Generally speaking, celebrities tend to live lives which are a constant whirl of one photoshoot after another. If it’s not a magazine cover, it’s a promo shot, or an interview, or the cover of their new DVD/album/book. They pose for adverts, and they pose with fans. They are always in front of a lens, and this means we end up with a lot of photos of them to admire.
It also means that, by the laws of probability, they are going to end up with bad photoshoots at least a few times in their career. These are photoshoots that were utterly ill-advised, and put them in a poor light. Sometimes they don’t look as attractive as we are used to seeing them. Sometimes they are doing something questionable, or in poor taste. Sometimes they are Photoshopped to such a level that they don’t look like humans anymore, and sometimes we just don’t know what the hell was going on in the studio that day.
A lot of the images that we have found look like they were taken while everyone was under the heavy influence of some kind of hallucinogenic or psychotropic drug. There’s no other way we can explain the reasoning behind them, or why everyone involved thought that it was a good idea. It would certainly go a long way towards explaining why everyone thought the images were fine to release to the public.
If these celebrities aren’t embarrassed by these images today, they have something seriously wrong with them.
15. Bruce Willis And… Bruce Willis
This seems like it might be kind of a sweet photo until you look a bit closer. Who’s that hugging and kissing Bruce Willis? It’s… yes, also Bruce Willis. This image is all the more heinous for the fact that they had to take two photographs here, with a costume change in-between, and then spend time sewing the two images together to make this final composite. That means a lot of time was spent on this without anyone thinking they maybe had gone a little too far. The intense gaze that black cardigan Bruce is giving us makes us feel a little uncomfortable. There’s the tender way that he holds on to white shirt Bruce’s arm across his chest, and the almost possessive body language. It’s all gone terribly wrong and we hope no one ever picks up on this idea to do it with other celebrities in the future.
14. Johnny Depp Irons Toast
This is one of the most bizarre and WTF moments from the whole list. The whole set-up is just very odd indeed. Johnny Depp is sitting in front of an ironing board, on which he has a piece of fresh bread placed in front of him along with a heated iron and a spatula. Next to him is a full tray loaded up with already-ironed toast, ready to eat with a slab of butter beside them. Johnny is apparently now up to his last slice of bread which he needs to iron. Meanwhile, he doesn’t look too happy about this chore. He is holding a finger up to his head in the classic gun pose, and has a rather blank and bleak expression. What was the story behind this shot? It almost seems like we’d rather not know – if the answer was “the photographer wanted to do something crazy”, we’d be disappointed.
13. Nancy Reagan And Mr. T As Santa
This photo is just bizarre in all kinds of ways. First we have Mr. T dressed up in a semi-Santa outfit in front of a Christmas tree, clutching one of his own action figures in a box. Then there’s Nancy Reagan sitting on his knee, holding another box, as if she has just been given a present from Santa. There are all kinds of WTF going on in this image and we almost don’t want to hear the explanation. It feels like whatever the truth is will be totally mundane compared to the crazy stories we can make up in our heads. The two of them look comfortable together, and in fact they were friends in reality. Which just boggles the mind even further, as it doesn’t seem possible that they have anything at all in common. To top it all off, Mr. T makes a rubbish Santa – his football socks, bare muscular arms, and ridiculous amounts of bling just spoil the whole idea.
12. Mike Tyson And His Pigeons
When you think of Mike Tyson, you think of a tough boxer. A man so vicious he could tear your ear off in a fight. Someone you really wouldn’t want to mess with, or meet in a dark alley. Something that you don’t associate with him is gently holding some pet birds. He stands there holding his pigeons, looking like he could crush them to death with his bare hands. In fact, the look on his face almost suggests that he is about to. Then there’s the moment when he stares down “lovingly” at them, again with such an odd expression that he seems like a psychopath playing at being normal. Everything is odd about this photoshoot, and it simply shouldn’t have been done this way. Also, is that pigeon poop on his sweater? Because it sure looks like it might be. All in all, we really wish someone had thought of a better idea for a shoot.
11. Nicolas Cage And Cat
You can always rely on Nicolas Cage to deliver something bizarre, somewhat wooden, and totally unexpected. Here he is pictured with a cat, which is sitting on his shoulder and looking around at the camera. Nic, meanwhile, seems to be captivated by the cat’s tail, giving it a longing and haunted gaze. For some reason, the photographer thought it was a good idea to use the shot where the cat’s tail is right over the star’s face, and the cat looks posed as if it is about to evacuate the contents of its bowels over Cage’s shirt. He, meanwhile, is posing like it’s a normal photoshoot and he’s supposed to be doing the dreamy actor thing. We can only hope that the cat’s career as a photo model had fewer ups and downs than Cage’s career as an actor. It certainly has the capacity to steal the spotlight even when paired up with someone very famous.
10. Sarah Jessica Parker And Her Drink
This shot is just more than a little awkward. Let’s start from the top. Sarah’s hair is frizzy beyond belief, in a style that her Sex and the City character would look back on now and roll her eyes. It’s so early 90s that we just can’t handle it. Then there’s the running outfit she is wearing, complete with thick white socks and a skirt over her yoga pants. Her pose is definitely a bit odd – it’s a very manly posture which isn’t exactly ladylike. Then you look beyond that and realize that she is sitting on a small trampoline, in the middle of nowhere. The final touch has to be the odd placement of that half-full miniature bottle of water. Since you can’t even see the branding, you have to wonder why it is placed there. This is one of those images which simply doesn’t stand the test of time.
9. Claudia Schiffer With The Pink Panther
We get that fashion shoots can sometimes be a bit off the wall. It’s largely expected, and it’s not unusual at all to see odd concepts in action. This one, however, went in an entirely wrong direction. There’s a male model dressed up in a Pink Panther suit which isn’t altogether convincing, and Claudia is pulling the tail of the costume out between his legs. It’s very suggestive, but in the kind of way that makes you feel dirty and wrong rather than turned on. She’s also dressed very bizarrely in a brown skirt with bright blue tights, which clash with absolutely everything in the image. You would think a fashion photographer would have more of an eye for colour. The longer you look, the more you notice all the odd details – like the computer screen right at the bottom, and the shiny black dress shoes on the male model.
8. Arnold Schwarzenegger With Creepy Doll
What’s going on here? Arnold Schwarzenegger is sitting down half-dressed in order to show off his bulging biceps and pectorals, in what looks like an early stage of his career. He has a creepy doll all dressed up sitting on his knee, and he looks up to the camera as if trying to present her. It’s the sort of pose you would expect from a dollmaker showing off his latest creation, or a child wanting everyone to see her favourite toy. But Arnold is neither of those, and it’s giving us a very confusing message. His bulging veins don’t help. All in all, it kind of feels like this might be the starter for a new horror movie. Does the doll come to life? Or maybe Arnold is a creepy Norman Bates-type character? Either way, we’re severely creeped out by this shot. Who ever thought this was a good idea?
7. David Hasselhoff And Puppies
Okay, so this was one image we never needed to see in our lives. It would be very possible to live your whole life happily without ever knowing it existed. David Hasselhoff is depicted here entirely in the nude, with just a couple of wrinkly puppies for company. Since one of the puppies is nestled on his chest and between his legs, we have to wonder just how comfortable this was to shoot. It’s all a bit weird – who decided that puppies were the appropriate companion for a pin-up photoshoot? David is also pulling the most unnatural pose, with his arm suspended in mid-air just so that he can place a hand behind his head. One of his legs is in such a strain to hold the puppy in position that his heel can’t even touch the floor. It seems like the shot was as awkward to take as it is to look at now.
6. Woody Allen And A Doll
Considering his reputation as a bit of a predator, this shot of Woody Allen becomes all the more creepy the more you think about it. He is standing fully clothed, holding a rather primitive blow-up doll. Not only is he holding her, but he is pretty much groping her – and holding onto her hip so hard that her inflatable skin is pushed in. The weird doll face, which seems like it has been attached to the body wrong, as well as the unrealistic proportions and details, make this a very weird image. But even if he reshot it now with a hyper-realistic robot doll, it would still be an embarrassing shot for an accused paedophile to have on the public record. He has that trademark vacant stare which lets you know this was all part of the Woody Allen character, too. We feel like going to take a bath after looking at this one.
5. Evolution Of Harrison Ford
What on earth was going through the mind of the person who was taking this picture? Here we have Harrison Ford, who at the time was just about as fine a specimen of manhood as you could want. Instead of making him look good, this shot actually makes him look like he might be auditioning for Planet of the Apes. Seriously, what is with his monkey-like pose? Then let’s get into the fact that he is wearing just a pair of speedos and nothing else, and is totally casual about it. He has a look on his face like he really didn’t want this photo to be taken. There’s also a lot going on which makes us wonder. Why is he holding that piece of wood? What is that black stain on the wall, which seems to be splattered outwards? Why is there a white glow right in the centre of the photo – was this taken with flash in a mirror, or is Harrison so great that he naturally sparkles? We are intrigued, and we want to know more.
4. David Hasselhoff And A Flying Dog
David Hasselhoff just can’t stop being involved in these crazy and embarrassing photoshoots, it seems. Here he is pictured in one of the most unlikely situations you could imagine. He is pulling a quick action pose, as if stunned by something. It almost looks like he is trying to balance on a surfboard – something he perhaps has left over from his Baywatch days. Above him, however, is the strangest thing. There’s a small dog who has been thrown up in the air with a red cape or blanket over him. The dog doesn’t quite look like he knows what is going on, and hopefully he was able to get a soft landing. Otherwise someone might want to call PETA and report this photographer for animal cruelty. Is David about to try and catch it? We’d like to see the shots that came in the seconds after this was taken.
3. Wyclef Jean On A Motorbike
This one is particularly embarrassing given that the star decided to post it himself, in celebration of his birthday. Wyclef Jean is depicted here sitting astride a red, white, and blue Ducati motorbike, and with not a scrap of clothing on his person except for some red and blue speedos. He also appears to have oiled up his muscular torso and arms before taking the shot. In spite of all this, it appears low-quality, as if taken from a camera phone or by an amateur. If he went out on this motorbike dressed like this, he could easily end up hospitalizing himself. In fact, without the proper padded clothing, he would be quite likely to lose an arm or leg – and without a helmet he might well crack his skull open. Not the most responsible message to send from a man who wants to pursue a career in politics.
2. James Dean Pulling Faces
As an actor, your job is to present the character. But really, most actors are all about looking good on the screen. Think about it – how many films do you see where the protagonist isn’t completely beautiful? Normally that is only reserved for serious dramas or movies based on real life events. James Dean was particularly known as a heartthrob, and so it makes sense that he should be depicted with his brooding good looks all the time. Not, say, pulling goofy faces at the camera, as he was apparently convinced to do in this photoshoot. He looks like he’s having a mental breakdown right in the middle of the photoshoot. You can barely tell that he’s James Dean in one of the shots, he has contorted his face so much. While it is a little fun to see a different side of him, you can’t help but feel that ignoring his handsome looks is a waste of film.
1. Freddie Mercury’s Stomach
There are a lot of moments in this shot that were not best advised. The massive golden crown is an obvious reference to Queen, but it’s very gaudy and tacky and obviously fake. It looks out of place in the image, and gives the whole thing a costume-y feel. Then there’s the yellow tracksuit. Yes, we know, style was different back then – but it really isn’t the best of looks. Finally, that bare stomach reveal is very odd, especially considering how hirsute Freddie is at this moment. It’s like an odd game of peekaboo with a bear. Add in the coy look on his face and overall, it’s an image that should probably never have seen the light of day. We have to say, if anyone saw this photo and didn’t suspect that Freddie was gay, they really needed to up their gaydar game. It couldn’t be any camper.
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