Melons and cakes. T & A. Boobs and booty. You get the general idea. “Melon” is pretty obvious. But “cake”? Thank rapper Kid Ink who penned, “Now then let me see that cake, cake, cake.” From Kate Upton‘s Double-D’s to the magnificent booty of the young Kim Kardashian, to the considerable charms of the likes of Charlotte McKinney, Hollywood is awash with hot stacked babes, babes with scorching booties, and babes that have both. Sometimes the assets are God-given natural. And sometimes they’re siliconed in Hollywood. Do we care? In a word, no. Hot is hot in anybody’s books. These days, big booty is hot. Thanks to Kim Kardashian. Stacked has always been the Hollywood way to go. Whether these luscious babes are found posing in the pages of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, posting to Instagram or Snapchat, strutting the red carpet, bouncing down a beach wearing not much, or just hanging out at home, they give the world melon and cakes that have the boys coming back for more. Get ready for 15 hot Hollywood babes who excel in the melon and cake stakes. And we’re talking big.
15. Kate Upton – Double Ds To Die For (Melons)
Sorry guys. Kate is engaged to Detroit Tiger’s pitcher, Justin Verlander. In case you’re wondering about their pre-game ritual, it is strictly a “no s*x” zone. Kate has said, “There’s no s*x before a game… Absolutely none.” That has to be tough. Kate Upton is way hot. After all, she is Kate Upton. The 20-something is the go-to hot model of the moment. The world just can’t get enough of this model turned actress. She made all three covers of the 2017 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. In addition to modeling, Kate and her Double Ds have three movies coming out in 2017. Is there any bad news? Well, some say sweet, bubbly Kate has let all the success and hype go to her head and that she has turned into a bit of a diva. Gossips say she lorded it over Sports Illustrated during the photoshoot for the 2017 bikini fest. Do we care? No, we don’t. Just look at her.
14. Charlotte McKinney – From Carl’s Jr. To Baywatch (Melons)
Charlotte McKinney has understandably been hailed as “the next Kate Upton.” She’s done outrageous things for infamous Carl’s Jr. ads that mainly seem to feature her 32F melons and her considerable cake. The ads were so sexy that some 52 percent of viewers found them offensive. “Who cares?”, says Carl’s Jr. management. The more offensive they are, the more young hungry guys roll up to our restaurants. Charlotte has even spoofed her turns in the ads and has been photographed with real melons held up in front of her 32Fs. Those ads, offensive or not, launched her Hollywood career. Not only was Charlotte a standout performer in 2017’s Baywatch, but she’s also involved in another six or seven TV shows and movies this year. On a personal note, though, she had some nudies leaked a couple of years ago and has been spotted out and about with hot hunk Scott Eastwood, son of Clint Eastwood. Are the two things connected?
13. Kylie Jenner – Melon And Cake Made In Hollywood
We get into some serious T & A with Kylie Jenner. Has she been “done?” Of course, she has. Just check out “Kylie Jenner butt 2012” on Google images. She is supposedly all loved up with rapper Tyga. But it seems that their romance is kind of on-again-off-again. It was “on” in August of 2016 when he bought her a Merc for her 19th birthday. But when the repo man rolled in and took Tyga’s red Ferrari, rich-as-anything Kylie stood by her man and gave him a Bentley. Maybe she is trying to give the grunge rapper a bit of class? Gossips say that the once sweet and innocent Kylie has surpassed big sister Kim Kardashian’s numbers on social media and is playing up big time, demanding more air time on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. We say the boob and butt jobs have put her in a different league. Coming up to 20 years old, she’s rich and hot and knows it.
12. Scarlett Johansson – Hot Bombshell Melon And Cake
Scarlett Johansson has an old fashioned bombshell vibe to her. She’s the kind of chick who’s had s*x in a hotel elevator with a hunky, hairy actor. Talk about “get a room” guys! Men love her big time. Sometimes, other women aren’t so sure. She’s been married twice. Relax. Not at the same time. And the good news? She’s been divorced twice. Her first husband was Canadian actor Ryan Reynolds, currently loved up with another hot booty by the name of Blake Lively. Scarlett has been box office gold for a while, with star turns as Black Widow in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. She’s a near perfect 36-25-36 and rocks those 32DDs all over Hollywood. Talk about world-class melon and cake. She’s got it in spades. Watch her strut her Black Widow stuff in 2018’s Avengers: Infinity War. Ah, the return of THAT jumpsuit.
11. Kim Kardashian – The Golden Period Of Booty
Kim Kardashian has been on a booty and boob journey. Of course, she’s had work done. Just look at her pictures from, say, ten years ago. Some say she peaked a few years back when these shots were taken. She singlehandedly made big booty hot. OK, Jennifer Lopez helped with her Latina backside. Anyway, JLo and her bubble butt and Kim K and her heart-shaped one rock just about anything they wear. If we have to choose a favorite item of booty clothing, it would have to be those thong bikinis the two seem to favor. Ah, the sight of those thonged backsides sitting side by side on a beach wall somewhere. Kim K is now in her 30’s and rumor has it, she’s competing with younger sibling, Kylie Jenner. Since the shock of being robbed in Paris during Paris Fashion Week a while back, Kim has been keeping a lower profile. Some say she’s ready to relax a little and enjoy family life with hubs Kanye West and adorable kids North and Saint.
10. Antje Utgaard – The Next Kate Upton (Melons)
F-cup Antje Utgaard has been hailed by Playboy as the next Kate Upton. This Wisconsin babe comes from good Lutheran Swedish/Norwegian stock. Out of high school a mere five years ago, she’s already hit New York City and trained with the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes. So, she’s a serious dancer. As her 1.4 million followers on Instagram know, she loves to post fun and sexy “come on over” pictures. Now based in Hollywood/Los Angeles, she’s got a couple of films and TV shows under her belt. Her main thing is promotional modeling via Instagram. You know the kind of thing where there’s cropped and tight and revealing tee shirts with “Pepsi” emblazoned across those boobs. She says they are natural. And she and they have been featured on the Sports Illustrated website when Antje was “Lady of the Day.”
9. Sofia Vergara – 32F Melons And Hot Cakes
Sofia Vergara is 38-28-39, with 32F-cup perfection. The feisty Latina hottie has melons and cake to die for. Whether she’s on the red carpet or rocking a bikini, she hardly ever puts a fashion foot wrong. Oh, there was that time when her tight green red carpet dress split, revealing her booty. The snaps of that faux-pas nearly broke the Internet. Quick, call an emergency seamstress. And, we seem to remember the time when her yoga pants were so tightly stretched and thin that you could see the flesh of her glorious booty. But did anybody mind? No. More Internet-breaking snaps emerged. The Colombian actress makes 40-something look hot and rocks her role as trophy wife Gloria Delgado Pritchett on Modern Family. Pity her poor hubby, Jay. Sofia has gone back to her natural blonde hair. For years, she dyed it brown because studio bosses thought it would make her look more Latin.
8. Brooklyn Decker – Hot, Hot, And More Hot (Melons)
Brooklyn Decker seems to have it all. She’s been on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and strutted her stuff for Victoria’s Secret. She’s all loved up and married to former tennis player Andy Roddick. Plus, she’s a successful actress with an ongoing star turn on TV’s Grace and Frankie. And she’s barely 30 years old. Where did her unusual name come from? According to IMDb, she says she is named after a horse! Her mom had a friend with a horse named Brooke and her dad put in his two cents worth and suggested “Brooklyn.” But a horse as a namesake? Must have been one heck of a horse. What’s even more bizarre is that in April of 2017, Brooklyn told People magazine that she thinks she looks like actor Kevin Bacon. WTF? We don’t see it.
7. Kelly Rohrbach – From Rookie To Rear Of The Year (Melons and Cake)
In 2017, you could see Kelly Rohrbach‘s melons bouncing down the beach in Baywatch. She filled out that red swimsuit like a treat. She played C.J. Parker, the character made famous by another hot melon type, Pamela Anderson. Kelly Rohrbach is an actress/model and one of a long list of babes Leonardo DiCaprio has picked up and then discarded. He gets older, and they get younger. Acting came before modeling for our Kelly. She studied theater at Georgetown University, before going on to London to study at the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Art. Then came modeling, with appearances in the 2015 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. They crowned her “Rookie of the Year.” Rear of the year, more like it. Oh yeah, she’s a golfing fiend, having played on the Georgetown University’s ladies team. Fore!
6. Ariel Winter – 38-28-34 Says It All
Ariel was modeling for Cool Whip when she was 4 years old and doing movies by the time she was in first grade. Why? Because her mom, Crystal, is the momager from hell. Ariel Winter has claimed that her mom abused her. Mom has said ‘no way, Ariel was a wild child who, at 14 years old, was doing stuff no 14-year-old should.’ The whole thing exploded in a nasty court battle when Ariel and her 34Ds effectively tried to “divorce” her mom. One thing’s for certain, though, momager Crystal had a bad reputation on the set of Modern Family. They used to groan when they saw the demanding witchy momager coming. Now that Ariel is 19 years old and “emancipated,” mom is so history. We think she’s 38-28-34 perfection.
5. Eva Mendes – One Of The Best Cakes Out There
Eva Mendes is 42 years old and all loved up with toy boy actor Ryan Gosling. He’s 36 years old, by the way. These days, she lets the daddy of her two adorable daughters do the acting thing. She’s into designing household goods and pushing beauty products. In any “best rears in Hollywood” list, Eva Mendes is right up there towards the top. Rumor had it that Eva was fed up with Ryan flirting with his La La Land co-star Emma Stone. It was all over the Internet a while back. Flirting or not, we do know that when Gosling walked away with the Golden Globe award for his singing/dancing/acting in the movie, he thanked Eva for all her support, saying he couldn’t have managed the movie without her. It was a kind of tearful, happy moment.
4. Pamela Anderson – The One, The Only (Melon, Duh)
She and her considerable melons were every boy’s fantasy when she was bouncing down the beach playing C.J. Parker on TV’s Baywatch back in the 1990’s. Of course, they weren’t real, and now she says she regrets having them done. We remember her melons in that “tape” that she and rocker hubby Tommy Lee, made while on their honeymoon in 1995. Shock and horror, it was stolen from their home and was one of the first fun tapes to go viral on the Internet. So, of course, Anderson sued the company who posted the video on their site. Then, everybody goes into a back room and a deal is made. Who knows how much cash came Pam’s way, but pretty soon, the video was back up and breaking viewing records once again. She finally wised up and gave grungy Tommy Lee the heave-ho.
3. Salma Hayek – 50 And Still Hot (Melons)
Whoa! How can Salma Hayek be 50 years old? She’s still way hot and, by the way, married to a French billionaire named Francois-Henri Pinault. “Salma” means “peace” or “calm.” And these days, she’s got plenty of both. But when she was 12 years old, she was sent from her native Mexico to a boarding school in Louisiana. It didn’t last long. She got kicked out for terrorizing the nuns! Well, before she met Pinault, she famously said that she was still waiting for a man with more balls than she had. Her nickname? The Mexican Jumping Bean. She’s hyperactive. Looking back on her career, she has said that in her twenties, she resented being offered parts in which she did little but look sexy. Now at 50? She loves it when those kinds of offers come in.
2. Penelope Cruz – Melons And Cake To Spare
Penelope Cruz is proud of being Spanish. And Spain is proud of her. She and husband Javier Bardem, are the only Spanish actors to win Oscars. That’s a big deal in Spain. Back before Javier, she had a three-year relationship with Scientology’s main man, Tom Cruise. Penelope first came to Hollywood in 1994. Her English skills were extremely limited. She had two sentences in her repertoire: “How are you?” and “I want to work with Johnny Depp.” She did work with him on 2001’s Blow. Since then, she says she has learned “I want to work with Johnny Depp again.” Like her best bud, Salma Hayek, Penelope was a scrappy little kid who picked fights and disagreed with just about anybody and everybody. These days, she’s loved up with Bardem, hotter than hot and one busy actress.
1. Tyra Banks – Melons Aplenty
The young Tyra Banks burst onto the modeling scene in the 1990’s. She made older models like diva Naomi Campbell see green; as in jealousy. Tyra was modeling before she could drive, hitting catwalks and ads at the age of 15. She was the first African-American woman to hit the covers of both GQ and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Victoria’s Secret snapped her up, and she strutted their shows for eight years. By the time she left in 2005, she was one of the most in-demand and highly paid models out there. Then, without missing a beat, she forged a TV career that gave the world America’s Next Top Model. No, we don’t like the show either. But, it’s been a cash cow for our Tyra, with versions of the format being televised all over the world. Tyra’s melons were just about perfect.
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