Most dads, or parents for that matter, know that feeling of, as comedian John Crist says, arriving at the Happiest Place on Earth at 9 a.m. and having to plan every minute of the day until 9 p.m. Pay attention and stay close to this guide for Crist's hilarious (and relatable) video.
"Disneyland Dads" is an unflattering term that is used to describe noncustodial divorced dads who indulge their child or children with fun trips and gifts during brief visitation periods and leave most of the day-to-day disciplinary responsibilities to the custodial parent. But that isn't the type of Disney Dad that Crist targets in his very funny video. Crist, who homeschools his children with his wife, made the video to appeal to the dads who spend their time at Disneyland trying to keep their sanity. Think Full House's Danny Tanner, clipboard of fun and all, with an extra dose of sarcasm.
Today posted the short video in which Crist scurries around the Happiest Place on Earth while desperately trying to keep his seemingly sugared-up brood in check. Every Disney-loving adult, even those of us who are not parents, can relate to things like understandable outrage at stroller traffic jams, ridiculously overpriced souvenirs, expensive snacks and outrageous wait times while trying to satisfy a tiny part of our childhood selves.
And for those who are unable to relate to Crist's tirade will at least be able to relate to observing exasperated parents who are dangerously close to losing their patience while their children plead for everything in sight.
"Forty-five dollars for bedazzled mouse ears?" Crist says to his young daughter who is supposedly off camera. "Baby, you want these or you want to go to college?"
It's true that Disney is filled with shops that peddle overpriced mementos. Sparkles and sequins help to draw the eyes of young Disney fans much to the chagrin of their weary parents. In the video, Crist also tells his wife that he refuses to push their 4-year-old son in a stroller because he's, well, 4 and can walk on his own.
"No, I'm not going to push him in a stroller, he's four!" Crist says.
Another zinger happens when Crist speed walks by one of Disneyland's less-popular attractions. "I just flew my family halfway across America and all my homeschooled kids want to do is visit the Hall of Presidents?"
The comedian even tosses a barb to another country. "We're not waiting an hour and a half for Impressions of France. Eat a baguette and lose a world war. That's my impression of France. Let's go to Space Mountain."
He even manages to insult one of Disneyland's competitors. "Oh, for heaven's sakes," Crist says as he ends down to retrieve a piece of trash. "Pick up your garbage and throw it away. This isn't Six Flags." Burn.
The comedian attempts to teach one of his children the lesson of dealing with disappointment, the Disney way.
"Listen Rebecca, she's not coming out today, okay?" Crist says again to his daughter off camera. "That dream to meet Elsa? You better let it go."
He wraps up the video with, "We've been here for ten hours. My love language is quality time but not this much."
What do you think of Crist's portrayal of every dad who's ever been Disneyed to fatigue? Did he make you laugh? Let us know in the comments!