Simply put, Tom Brady has reached the pinnacle of success. He has a happy family, beautiful wife, and prosperous career. After rallying his team to another unbelievable Super Bowl win, Brady is the best football player who has ever walked the earth. The numbers don’t lie. Brady has five championship rings on just one team, the most any player has earned, tied only with hall of famer Charles Haley, a former linebacker on two different teams. And we all know the QB is way more important than a linebacker. The quarterback is the heart of the offense, and the brains of the entire sport.
So what’s it like to be the greatest QB of all time? In New England, the man is a god. He is the perfect dad, a model husband, the best athlete, and a generous philanthropist who can do no wrong. However, once you venture outside of Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island, the man is a scum. He’s a pretty boy, a selfish womanizer, a bad liar, and a rotten cheat, who should have a fraud asterisk beside his two deflategate-related titles.
Love him or hate him, Tom Brady isn’t going anywhere. Turning 40 this August, he’s still a fierce competitor, and has already said that 2017 won’t be his last season. He said he will quit only when he “sucks,” and if he must leave the Patriots to be QB1, he will. Once he finally does retire, he’ll still be obsessed with the sport, so expect him to become a lead commentator, if not a coach. The NFL draft is now upon us, and some focus is already returning to football. Tom Brady is the face of the sport, and here are 15 images that define him.
15. Best Buddy
Okay, if you hate Trump, and you hate Brady, then this pic will probably make you vomit. Not only is Trump the worst president of all time, but it’s his younger even more arrogant self. This was taken back when Trump was a real animal. He may have been talking to Brady about grabbing a female’s body part in this shot. Something is making Tommy laugh, and more than likely, it’s an offensive slur of some kind. These two go way back. There are tons of pics of them together online. Trump can be seen hugging Brady on the sideline and chatting him up on multiple occasions. They go out golfing together. Trump raves about him on Twitter. Brady even had a red “Make America Great Again” cap in his Patriots locker. Before the election, Brady said it would be great if Trump was president, then he’d install a putting green on the White House lawn. Then, Gisele stepped in and Brady never said another pro-Trump word.
14. Boat Rental
This looks like a glamorous pic of a lovely couple boating in paradise. But take another look. The flag on the boat is Italian–the port of origin. And there’s a dude driving. Sure, Brady and Gisele are maxing and relaxing, but this photo is a testament to how cheap Brady is. He does not own this boat. And usually when rich people rent a boat, it’s a yacht the size of Rhode Island, and not one of these tiny little things. Six-foot-four Tommy can barely even stretch out on the damn deck. The boat was too small to let the kids climb aboard. That may have been the idea though. Maybe Tom and Gisele wanted some alone time. However, the point remains, that Brady is quite thrifty. He donates his time to charities, not necessarily his money. He buys Audis, not Ferraris. He goes on vacations and has a couple mansions, but overall, the guy is not a big spender.
13. Beach Beauties
Here’s the Brady clan on the beach in Costa Rica. This is what the off season typically consists of. He follows around his wife and kids and dogs along a beautiful coastline. There is a team of nannies nearby, whenever the kids start to complain too much. There are hundreds of pictures of Brady and Gisele on the beach. Most of them expose a whole lot more Gisele’s butt than this safe pic. The woman is stunning; everybody knows that. But did you know she is also the breadwinner? Sure, many of you knew that too, but the shocker is that she nearly triples Brady. The best active player on the planet is worth around $100M, while miss supermodel supreme ranks in around $300M. She reportedly retired, but she still must have a few contracts out there. Gisele wanted Tom to retire too, but that ain’t happening for a while.
12. MLB Catcher?
This is obviously a photoshopped image, but it does a great job to illustrate a little known fact. Before the NFL, and before his Orange Bowl winning QB role at the University of Michigan, Tom Brady was drafted by the Montreal Expos as a catcher. He was even drafted one round before MLB catcher David Ross, a.k.a. Grandpa, who just retired from the World Champion Chicago Cubs and now stars on Dancing with the Stars. Brady was a top prospect, batted left, and had the intelligence and the arm to be the captain behind the plate. But Brady turned it all down to pursue a QB position at Michigan. And then he had to wait until his junior year to even play. Brady must have been questioning his choices during those long Freshmen and Sophomore years on the bench. Turning down baseball is a testament to his determination, dedication, and love of football. It’s also a testament to how athletic he is. Many great athletes excel in multiple sports. John Elway, Dan Marino, and Russell Wilson were also baseball prospects who turned down the MLB to become NFL leaders.
11. The Hair
Check out the hair on this dude. Combine that with the tank top and the guy is looking a little too girly for the typical Boston sports fan. But as mentioned in the intro, Brady can do no wrong in New England, even when his hair is looking long. So long, in fact, that he wore a hair band and sparked a debate across the internet whether this was okay or not. Man buns have since come into style, so maybe the hairband movement has been abandoned. Tommy has also sported a faux-hawk and multiple buzzes. He shaves, but sometimes doesn’t. Many people blamed the long hair on the Gisele influence. People have also blamed her for the way he dresses and the products he chooses to endorse. Of all the women on the planet, Gisele may have some pretty good advice. After all, she’s one of the richest and most recognizable women in the world.
10. Brady Buried
Here’s a great shot of Tom Brady being mister family man. Brady let his kids bury him entirely underneath the sand. Have you ever done this before? For one thing, it takes forever, and then afterwards you find sand in crevices you never knew existed. But, like any good dad, Tommy set all the inconvenience aside to make a great memory for his young children. Tommy has three kids. John “Jack” Edward Thomas Moynahan, who he infamously fathered with Bridget Moynahan (more on that later), is nine years old. Brady also has two kids with current wife, Gisele. Benjamin Brady is seven years old and Vivian Lake Brady is four years old. All three kids are presented as one whole family unit, no stepbrother crap, and most of the old skeletons in the closet have been averted to insure the happiest atmosphere for the children.
9. Trophy Obsession
Check out the look on Brady’s face in this shot. The dude is insane. He gets intense. He does everything in his power to win. With that look on his face, he’ll chew out a ten-year veteran. It’s blind passion. That is the look of determination and success. And he doesn’t look tired at all. The guy is hungrier than ever. “You know what my favorite Super Bowl ring is?” Brady said, “The next one.” He’s surrounded by two of his favorite people–Coach Bill Belichick (holding trophy, on the right) and owner Robert Kraft (in champions hat, on the left). This is the power trio that has led to 5 championships, and all other teammates are truly expendable. Sure there’s Gronk and Edelman, who are great players, but they can and have been interchanged with Moss and Welker, respectively. The Pat’s biggest strength is finding average-to-good athletes and then transforming them into superstars under their superb mentorship. Whether you hate them or not, the Pats keep winning. That’s because they work harder than anybody. Tommy keeps working out, studying, and conditioning. Bill draws up and calls the most innovative and efficient plays. And Kraft backs up the operation financially. Sure there was spygate and deflategate, but so what? There’s an old saying in all of sports–if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying hard enough. Everybody knows that.
8. Brady Backers
This t-shirt illustrates the loyalty of the New England fan base. Tommy got in some big trouble with deflategate. Brady and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell went legal blow for blow trying to prove his innocence during the whole ball inflation-level scandal. Did anyone in New England ever question Brady’s integrity during all of the proceedings? Not even for a second. Goodell was always the villain, and I agree. Come on, people, even if you hate Brady, you must admit that ball deflation is not a big deal. We’ve all played ball in the backyard or in high school, and balls have varied in weight. Did it matter? No. In fact, it’s more of a superstition than anything else, and it happens in all sports. Shaq deflated basketballs. Brady likes his balls a little saggy, while Packers QB Aaron Rodgers has been known to keep his extra firm. This is all just a Goodell publicity stunt and Brady was a safe target. Goodell needed to deflect some attention after the bad publicity of the CTE brain injury cover-up, as well as Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, and a dozen other players with domestic violence scandals.
7. The Drunken Dork
Here’s a picture of Tom Brady in one of his finer moments. Without a doubt, the dude is drunk. And that’s okay, it’s fun to let loose and have a few drinks now and then. But if you agree with the Weeknd lyrics from “The Hills,” when you get drunk, you turn into the real you. And to some extent, that can be true. You let out some of your inner personality when you’ve had a couple drinks. Not too many though, or you turn into a monster. So who’s with Tom in this pic? Well, I hate to say it, but dude looks like a big old dork. He danced with Wiz Khalifa at a post season Patriots victory party, and the results were beyond humiliating. But let’s face it, dorks are cool too. And in fact, many great NFL QBs are dorks; for example, the Manning brothers. Those dudes are both as dorky as it gets, but they’re both great players and superior quarterbacks. This shot is of wide receiver Danny Amendola with his boss, and all of those enormous rings.
6. Singing with Supermodels
We’re not sure if these people are singing or what, but Tommy is definitely letting loose. Work hard, play hard. Might be a couple cocktails involved in this one. This image defines how Brady lives because he is constantly surrounded by beauty. These are the house guests he is used to entertaining. You ever date a hot girl and then the hidden perk is that your hot girlfriend has friends who are also hot? Well, that’s what happens when you’re married to Gisele. She brings the whole catwalk with her. Pictured here are Adriana Lima (right) and Oluchi Onweagba. Both of these hotties are Victoria Secret models, so maybe this is an after party shot. Brady is no stranger to such high fashion events. He shows up to the MET Gala, or the Kentucky Derby wearing only the latest trends. Gisele surely picks out his clothes and dresses him like a baby doll, but Brady rolls with it.
5. The Salesman
Here’s a shot of Brady acting like his wife again, and doing some modeling. The dude is a good-looking guy if you like chin dimples, which many women do. He has done modeling for a ton of diverse products. In addition to promoting charities like Best Buddies International, Brady has also done ads for Shields MRI, Stetson (pictured), Ugg, Audi, Smart Water, Nike, Movado, and more. His current contract with Under Armor compelled fans to purchase his “recovery sleepwear,” aka $200 pajamas. Misty Copeland, the ballet star, promotes the female version of the expensive PJs. Not sure how powerful Misty’s appeal is, but I’m sure that somewhere over in Southie, that Johnny, Marky, Pauly, Bobby, Greggy, Joey, Donnie, and Danny have all purchased two pairs of the Brady pajamas already.
4. The Joker
Okay, so the Chicago Bears totally suck now. Oh, yeah, they’re really bad. They finally got rid of Jay Cutler, but that doesn’t even matter. Too little too late. It’s gonna take years for the monsters of the midway to rebuild. But once upon a time, long before Urlacher and Devin Hester, there was a legendary Bears team that was arguably the most talented assembled in NFL history, with guys like Walter Payton, Mike Singletary, Ron Rivera, The Fridge, and Coach Ditka. The Chicago Bears made it easily to Super Bowl 20, and faced the extreme underdog, the New England Patriots. It was one of the most lopsided defeats ever, and the Bears won 46-10. Here’s a picture of Brady showing his sense of humor and playing punky QB, Jim McMahon, in a Super Bowl Shuffle skit on SNL. Brady has a great sense of humor. It’s one of his best qualities.
3. Insane Diet
Brady has a crazy diet. Have you heard about this? The dude won’t eat a ton of stuff. Here’s a picture of him reluctantly eating a turkey leg, but he probably purged himself and that did a 36-hour cleanse immediately afterwards. Brady won’t eat nightshades; that includes tomatoes, eggplant, bell peppers, and the like, because they contain solanine, a chemical which has been known to cause inflammation and arthritis. He won’t eat any gluten or dairy, and he doesn’t even eat fruit. The dude eats TONS of quinoa and vegetables. He rarely eats seafood and duck, according to his personal chef, Allen Campbell. All things eaten must be certified organic, of course. Some experts say that Brady is in the best shape of his life and is defying age, thanks in large part to his diet. Should we all try this diet? Probably not. It seems to be quite healthy, but it’s also very expensive…not to mention, boring.
2. The Affleck Nanny
Never hire a hot nanny. Here’s the picture of the infamous nanny, Christine Ouzounian, on a private jet, wearing Tom Brady’s Super Bowl Rings. Sure, she’s young, sexy, and cute as a button, but she was on this plane with two married dudes, and rumor has it that they both had a turn with her. Those are loose rumors, though. Nobody really knows what happened or who did who. We do know that after the image surfaced, Pats super-fan, Ben Affleck, had his life turned upside down. His wife, Jennifer Garner, got pissed and walked out. Ben went to rehab. He completed rehab, and then Garner filed for divorce anyway. Old Benny looks a little drunk in the inset pic, and it’s certain that alcohol was consumed on that fateful plane ride. Tommy has steered clear of the controversy compared to Ben. Or maybe Gisele is just more understanding. Either way, Brady has many Hollywood friends, especially Boston guys like Matt Damon, Mark Wahlberg, and Seth MacFarlane. Brady even cameoed in Ted 2. These guys are all Patriots die-hards and would never blame QB1 for any wrongdoings.
1. Dumping Pregnant Moynahan
Here’s where Tommy got his reputation as a big womanizer, and some people just won’t let it go. Back in 2006, he was dating this beautiful actress, Bridget Moynahan, and they broke up. Breakups happen…everyday. It’s only natural. They didn’t get along. So, guess what? Tommy moved on, and started dating Gisele Bündchen. But then a few weeks later, Moynahan calls up Tommy and says, “Dude, I’m pregnant.” So, now what? Is Brady supposed to drop everything and return to this woman who he already determined was incompatible? No. Just because she is pregnant with your child doesn’t mean you’re going to get along any better. They went their separate ways and kept it that way. And they still get along. Moynahan and Brady both married other people, but they still love their son. The press is always trying to make a big deal out of it, or take some Gisele comment out of context, but guess what? The kid is fine, the parents are fine, and that’s all there is to it.
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