2016 was a huge year for celebrity break-ups. We saw the end of Brangelina, the dark side of Johnny Depp and a newly single Lady Gaga. All this Hollywood heartache has led to a new trend – the revenge body! Looking sexy after a split is as big of a requirement post-break-up as deleting Instagram pics of one’s ex. It’s just expected. Stars barely have time to nurse wounded pride and broken hearts these days. They need to focus on their outward appearances, and walk away from a relationship looking hotter than when they first started.
Some stars have gotten this message loud and clear. Miranda Lambert got super-svelte after her split from Blake Shelton. Ryan Philippe got buff after his engagement to beauty Paulina Slagter ended. That’s because revenge bodies are all about looking the part of the winner, no matter if the person was dumped, two-timed or blackmailed. However, some stars are slow learners and seem betwixt and between. They are stuck in the break-up rut and, worse still, look the part. Here are 15 big name stars that need to get on the revenge body bandwagon. They can thank us later.
15 Nicki Minaj
14 Lady Gaga
13 Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp has sported the hobo chic look for years, and it worked in his favor. That is, until Amber Heard exposed him as an abuser. Now, people look at his dark eyes, his messy hair and his unkempt clothing and just think how he reminds them of Charles Manson. If he ever wants to work in Hollywood again – or even hold his head up in public – then he has to rehab his appearance. Of course we want him to work on his inner self, but in an age when looks are everything, the thing that will make people accept him into their good graces again is to look the part of a saint.
12 Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato just can’t seem to get her act together. She always takes one step forward, and two steps back. A perfect case in point is her relationship with Wilmer Valderrama. Lovato got with him, and people thought that she had finally waved goodbye to her struggles with drugs, alcohol and insecurity. When the two got engaged, Lovato was able to use that move to prove to the world that she had made the transition from troubled teen star to mature young woman. But it was not to be, and the two broke up after six years together. Now, she’s right back to where she started. No one is taking her seriously, and they are laughing behind her back that Valderrama dropped her because he reminded her too much of his ex, trainwreck Lindsay Lohan.
11 Angelina Jolie
Brad Pitt debuted his revenge body at the Golden Globes. All he really did was show up clean shaven, but it was enough to remind the world of why it fell in love with him to begin with. He was poured into his tux, and was all smiles. His hair was combed just-so, his face was chiseled, and his light eyes sparkled. He got cheers from the audience, and from fans at home. So it looks like the worm has turned. Pitt is back in everyone’s good graces, and now his ex Angelina Jolie is the villain. What can we say? Hollywood is fickle and this change in public opinion is a great storyline to sell magazines.
10 Tom Hiddleston
Tom Hiddleston’s career was really starting to take flight – until he dated Taylor Swift. Now, people only know him as one of her many men. Ouch! That doesn’t just hurt his ego, it hurts his career, too. What he needs to do is teach Swift a lesson. He needs to stand up and let her (and the world) know that he won’t be thrown away like trash. It’s been said that to live well is the best revenge, but the real revenge is to walk away looking like a million bucks.
9 Kirsten Dunst
8 Joshua Jackson
Rihanna has a black eye – and this time it isn’t from Chris Brown (yeah, we went there). It’s a metaphoric one from Drake. Rihanna totally snubbed him at the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards, so he responded in kind by dropping her like she was hot and making a play for Jennifer Lopez. What a dis! J. Lo is twice her age, with twice the clout. The only way for Rihanna to walk away from this unscathed is to flaunt her hotness.
6 Bella Hadid
5 Kat Dennings
4 Drew Barrymore
3 Dakota Fanning
2 Cara Delevingne
1 Mariah Carey
Mariah Carey needs a revenge body – pronto. Not only does she need to prove that she’s the winner in the break-up with her billionaire fiancé, but she needs to show the world that she isn’t washed up after her disastrous lip synching snafu on New Year’s Eve. The first thing Carey needs to do is update her look. She’s been rocking the long, honey-colored hair extensions for years. It’s time for a more modern style. Something shorter with layers would be perfect. Also, Carey should start dressing her age. We know she loves those hoochie-mama outfits, but if she really wants to take revenge then she needs to class it up. Only then will she be taken seriously.
Sources: EOnline, TheSun, People, ETOnline
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