourselves feel good about our alcohol intake.
1. Heather Locklear
Heather Locklear used to be super hot and still looks okay for a woman in her mid-50s. She also is the second woman on this list that was married to Tommy Lee, and we know what that means: lots of partying and being wasted. She recently entered rehab for the fifth time, making her someone who definitely deserves to be on this list. You see, we normal folk spend a lot of time feeling jealous of these rich celebrities and how they get to party all of the time. That is, until we see some of these photos of them that show they’re not only just regular old human beings, but they’re ones that have a lot of problems. All of the people on this list need to check themselves before they wreck themselves.
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