Sometimes, the hardest thing in the world can be understanding yourself. You can be a genius with an incredible knowledge of the world around you and you can still know very little about yourself. One's romantic preferences often take many of us many years to figure out. During our younger years, many of us think long and hard about what we're attracted to. Some of us might even experiment with different people to find out what works for us. And that's totally normal. It's just part of becoming an adult, and understanding who you are.
But when you're denying what you really are inside, that's when it starts to get painful. Not just for you, but for people around you as well. Especially if you choose to get into a relationship with someone you know you're not attracted to, just to fit in with the people around you. This is actually a lot more common than you might expect. Many girls have dated guys who they later found out were gay. Some of them even get married to these guys, even for years and years.
Obviously, this is a really bad idea for so many reasons. The pain it can cause is perhaps even greater than being broken up with because of something you actually did. Because in this case, the guy never even liked the girl to begin with. And that's a hard pill to swallow. There are actually a lot of these girls who have come forward to tell their stories on Reddit, and these are some of the most shocking.
15 He Came Out After 20 Years Of Marriage
Being in a relationship with someone you later find out is gay is one thing. But can you imagine being married to someone like that for a whopping twenty years? That's exactly what happened to this particular woman, and it definitely wasn't easy for her to accept. In the end, she was left wondering just how he managed to stay in the closet and convince everyone he was straight for that long:
"He came out as gay over 20 years into the marriage, when both of their kids were adults. I think he stayed in the marriage for them, and from what I can tell there weren't any hard feelings. He and his ex-wife have a good relationship, still volunteer together, and his kids don't seem too bothered by it. I'm not sure how he managed to live in the closet that long. He seems very happy now that he's out. The whole process was actually very civil and even friendly."
14 He Claimed He Swung Both Ways
A very common theme in these Reddit confessions is that the woman initially believed her boyfriend was "just" bis*xual. At least from these Reddit confessions, it seems as though some gay guys tend to lie and tell girls they're bi because they're scared of what it will mean if they come out as fully gay. That's a very strange rationale, but this girl in particular experienced it firsthand. Needless to say, it became obvious that he wasn't bi, but he was gay:
"My first BF in high school turned out to be full-blown gay by adulthood. When I dated him he claimed he was bis*xual and he seemed really into me.... at the time. I mean, he was always touching me and I could turn him on. Eventually one week he would only be interested in men and then women, and back and forth until it was too much to handle. I understand, as I am bis*xual myself, but he would be completely shut off to me one week and the next not. I don't think that's how relationships work. By the end I felt like he decided that men were for him and that's why we broke it off. I suppose he was still trying to find himself."
13 Both Her Exes Broke Up With Her, And Then Dated Each Other
This has to be one of the most insane stories of a girl finding out her boyfriend is gay. The fact that this happened once to her is bad enough. What are the chances, right? The population of gay people is estimated to be about 5% of the population, so she really got unlucky when she starting dating a guy who wasn't even into girls. But the crazy thing about this story is that it happened again, with a completely different guy, who also turned out to be gay. Not only that, but these two gay exes of hers actually met up with each other, and starting dating too! This is pretty bizarre:
"I've been with two and a half gay guys. The first one broke up with me. The second one broke up with me and got together with the first one. The half? My ex-husband. I'm 99.999% sure he's a closeted homos*xual, but he's the most bi-polar homophobic Christian ever so he may not ever actually come out. So he's a half."
12 She Felt So Used
Sure, coming to terms with your true s*xuality can be a very painful thing to go through. There is so much pressure on us all to be "normal," whatever that means. Realizing you're gay can be a long and hard process, and many people experience intense denial when confronted with this possibility. But what about the girls who end up dating guys who are in the closet? Did anyone stop to think what effect it might have on them? As it turns out, this kind of thing can lead to some serious, lasting trauma. This one girl felt like she had been used, and she's still getting over it:
"I've never felt so unattractive and used. He was my best friend, convinced me to date him and then proceeded to make me feel like a blow-up doll every time we were intimate. We're still friends, and I get that dating me was part of the whole 'getting to know yourself' thing, but it was a weird feeling."
11 Everybody Knew But Her
Everyone has been in this situation before. There's something going on around you which you're completely oblivious to. It seems like everyone in the world knows about it, except for you, which is weird because these things have a knack for being right in front of our noses the whole time. That's what this one girl went through, and pretty much everybody she knew already suspected her boyfriend was gay. But for some reason, she was completely clueless. I guess her judgement was just clouded by her feelings for this guy. And it lasted 1 and a half years! Wow... Here is what she had to say:
"We dated for 1.5 years and he came out shortly after we broke up. Facebook tells me he's engaged to some guy now. It just makes me feel like such crap when people were constantly asking me, 'Well couldn't you tell while you were dating? You had to have SOME idea that he was gay!' Like I'm some moron for not knowing."
10 Pretty Much All Her Exes Have Been Gay
Okay, so dating two gay guys is pretty rotten luck. But what about a girl who claims that pretty much every guy she's ever dated is gay? If you don't believe her, I don't blame you. It seems pretty unthinkable. But you know what they say – truth is stranger than fiction. This girl claims that she just doesn't see the signs, even when they're right in front of her face. You have to wonder... Where does this girl live that she meets this many gay guys who want to date her? Here is what she says about it all:
"Pretty much every guy I have dated was gay. I guess knowing Britney Spears' dance moves and performing them in a fishnet shirt, kissing a dude in front of me, wearing makeup, or leaving at 11pm to "play board games" with a guy didn't register as red flags at the time. These incidents were on separate occasions by different ex-boyfriends. I asked one why he just didn't tell me and why he used me as a cover up. He said he was worried no one would accept him. Poor guy. We broke up but remained friends for a while and now he is happily engaged to a man."
9 Her Ex Now Sends Inappropriate Texts To Other Guys
Sometimes, girls know deep down that guys they're dating are gay. There's just not that normal connection that is supposed to be there in a relationship. But the crazy thing is that a girl can realize this truth before the guy actually does. Deep down, he probably knows, but a girl can accept the truth much easier than a guy can in many cases. This was true with this particular girl, who dated a guy who was very much in the closet. Years later, she learned that he was still struggling with his s*xual identity:
"I dated a guy for a while that I met on MySpace who just seemed a bit... odd. To begin with, he was weirdly obsessed with his mom and sister. Like, he told his sister she was sexy and stuff. He also had a male best friend who would get weirdly jealous around me. I knew someone whose cousin went to school with him and she told me that there was a rumor they fooled around sometimes, which I didn't believe. Out of nowhere, he broke up with me, blocked and deleted me off of MySpace, and began to say terrible things about me, like I was a sl*t. The next year, when I was in college, I was talking to a guy from my area that was gay and he told me about how closeted guys from back home would try to hook up with him. Out of curiosity, I asked him if he knew my ex and I shocked him. Apparently my ex was super creepy to him – sending him naughty pics all the time... "
8 She Wasted Years Of Life Dating A Gay Guy
Imagine devoting years of your life and your energy towards dating a guy who wasn't even interested in you or even your gender. Imagine how much of a waste that would feel like. That's exactly what this one girl experienced from being a teenager all the way to her freshman year of college. If you think about it, those years are supposed to be the best years of your teens, and many people would even say those are supposed to be the best years of your entire life. But they were all thrown away, because one guy decided to deceive a girl and fool her into thinking he was straight:
"I dated him from the age of 15 until my freshman year of college. The signs were all there, and deep down I knew things weren't normal. But when you're young and in love and lack the self-respect to ask for what you want from someone, things drag on far longer than they should. He came out shortly after we broke up, and I was crushed. Not because I still loved him, but because I felt that I had wasted years of my life emotionally investing in something worthless."
7 The Guy She Was Hooking Up With Turned Out To Be Into Men And Submissive
Sometimes, looks can be deceiving. That's why you never can tell, especially when it comes to s*xuality. A guy might act really effeminately, but at the same time be very masculine and dominant in the bedroom. The opposite is also true. A guy might act totally macho, but in reality he's a very submissive and delicate person. One girl experienced this the hard way, and she found out that a manly guy she had been hooking up with was not only gay, but he was also submissive. Truth be told, this is probably one of the less traumatic experiences, since she was only hooking up with him and it was never a serious relationship:
"I was in a semi-relationship (sleeping together, never quite turned into a relationship) with a guy. He was a pretty manly guy, so I was a little surprised when I found out he had been sleeping with his gay friend for something like 8 years. And he was submissive. I can't even remember how this came up in conversation. It was pretty interesting."
6 Every Guy She Dates Turns Out To Be Gay
We've heard some confessions of girls who have had pretty bad luck in terms of dating gay guys, but this girl ranks pretty high up there in these kinds of situations. She's had some pretty huge crushes in the past, but almost all of them turn out to be gay guys... How is this even possible? Does she have some kind of "thing" for gay guys? To make matters worse, one of these guys openly told her that kissing her was the moment he realized that he was gay, and not bis*xual... Wow. Here is what she shared on Reddit:
"Not one but FIVE guys that had open, unrequited crushes on me earlier in my life have turned out to be gay. Some I could tell were gay (and it was the main reason I didn't like them back), others were a complete shock. FIVE. I can't help but wonder what this says about me. I'm tall and blonde (and used to have a pretty bangin' body) so I guess I look like the kind of woman they thought they ought to be into. I really don't think I'm that manly, but seriously – FIVE. One of these guys became the head of the LGBT club at my college less than a year after he asked me out; another guy I made out with (knowing full well that he was gay), and he later told a friend of mine that kissing me was a 'turning point' in his s*xuality, making him realize he wasn't bi."
5 He Kept Cheating On Her With Other Guys
Most girls are hurt by the fact that they've been lied to by guys claiming to be straight. It really sucks, and it makes them feel like they've been used, lied to, and that they've wasted a huge amount of time and emotional energy. But at the same time, most girls are very accepting of guys when they finally come out. Most would probably rather know the truth than live in a relationship based on a lie. But while this particular girl accepted her boyfriend's orientation, it still hurt just as bad when he cheated on her with another guy:
"The fact that he came out to me isn't what bothers me. What hurts is learning, about two years after we broke up, that he was cheating on me with guys at parties. I had my suspicions. One night in college he came to my room at like 2 AM, plastered and crying, saying 'I think I'm bi!' over and over again. When he took off his shirt to climb into bed and sleep it off, he had a hickey on his shoulder. I freaked out about it and never got a solid explanation about where it came from."
4 He Said He Was Bi... Then Cheated On Her With Guys
Here's another situation where a guy claiming to be bi dated a girl. The girl was perfectly okay with this, but she wasn't okay with him cheating. One of the things some people have against bi people is that they seem to want it all. People who are attracted to both genders will tell you that this most certainly isn't the case, and it isn't that simple. But this guy in particular probably didn't give his orientation a very good name when he cheated on a girl. He seemed to want to have both genders, at the same time, and as much as possible:
"When I found out that my ex was bi, I didn't care at all. I did care that he cheated on me with a guy, though. As for finding out if a guy was gay, I would obviously break off the relationship because there would be no mutual attraction anymore. But I think I would try to stay friends, because nothing was wrong with him as a person. We just wouldn't be right for each other."
3 He Was Lying To Himself About Being Bi
A few people have claimed that there is no such thing as being bi. That it's just a comfortable way for people to sit on the fence and not commit to either gender. These people claim that it is just another way that gay people stay in denial. Of course, bi people the world over hate it when people say things like this, as it diminishes their s*xual identity. But one girl experienced firsthand what it's like when a gay guy lies about his orientation, claiming to be bi just to fool a girl into a fake relationship:
"I was in a 1.5 year relationship with a guy who thought he was bi when we started dating. That was fine (even a little hot). However, his interest in doing anything intimate dropped off fast, and eventually ended entirely. I brought up the topic of him maybe being gay a number of times, but he refused to talk about it. After 6 months of absolutely nothing more passionate than a closed mouth kiss, I ended it because he wasn't even willing to discuss the matter, and communication is very important to me. It was really, really hard, because he was also my closest friend and confidant, and we had already moved in together. About 2 months after we broke up, he was out as gay."
2 Her First Husband Had Been Hooking Up With His "Best Friend"
There's nothing wrong with a man having a best friend. In fact, some studies show that it's actually healthy for guys to have a few close male friends to go drinking with and engage in "banter" with every once in a while. But there's a definite line between being friends and being in a romantic relationship. As one wife found out, her first husband crossed that line with his best friend a long, long time ago:
"My first husband turned out to be either gay or bis*xual, I'm still unsure of which category he'd fall under. We were married young, because we foolishly got pregnant while in high school. About 3 years into our relationship, he told me (out of anger, we were fighting because he couldn't keep a job) that he'd been having a s*xual relationship with his best (male) friend. I had a picture of this guy holding our son the day he was born. This is the 'best friend' who told him we were being selfish by having a baby. My ex told me that they'd cut ties after that... But obviously they hadn't. We divorced and he had a lot of issues, including legal and drug problems. I just wish he'd been honest with me from the start. I wish him all the best, and I don't hate him. We were young."
1 She Broke Up With Him. He Dated Her Guy Friend. She Was Happy For Them Both
Sometimes, finding out your boyfriend is gay doesn't have to be a bad thing. After all, when someone finds out who they really are, deep inside, it's a wonderful thing. It can give their whole life new meaning and perspective. It can finally make them feel free to do whatever they want, and be whoever they want to be. Some girls can choose to see the bright side of any situation, and that's certainly what this one particular girl did. She was optimistic, and didn't care too much when her boyfriend broke up with her in order to date her best guy friend. Of course, it's easy not to get too upset when you've only dated a guy for a month... But in the end, she did the right thing:
"I dated a guy for a month or two who broke up with me to date my best guy friend (who was basically my brother). It was hilarious! I was so happy for them!"