I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you all at least know of the blond, mullet man that we've all come to know as Dog The Bounty Hunter. He's made a ton of success in reality television by hunting down those who need to pay up their bail bonds. Those pesky people need to pay up, and it turns out that the once fairly jacked Dog couldn't hack them all by himself.
So what did he do? Well, he scored a wife by doing his job. Hunting down a new collection, Dog met Beth Smith (now Beth Chapman), and the rest is history. Who knows if she paid in cash. I think being with Dog is enough payment and then some. Anyway, he brought her along with him on his reality TV escapades. And they've made it big.
I mean they were both already pretty big, but that's hard to miss. And now that they're not very often in the public eye, I bet there are some photos being passed around on the internet of Beth Chapman that Dog would be happy people didn't see. And that's why we're here. Sure, some of these photos involve Dog as well, but that doesn't change the reasons he'd rather keep them out of sight.
15 Risky Business
So there are some obvious reasons why Dog might not like this photo being out there too much. First off, in those heels, Beth is certainly taller than Dog. And since his whole image is about being the manliest of men, you can see how that might break him a little. In addition to that, it's not like Beth looks at all like this anymore anyway, so he may not enjoy the false advertising. And it really doesn't help that she's making crime look sexy. In all honesty, Beth looks like some sort of club dominatrix. And considering they're trying to allegedly stop the swarm of people skipping on their bail bonds, it seems strange to make it seem appealing. Of course, that would bring in more money for the Chapmans, so maybe that is part of their scheme after all.
14 Saggy Stroll
There is no mistaking at all that Beth Chapman is rather...large in certain areas. A bit meatier, let's say. But what is absolutely astonishing in this photo is how very much more sag Dog seems to have than Beth. And I don't mean the actual fit, four-legged dog on the leash. I mean the mullet-maned bounty hunter. It's got to be pretty embarrassing when his chest is dropping more, if not at least comparably with his wife's. And it's pretty crazy to see just how much more in shape she is here as well. Her legs are pretty damn tight. And considering what Beth looked like when she first started with Dog in their obscene reality TV adventures, she looks pretty good there. And we all know that Dog doesn't like anyone ogling his wife (which he usually hasn't needed to worry about).
13 Under The Knife...
So sure, not all of this was thanks to going under the knife. Some of it was due to injections and weight gain as well. And a few things just have to be said about this look. Maybe Dog didn't want to be reminded of the criminal he fell in love with, but the 'before' photo does make Beth look a bit more severe. The 'after' shot sees a much warmer, happier...jollier Beth. Now that could be the nose work, the cheeks, and the weight gain, but she does still look like a nicer person. I guess you'd probably have to learn to be a warmer person to deal with the likes of Dog on the day to day. And I have to be honest, I would much sooner meet up with the 'before' Beth than the 'after' Beth. Maybe I have a thing for people I know are being tracked by bounty hunters.
12 A Very...Very Rough Night
Wow! I mean, I want to say that Beth has really let herself go, but in comparison to how she looks today, I have to say that she really did let herself go...years ago. Man does it ever look like she had a rough night. She looks like a far more endowed, and larger version of Courtney Love after a night out. And that's saying quite a bit. Even down to the outfit that begs people to focus on into certain areas. Though surely she didn't realize that the pressure of her body against the shirt would render it virtually see-through. All I can say is that she's lucky she's wearing a bra in this shot (for all the good it does). But it's amazing what the addition of sunglasses and trashy clothes can do to someone's appearance. She really does look haggard in this shot.
11 Please Don't Choke Me!
So you might think, for some odd reason, that Dog and Beth come by their tans naturally in the Hawaii sun. But that is simply a lie. For example, this is a shot of the "crime-fighting" couple just leaving a tanning salon. Now, why could Dog possibly not want anyone to see this shot? I think it's pretty clear. It looks like he's about to enjoy killing his wife with only his one arm wrapped around her neck. It's pretty clear that she has some reservations about this move as well. It could be that the shot just caught her right before her smile fully bloomed...but I choose to believe that Dog had murderous intent. Why? Because it makes for far more interesting reading, and it adds even more hilarity to their ridiculous life. Need I say more?
10 Yes. This Really Exists...
There is every reason why Dog does not want this photo out. Sure, it's not actually of his wife Beth. And its existence may very well help fill up the pockets of the reality TV couple. But there's something darker here than the black leather of the outfit. Even though the wig to this outfit is just about as bad as Dog's actual hair, it seems to me that the woman wearing this outfit is hotter than his actual wife. And while that may not mean much to many people. Imagine Halloween in Hawaii, and Dog comes face to face with dozens of hotter versions of his wife wandering the street, and going to parties all over town. I can't imagine that would be a wanted distraction from his actual wife. It just sounds like a very easy way for him to end up in the dog house. And I don't mean his actual home. I mean the little shed out back.
9 Trouble Keeping In Place
Alright. You might not notice right away, but it does seem pretty glaring to me. The issue with celebrities is that they are so frequently expected to present themselves properly, and according to character that it seems out of place when...a part of them is out of place. In this case, there are two parts that seem pretty clearly out of place. And besides the fact that likely most people wouldn't really care to see, surely Dog doesn't want anyone to see more of his wife than they already have. After all, there was that big hullaballoo about Beth posing for Playboy a few years back. That, of course, was false (as Hefner would hardly have asked her to pose). A lot of people took to the internet to make it a reality, but it was clearly someone else's body attached to Beth's head.
8 Age And Weight Loss
Wow! There are two very clear differences in these two photos. Sure, it's pretty clear that in the right-hand photo Beth has dropped a lot of weight. And good for her. Especially since it seems to be the opposite for Dog these days. But one can't help but notice that, in spite of the weight loss, Beth's age is really beginning to show. And that could very well be the weight loss. When you have that much loosened skin, I'm sure it becomes much easier to betray your true age. Especially considering how tightly fastened her skin has been to her face since her surgery. Either way, the difference in both these photos is pretty staggering. And surely Dog favours one over the other. And why would he want those devious internet trolls to have possession of these photos to poke fun at his wife? Of course, everyone is obsessed with celebrity in their own little way, so here we are poking at it.
7 A Little Unsure
If there's one thing that's got to get Dog a little annoyed (more than the fact that Beth is spilling out of her outfits consistently), it has got to be this look of uncertainty when around him. I know he perpetually has those wrinkles on his forehead from burning his face in the Hawaiian sun one too many times...but he truly looks a little vexed here. And she looks either unsure or has one too many beers in her. Or maybe she's just realized that there's no real reason for her to be at the ACM Awards. After all, she's a reality TV bounty hunter, not a country singer. So whether from the look of uncertainty, or the incredible amount of overflow from her outfit, I could see why Dog might have a bit of an issue with this particular shot.
6 Bend At The Knees, Not The Hips!
What in the name of Sir Isaac H. Newton is happening here!? Is this meant to be Beth and Duane bringing someone in to collect their bounty? That can't be. It really looks like something a little more disturbing is happening here. That could be because of the awful expressions on both Beth and Duane's faces. And besides that, what is Beth thinking, trying to take a guy down while she wears heels like that? It seems likely that, whatever is happening in this moment, Dog won't be too keen on people continually staring. You know, like you all are now. Because while you might be wondering what is going on in the photo too...it's clear that there are two sizeable distractions that have caught your attention more.
5 A Whole Lotta Leg
Lord knows why Beth Chapman is wondering the red carpet at the Academy of Country Music Awards. Sure, she's pretty obviously a fan of country music, but I don't think her celebrity is such that it warrants a red carpet appearance. Either way, while her dress is not the skimpiest outfit to have ever graced a red carpet, it certainly doesn't leave much to the imagination. That's for sure! Who knows how she's feeling about the whole thing (since it seems her surgery may have taken away her ability to express in this photo), but she is virtually exploding out of the top of the dress. And that's before mentioning just how much that slit in the side of the dress reveals of her legs. I could imagine Dog being a little protective of this photo. But of course, the internet trolls are far more powerful than any bounty hunter.
4 Collecting? Or Carousing With Criminals?
So it's pretty clear here that Florida Georgia Line are not on Beth's collection list. At least not in terms of bail bonds. She may very well want them for other purposes. But it's interesting that she'd so freely pose with a couple of guys who clearly have such disdain for the law. I mean, they did after all attempt to shun cops from openly doing their job at their concert. Seems like they're hiding something, and Beth should be bringing them in, rather than hanging out with them. And what would Dog say if he saw her with these two guys, wearing the low cut top that she is? What could he think? Is she just a fan? Or is she trying to pull their notice? Ultimately, I'm sure very few people care other than Dog, but that doesn't change the fact that the bounty hunter might have just added two news crooks to his list. Even if he's retired.
3 Driven To Drink
This is surprisingly out of character. At least for the Beth Chapman everyone knows from TV. Hell, she's sitting alone with a whole bottle (which is mostly gone) at hand. And she's not all decked out in either "crime-fighting" gear, or some sort of redneck-ish outfit. It's actually very refreshing. I can't decide if Dog wouldn't like this because it's showing the woman she really is, and that she has an identity outside of whatever she garners from Dog...or if it would be because she actually looks like a sophisticated woman who is actually fairly savvy. Because they both could very well be true, and this image really does change a lot about my initial perception of Beth Chapman. It's almost as if she's actually just an actor who's been given an awful role to play on TV.
2 Hanging Loose In Snake Skin
This might be more of a gripe for Hawaiian islanders than it is for Dog himself, but the fact that she's rocking the 'hang loose' sign without any hint of being either an islander or a surfer of any sort...is kind of annoying. And since both Beth and Dog are from Denver, it really doesn't make much sense, even if they live in Hawaii. Because let's be honest, they don't really fit into the crowd there. Especially not in a snake skin outfit like the one above. And speaking of that snake skin, I bet Dog is pissed about this outfit. Surely that's what his new hat and/or boots were going to be made out of. Why wouldn't he be pissed? Beth basically took the skin from an anaconda and used it to wrap tightly around her body. Imagine how annoyed he is when he wants to get at what's underneath.
1 A Prettier Dog...
Aww, now this one has got to really hurt poor old Duane 'Dog' Chapman. Why? Well, it should be pretty obvious. Beth is posing in a photo with a much prettier dog than usual. That might sound like a bit of a low blow, but come on. First off, it's funny. And secondly...am I wrong? I mean this dog has everything that Dog doesn't. Four legs, good grooming, a collar for a leash (in case), and the ability to be adorable for a photo op. That seems like a pretty good reason to me for Dog to not like this photo of Beth. And while that might seem like a cop out because it's not like she's doing anything untoward, I still stand by my decision to crack this joke. And while I can't know for sure, given all the hunting one Dog does over the other, I'm inclined to think that this pup has better breath too!