Things were simpler in my younger days. I went to school, played video games on my Nintendo 64, and watched the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) organization. I would watch wrestlers like The Rock, The Undertaker, Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, Triple H and Mankind beat each other up when my parents weren't looking. I would constantly talk about the various storylines with my friends at school and see who would be right by the end of the week. The fact that it was too "mature" for kids made it that much better.
However, none of the wrestlers I mentioned so far were my favorite. My favorite wrestler was a guy who made being bald cool before Walter White did. He is the one and only Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin drank beer, was rude to every authority figure he came across, and was declared the most profitable wrestler in the history of the WWE. Let's not forget that he had one of the coolest finishing moves of all the, the infamous "Stone Cold Stunner." Sure, his movies aren't as successful as The Rock and his Texas upbringing might make him seem a little stereotypical but Austin is one of the few people who could easily beat me up with little effort. Then again, almost anyone can easily beat me in a fight so maybe that wasn't the best example.
Anyway, here are ten badass moments that occurred thanks to Stone Cold Steve Austin. Like him or not, wrestling wouldn't be where it is today without him and that's the bottomline.
10 Austin Kickstarted the Attitude Era
Austin's first badass moment occurred in his first official match as his "Stone Cold" persona in the 1996 King of the Ring. For those who may not know, the King of the Ring was in its fourth year in 1996 and the gimmick of creating a tournament that ended with one wrestler being the "King" over everyone else was extremely popular. Austin won a series of matches until he had to face Jake "The Snake" Roberts in the final round. Jake's persona was that of an evangelical Christian who had turned over a new leaf and even started preaching across the country. Austin didn't care about Jake's new relationship with Jesus and defeated him in order to win the title. This lead to Austin giving one of the greatest speeches in the history of wrestling:
"You sit there and you thump your Bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your psalms, talk about John 3:16... Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ass!"
9 He Went Grocery Shopping
That title may be one of the biggest understatements that I have ever written. Stone Cold wasn't too happy when Booker T sabotaged his match against against Chris Jericho at Vengeance 2001 in order to ensure Jericho's victory. As anyone can imagine, Austin took it personally and decided to take his grudge outside of the ring when he followed Booker T to a supermarket. Booker thought that he had caught Stone Cold following him but ended up punching a look-a-like instead. This allowed Austin to sneak up on him and give him a beating that involved as many food products as possible.
8 He Punched Vince McMahon in the Groin
7 He Also Made Vince McMahon Urinate Himself
6 Austin Became the Boss
5 He Blew Up the DX Express
Steve Austin had taken a break from wrestling for a few years due to injuries and had been teasing his return by placing cardboard cutouts along with rattlesnakes to fake out McMahon and the DX crew. Things had come to a head when Triple H called out Austin on the ring by saying that he was a coward on live television. The Rock would answer Triple H's remarks by entering and saying that Austin was indeed back but was in the parking lot. Finally, it was revealed that Stone Cold had acquired a vehicle named the "Austin Deconstruction." It was an operating crane that had a concrete barrier suspended over the DX Express. Stone Cold proceeded to drop the barrier, causing the DX Express to explode.
4 He Poured Cement Into McMahon's Car
3 He Followed Vince McMahon Into the Hospital
2 He Helped Mankind Win a Championship
It was 1999 and the Championship match for the year was going to be The Rock, who was aligned with McMahon and his Corporate cronies at the time, versus Mankind for the belt. Mankind was the clear underdog in the match and no one thought that he had a chance to achieve victory. Stone Cold's alliance with DX helped keep McMahon's thugs out of the way as Austin hit The Rock with a steel chair in order to ensure Mankind's victory. The badass wrestler who didn't trust anybody came in to save the day and show that anyone can be a champion.
1 He Drove A Beer Truck Into the Ring
This badass moment occurred during before Mankind won his championship match against The Rock. As The Rock taunted Mankind in front of the crowd, Stone Cold showed up in a Coors Light beer truck and drove through the stage entrance in order to get to the ring. I'm not really sure how the WWE convinced sponsors to allow this to happen but they did and Stone Cold literally rained on The Rock's parade with gallons of cheap beer. If I have any critiques for Austin, it would be leaving the beer truck behind. Coors light may be overrated and mostly water, but that's a lot of free beer that he's wasting.
Sure, this event was technically not a wrestling match but it was so badass that it will never happen again and that's the bottom line because I said so.
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