Who is the greatest WWE Superstar of all time? A question I have been asked time and time again. A question, that I have chosen to ignore… until now. Why? Mostly because I often find myself becoming very sad, thinking about the current crop of WWE Superstars. Sure it’s getting better and sure, a lot of them are talented wrestlers, but it just seems as though the entertainment side of things is dwindling into obscurity. But I’ve also decided to write this article now, because I couldn’t think of anything else to write this week. So, here we go.
But first, here are some things to consider for the maximum enjoyment of this article:
1 – Since the term “greatest” is subjective, I’ve just listed down a bunch of my favourite WWE Superstars.
2 – You will not find detailed information on each Superstar listed, but rather, random thoughts that pop into my head. Some of these thoughts may not even make sense.
3 – You will however find, a bunch of (censored) swear words, if that counts for something.
4 – You will not find Superstars such as Ricky Steamboat and Randy Savage on this list, not because they’re not great - they are - but because I didn’t grow up watching these people.
5 – Stone Cold Steve Austin is not number 1 on this list, but I would love to read your hate comments, so leave some below.
10 Stone Cold Steve Austin
In all my years watching Stone Cold do his thing, one question constantly comes to mind. How come Stone Cold always manages to catch the can of beers? Sometimes he has like 4 cans in his hands and he still manages to catch the fifth one. How does he do it? Is it science or is it just a Stone Cold thing? Or maybe I’m curious because I’m extremely horrible at catching when someone throws something at me.
Seriously, do you actually need me to explain why this beer chugging SOB deserves to be on this list?
Best Moment: The birth of Austin 3:16 and the first Stone Cold Stunner to Mr. McMahon.
It is important to note that from this point on, every superstar on this list will only have one best moment chosen. But because he’s Stone Cold, he gets TWO!
Best Match: Versus Bret Hart at WrestleMania 13.
9 The Undertaker
Dude, this guy comes from a place called DEATH VALLEY! That reason alone should put him on everybody’s Top 10 WWE Superstars list. If I were to be perfectly honest, Undertaker isn’t even that great in the ring (probably the best “big” guy though) and he’s even worse on the microphone. But who cares? He can roll his eyes and make them white, he’s that cool! At one point he could even shoot lightning out of his hands, but okay, that’s not really a compliment.
Some of the best WWE matches of all time featured The Undertaker, most of it taking place either in a cell or at WrestleMania or both. Plus, Undertaker was the back bone of The WWE during the Monday Night Wars, an era where so called WWE loyals would jump ship to WCW in the name of money. Undertaker is a legitimate badass.
But perhaps Undertaker’s greatest achievement, besides successfully committing murder on live television and not being caught, is his lengthy WrestleMania winning streak. 21 WrestleMania victories back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back. There simply is no WrestleMania without The Undertaker, or at least that’s what the higher ups at WWE believe. So much so that, a “grandpa on a wheelchair match” is rumoured to take place at WrestleMania XXXXX, featuring The Undertaker.
Oh wait, now that I think of it, DEATH VALLEY is probably a sandbox under the ring, so maybe it’s not that cool after all.
Best Moment: Walking into the sunset with Triple H and Shawn Michaels after the “End of an Era” match.
Best Match: Versus Triple-H at WrestleMania 27.
I’m convinced until this day, that she’s the reason I hit puberty. When people talk about HOT WWE female superstars, the most common names that pop up are, The Bella Twins, Kelly Kelly, Sable, Candice Michelle and the likes. But for me, it has always been Lita (and Stephanie McMahon). The awesome thing about Lita is she doesn’t look like your typical, “I only have a job here cause of my tits” WWE Diva. Not only does Lita look different – like she belongs in a punk rock band – she can do things in the ring, most men wouldn’t even dream of trying. She’s that good.
Plus, she’s also really good at getting into character. I loved Lita when she was a part of Team XTreme alongside The Hardy Boyz and when she betrayed Matt Hardy, my heart sank. She played the bi*ch role so well, I would have hated her guts to the core, if it wasn’t for the party going on in my pants.
Best Moment: Returning and saving Trish from Molly Holly and Gail Kim.
Best Match: Versus Mickie James at WrestleMania 22.
7 Daniel Bryan
Probably the best David-versus-Goliath-stick-it-to-the-man story. While Stone Cold Steve Austin’s feud with Mr. McMahon was a brilliant one, it was still just a fictional story. Daniel Bryan’s feud with the authority is unique because the WWE higher-ups were not a fan of Daniel Bryan in real life. Daniel Bryan is a small, scruffy, hipster looking dude, everything Vince McMahon didn’t like in a WWE Superstar. Vince is a man that jerks off to huge guys with a specific type of look. How else do you think someone like the Great Khali, who can be considered the worst wrestler to ever step foot in the WWE ring, managed to clinch the World Heavyweight Championship?
But the fans did not care. We screamed and we chanted for this everyman and WWE simply had no choice but to follow through. Daniel Bryan winning the WWE Championship at WrestleMania 30 felt like a huge event in and of itself. The Daniel Bryan story is what makes Pro-Wrestling unique, setting itself apart from “real” sports. I love real sports, don’t get me wrong. But in “real” sports, fantasy booking, for the most part will simply remain nothing but a fantasy. The Green Street Hooligans may be the most hardcore fans on the planet, it’s not gonna make a difference; West Ham is not going to win the BPL and that is that. Then again, Leicester City just did the impossible, so I’ll shut up now.
Best Moment: Winning the World Championship.
Best Match: Versus Sheamus at Extreme Rules.
6 Triple H
Just like many WWE Superstars, Triple H started off his career in the WWE with some loser gimmick nobody really cared about. Hunter Hearst Helmsley or whatever the crap he was called was a French Canadian Aristocrat that was neither French nor Canadian and wrestled on lousy episodes of Superstars. But Mr. Helmsley would have none of that, so he decided to be the cool kids' – The Kliq – chauffeur, and that got him a gig at Degeneration-X, the coolest stable in the world. Hunter Hearst Helmsley became motherf***ing Triple H and the rest as they say is history.
Or it would be, if he was a normal human being. But no, motherf***ing Triple H didn’t just wanna be THE MAN in front of the camera, he had to be THE MAN behind the scenes as well. What does he do? He dumps his girlfriend, deflowers the boss’ daughter and marries the sh*t outta her. Now we can safely say, the rest is history. Unless of course, he decides to murder Vince McMahon. Triple H truly is THE GAME! His only weakness being, 15 years in, he still hasn’t figured out how to properly use a sledgehammer – he uses it to poke people, instead of bashing their heads in like a piñata. It’s okay Triple H, we’re in on your joke.
Best Moment: Walking into the sunset with Undertaker and Shawn Michaels after the “End of an Era” match.
Best Match: Versus The Undertaker at WrestleMania 27.
5 Brock Lesnar
Admittedly, I wasn’t a fan of Lesnar’s back in 2002. I wasn’t even a big fan of his when he made his comeback in 2012. But WWE struck gold when they paired him up with Paul Heyman. With Heyman as his mouthpiece, Brock Lesnar went from being awesome to THE BEAST INCARNATE, THE CONQUEROR, BROOOCCCKKKKK LESSSSSNARRR!
Every time Brock Lesnar shows up, any feud and any pay per view just feels that much bigger. Paul Heyman hypes everything up through his top notch promo skills and Brock Lesnar destroys in the ring, literally. He once defeated John Cena just by using one move 200 times.
More importantly, Lesnar is the Mayor of Suplex City! And although Suplex City isn’t an actual city that exists on any map, I dare you to tell Brock Lesnar otherwise.
Best Moment: Defeating The Undertaker.
Best Match: Versus Roman Reigns at WrestleMania 31.
4 CM Punk
When CM Punk left the WWE after the 2014 Royal Rumble, my heart sank. Sure, if the reports are true, CM Punk, in the most assholistic (yes, this is now a word) manner, demanded and complained a little too much. But if it wasn’t for CM Punk, people like Daniel Bryan and the rest of the indie darlings we constantly jerk off to would not have even been given a chance. He truly was the voice of the voiceless, and in many ways, the voice of the IWC.
CM Punk is the best WWE Superstar of this generation. Period. There is simply no arguing this. Mostly because he’s bloody brilliant, also because most of the so called “awesome” superstars of the PG Era are incomplete. John Cena is fantastic on the microphone (when he’s not being a colourful sack of fruity testicles), but he’s not a great wrestler. Daniel Bryan is a great rassler, but he’s Roman Reigns terrible on the microphone. CM Punk is an all-rounder! He’s great in the ring, a beast on the microphone and undoubtedly the most complete WWE Superstar of this era.
Best Moment: THE pipe bomb.
Best Match: Versus John Cena for the WWE Championship.
3 Jeff Hardy
I swear to God; I would lose my sh*t if Jeff Hardy comes back to the WWE. Jeff Hardy kick started his WWE career with his brother Matt in the tag team division, as the Hardy Boyz (they spell boys with a “Z” because they’re cool like that). Together with Edge & Christian and The Dudleys, they lit the tag team division on fire. While the tag team division has seen a slight resurgence in recent months, it is nothing but Teletubbies when compared to the tag team division of Hardy Boyz’ time.
After a lengthy stint in the tag team division, The Hardy Boyz split up to venture into singles wrestling. Jeff Hardy was of course, the best sh*t ever at that time. Sure, his promo skills were hardly memorable, but who needs promo skills when you have purple hair and can do somersaults off the World Trade Centre (this may or may not have happened). Heck, it was Jeff Hardy and not John Cena who was the front runner to be the new face of the WWE - if only he wasn’t so f***ing high all the time.
Best Moment: Somersault from atop the world trade centre (shut up, a guy can dream).
Best Match: Everything involving household apparatuses.
2 Shawn Michaels
In 1987, WWE signed and fired Shawn Michaels (and Marty Jannetty). A year later, Vince realised what a complete idiot he was and resigned Shawn Michaels and his buddy. Shawn Michaels is awesome (just like every superstar on this list, duh). He practically invented the ladder match, but that’s nothing compared to him dancing around half naked to the sound of women moaning in his theme song. At one point, he even posed nude for Playgirl magazine. He’s kinda ridiculous. During the entirety of Shawn Michaels’ career, especially in 1996, America had a population crisis as female viewers at home between the age of 19 and 40 found that they had become pregnant, just by walking past a TV screen when Monday night Raw was showing.
Best Match: Versus John Cena on Raw in 2007.
Best Moment: Saying sorry to Ric Flair before kicking him in the face.
1 The Rock
I have a story to tell, but I think I’ve told it before, so let me check one of my older articles. Okay, found it. And I quote:
“I remember an experience I had back in 2011. It was a warm Tuesday night and this writer was slumped on the sofa, watching Raw, questioning why on earth I bother with this nonsense anymore. Suddenly, IF YOU SMEEEELLLABALABALA, WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!! My heart started beating at 683,547 miles per second. I would have died due to cardiac arrest that night, had it not been for The Rock’s A++++++ promo on John Cena’s colourful testicles.”
This guy (and Harry Potter) was my childhood. Say what you want about Stone Cold Steve Austin being the best of the Attitude Era, but it is The Rock who is the best WWE Superstar - in terms of pure entertainment - of all time. Every single line he delivers is entertainment GOLD. Mind you, most of his lines don’t make any sense at all. He could spew nonsense like “John Cena is a fruity didilydump” and the crowd would start chanting along.
Best Moment: Making his return in 2011.
Best Match: Versus Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania 18.
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