This might be one thing that all wrestling fans can agree on: nobody wants to see Vince McMahon’s bum getting kissed by anyone, for any reason, at any time of the day, or night. Unfortunately, there is such a club, and it actually has six members that were forced to do such an abominable act, with many more, that were able to escape at the last second.
At Survivor Series in 2001, WWE was able to finally defeat the WCW/ECW invasion in a 5 on 5 Survivor Series rules match causing the losing side to disband completely. Some of those who chose to go against the WWE had to beg for their jobs back, including the first member of the “Kiss My A**” club, William Regal. After Vince did a bunch of flexing and teasing, Regal put lip balm on and actually kissed Vince’s bare buttocks... yuck.
Some other unlucky members of the club include Jim Ross, Shane McMahon, Shawn Michaels, Hornswoggle, and Mick Foley, with the last attempt done back in 2008. Since the WWE has gone PG, this is probably a segment we won’t soon see, but it might be more tolerable (depending on the person doing it) whether it’s to beg for forgiveness, give thanks for their career, or attempting to curry favor.
Here are 10 wrestlers that might make watching this nonsense a bit easier on the senses.
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10 The Big Show
This is how much Vince thought of Big Show, back in 1999; Show – then known as Paul Wright – was signed to a 10-year contract, right off the bat. Sure, he had some great moments with WCW, but he was still a rookie in WWE and was able to obtain a great long-term contract. With five world title reigns later, Big Show is still in the WWE, and for that, he should be in the club.
At 43, it’s fair to say over the past few years Big Show has been on a steady decline, with great matches far and few between. Aside from being a big weight that stronger wrestlers can toss around, he was actually a top heel in the company last year. It’s both a strength and a weakness with how loyal Vince can be towards some people as Show still gets airtime, even though most fans are beyond tired of his work.
9 John Cena
It’s always impressive when a wrestler can carry a company, even if it’s just for six months or a year; guys like CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are recent examples of wrestlers who had their moments, albeit short. John Cena, on the other hand, has been basically the "face" of the WWE for ten years, not only staying in the main event scene, but doing movies along with tons of media and charity appearances.
Cena is one of the few guys with true crossover appeal, and an obvious reason for this is having Vince’s support. There are plenty of people who make decisions in the WWE, but if Vince doesn’t believe in a wrestler, they won’t go far - see Damien Sandow or Zach Ryder. Honestly, Cena is a guy that about half of the fans wouldn’t mind seeing doing this, since they don’t really like him anyways.
8 Rosa Mendes
In this current WWE environment, this segment most likely won’t ever return, but having a woman involved would be pretty much unthinkable. Years ago, Vince did try with Stacy Keibler and Trish Stratus, but neither ended up going through with it. If we had to pick one on today’s roster, it would have to be Rosa Mendes, mostly due to her lack of skills in basically everything needed to be a successful wrestler.
WWE has tried pretty much everything with her on-screen: manager, interviewer, they even put her on Total Divas, but that didn’t work out. At 36, which obviously isn’t old, but it is for women wrestlers within the WWE, it’s kind of confusing how she’s still around.
7 Jerry Lawler
Lawler has been with the WWE since 1992 and if you ask most fans, he’s typically near the top of people who should retire. Even with legal trouble (ran over an officer’s foot), quitting the company (when they fired his wife, known as The Kat in WWE), and health issues (he had a heart attack during a live episode of Raw), Lawer is still around.
Granted, WWE has slowly phased him out by moving him off Raw and to SmackDown, which is typically known as their B-show. This is another case of Vince being extremely loyal, and the best way for Lawler to give thanks would be to kiss some booty. Ew, just writing that out sounds awful...
6 Koko B. Ware
In the 1970s and early 80s, Koko worked his way up through the territories to eventually get a spot with the WWE, debuting in 1986. Koko spent most of his time as a low to mid-card singles attraction, never winning any titles with the company. In the early 1990s he worked with the extremely talented Owen Hart to form High Energy, which for the most part, was just talent enhancement for the tag division.
Not to say he didn’t have a long, prosperous wrestling career, but somehow he managed to get inducted in the WWE Hall of Fame in 2009. He is pretty much the baseline for all future Hall of Famers and is considered to be on the lower end of the Hall of Fame roster. Maybe Koko did join the club backstage... fans just didn’t get to see it.
The original Diva of the WWE, Sunny was extremely popular in the mid-90s, but was also a pretty despicable heel, so depending on the story, fans would have reacted heavily to her being in a segment like this back in the day. In 2011, the WWE inducted Sunny into their Hall of Fame, despite posing nude in previous years, which is partly why Chyna has been kept out of the same Hall of Fame, but that’s a topic for another day.
In recent years, Sunny has run into some legal trouble including disorderly conduct, third-degree burglary, and posting deplorable messages on Facebook. It seems like she’s got a whole lot of kissing up to do, if Vince was ever notified of the terrible things she's said and done.
This is what Vince McMahon thinks of Cesaro from almost a year ago:
“He's not connecting yet and we hope he will. He doesn't quite have the charisma. He doesn't quite have the verbal skills as well, and maybe because he's Swiss, I don't know, in terms of the European style. But those are the big things that he's lacking. The audience needs to care about you. They need to be able to feel your presence. You need to be able to project that. He's an extraordinary physical talent, extraordinary. But at the moment, and hopefully he'll get it, he lacks 'it.'”
Cesaro continued to put on great matches in 2015, but never found his way to the main event scene. He’s worked on his personality, and fans are reacting with “Cesaro Section” signs to show their support. Still, a push hasn’t come, and it’s pretty much at the point where Cesaro just need to kiss Vince’s a** to get anywhere, which is a shame. Fans probably wouldn’t want to see this, but if it got him a world title reign, that might be a trade worth doing.
3 Triple H
Probably more than anyone on this list, the least Triple H could do is kiss Vince’s derriere, after being able to marry his daughter, Stephanie McMahon, and become the VP of Talent, Live Events and Creative. He’s been with the WWE since 1995, and has steadily built a Hall of Fame resume not only as a wrestler, but maybe someday as a corporate head.
Initially, Triple H was just your typical wrestler, who worked his way up the card to eventually have 23 title reigns including the WWE, World Heavyweight, Intercontinental, European, and Tag titles. Without so much backing from Vince, it’s unlikely Triple H would have put together such an incredible wrestling career.
2 Eric Bischoff
After taking the helm in WCW, Bischoff became the biggest opposition that Vince McMahon has ever had to fight against. Although he, technically, wasn’t a wrestler, he was involved in quite a few matches over his career. Once WCW closed up, Bischoff eventually came to the WWE and worked there from 2002 until 2007. Fans wouldn’t care as much about this one, but it would have been a great personal victory for Vince to have Eric pucker up, but that obviously never came to fruition.
The two men were never exactly friends and Vince did get some revenge when he got to “fire” Bischoff and literally had him taken out of the arena in a garbage truck, which pretty much showed what Vince thought of Bischoff.
1 The Miz
For those of you who have followed Miz since his days on MTV, you will know he’s always been a personality that pops off the screen, but also is fairly annoying too. Initially trying out for Tough Enough, Miz made a big enough impression that WWE gave him a second chance with a developmental contract, eventually making his debut in 2006.
Miz has since risen through the ranks to actually main event WrestleMania defeating John Cena –of all people – in surprising fashion. Recently, Miz has become a staple in the midcard and evolved into one of WWE’s best heel, becoming an extremely annoying “Hollywood” type wrestler. Of all the people on the roster, it seems like Miz would be most picked by fans to join the club. In this scenario, there wouldn’t be one, but two a**** in the ring at the same time, and that’s why Miz gets the number one spot!
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