So A-Rod is going to have some free time on his hands. For the first time in over 30 years Alex will not be playing baseball. Rather than waking up in his swanky upper west side apartment and heading to Yankee stadium, he will be waking up in his swanky Miami home and heading to… where?
Unlike the rest of unemployed America, A-Rod does not have to worry about money. According to FTW, despite being suspended for the 2014 seasonm A-rod will still earn $2.9 million dollars this year because his Yankees contract is for 183 days, which see him get paid for the off days in a 162 game regular season. That’s 21 days of work that will pay him $138,095.23 per day. Not bad work if you can get it.
But what will Alex do with the rest of his time? I would imagine he would work out. Maybe get into that Cross Fit craze that is sweeping the world of aging armchair athletes. You have seen the videos: The one where the guy with the spare tire is flipping a spare tire.
Perhaps Alex might get into cycling. Whoever didn’t follow Lebron on his bicycle around Miami in that Nike commercial surely would hop on their Huffy and chase A-rod. We can call it the Tour de Prance.
And I’m sure Alex will give back to the less fortunate inner city kids at the local Miami Marlins club.
That still leaves a lot of time on his hands. WWAD: What will Alex do? To help put his enormous talents to good use in this off-season, I have complied a list of jobs for Alex to consider. None of these are rainmakers. Nor will they replace the adoration and hatred of 50,000 screaming fans. But perhaps one of these jobs will spark a career interest in Alex post baseball. WWAD?
6 Planet Fitness Trainer
Clearly A-Rod likes to work out. And from the photos I have seen in People Magazine of Alex on the beach with his girlfriend of the week, he likes to work his glamour muscles. Isn’t that why Planet Fitness exists? To give ordinary guys with ordinary paychecks access to weights and dumbbells? Nobody walks into Planet Fitness with a training plan for football season. We walk into the gym, skip the cardio section ignoring all those skinny freak runners and head straight to the bench press. What better motivation than having A-rod spotting you? After working your chest and arms for two hours, Alex can offer you a good smoothie recipe for recovery.
5 Volunteer Gym Teacher
Parental involvement is critical for children’s school success. Alex just happens to have two school age daughters. Wouldn’t the 14 year old love Dad coming to school every day and helping with gym class? During stretching and warm-ups Alex could chat up the blond 5th period English teacher. Borrowing from Thornton Melon (Rodney Dangerfield), he could ask her how to straighten out his Longfellow. Once class starts, Coach Rodriguez could demonstrate to students how to avoid being hit during dodgeball. “I’m going to have a lot pitchers throwing at me next year. I need all the practice I can get.” And if Alex strikes out with the English teacher, all he has to do is visit the faculty lounge where he is bound to find some aging history teacher who loves the N.Y. Yankees.
4 Celebrity Match Maker
Through some of Alex’s worst (best?) times, he was rumored to have dated Madonna, Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz and other women. Though surprisingly none of these relationships worked out, at heart Alex is a giver and could perhaps match some of his A List friends. Here are a few suggestions to get his business off the ground: Derek Jeter and Cynthia Rodriguez – yes A-rod’s ex. Think about it. She is young, beautiful and already has children. Derek could skip the whole hormone raging phase of pregnancy. Tony Bosch and Joan Rivers. Mr. Bosch, former owner of the Biogenesis Clinic in Miami reportedly held the Fountain of Youth in his pharmaceutical closet. Joan Rivers’ face cannot survive another lift.
3 Baseball Hall of Fame Tour Guide
With the recent Hall of Fame votes keeping Mark McGwire, Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds out of the Hall, induction does not look good for Alex. But that does not mean he cannot go. During his year off he could lead a tour of the steroid era section of the Hall. The display could present the enlarged busts of all the rejected and injected steroid era players, bottles of Androstenedione, testosterone, HGH, some previously injected needles and acne cream. What better ambassador for this wing of the Hall than the man originally banned 211 games for using a myriad of illegal supplements; along with some other alleged shenanigans.
2 Dick's Sporting Goods Salesman
Every season starts at Dick's according to the commercial. Alex’s off-season could start as a salesman. He would be a wise hire. A-Rod could work in the baseball and weight training sections. Recreational league softball players would love him. After all, rec league softball players are baseball players who narrowly missed The Show. Softball bats can cost several hundred dollars. With Alex’s blessing, softball guys will easily plunk down $400 for a bat that will raise his batting average 50 percentage points. And if the fitness section of the store gets slammed, A-Rod could take care of some of those customers. “Yes, I sculpted my body using only the Perfect Push-up. I highly recommend the product.” Sold.
1 GNC Salesman
Supplements are at the heart of any athlete’s performance. Forget hard work, training and nutrition. Weekend warriors want immediate results. We have all seen the guy in Planet Fitness – he is ripped and has a large Gatorade bottle filled with some mystery liquid. Alex can unlock the mystery to what is in that bottle and get you on the road to studville. Looking for more of an overall health supplement? Since Alex won’t be playing baseball this year, he will be using a maintenance regime of supplements. Imagine telling your buddies you and A-Rod are on the same supplements. GNC sales would go through the roof.
There you have it. Six part-time jobs for A-Rod to consider while he is serving his suspension this year. Did I miss any? Share your suggestions in the comment section below.
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