Growing up, pretty much all of us wanted to be superheroes at some point. Whether we yearned for the strength of the Hulk, the speed of Quicksilver, the healing powers of Wolverine, or something else entirely, the idea of using crazy abilities to fight evil and earn the adulation and adoration of the masses is something that has almost undoubtedly appealed to everybody.
However, some superpowers really wouldn’t be as great as they’re depicted as being in comic books, in the movies and on television. In fact, some would undoubtedly be more of a burden than a blessing.
With that in mind, here are 10 superheroes whose powers would suck in real life.
Superman’s Super Hearing
Superman’s super hearing is often shown as being advantageous, because he can use it to hear trouble occurring from miles away. However, that wouldn’t be the case in reality. It’s an ability that you can’t turn off, so you would actually be able to hear EVERYTHING going on around you at all times. You’d never get any sleep, you wouldn’t be able to understand what people were saying directly to you and, in a nutshell, it would drive you completely insane within a day.
Professor X’s Telepathy
Telepathy and the ability to hear the thoughts of others seem like cool powers to possess. Professor X can mentally communicate with his fellow X-Men from a distance and he can use his powers to anticipate when something bad is going to happen. However, these powers would have a pretty unfortunate downside. Would you really want to hear the thoughts of others? They would range from the utterly mundane and boring to the seriously perverse and twisted – and that could mean you end up emotionally scarred for life!
Teleportation would be a very cool and convenient power to have for the most part. Nightcrawler can get from A to B in an instant – which would really make life easier for us in the real world – but there’d definitely be a major downside to the power, especially if you started to get careless and complacent with it. Teleport into a wall or into a space occupied by even the smallest object – such as a flying bug or some litter blowing in the wind – and you could end up merged with that wall or object and in excruciating pain – or even dead – as a result. It would probably be safer to just walk or take the bus.
Doctor Manhattan’s Size Manipulation
Size manipulation – in particular the ability to grow bigger – seems like it could have a lot of advantages. You’d think you’d be proportionately stronger, faster and more durable – and you could reach things that you otherwise wouldn’t be able to – but the fact is that it would actually be terrible. Doctor Manhattan used the ability to smash his way into Ozymandias’ lair, but the truth is that the human body just isn’t designed to support itself beyond a certain size. You only have to look at real-life “giants” who are only a couple of feet taller than the average man – they suffer from excruciating back pain and their organs give up on them much earlier than the average person. Basically, being a giant would suck.
Rogue’s Power Absorption
Seriously? Do you really need us to explain why having power absorption abilities in “real life” would suck? Rogue can absorb the powers of other mutants in her universe, but there’s nobody else in the real world with powers! You wouldn’t even realise you had the ability to absorb them! D’oh!
Having been bitten by a radioactive spider, Peter Parker AKA Spider-Man developed some of its abilities – including the ability to stick to surfaces and climb walls. That’s cool, right? Well no, not really. In the real world, even if you managed to control the stickiness to an extent, you’d still undoubtedly get random objects – and indeed other people – stuck to you from time to time, which would be embarrassing to say the least. Moreover, gravitational tug is proportionate to an object’s size. It’s highly unlikely that the stickiness would even be enough to hold a human being up, rendering it useless.