There are a lot of people out there that think that Ariel Winter is like the hottest thing going. I'm here to tell you that those people are wrong. Now listen, before you get all mad, let me tell you a couple of things first. Her not being hot does not make her a bad person, and it doesn't make her a bad actress. In fact, I wouldn't have brought up the fact that she's not hot, except for the fact that people keep running around talking about how hot she is. Point being, I'm not making fun of Ariel because she's not hot (and she really is not); I am making fun of all you people out there who are so convinced that she is.
It's sort of like if a whole bunch of people all of a sudden started to tell you that the Earth was flat. I mean, I know, because of research and a grasp of science, that those people are wrong. I've paid attention throughout my life, and I've learned a few things along the way, just like I've paid attention to women throughout my life. In fact, you might say that I was a student of women's looks since I've been studying them for so long.
Am I saying Ariel is fat? No, because she isn't. Am I saying she is ugly? Nah, she isn't that bad. What I am saying is that she's totally average, and if she was working at an Arby's at the mall, you wouldn't even notice her.
Here are 15 Photo's That Make You Wonder Why People Think Ariel Winter Is Hot.
15 Thinks She's Hotter Than She Really Is
Alright, so here you go. Let's put my theory to the test right now. Let's just say you are walking down the street, and you see the chick in the above picture coming at you. What reaction are you going to have? If you say you're going to think, "Oh my God, that's like the hottest women I've ever seen coming at me right now!" I'm going to tell you right now that I know you're lying. What you're going to think is something like "Oh, that woman is like kind of reasonably attractive, but you know, so are like millions of other women. Oh yeah, and also, she dresses like she thinks she's hotter than she is." And that's the truth. The only thing that makes an average-looking chick look less hot is when she tries and act like she's smoking.
14 Just Nasty...
Okay, so here we go, right? If this were evidence in a trial, and I were a lawyer, I would call it Exhibit B. This is kind of nasty. If you say that it isn't nasty, then once again, I know you're totally full of it. So then, I already know what you're going to say next; you're going to come back with the whole "Well who do you think you are? It isn't like you're so hot!" Well right, Columbo, that sure is a good one. The thing is though, last time I checked, there aren't like a million 16 year olds thinking I was like the hottest thing going either. This is less a case of me pointing out how awful Ariel Winter looks; it's more me pointing out that all of you guys that think she's hot are entirely and totally wrong. Don't shoot the messenger.
13 Just Like Your Cousin at the Family Barbecue
Okay, let's play a game. Let's pretend that you have no idea who you're looking at here, and that this is the first time that you've ever seen this photo. Would you think that this was a totally famous actress, and one that millions of men found to be totally hot? Or would you think it was a somewhat chubby chick in a hoodie holding a rabbit. And also, come on, she's not even holding the rabbit very well! That thing looks like it's about to freak right out. If you saw Sarah Hyland or Sofia Vergara in the same outfit, they would look totally hot. You know they would. Seeing Ariel in this hoodie just makes me think of my cousin at the family barbecue, and before you ask, no that's not a particularly alluring thought for me.
12 Really Just Looks Okay
In this photo, we can see one of the obvious reasons that guys get so into Ariel, although she's had breast reduction surgery, so the look is slightly different now. She used to be a 32F, and now she's just a 32D. Her mother was against the surgery. Now don't get me wrong; I'm into curves. I think all curvy women are kind of hot, as long as they're curvy in the right way. Ariel looks fine, she really does; she looked fine before and she looks fine now. But there's a big difference between looking okay and being a sex symbol that's desired by millions. If I didn't know better, I would think the whole "Ariel Winter is super hot" thing was some sort of mass hypnosis experiment being conducted by the government.
11 Looks Pretty Dumb
This sort of sums up the whole thing in a nutshell. Above is a picture of Ariel at Coachella. This is what Us Magazine had to say about it: "The Modern Family actress, 18, kicked off the fun on Friday, April 22, wearing a plunging lace bra top, teamed with Daisy Duke shorts and white sneakers. She styled her freshly dyed scarlet tresses into the beauty trend of the moment — double Dutch braids — and added a cat-eye." Okay, so all that's cool, but the thing is, Ariel looks pretty dumb. Sorry, I had to say it. Listen, you're at Coachella, which is a music festival, and you have to put on your "I am so hot at a music festival" outfit? This is not a good look for anyone, and if you're a TV star, it's even worse.
10 Tries Too Hard to Show Off
Here's yet another photo of Ariel showing off her boobs. It's like she's rolling out to go get a frozen chimichanga from 7-eleven in her sweat pants, but she still has to show off what she has going on upstairs. Check out what In Touch has to say about her showing off her figure: "She posted a selfie showing off her boobs in a bikini as well as an up-close-and-personal video of her twerking towards the camera. The butt-shaking clip was taken during a vacation to Mexico with her friends and 29-year-old actor Levi Meaden." Really Ariel? I honestly don't want to see you twerking, I don't want to see you on your vacation in Mexico, and when you're rolling out for your morning coffee and donut, just wear a regular t-shirt, maybe?
9 Attempt to Stop Body-Shaming Is Shameful
Now this one is going to confuse some people. This was supposedly some super hot shoot of Ariel, but seriously? You could find better-looking women at the hotel pool of your local Howard Johnson's. So supposedly, she does stuff like this to get rid of people who are body-shaming her. But here's the thing: what I would do would be to stop showing my body all the time if body shaming was what I was worried about. You want to be another Kim Kardashian? Knock yourself out. But then get ready to have a whole bunch of people comment on your body. You know, the one you just keep showing off all the time? Don't get me wrong; once again, she doesn't look awful, but neither do millions of other women.
8 Tries to Look Fashionable and Fails Miserably
Alright, so I have to admit, at least there's a whole different vibe in this one. Usually, the whole thing is all about her showing off her body, and then complaining when people publicly say they don't like it a whole lot. This is a whole different scene. In this photo, she's trying to show off how fashionable she is, and once again, she fails miserably. How does this happen? How can someone just constantly come off so totally differently than they think they're coming off? Although don't get me wrong: when I was 19, I was hanging out at spring break wondering why my game was so awful with the ladies. I'm sure in another ten years, Ariel will look back at photos from this time in her life and be horrified. I know I am.
7 Tries Too Hard Again
Alright, so here we have Ariel wearing an expensive-looking bathing suit that shows off her cleavage and some knee high boots while she's sitting on a diving board. You know what she looks like here? Well, she looks like someone that was working at the deli counter at the local supermarket who got asked to be in a photo shoot at the local YMCA pool. There is literally absolutely nothing that's even slightly alluring or hot about this photo or how she looks in it. Am I saying that she looks horrible? No, I'm not saying that at all. Am I saying that I'm totally confused why guys are so into her and about the fact that photographers keep taking her photo all the time? Yes, I 'm saying that for certain.
6 Can't Find a Middle Ground
Here's another photo of Ariel where she once again just misses the mark. I get what she's trying to do here, which is look a little bit more classy and grown up, which is kind of what I've been saying she should've been trying to do for a while now. But seriously, does it have to always be one way or the other? Is there no place for her to exist between these two opposite extremes? On the one hand, you have a young woman who is showing off her boobs and looking kind of trashy, and on the other hand, you have this look, where she looks kind of like a deranged 40-year-old. Maybe one time in the future, she'll find a look that suits her, but until then, she'll always look pretty silly in almost every photo of hers out there.
5 Totally Garden Variety
All right, so far there's been a lot of talk about the body. Let's talk the face. Is she ugly? No, not at all. Not even a little bit. Is she gorgeous? Well umm, no, not at all. Not even a little bit. Ariel is a very average-looking woman. There's not a whole lot of sparkle going on here, not a whole lot that meets the eye. If she was sitting next to you in a class at college, you would barely notice her. If she was waiting on you when you were eating out at a bar, you would really think nothing of it. I mean, come on, look at the above photo. This is her when she's wearing a ton of makeup, when she has her hair professionally done by someone who I'm sure is one of the best in the business, and she still looks totally garden variety.
4 This Way at 19
Okay. so, what do I really need to say here that's not already totally evident? What are we looking at here? Some neighborhood chick that has a summer job at the local Dairy Freeze, or a huge star that is idolized by millions? Because if it's the latter, it just doesn't make any sense to me. Also, she's just 19 years old now. This is the type of body that tends to get a little more loose with age, so if things are this way now, what will they look like when she's 35? And again, for all of you that are going to beat on me about this, Ariel has been showing off her booty in photo shoots for well over a year now. All I'm pointing out is that I could find a booty more appealing in about ten seconds of walking down any beach in the world.
3 Doesn't Seem to Have a Real Shirt
Alright, so here we have Ariel walking down the...ugh. Seriously I can't even do it. Why am I even talking about a photo like this? Why did anyone take it in the first place? Why do so many of you think Ariel is so hot? Why is she wearing a shirt like that? And actually, now that we're talking about it, what is up with those shoes? She once said on Instagram, "To those who attack me with body-shaming comments, your words are a reflection of what’s inside you, not me." Yeah, okay Ariel, that's cool. And you probably even have a very good point. But hey, maybe take a break on all the butt photos and wear a real shirt every once in a great while? Then all of us could just get on with our lives and not worry about all of this.
2 Can't Pull Off the Classy Look
Here's another photo of Ariel. In this one, she veers away from the whole "look at my body thing," but once again, does so in a way that looks so totally off. Well maybe saying that she looks "off" is not the best way to put it. But what she does look like is someone who is trying way too hard, like all of the time. She is either trying way too hard to look really hot and show off her body, or she is trying way too hard to look classy and like she is not trying to show off her body. Is it possible that she ever just gets up and puts on some clothes for the day without wondering what she's going to come off looking like to people? Or maybe she just does all of this on purpose and she's one of the biggest IRL trolls in the world.
1 Really Just Tries Too Hard!
Did I mention anything before about Ariel Winter trying too hard? Good lord, this photo shoot looks like what would happen if your teenage sister had a dream about what she would look like as a "bad girl." Yeah, she looks sort of cute, and yeah, she looks like she's having a good time, and I'm down with that. I'm totally down with Ariel being kind of cute and having a good time. Sadly, I'm not down with pretending that she's super hot and is the object of men's desire all over the world. Because what we have here is a bunch of photographic evidence, and what you have just seen are 15 different photos that should be proof without a doubt that Ariel is not that hot. Cute? Sure, why not? Hot? She simply isn't.
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