It’s the month of October, and you know what that means – pumpkin spice lattes! Everybody get their coffee mugs and sweaters ready because although you’re slacking on being prepared for the cold weather, the cursed pumpkin spice fad has made its way into people’s coffee mugs, and it’s not stopping there. It becomes apparent every year that whenever the month of October comes around, people have one thing to look forward to, and that’s the dreaded pumpkin spice fad.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m familiar with why pumpkin spice lattes are so delicious, I’ve consumed a few of them myself. On the contrary, I don’t really understand why food and beverage based companies are looking to cash in on the idea of pumpkin spice, and take it to a level that is not deserved. If you were to walk into your local grocery story years ago, the only thing you’d see on the shelves being advertised for the month of October is pumpkin spice lattes. If you walk into a grocery story today, literally everything has been infected by the aforementioned curse. I don’t entirely understand the reasoning behind why companies feel the need to sell pumpkin spice bagels, or pumpkin spice shampoo, but they get away with it, and it’s disgusting. I’m not trying to sound cynical, mostly because I understand the appeal of pumpkin spice related items, it gives you the feeling that cold weather is here, and reminds you of the beauties of fall. There are just some companies that need to slow down.
15. Alcoholic Beverages
Whether you’re in the mood for some beer, vodka, or moonshine, more times than not you’ll find a pumpkin spice spin-off. I completely understand the concept behind adding a bit more flavor to alcoholic beverages that some find difficult to consume. Though, when it comes to beer or other forms of alcohol that already have a distinct and easily consumed flavor, the last thing you’d think to do is try to do something different with it. I’ve never tried pumpkin spice vodka or the other mentioned pumpkin spice alcoholic beverages before, so I don’t really know whether they’re worth the effort of trying them out. My reasoning for that is truly because I find it pretty silly to add pumpkin spice flavors to a beverage that doesn’t need any improvements. Except for vodka, which I can definitely see working in its favor. Otherwise, count me out if you’re going out for a round of pumpkin spice beers.
14. Cat & Dog Treats
If you’re one of those individuals that doesn’t succumb to the effects of the later colder seasons by filling your life with pumpkin spice related items, then you and I share an opinion. I reiterate that I’m not a die hard fan of pumpkin spice flavors in anything, but I do enjoy a pumpkin spice latte now and again. Here’s the thing though, pumpkin spice flavors are meant for humans to consume and that’s it, so why would we ever feel pressured to get our pets involved? Our beloved pets know nothing of this fad and now companies are pushing out cat and dog treats that will get them involved in it. Yeah, there are pumpkin spice cat and dog treats, and they look and probably taste just as ridiculous as they sound. I don’t know from experience whether these are good or not, though I would wager they probably fall in the middle.
Oreo cookies are delicious, so why do companies feel the need to further the point that certain food items need to be altered? In the defense of Oreo cookies however, there are many different kinds that already exist, and sometimes there are new ones even coming out of the woodwork. I’ve consumed my fair share of them from red velvet to double stuffed, and although sometimes they aren’t aesthetically pleasing, they’re delicious nonetheless. I’ve never tried pumpkin spice Oreo cookies, but I wager they’d fall in the same category as other flavors, though if it were me, I wouldn’t be able to get past the pumpkin spice flavor overwhelming the rest of the cookie. It’s a rare occurrence when a food item can be altered in many ways and still maintain what made it great in the first place. If this season you’re feeling in the mood for something a bit different but still familiar for you and your taste buds, then pumpkin spice Oreo cookies may be the safest bet.
12. Milk/Soy Milk
Take a walk down the dairy aisle in any local grocery store, and I guarantee you will find some type of milk related products that will be infected by the curse of pumpkin spice. For me, pumpkin spice milk and its counterpart soy milk just sound and look disgusting. Milk and soy milk have no business being in the pumpkin spice family, except I guess for any other reason than for people to enjoy the holidays a little bit more. They should be left alone and kept the way they are for people to enjoy and if people want to alter it, they can buy pumpkin spice separately. I’m a victim of consuming any flavored eggnog however, so I understand the aesthetic of a tasty dairy drink, but if it’s going to be in the same realm as many of the other pumpkin spice related items, I’m probably going to disregard it before considering purchasing it.
11. Assorted Chocolates
You can’t expect to put a piece of chocolate in front of me and expect it to sit there for very long. I love all forms of it, including but of course not limited to, Kit Kat Bars, Hershey’s Kisses, and brownies. However, given the nature of the season, even chocolate is a victim to the aforementioned curse of pumpkin spice. Whether this is a good or bad thing I really can’t decide. The pumpkin spice era is targeting the most popular of food based items to make sales, and that’s all well and good. But we’re talking about M&M’s more specifically, and while I don’t necessarily consider myself a die hard fan of M&M’s, it’d be difficult to find a reason to hate them. I don’t want pumpkin spice chocolate based items to be the reason I end up hating chocolate. It’s got the same effect that milk and soy milk have where the idea of it is fine, but the overall look of it isn’t aesthetically agreeable.
Now onto one of the more bizarre pumpkin spice related items, neither a food or beverage item, we get pumpkin spice shampoo and conditioner. Again, I’m no stranger to the more bizarre pumpkin spice based items, as I’ve seen more come to the light of day throughout the years, but at some point it stops being bizarre, and becomes ridiculous. Not only do you have ways to consume pumpkin spice based items, but now you can smell like it. This is one I can understand though, because I know what it’s like to want to smell like something that is pleasing to the senses. Heck, if I could, I’d want to smell like freshly brewed coffee every day, but I digress. Pumpkin spice shampoo and conditioner is a thing, so if you’re in the mood to smell like pumpkin spice, there are products out there that meet your demands. I mean, who wouldn’t want to smell like pumpkin spice in the middle of summer?
9. Bubble Gum
I’m here with the understanding that chewing bubble gum can be used for a variety of different things: quitting smoking, stress relief, etc. However, I don’t really understand the reasoning behind making a pumpkin spice variant. Bubble gum has been around for God only knows how long, and people have always turned to the cinnamon flavor or the simple mint flavor over anything else. I’m not disagreeing with the notion that a bubble gum with pumpkin spice flavor could be good, but what is the point exactly? Is there something about the flavor with pumpkin spice that I’m missing, or is it really that good that it warrants such a thing to exist? The notion that people should buy this over the simple mint flavor is a bit crass, but I guarantee you will see at least one person in your checkout line buying a couple packs of pumpkin spice bubble gum, just to see what it taste like. Then of course they’ll be asking for a refund because of how disgusting it is.
8. Candy Corn
We’re moving on to what I believe to be one of the most disgusting and vile types of candy that has ever existed- candy corn. Being one of the most disgusting candies, why not try selling it in the same vein as pumpkin spice lattes and milk? Sure, that’s a great idea, but should it be included in one of the most popular fads prevalent during this time? I mean, why not, it works for everything else, right? Yeah, there is pumpkin spice flavored candy corn, and it sounds as disgusting as it tastes. I’d go as far to say that if you don’t like candy corn, it’d be a good idea to steer clear of pumpkin spice candy corn, unless you feel like setting a prank for the kids that show up at your door on Halloween. I’m sure there are plenty of people that enjoy consuming candy corn, but what I’ve gathered is the overall consensus is that candy corn is gross.
Of course, what’s worse than candy corn? Peeps. Yes, alongside pumpkin spice candy corn, we have pumpkin spice flavored peeps. To make matters even worse, they aren’t just simply pumpkin spice flavored, they’re pumpkin spice latte flavored. So if you’re feeling in the mood for coffee, pumpkin spice lattes are the next best thing. If you’re really feeling desperate enough and you can’t see yourself walking a few blocks to the nearest coffee shop to get a well made pumpkin spice latte, well pumpkin spice latte flavored peeps are here for you. This is one that confuses me because on the one hand, I don’t necessarily understand the appeal of peeps. The texture mixed with a marshmallow based inside makes for an unpleasant feeling in my mouth, not to mention the terrible after taste. Much like candy corn, I’m sure there are plenty of people waiting in line to buy pumpkin spice latte flavored peeps, but I’m not.
6. Potato Chips
We’re moving back into some of mostly normal pumpkin spice related food items with potato chips. This is a pumpkin spice related item that I can get behind while simultaneously questioning its existence. The overall pleasure of potato chips is the convenience, and while people love to sit around with a bag of chips in one hand, something about the overwhelming taste of pumpkin spice doesn’t necessarily bode well with me. Historically, there’s been times we’ve seen potato chip flavors hit the shelves that had no right to, specifically chicken and waffles. However, in my experience the mysterious flavors can often times be the best flavors. Could the same be said about pumpkin spice potato chips? Much like some of the other items on here, it’s easy to understand the reasoning behind the design, but I can’t imagine it’d be satisfying to the taste buds, or even the after taste.
I’m fully aware that I mentioned pumpkin spice peeps already, and them being a marshmallow-based food product, it seems like a cop out to mention marshmallows on their own. However, in my defense, I’ve never looked at a picture of a pumpkin spice related food item, and instantly felt sick to my stomach. Marshmallows on their own are fantastic, especially in s’more form, but for one reason or another, they feel it necessary to plague their very existence with pumpkin spice. Nothing about this feels right, and I’m going on record with saying that even if I do try pumpkin spice marshmallows, I’m probably going to hate it. I can’t imagine the taste of them being too much different than the pumpkin spice latte peeps minus the texture of the peeps. To its credit, I would be interested in knowing what a s’more tasted like if one were to roast a pumpkin spice flavored marshmallow over a fire.
I’m not a humongous fan of Jell-O so perhaps my insight on a pumpkin spice flavor of the brand is a tad bit biased. I don’t necessarily see a reason to go out of my way to find a specific flavor of Jell-O in the first place when it never really blew me away to begin with. This goes along with a couple of the other items I’ve shown off here like the peeps or even the M&M’s. Who’s going to go into a store and think to themselves, “Man, I wish I had some pumpkin spice Jell-O!” Nobody will be thinking that, because they’ll instead go to something more practical and pick up a bunch of pumpkin flavored chocolate. As probably evident with this piece, naturally I think the thought behind a pumpkin spice flavored Jell-O is not only silly, but how does it really play into the colder seasons?
3. Body Wash/Lotion
As previously mentioned, pumpkin spice has not only effected the food and beverage items that we’ve come to know today, it’s reached the non edible departments. More specifically I’m of course talking about pumpkin spice body wash and pumpkin spice lotion. As mentioned previously, I’m no stranger to the weird experiments that the pumpkin spice fad stretches. It’s not a food based product, so I suppose people aren’t having to succumb to the taste of pumpkin spice, but do people really believe that the pumpkin spice smell is so good that it warrants walking around smelling like it. I’ve walked into a Starbucks before, being struck with the smell of both cinnamon and pumpkin spice, and while I agree it’s a pretty satisfying smell, I wouldn’t want to smell like it for longer than necessary. People have their likes and dislikes so I imagine this falls into the same category as shampoo and conditioner does. If you like it, that’s totally cool.
2. Cereal Products
The pumpkin spice crazy carries on, and its starting to effect the unexpected. Breakfast cereals aren’t even safe anymore, and right before your very eyes, shelves are being stocked with various breakfast cereal brands like Mini-Wheats and Cheerios and are being succumb to the pumpkin spice treatment. This is not something I can get behind regardless of how convincing it may sound. I’m a big fan of Cheerios and a lot of the variants; especially the honey nut variety. However, I don’t think I could live with myself if I were to ever consume a breakfast cereal in the taste of pumpkin spice. Granted, I imagine this would go well alongside the pumpkin spice milk and soy milk, but to me that seems like pumpkin spice overload. Given the opportunity, I’d probably give it a shot, just to see what it’d taste like to have a bowl of pumpkin spice.
It seems rather ironic that throughout this entire article, I have praised pumpkin spice lattes, and now we land on the last bit of the article, and it stands as number one on this compiled list. I’m not going to hide it, I think the pumpkin spice latte craze has gotten completely off the rails. I’ve mentioned a few different times throughout this article that I completely understand the appeal to it, and I’m so happy people look forward to it as we move into the colder months, but that’s all people talk about during the month of October. “I got my first cup of pumpkin spice latte,” or, “I’m going to destroy Starbucks for not having pumpkin spice in stock.” Guys, we gotta slow our tracks a little bit and take in the cold months for what they are. While we’re at it, let’s give some of the baristas a break with the excessive purchases of pumpkin spice lattes and learn to love something else for a while.
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