Just over a week ago, it was announced that Miguel Cabrera, arguably the best player in Major League Baseball today, had signed a contract extension with the Detroit Tigers. This extension will see him paid $292 million over the next ten years. The deal is for $248 million over eight years in addition to the $44 million on the last two years of his current contract, and as previously stated totals $292 million, the largest contract ever. Interesting that the Tigers decided to throw this money at Cabrera. For about half of it they could have bought the entire city, am I wrong?
The franchise did. however, allot that amount to him over the next ten years and there are numerous reasons, why, mostly having to do with his incredible hitting record. As a fielder, he is decent. His statistics on the hot corner are somewhat subpar, as he has a fairly low range factor, at just 2.42, and his fielding percentage for career stats is respectable, but nothing that will ever drop a manager’s jaw at just .956. At first base, range factor is a garbage stat, so I won’t address it, but his career fielding percentage at the position is .992; not bad, but yet again not something that earns a man almost $300 million over ten years. So we can call him a reliable fielder. Maybe even a solid fielder, as his blunders are few and far between, and along with first and third, he has demonstrated himself to be a capable outfielder as well. His versatility is unquestionable, and in terms of fielding, he can play as a jack of all trades. There is definitely something to be said for his overall athleticism.
Hitting is a different story. The guy can do just about everything with a bat in his hands. He’s like a 6’4 Venezuelan Yoda and the bat is his lightsaber. Looking at on base percentage, he is currently fifth among all players in the league. He’s currently ninth among active players when it comes to home runs, but he is the youngest of all the players ahead of him, with the next youngest being Adam Dunn and Albert Pujols, both two years his senior. At this point, he is on track to at least catch up to Jason Giambi in terms of career home runs. Will he make a home run record? Probably not, but he hits them consistently and is the only player since 1967 to win the batting Triple Crown (batting average, home runs and RBI’s). Along with that his on base percentage is nearly .400, bordering on Godly.
Here is a list of ways the Detroit Tigers could have spent that $292 million if they had spent it on military weapons. All figures for each item are from reputable sites, but weapon prices vary depending on the year and inflation. I’m not saying that baseball franchises should shut down their operations and become private military companies, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea, I mean it worked for Erik Prince (founder of Blackwater, later XE Services, now Academi and no longer owned by Prince). Too bad his guys had to go and ruin the good name of military contractors for the rest of us. Anyway, here are ten other ways the Tigers could have hypothetically spent that $292 million.
10 FN SCAR-L @ $2,300 Apiece: 126,956 Units
9 FN MAG @ $6,600 Apiece: 44,242 Units
8 Barrett M82 @ $8,900 Apiece: 32,808 Units
7 Cougar Infantry Mobility Vehicle @ $475,000 Apiece: 615 Units
6 M2 Bradley Infantry Fighting Vehicle @ Roughly $3,166,000 Apiece: 92 Units
5 5. M1 Abrams Main Battle Tank – @ Roughly $8,500,000 Apiece: 34 Units
4 A-10 Thunderbolt @ Roughly $15,800,000 Apiece: 18 Units
3 Cyclone Class Patrol Boat @ Roughly $25,600,000: 11 Units
2 Apache Attack Helicopter @ Roughly $35,500,000 Apiece: 8 Units
1 F-22 Raptor @ Roughly $150,000,000 Apiece: 2 Units
I know $150 million X 2 equals $300 million, but I’m sure the Tigers would be happy to fork over the extra $8 million if it meant another F-22. The F-22 is the ultimate air superiority fighter on the face of the earth today. For those of you who want to shout Eurofighter Typhoon, the Russian Mikoyan LMFS or the airborne creature China is trying to make workable, I humbly disagree. The Raptor is the way to go but there is absolutely no reason for the Tigers to purchase it/them. At the same time, if it were a possibility, why not? Wouldn't every game be a bit more awesome if it involved an F-22 fly-by?! But all of my delusions aside, The F-22 is an impressive feat of engineering. If you need it to blow up tanks, it can do it. If you want some enemy craft blown out of the sky, it can do it. If you want it to do a very quick reconnaissance of an area, it can do that. It won’t give you a back rub, cook you a steak or bring you a beer, but land it on an airfield of your choice and you shouldn't have a hard time finding a legion of sexy women to do those things for you.
Well there you have it; ten examples of military tech the Detroit Tigers could have hypothetically bought for $292 million. There’s no reason they would, but guns, cannons, boats and planes are awesome.
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