There isn’t a soul on this earth who doesn’t have a Netflix subscription (or at least access to the Netflix account of their sibling or romantic partner). Even in the most remote regions of the world, where the men must go out to hunt and the women must stay indoors and weave baskets, families surely gather around the iPad in the evening to enjoy another episode of Orange is the New Black or Grace and Frankie. Perhaps I’m exaggerating Netflix’s reach somewhat, but you get my point.
Right now, there are literally hundreds of movies and television shows available to watch on Netflix and the streaming giant’s catalog is growing by the day, if not by the minute. I really try not to judge people based on whether or not they like the shows that I like. I’m a grown man and I acknowledge that everybody has their own personal preferences and they are entitled to indulge them as they see fit. I am aware that the world would be an incredibly dull place to live if everybody liked the same things and there was nobody around to challenge our conventions. That being said, there are certain shows on Netflix that you have to be a complete d-bag to enjoy.
Here are 15 of them.
15. Last Chance U
There’s nothing like a good sports documentary to motivate you to get you off your butt. Something about seeing athletes achieve the greatness they have been dreaming of since childhood just makes you want to go out and push yourself to be the best you, you can be. Last Chance U, a docu-series first released by Netflix in July of 2016, is not one of those documentaries.
Last Chance U follows a number of American football Division I rejects as they try to atone for their past behavioral issues at East Mississippi Community College. Netflix likes to paint the series as a redemption story, but, in reality, it is a glorified car wreck. Many of those who watch Last Chance U do so in the hope of seeing players fail spectacularly. They get some perverse kick out of seeing other people fail to achieve their dreams, perhaps because it makes them feel better about their own position in life.
14. The Ranch
With his good looks, wild success, and baffling lack of acting or comedic talent, Ashton Kutcher is pretty much the quintessential D-bag. It only makes sense, then, that his Netflix original series The Ranch is the quintessential D-bag show.
The Ranch stars Ashton Kutcher as a Colt Bennett, a pretty-boy college football star who is forced to work on his family’s Colorado ranch despite his total lack of ranching skills. Hilarity, apparently, ensues. Like much of Kutcher’s work, The Ranch has been slammed by critics for its predictable plot, cheesy jokes, and weak writing. However, Kutcher’s devoted fanboys have managed to turn a blind eye to such issues, which has led to Netflix renewing the series for a second season of 20 (yes, 20) episodes.
13. Bojack Horseman
Right from the start, you know Bojack Horseman is going to be a painful watching experience. The show’s tongue in cheek title is nowhere near as clever as its creators think it is, nor is its writing or voice acting. In many ways, Bojack Horseman feels like a cheap imitation of Bob’s Burgers or post-2000 Simpsons (which nobody should even want to imitate).
Despite its many glaring faults, Bojack Horseman has developed a staggeringly large audience of regular viewers, mostly composed of frat bros and D-bags (though the argument can be made that those are one and the same). Powering through in spite of at best lukewarm reactions from critics, Bojack Horseman is heading into its fourth season and shows no signs of slowing down.
12. Arrested Development
Despite the fact the show was unable to complete its original run on traditional television without being canceled, Netflix felt it was a good idea to commission a new season of Arrested Development in May of 2013. After allowing the series to rest for a couple of years, during which time the streaming service developed a significant amount of original content, Netflix announced that it had commissioned another season of its Arrested Development reboot in early 2017.
Arrested Development’s popularity can be explained by its writing. While it isn’t anything special, it does have the illusion of being clever, which, when combined with the show’s lack of a laugh track, makes it incredibly popular among wanna-be intellectual D-bags who don’t have the attention span to make it through a foreign film.
11. Wet Hot American Summer: First Day Of Camp
When Wet Hot American Summer hit theaters in July of 2001, it became an unlikely hit among teenage audiences. For the next decade and a half, fans of the movie would campaign for a sequel so they could revel in the sex jokes and gross out scenes once again. In 2015, Netflix finally answered their prayers and gave them an eight episode serial spin-off entitled Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp.
Despite their initial enthusiasm, many fans of the original Wet Hot American Summer were disappointed by First Day of Camp. While the franchise audience had grown up since the release of the movie 14 years earlier, the writing had not. Many of the jokes which had worked so well before seemed kind of childish and more than a little stale. Most Wet Hot American Summer fans quickly stopped watching First Day of Camp so as not to tarnish their memory of the original movie, with only the most immature viewers remaining. The show’s creators have continued to go to the Wet Hot American Summer well with the recent and even more infuriating Ten Years Later, which serves as the final nail in the franchise’s coffin.
Bull riding, much like bullfighting, has become the subject of a whole lot of criticism over the past couple of years, which is pretty much totally justified. Unlike horse riding, which promotes a unity between the rider and the horse, bull riding pits the rider against the bull, with the former attempting to “master” the latter from atop its back.
Netflix original Fearless follows a group of bull riders as they compete against each other for, as the official synopsis puts it, “money, respect, and titles”. It’s sickening to see powerful, proud creatures such as bulls be hauled out of cages and paraded around before a roaring audience, only to be returned to captivity once the show has come to an end. Still, the D-bag viewers of Netflix found it to be nothing less than captivating and made the series a success through their loyal viewership.
9. El Chapo
Joaquín Archivaldo Guzmán Loera, better known as El Chapo, is one of the most vicious drug lords the world has ever seen. El Chapo is believed to be responsible for literally thousands of murders which have occurred throughout his time as a cartel leader, and that’s not counting the hundreds of thousands of lives that have been lost as a result of drug abuse.
Netflix documented the life of the notorious drug trafficker in the 2017 series El Chapo. The intention of the series – to highlight El Chapo’s countless misdeeds – was lost on a great deal of D-bag viewers. Somehow, they began to sympathize with the murderer, seeing him as something of an anti-hero who was forced to do the things he did by a system that was rigged against him and others like him.
8. Iron Fist
It’s been a long time since Marvel was held to any sort of standard. The company (that’s what it’s become), has been tossing out superhero movies at an alarming rate for over a decade, giving little thought to quality or logic. The perfect example of Marvel’s growing indifference came in March of 2017, when Netflix released the web series Iron Fist. The series received overwhelmingly negative reviews from critics, but it had little, if any effect on viewership. Refusing to question Marvel’s infinite wisdom, the most brainwashed of superhero fans continued to watch the series, forcing themselves to enjoy Iron First’s poor writing, acting, and directing. Thanks to the unwavering devotion of such Marvel-loving D-bags, Netflix renewed Iron Fist for a second season in July of 2017.
7. Trailer Park Boys
Since its inception in 2001, Trailer Park Boys has risen from a little-known Canadian comedy to a full-blown television phenomenon, with 11 seasons, celebrity cameos, and a whole lot of specials. In 2014, the show’s creators teamed up with Netflix to create further Trailer Park Boys content, which allowed the show to build a worldwide audience.
Despite its success, Trailer Park Boys is decidedly mediocre. The stories are difficult to believe, the jokes are incredibly predictable, and the later seasons are far too reliant on celebrity cameos. That being said, the D-bag Netflix subscribers of the world find Trailer Park Boys to be extraordinarily witty and consistently entertaining. They are more than willing to drop money on franchise merchandise and tickets for live shows, adding further fuel to the Trailer Park Boys fire.
6. Bill Nye Saves The World
I think a lot of people who grew up in the 1990s will always have a soft spot for Bill Nye, and I’m one of them. Owing to my longstanding love of The Science Guy – as his followers affectionately dubbed him – I was ecstatic when I heard Netflix and Nye had agreed to work together on a new show. Unfortunately, it became clear in the first five minutes of the first episode of Bill Nye Saves the World that the Bill Nye being exhibited was not the Bill Nye of old. Much of Bill Nye Saves the World is Nye simply agreeing with popular opinions, often times contradicting points he presented as fact in past projects. The show is not so much science for DIY scholars as it is science for D-bags who hate science.
5. Pacific Heat
Although it originally aired in Australia before being introduced to American audiences by Netflix, the streaming giant likes to brand Pacific Heat as a “Netflix original”. Of course, just why Netflix would want claim responsibility for such a show remains a mystery.
Although it received mixed to positive reviews in its home country, the response to Pacific Heat abroad has been decidedly negative. While the writing and voice acting are both frequent subjects of criticism, the greatest source of angst among critics has long been Pacific Heat’s blatant plagiarism of the animation style of the beloved American series Archer. Nevertheless, the series has amassed a loyal following of D-bag Americans and Europeans who need some background noise while they play video games and eat Doritos.
4. Haters Back Off
Over the past decade or so, the internet has produced some pretty major stars. I’m not talking about guys who got hit in the crotch while their friends filmed on a pre-iPhone camera phone, I’m talking about legitimate, content creating celebrities. Of course, the problem with many of these internet celebrities is that their writing and acting is generally entirely self-taught, which means their skills don’t exactly translate to television and film. This became painfully clear in October of 2016, when Netflix commissioned Haters Back Off, a sitcom based on the Miranda Sings sketches of YouTube comedian Colleen Ballinger.
Despite her ability to create entertaining YouTube videos, it was obvious from the first episode of Haters Back Off that Ballinger had no idea how to craft a captivating and consistently amusing half hour story. However, many of Ballinger’s fans refused and continue to refuse to acknowledge their online hero’s ineptitude, which has actually prevented her from tackling the problem and improving as a writer.
3. Fuller House
If you have gone to a movie theater at any point over the past two or three years, you have likely noticed that there is a disturbing lack of original ideas. I suppose there has always been a problem with studios recycling jokes and plot lines and what not, but now they’re not even trying to hide it. It seems that every second movie being released is a reboot, a sequel, a prequel, or a live-action remake. The reason for this is simple: nostalgia is a hot market these days.
Much like Hollywood studios, Netflix is aware that there is a lot of money to be made from recreating the shows of yesteryear, which is why the streaming service began airing Fuller House – a spin-off of the 90s sitcom Full House – in the spring of 2016. Fuller House was incredibly poorly written and likely would have been canceled after a single season were it not for the legacy of its predecessor. Still, the show proved a smash hit and remains popular among those who are unwilling to admit that some things are better left in the past.
2. Santa Clarita Diet
Is there anywhere producing and housing more D-bags than Santa Clarita? If there is, I hope that I never find myself there as the viewers of Santa Clarita Diet provide me with all the insufferable arrogance I need.
Santa Clara Diet is a show created by D-bags for D-bags and documents the story of Joel and Sheila Hammond, a married pair of real estate agents working in, you guessed it, Santa Clarita. Through an apparently exhilarating series of twists and turns, Sheila develops a fondness for the taste of human flesh, which turns the series into one of those forgettable zombie movie parodies of the late noughties. Most Netflix subscribers struggled to make it through the entire first season of the series, but the D-bags who did were spurred on by the seriously gory scenes and the hot female lead (Drew Barrymore).
1. White Rabbit Project
A product of the guys from Mythbusters, White Rabbit Project is another one of those shows that tries to make learning fun. The “scientists” leading the show do this by focusing on bizarre events throughout history, while throwing in a little dash of pop culture for good measure. I’m sure they mean well, but the result of their efforts to make education more enjoyable is the loss of any scientific or artistic integrity. A common complaint from critics is that the show is too silly for its own good and that it is impossible to learn anything of note by watching it. Despite this, White Rabbit Project is a favorite of D-bags who have managed to convince themselves that the forced wacky antics of the presenters make for legitimate educational viewing.
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