The Olympics were a while ago, but somehow, Aly Raisman has remained in the public eye, even overshadowing her peer, the most decorated Olympian of all time, Michael Phelps. So how does Aly do it? Well, she’s way hotter than Michael Phelps, and she shows off her body like crazy.
Every time Aly does a photoshoot, she somehow manages to reveal more than she did the last time. Have you seen the SI swimsuit issue yet? Wow. And she doesn’t stop with photos. Even when she shows up on TV shows like Dancing with the Stars or Lip Sync Battle, she wears some skimpy little leotard that showcases her every curve. Her girl-next-door beauty mixed with her immodest wardrobe, makes for captivating combo.
She certainly caught the attention of her boyfriend Colton Underwood. Last summer he proposed a double-date with her via a video on social media. But his daring move wasn’t just out of the blue. You see, Colton had an in with Shawn Johnson, who was Aly’s gymnastics teammate prior to an injury that occurred just before the 2012 Games. Shawn is married to Andrew East. Both East and Underwood are NFL free agents and met playing football on the Raiders practice squad. East is a long snapper and Underwood is a tight end. Neither player is anywhere near a starter and both have played for several teams.
So if Aly, a proven champion, and 3-time gold medalist, wants to date an NFL guy, why doesn’t she get an all star? Well, that question may loom large in Colton’s mind. Although they have been in a relationship for several months, and we want them to be happy, there may be some insecurities in Colton’s head, and this list will showcase a few of them.
15. Feel the Heat
This shot of Aly is hot, literally. It’s taken from her latest SI shoot. You can see the perspiration on her chest and it seems very suggestive. That’s the thing about athletes doing sexy photoshoots. They get sweaty, and you think, okay sure, they’ve just been working out. But then there’s that other part of the man’s brain that deviates, and thinks, maybe she got sweaty doing something else. That’s why Colton doesn’t want anybody to see this one: it’s too attractive. No respectable boyfriend wants dudes slobbering over his girl. That’s all there is to it. Hopefully he’s not a jealous guy, and okay with hot skin, or else he’ll implode when he sees the other pics on this list.
14. Kissing a Giraffe
This one is kind of gross. This is a screengrab from a social media post that Aly made herself. She is obviously at a zoo, probably doing some VIP behind the scenes action, and she got to feed a giraffe. Cute right? Not really, because she doesn’t feed it with her hand, she feeds it with her mouth. It’s even called the giraffe kiss. Have you ever see a giraffe tongue? It is the longest, grossest, blackest, slimiest thing you can imagine. If you look closely, you can see it reaching towards Aly’s face. See the bright green thing in Aly’s mouth? That’s a piece of lettuce and the giraffe is coming to get it. Disgusting. Any dude sees this and he’s like, damn, I can’t un-see that. Next time Colton leans in for a kiss he’s gonna see that black snake coming at him. He doesn’t want anybody to see this one, including himself.
13. One Girl, One Cup
This is one of the most awkward photos you can make: when an object blocks off a private body part. For all we know, Aly has zero undies on and she’s just letting it air out in front of an iced coffee. Was something sore and needed to be iced? What in the world is going on here? It’s like that Super Bowl commercial with Charlotte McKinney who hides her breasts with a pair of melons. This gag was popularized in an Austin Powers movie years ago and I’m sure Mike Myers stole it from something else. Is Aly purposely pulling the same gag? Or is this just a huge mistake? And her feet look colossal! Either way I’m sure Colton would rather un-see this pic than have us laugh at it.
12. A Leg Up
This is a shot from the latest SI swimsuit issue. Here we have the picture conveniently, or should I say inconveniently, cropped. But in a way the cropping makes it mysterious, kind of like the last entry. What’s going on outside of the frame here? What is Aly wearing down there? Remember when you were growing up, way back in elementary school, and you had to switch from picture books to the books with nothing but words? Then you realized that the words can describe something better than the picture. Or better yet, your brain can paint a better image than any image you could see before your eyes. Again, the cropping is inconvenient, but in other ways, it lets the mind wander to suggestive places that any boyfriend would not appreciate. Therefor Colton wouldn’t like us to see this pic. It’s way too hot.
11. Hugging the Coach
This is an easy one. No dude ever wants to see his girl getting hugged by some old man. The only exception would be a dad or grandpa. That’s it. Nobody else. No creepy uncles, teachers, cousins, and definitely not a coach. I don’t care what you two have been through together, full body embraces are not cool. Is anybody else kind of creeped out by gymnastics coaches? I mean, it’s one thing when the guy is hugging a full grown woman, but these people have been training for years. Dude has been hugging her since she was a little girl. And what kind of dude walks into an entire gymnasium full of little girls and says, oh yeah, I want to work here. I’m sorry, I don’t want to offend anybody. I’m sure most gymnastics coaches are stand-up guys. Mihai Brestyan, shown here, is definitely a good guy. There’s gotta be some creepy ones out there though. Yikes.
10. Look of Love
This picture was taken back in the London Games of 2012, when Aly was 18. It’s not a sexy pic by any means but look into her eyes. She has such a loving expression towards her teammate McKayla Maroney. Look at her. She loves that girl. And no boyfriend wants to see that, or let us see it. Lesbian jokes aside, what Colton would be insecure about here is looking at his own photos of him and Aly together, and looking for that same loving look, and not finding it. That’s enough to mess with a dude’s head, big time. Does she not love him as much? Does she love him at all? Why doesn’t she give him that look? These are questions Colton can’t help but ask himself. In related news Maroney is 21 now, filled out quite a bit, had her phone hacked, and thinks she’s Kylie Jenner.
9. Go Sox!
Oh boy. If you are not from Mass, or Vermont, New Hampshire or Maine, you do not want to see this photo. Colton is from Indianapolis, Indiana, and went to Illinois State University, in central Illinois. He’s kind of in a gray area since there are no pro Indiana baseball teams, but I’m guessing he’s probably a Cubs fan, or White Sox, maybe a Reds fan, or possibly a Cardinal fan, but definitely NOT a Red Sox fan. And if you have ever met a Red Sox fan, look out, because they are dedicated. They are some of the most knowledgeable, intense fans I have ever encountered, and not just for baseball, but any sport, be it Pats, Sox, Bruins, or Celtics. Since pre-school Boston fans are inundated with propaganda: wear your Patriots shirt to school day. There’s no other competition anywhere nearby. Everybody is loyal as hell. So if you want to talk sports, Colton, I don’t care if you play a little football or whatever, odds are Aly will chew you apart, especially if you ever say Yankees.
8. The Under
This shot is from the 2015 ESPN Body Issue, and holy crap did it stun everybody. This is a closeup shot of Aly and you can really see the determination in her eyes. Of course, nobody is looking in her eyes for long. There is a little something called underboob in this shot. So what is the big deal about underboob, anyway? It seems to be a trend that is taking over the internet. I guess it’s appealing since you don’t really see it in day-to-day life. You may see a tight shirt, or cleavage, but underboob is truly rare. Even its first cousin side-boob is easier to find in nature than underboob. Last year, this craze caught on in China where it was transformed into the “underboob pen challenge.” Women would place a pen under their boob, where it would be held against the skin, and then they’d take a pic and post it onto social media. It’s worth a google, folks. Of course, as the trend developed, pens were replaced by markers, remote controls, and even broomsticks.
7. The Cool Squad
Colton may be feeling a little bit insecure with this shot, seeing as he is nowhere near celebrity status. Here is Aly with Taylor Swift, who looks a little drunk. Then on the far left is Ruby Rose, the breakout star of Orange is the New Black. Those two other women in the pic may be famous too, or they could be nobodies, I’m not sure. Aly is looking great in a low cut v-neck, and happy to see her friend Taylor. This is not the first time they’ve met, and Taylor is not the only A-lister Aly knows. Aly has also met with Rihanna, Kim Kardashian West, and many other stars from Dancing with the Stars. There is also a pic online of her hanging out with Tim Tebow. Now that has to make Colton jealous. Tim Tebow can’t make a team either, but at least people know who he is.
6. The UFO
Now here is a pic that no boyfriend wants to see. His girl looking absolutely ridiculous! This is a shot that was taken during competition, and if you’ve ever watched gymnastics, you know that there are some very odd body positions involved. These girls have to contort their bodies into balls, planks and splits in quick and smooth progression, and then stick the landing. Above all, they have to make it look easy, which it certainly is not. Aly’s body is as strong and toned as it gets thanks to her hours of training, but still she cannot escape embarrassment like this. It almost looks like she’s some type of bodiless alien. Or some type of otherworldly flesh and spandex UFO. What is going on here? What is she trying to accomplish? I’m not sure, but it’s hilarious.
5. Abs On The Beach
Holy abdominals! This series of pictures was taken on the beach in Rio, after the gymnastics competition was held. Aly was hanging out with her good buddy, and fellow champion, Simone Biles. Simone also appears in the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, and she was there for the Lip Sync Battle, and the giraffe kiss as well. The two friends have met celebrities together and attended many award shows. Colton may not like this shot very much, again, because of jealousy. Not only is he jealous that everybody is looking at his girl’s hot bod, but he’s also jealous that he couldn’t be in Rio hanging out with her. Who doesn’t want to hang out on the beach in Rio? It has to be one of the most beautiful destinations in the world. And it’s a party. As you can see, Aly seems to be having a wonderful time.
4. The Invite Video
This one is just plain awkward. And it’s on the internet forever. Thanks, social media. Do you remember when you first asked your girlfriend/boyfriend out on a date? It was surely a stumbling, bumbling moment, full of insecurity, anxiety and blind desire. Could you imagine if that awkward moment was captured on film forever? Terrible, right? Worst of all, videos always make things more distant, so even if genuine emotion was involved in the moment, the recording comes off as straight up cheese. I don’t know, maybe this Colton guy has a big enough ego that he doesn’t worry about such things, but I doubt it. And the worst part is Aly’s reaction. She just kinda shrugs and says, ‘Sure, I’ll go on a date with him’. She smiles, but doesn’t seem very excited at all.
3. Yoga Pants
Ok, so we’ve all seen Aly in a countless number of leotards, right? She has the fancy sequin ones and the red, white and blue ones. Then she has the dressed down practice leotards, and then the ballet style nude-colored ones. In each of these leotards we see her butt. There’s no doubt about it. She knows it, we know it, everybody knows it. Her butt is on display, and that’s fine, it’s just part of her job– she’s an Olympic gymnast. However, why is it that much more attractive when we see her butt in normal clothes? Here are some street clothes that people see every day. And now we know she can totally rock the yoga pants. Of course she can, remember? We’ve seen her butt before. It’s athletic, round, firm and great. But now it’s been reaffirmed. Meanwhile Colton is tired of us talking about all of this. He’s getting pissed.
Here is another shot from the ESPN Body Issue, and this one is truly perfection. If I was a photography major, I would title this “Bravery”. She is so high up in the air that any normal person would be scared as hell to land on that tiny beam below her. She does back flips and twirls on that damned beam. Things that normal people can’t do on a grassy field, because they’re scared they might land on their head, she does on a glorified two-by-four. Then, add the fact that she is completely naked. That’s another feat that most people would never commit. Normal people take like 50 selfies before posting one on social media, because they’re so insecure about how their face looks. Could you imagine if your entire naked body had to be involved? The common selfie would cease to exist. Colton is probably very proud of this pic, but he doesn’t want us to see it. Why, you ask? Dat butt.
1. Floor Exercise
Here’s our final pic in this series of shots that Aly’s boyfriend doesn’t want you to see. Do I really have to explain this one? Oh, my lord. This looks like it’s straight out of Playboy magazine. It actually is a photo from the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Like I said in the intro, this girl gets rawer and rawer every time she does a photoshoot. Seriously. This shot is insane. All you need to do is replace those balance beams with satin sheets and suddenly you are into some adult-industry territory here. And what’s up with the outfit? She’s in a gym, but that is NOT a leotard. Leave it to Sports Illustrated to push the limit. Many of their “swimsuit issue” pics feature zero swimsuit. Maybe there’s some sand or body paint instead. Maybe. And by the way, we are totally not complaining.
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