Some movies are only capable of appealing to the douchebag crowd. Awful movies in particular tend to appeal to doucebags. This is usually because these douchebags tend to ignore a film’s bigger flaws in favor of applauding the film’s more shallow moments (action, car chases, braindead humor, etc.) or because the douchey viewer just doesn’t know any better. Meaning that they can’t help that they have bad tastes in movies. Obviously, some movies found on this list can be enjoyed by douchebags and decent people alike, but if you were to walk out of a theater showing for any of the movies on this list, chances are that you’ll be able to look back and see a long line of douchebags walking out behind you. As we have covered on this site before, there are different, special types of doucebags out there. The average, run of the mill douchebag has very distinct tastes. Usually, their DVD collection includes what you’d expect someone deserving of the douchebag title to own: car movies, stoner flicks, the entire series collection of Friends, etc. Stuff like that. But there is always a special brand of movie douchebag that we should all be weary of: the cinema snob.
While many of the movies on this list do fit the tastes of the stereotypical “bro” (we all know the type), plenty of these movies also fit tastes suited to the cinema snob. The cinema snob is often known for praising sequels that nobody likes in an attempt to be different and prove that their tastes in movies are of the unique and upper echelon. They can be pretentious in that regard and have a supposed flair for the avant-garde. Their tastes in sequels especially earn them their snobby reputation. With that in mind, in honor (or more appropriately, dishonor) of both the classic douchebag and the cinema snob, we are going to take a look at some of the worst sequels that both of these groups likely cherish dearly in their movie collection.
15. The Lost World: Jurassic Park
It can be argued that there have not been any good Jurassic Park sequels. We came close with Jurassic World, but by the end of that most recent entry, we just got a modern update to the original 1993 classic. While most of the sequels have just been harmless fodder, the first sequel, The Lost World, was the worst of them all. The Lost World ditched the majority of the previous film’s cast in favor of giving Jeff Goldblum his own action star vehicle. Given his show stealing performance in the last film, this idea sounds great on paper, but much like the film itself, not so great in execution. Also like the film, everything that made Goldblum entertaining in the last film is stripped away of a far more broody and dull presentation. There’s more CGI, more annoying characters, and a story that lack’s the last film’s movie magic.
14. Ghostbusters II
The problem with carbon copy sequels is self-explanatory. They are carbon copy sequels made to look, sound, and feel exactly like the original film only with little to no effort on behalf of the filmmakers. It is a lazy attempt at recreating the same financial success as the last film and Ghostbusters II is exactly that. Plenty of scenes from Ghostbusters II hit the exact same notes as Ghostbusters to the point that it feels like you are watching the same scenes you originally saw in the first film. You’re better off just watching the original film again. Especially when as a sequel, Ghostbusters II feels so painfully watered down by comparison. Some douchebags don’t want to admit just how mediocre Ghostbusters II is as a sequel or, worst of all, their tastes in film are poor enough to mistakenly think that the sequel is on par with the original.
13. Any American Pie Straight-to-DVD Sequel
As often as we did get a few moronic attempts at making sequels to American Pie over the years, it is the straight to DVD sequels that really leave a stain on the franchise. The thing about straight to DVD sequels is that they often lack the passion that went into making the original because of the fact that they are DVD releases. When working on the original American Pie and its theatrical sequels, the filmmakers actually put in an effort to present a well constructed story filled with good attempts at humor. When filming a DVD release, all of that effort becomes nullified and lukewarm because unlike with theatrical releases, there aren’t many audiences likely to see the DVD release. Enter the douchebags. Douchebags who love the American Pie franchise’s inane style of humor enough that they are willing to buy and probably love their watered down DVD sequels.
12. xXx: Return of Xander Cage
I don’t care that this movie hasn’t come out yet. Have you seen the trailer? Clearly, this is set up to be a movie made for bros who love The Fast and the Furious franchise and guys who pump their fists in the air unironically. Those who remember what kind of film xXx was must have a good memory because xXx was, in many ways, everything that The Fast and the Furious franchise is, but only a forgettable level. It was goofy, cartoony, and took more pride in its action than its story, but xXx was so forgettable that you wouldn’t have remembered it by the next day. xXx: Return of Xander Cage looks even more cartoony and, somehow, 10x worse than its predecessor in just a short trailer. God knows how the movie will turn out. Call me overly harsh for judging a sequel just by its trailer before it even comes out, but when it comes out within the next month, I doubt I’ll be proven wrong.
11. London Has Fallen
London Has Fallen might the most insulting sequel on this list. After seeing the generic action romp Olympus Has Fallen, no one wanted to a sequel, and yet the filmmakers trotted one out anyway. When it was released, London Has Fallen proved to be just as much of a generically patriotic popcorn flick as the original was, but it was also unnecessarily xenophobic as well. The way the film tries to modernize the classic action trope and political fantasy of making Muslim the enemy feels dated, exploitative, and overall irresponsible to present in current media. In a world where decent Muslims get unfairly profiled every day, not every Muslim is a terrorist and to present such a blatant agenda saying otherwise feels cold, calculated, and careless to present today. London Has Fallen is more than just a film that is poorly written, acted, and directed. It is cheap and offensive that only paranoid, overly nationalist douchebags could love.
10. Scary Movie 2
The Scary Movie franchise has always been infamous for including an immature and boisterous type of humor, but that special brand a humor seems amplified to its absolute zenith with Scary Movie 2. Scary Movie 2 is most memorable for poking fun at the physically handicapped, making several pot references, having cringe-inducing gross out gags, and even alluding to rape between certain characters. This is not to say that the film is bad because of these kind of crude jokes. As long as it is funny, very few subjects in the world can be off limits. And that is where the problem lies. Scary Movie 2 goes out of its way to offend and shock it’s audience only for the jokes to not be any funny. Well, funny to middle schoolers, stoners, and annoying frat boys, but anyone with the slightest understanding of comedy can’t possibly find this drivel funny.
9. God’s Not Dead 2
The only thing worse than a bad film is a bad film with a manipulative agenda. A lot of films tend to have their own agenda, but for a film to bash its audience over the head constantly with one-sided religious propaganda is both irritating and insulting to the audience. God’s Not Dead did exactly that and somehow, God’s Not Dead 2 managed to surpass it as both appalling propaganda and laughably oblivious to its own ridiculous presentation. As a Christian film, God’s Not Dead 2 comes with an obvious bias, a clear agenda that demands to be heard and absorbed, and might as well be beating its audience over the head with a Bible when trying to deliver its every word. The film magnifies everything that was wrong with the original and it is baffling that a sequel was made. In fact, it has actually been confirmed that there will be a God’s Not Dead 3. God help us.
8. The Expendables III
For being two slambang shoot-em-up movies, one can argue that all of the Expendables movies are douchebag material, but let’s give the first two the benefit of the doubt. The first two never claimed to be nor did they try to be anything more than throwback films for action enthusiasts who love 80s action heroes and love even more to see them team up. The third film, on the other hand, tried to flip the script by not only introducing a squad of young faces, but also was PG-13. The third film betrayed everything that the franchise was about, which was just getting a bunch of old school action stars together for one big crossover type of flick. Trying to bring in new young blood to appeal to the teen demographic sounds like a pointless a tempt to market towards teens when, really, the franchise’s core fanbase has always been those old enough to see these old stars in their prime. Since the film steered away from its core demographic and 13 year olds couldn’t possibly care to see old guys scrap it out, this sequel couldn’t have been made for anyone except douchebags.
7. Any Sequel to The Crow
No matter how many douchebags admit to loving the sequels, we should all be able to agree that the biggest douchebags here are those using the death of Brandon Lee to make a profit for a Crow franchise. The whole reason why the original film is so popular is because of Brandon Lee. It’s debatable if that popularity is due to Lee’s actual performance or the death he tragically suffered during filming, but what isn’t debatable is how fantastic Lee was in the lead role. It would be blasphemous to even try to recapture the success of his performance or film, but Hollywood has tried with 3 sequels so far. All were more abysmal than the last and each actor who picked up the Crow mantle after Lee failed miserably. Hollywood must not have learned their lesson with their flopped Crow sequels as they’re currently prepping Jason Momoa to star in a Crow remake. Production has been disastrous over the years—most recently with the remake being forced to get picked up by an entirely new studio—but if the remake does finally see the light of day, there’s a good chance that it’ll be another woeful entry in the franchise.
6. The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions
What made The Matrix such a hit with critics was that as much as it was revolutionary in its special effects and action scenes, the film had as much substance as it did style. The science fiction elements felt smart while the philosophical elements were thought provoking. When it came time to start writing the sequels, all that substance was thrown out of the window to appease audiences who didn’t like stretching their brain while watching the last one. Instead, we got more high octane action, which was fun, but not as compelling as it was in the original without a well thought out story attached. What little grain of story was available in The Matrix Reloaded and The Matrix Revolutions was nothing but pretentious jargon that tried too hard to sound smart. The problem was that since the sequels weren’t necessary, the filmmakers didn’t have anything substantial to say in their material like they did with the original and so they had to force themselves to make their script sound artificially deep.
5. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
Its sequels like this that help you understand why Jim Carrey does not like taking part in sequels to his movies. In fact, it is a miracle that Carrey decided to take part in Dumb and Dumber To considering the critical and financial disaster suffered by this prequel. For its entire runtime, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd is 85 excruciating minutes of cringe. In an attempt to recapture what made the original Dumb and Dumber funny, this film managed to be insensitive, offensive, and just flat out atrocious. To actually enjoy this movie, it goes beyond just being a douchebag or a cinema snob trying to be different. Liking this film reveals not only a hint of bad character, but also dreadful tastes in movies. If nothing else, Eric Christian Olsen actually does an impressive Jim Carrey performance, but it feels completely wasted in such an uninspired mess.
4. Any Fast and the Furious Sequel
This one is pretty self-explanatory when you consider the classic muscle head douchebag who is way too obsessed with muscle cars. Ever since 2001, The Fast and the Furious franchise has been able to churn out 7 films (with the 8th due in 2017) and even 2 short films all about racing cars. To be fair, the franchise started off focusing on a basic plot surrounding an undercover cop trying to infiltrate the late night underworld of street racing, but within a couple films, these films stopped resembling anything resembling a plot in favor of goofy action car chases. Douchebags aren’t complaining though as they live for films like that. They have no qualms about this franchise being filled with mindless entertaining that get more and more repetitive as each film progresses. To them, it is nothing but mindless entertainment. There isn’t anything wrong with mindless entertainment, but when audiences are getting the same brand of mindless entertainment for 10 films straight, it gets stale to us non-douchebags who want more than that.
3. The Hangover Part II
If you want a glance at what the definition of a lazy sequel looks like, look no further than The Hangover Part II. We can easily lump in The Hangover Part III, but The Hangover Part II set the precedent for the The Hangover Part III’s mediocrity. Once you saw how badly lazy the first sequel was, you knew what to expect with the second sequel. The Hangover Part II was made for the type of crowd that didn’t care to see something new with a sequel. They just want the same vulgar and outlandish humor delivered in the exact same way with a carbon copy of the last story. The only difference is a change of setting from Las Vegas to Bangkok. If you want a repeat of the first film, just rewatch the first film. No reason to waste everyone’s time by presenting the exact same story and pass it off as a sequel.
2. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
We could easily spend the entirety of this list talking about all the Lord of the Rings movies—including the Hobbit films (especially the Hobbit films)—but let us zero in on the second film in the original Lord of the Rings trilogy. The franchise as a whole is overrated in itself, but it’s hard to deny that each film has at least one or two awesome moments that are worth writing home about. Except The Two Towers. The Two Towers has to be the most mind numbingly boring entry in a franchise that is notorious for being mind-numbingly boring. The Two Towers has the misfortune of being that middle entry in a trilogy and most middle entries tend to be filler. While Fellowship of the Ring was an intriguing beginning and Return of the King was a thrilling end, The Two Towers felt like a television show’s dull filler episode that airs right before the season finale. But since the LOTR trilogy is so highly praised on a whole as cinematic brilliance, a lot of cinema snobs don’t want to admit how much of a cinematic misfire 2nd film of the trilogy was.
1. Every Straight-to-DVD Disney Sequel
Disney sequels in general can be problematic because it is so hard to follow up what was originally presented as a perfect storybook fairy tale, but Disney has surprisingly been able to deliver in the sequel department and have done so often. Toy Story 2, Toy Story 3, etc. When Disney make their sequels for the big screen, they go all out in trying to recapture the quality entertainment that made the first film a success. However, for whatever reason, there have been so many sequels that Disney have released straight to DVD that feel as though they lost the movie magic from the last film. There has been a long line of home video Disney sequels (Mulan II, Tarzan II, Cinderella II and III, The Lion King II, Aladdin: The Return of Jafar, Bambi II, etc.) and none of them were any good. They are all just one quick passionless cash grab after the next. Anyone who likes these movies that Disney have carelessly put out on home video are either lying to themselves or too blinded by nostalgia to see the problem with these sequels.
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