Today, with many people never marrying or at the very least living together for quite some time before tying the knot, many would argue that there is absolutely no difference between cohabitation and married life. Others would say that there is a huge difference as to what happens when two people commit to love and support each other, no matter what life throws at them, in a public ceremony before their families, friends, and spiritual connections.
Add to this comfort and age, along with the nuptials, and people are a lot more likely to really let their true self shine through. The more time two people spend together, the more they’ll reveal about themselves, even when these realities are best left behind a closed and locked bathroom door.
Marriage gives us all the freedom to let it all hang out, whether our partner likes it or not. Humans are pretty gross creatures; just try spending some time with them. However, they understand when it comes to courtship it’s often best to keep these things under their hat until they’ve locked things down. Here are 15 gross things that most women do that he might not find out about until after she says, “I do.” Welcome to your slightly less picture-perfect happily ever after, but don’t complain too much, men aren’t exactly without repugnant habits themselves.
15. A Lazy Bath
The late, great comedian George Carlin coined a term that applies more often to women than they’d like to admit. Carlin described the ‘hooker’s bath’ being the act of cleaning only the following body parts: the armpits, nether-regions, and teeth. A simple spot clean can help a busy gal on the go take care of some of the smellier parts of the body without having to be late for their busy life on the go. For husbands sharing a bathroom with their spouse, they may witness a few of these speedy cleaning rituals. A lot of women will deny this type of time-saving life hack because they worry that it’s going to make them sound unclean, but odds are this is something that she’s got in her regular repertoire, he just hasn’t seen it – yet!
14. We Pluck Weird Hairs
Women get hairs in weird places. We get chin hairs and nipple hairs, and now that the bathroom door is opened a little wider, hubby might get a glimpse of his significant other doing her best to rid her body of these stray hairs that pop up out of nowhere. Many women are embarrassed by the stigma associated with them having hair on their face or other parts of their body because the media keeps hitting us over the head with the fact that the only appropriate place for a real lady to have hair is on her head, so we try to keep it on the DL. Some women will opt to wax or shave their peach fuzz outside of the salon, while others simply take care of these little sprouts on an as-needed basis. It’s probably best for hubby to keep mum on this matter if he sees anything.
13. Running Out Of Deodorant & Covering It Up With Perfume
Just about any advertisement for women’s deodorant will tell you the many ways they’ve PH balanced their product for her specific needs and how it will keep her fresh for 24 or 48 hours. I always thought this claim was poppycock until I ran out of deodorant and gave my husband’s an unsuccessful spin, but come on, let’s get real – there is no such thing as 24-hour deodorant. The result of trying out his deodorant was worse than wearing nothing at all. No wonder why so many women who run out of deodorant will opt to try and cover up their smell with perfume. This temporary measure is a stopgap to keep her going until she can get to the drug store. Before he complains about the cloud of lilac she’s ensconced in, he should probably think back to the old days of AX body spray and let this one slide.
12. Leaving The Bathroom Door Open
Some families are open-door families, while others aren’t, although odds are no matter what type of family rules she grew up with, that bathroom door is going to spend a heck of a lot more time ajar. At first it will be leaving the door open in the middle of the night when she sneaks away for a 2 AM trip to the loo, but eventually over time she may leave that door wide open for the world (AKA hubby) to get a glimpse of whatever she’s up to — including lengthier stints for poops, primping, and grooming. Some joke about the freedom an open door can provide, saying, “You’ll think with a renewed sense of clarity, as if you are channeling the habits of your animal brethren, relieving themselves so freely in the wild. You’ll know nothing can stop you as you defy the arbitrary laws those before us have created. You are no longer a slave to barriers.
11. Peeing In The Shower
Even Madonna has admitted she pees in the shower, so why wouldn’t the women who grew up dancing along to her tunes own up to this? While most people probably don’t use their shower as a personal toilet every time they’re in there, if she lets you know this is her practice, don’t sweat it. In fact, maybe praise her for being environmentally responsible. In 2014, the University of East Anglia created a viral “Go with the Flow” where two students completed some calculations and predicted that if students peed in the shower they could “save the campus 187 million gallons of water a year.” So is he grossed out that she’s peeing in the shower, or really just jealous?
10. We Don’t Wash Our Hair That Often
Female hair care is time-consuming and exhausting. Thankfully we have a number of hacks that can make our hair look squeaky clean when it hasn’t been washed for days and days. When a couple gets married, he might just become a lot more aware of how often his Mrs. is skipping over the shampoo bottle in the shower. A few years ago we were thankful for ponytails and would even just wash our fringe to make our hair “appear” cleaner than it was. One modern woman reveals, “Lots of girls go FOREVER without washing their hair. All hail dry shampoo.” Many hairdressers will recommend that women with medium to dry scalps only wash their hair once or twice a week.
9. Selecting Clothes Based On Shaving Or Not Shaving
Men are responsible for shaving their faces, and let’s be honest, with the more recent resurgence of the male beard (thanks, hipsters) a lot of guys don’t even have to do much more than the occasional beard trim to keep their hedges neat and tidy. Women who decide to shave have a lot more square footage to smooth out in terms of their legs and underarms, and will often make their wardrobe choices based on whether or not they’ve had the time or inclination to pick up their razor. If she’s wearing high boots with that sundress in August, sometimes it’s a fashion statement, but other times it’s just because she’s too lazy to shave. This is something that most guys aren’t aware of until they’ve gotten a better peak behind the shower curtain.
8. The In-Between Zone
While many women have it together when it comes to adulting, others don’t and never will, especially when it comes to clothes that hover in that Twilight Zone where they aren’t dirty enough to go into the laundry but aren’t clean enough to be neatly put away into the closet or drawers. While many women won’t want to admit it, we’ve been wearing yesterday’s tank top and the same jeans for the past week now. That chair in the corner of the bedroom, the one with the clothes piled on it? Stay back, that’s the almost, sort of, but not quite dirty pile of clothing. Also, spoiler alert, when she drops crumbs and candies between the cleavage, she really is saving it as a snack for later, so there won’t be any remnants in her partially dirty clothes corner. Also, don’t ask about those bed sheets.
7. We Love To Squeeze Our Faces
There is something oddly satisfying about popping a pimple, peeling off a facial mask, or clearing out all of those blackheads. The more disgusting the result, the better; some women pursue careers as aesthetician so they can get paid to pimple pop. Even though every piece of skincare advice clearly warns about the damage that can be caused by picking at skin, we just can’t help ourselves. Many women will proudly admit to overly enjoying squeezing out blackheads and smelling bits of ourselves. Advice to a husband who is witnessing this for the very first time: turn a blind eye and back away slowly, because if you acknowledge this, guess whose blackheads we’re coming after next. Seriously, don’t get us started.
6. We Treat Our Lingerie Like Garbage
For whatever reason, many ladies (myself included) resent the amount of money they need to spend on undergarments. This is another ‘pink tax’ item that we end up spending a lot more green on than our male counterparts. One would think with the amount these things cost, we’d take better care of them, but most of us don’t. Most people don’t really hand wash their unmentionables beyond the first few washes, while others readily admit to skipping on the regular washing altogether. One woman dishes, “I can’t remember the last time I washed my bra,” and other women were quick to agree. Bras become collectors of boob sweat, so it’s not like they don’t need a regular washing. Hubby just might become more aware of this reality as he keeps track of how often or not bras appear drying in the shower or in the laundry hamper.
5. More Likely To Share Their Period Pain
Once there’s the added comfort of him declaring his commitment to being on her “team”, she’s a lot less likely to grin and bear it when it comes to her monthly woes. You’ll be a lot more aware of truly treacherous things like cramp diarrhea because she doesn’t want to flush the toilet while he has a shower. When it comes to life after kids, better buckle up, because a squeamish hubby isn’t going to be able to handle what’s coming next. One mom said, “The day after I had my daughter, I passed this giant glob. It was the size of a clementine. At the time, I’d just birthed an 8lb person so it didn’t seem like a big deal, but, looking back, it was pretty nasty.”
4. Social Media Stalking
This is one of the more embarrassing things that women began practicing when they were junior high school students that they’d rather not let their bae in on — that is, until after he’s made it into her ‘real’ inner circle. That’s when she’ll reveal some of the stranger things she does on a regular basis: like her FBI level research skills when it comes to creeping and stalking people on social media. This regular surveillance can monitor her exes, your exes, her BFFs exes, frenemies, or even that co-worker from two jobs ago that made her life miserable. Some will even block their profiles or create bogus accounts to better creep on unsuspecting victims. When she shares these ‘findings’ with her husband, he’s truly entered a whole new level of trust. Don’t be scared, understand that this sharing is a sign of respect.
3. The Narcissistic Selfie
Ever wonder how the leading lady gets the best possible selfies? Now that she’s married, she’s going to let you in on a little secret: it can take dozens or even hundreds of snaps for her to get that perfect Instagram-worthy shot. Guess what, now you can be her accomplice and personal photographer to help her put her best face forward. Maybe she has a selfie stick or a timer that he’s never seen before. Many women won’t admit how much effort they put into these photos, cause not everyone is really that photogenic. However, now that he knows the truth, maybe this is a good time to tell her just how beautiful she is – filtered, unfiltered, in bad lighting, and without photoshop to cover up her spots, wrinkles, or a double chin.
2. Women Are Queens Of Their Own Castles
Men have the reputation of being the ones who can’t keep their hands off themselves but, much like Goldilocks, sometimes only she knows what will feel just right. That’s right, hubbies, she’s taking care of her own business, and sometimes when he’s only a room away. Usually, this happens in the bathroom, with an assist from the shower head or in the bedroom when she knows that he’s a decent distance away. Does she care if he catches her? Probably not; odds are that she knows that even if he walks in on her that he’ll appreciate her efforts and find it at least a little bit hot. A 2009 survey revealed that somewhere around 20-25 percent of women aged 18-29 are fulfilling their own needs several times each month.
1. Bra & Pants Off
While that Victoria’s Secret water bra keeps the ‘girls’ looking great for most of the day, at the end of a long day at work many women can’t wait to peel it off, sometimes ditching it at the front door along with her purse and her shoes. While many men may fantasize that this is going to be the beginning of some kind of a romantic romp, odds are this is where she puts on those oversized, hole-riddled yoga pants and a giant sweatshirt. This isn’t about sex appeal, this is about pure and simple comfort. Women need the space to be free to scratch their itches and let it all hang loose, just like men. Have a problem? Go into the other room.
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