Go hard or go home! We’ve all heard or seen that saying before, probably when it’s being posted on your Facebook wall by that insane person who checks into their gym at three in the morning so we can all feel like fat asses for wasting our time with silly things like sleep. And while it’s great motivational advice for most sports, “going hard” doesn’t always apply to everything. When you’re running a marathon, “going hard” also has to come with technique and planning, pacing yourself so that you can go the distance and finish. Bodybuilding is also a sport where you can’t just “go hard.” Contrary to popular belief, bodybuilding isn’t just about packing on as much muscle as possible, it’s also about having symmetry of the body. To just go balls to the wall and lift weights without any thought into sculpting it into a pleasing aesthetic can make things look a little…well, nasty.
Just to be clear, we’re not taking away the hard work that any of these bodybuilders have put into their bodies because frankly, we don’t want to piss any of these guys off. But with today’s controversial supplements and drugs, combined with “going hard,” (and never going home, it seems) bodybuilders are getting larger than ever and sacrificing their all too important body symmetry. While their size and bulk is no doubt impressive, these 15 bodybuilders have crossed the line from Greek God to freaky beasts.
15. Roelly Winklaar
Roelly Winklaar is a beast for sure, but unfortunately, this is when ‘going hard’ has gone overboard. Winklaar has muscles on top of muscles on top of even more muscles, so much so that it makes his head look like a cherry sitting on top of a pile of apples. His forearms are basically just slabs of ham attached to a fist. It doesn’t help that Roelly’s small frame simply doesn’t have enough room to house all the muscle he has packed on. As imposing as he looks, Roelly also looks like he wouldn’t be able to scratch an itch on his cheek.
14. Hany Salib
You can help bulk up with supplements, powders and pills but sometimes, no matter how hard bodybuilders try to change their body type, natural genetics manage to thwart their efforts. In the case of Hany Salib, it’s clear that having a big chest isn’t in the cards for him. He has managed to build a large back with insanely huge traps but unfortunately, their massive size only highlights his underdeveloped chest. Not to mention, his belly button. We don’t exactly know what’s going on there but it looks like it’s at the point of no return and could pop off and hit someone in the face at any minute.
13. Dave Palumbo
The first thing you want to do when you look at Dave Palumbo is put out an amber alert for his neck because where the hell did it go? With shoulders so inexplicably large, it’s hard to tell where his shoulders start and where his neck doesn’t begin. Dave is another one with the six pack belly phenomenon and a belly button that likes to be outdoors. It’s hard not to stare at him with awe, fear and a slight confusion as why his body looks the way it does. It’s just chaos in a speedo, with muscles that aren’t evenly distributed throughout his body. (hello there, normal guy forearms!)
12. Jocelyn Pelletier
By normal standards, Jocelyn Pelletier looks AMAZING for his age. But by bodybuilding standards, he just looks like your elderly neighbor who likes to get too close to your face when he talks. The oldest IFBB bodybuilder, Jocelyn Pelletier had quite a body back in the day, but it appears the years have taken their toll on Pelletier’s once competition-ready physique. His chest has lost its shape and it looks like, overall, his body has long ago already retired from competition, except Jocelyn didn’t seem to get the memo. It’s time to retire, relax and eat Nutella out of a jar man, you’ve earned it.
11. Jari “Bull” Mentula
You can take a look at that picture and not have to wonder why Jari’s been nicknamed “bull.” He’s literally two horns away from charging at you with his large ‘bull-like’ back. Unfortunately, it’s just one of the abnormally gigantic parts of him that makes Jari look so odd. It’s as if someone took large clumps of Play-Doh and packed them haphazardly together with their feet. Bumps and lumps from the tip of his muscle toes to the dome on his head. Despite having no real cohesion in his big bull frame, his close resemblance to Marvel’s, ‘The Thing’ at least puts at superhero status, no matter how weird he looks.
10. Jay Cutler
One of the most well known names in professional bodybuilding is Jay Cutler. He’s had many impressive wins, including winning Mr. Olympia four times. And honestly, he could easily be on our sexiest bodybuilder list because he’s a pretty good looking guy …that is, if you can see it under the mountain of inhumanly huge muscles. Jay Cutler is so big, he doesn’t even look real. If somehow a building decided to come to life and go to Las Vegas to party with scantily clad bikini women, it would look so much like Jay Cutler, that building would probably get VIP treatment.
9. Ronnie Coleman
An eight-time Mr. Olympia winner and holds the record for most wins as an IFBB professional, Ronnie Coleman is a legend in the bodybuilding world. Unfortunately, outside of bodybuilding, Ronnie looks freakishly huge and unnatural. His body only looks correct on stage at a bodybuilding competition, otherwise, he is the weirdest thing walking into a bank, a Target or anywhere else other people who don’t resemble a Mac truck frequent. Ronnie’s abs look less like a six pack and more like a two servings of pork chops. His neck has been all but swallowed by the two piles of meat he calls his shoulders, despite the fact that it’s as thick as an elephant’s foot. Ronnie may be a winner on the stage, but off the stage, Ronnie is a walking oddity.
8. Paul Dillet
Large Legs? Check. Sculpted Abs? Check. Gigantic Chest? Check. Neck and head that doesn’t quite belong on this body? Sadly, check. Paul Dillet’s physique looks like it has been working out everyday of it’s life while everything from the neck up looks like it opted to skip out on most of those gym days. He’s not called ‘Freak-einstein’ for no reason! At 6’1, he’s fitting of his nickname, with his body looking like it was pieced together by a mad scientist who had all the parts of a big strong guy but ran out of big strong guy heads, so he had to make do with some Certified Public Accountant’s head.
7. Branch Warren
If you met Branch Warren and his face in a dark alley somewhere, you would probably run in the other direction while you sharted in your pants. He’s the kind of guy that naturally looks mean and tough and when you pair that with overdeveloped muscles, you get a guy who can only be described as a freak of nature or “Nosferatu on supplements.” His most recent win was second place at The Arnold Classic, so there’s no question that his body makes an impression. Branch is definitely in the right line of work, but if he ever thought about switching up careers, he could easily be a dam for a lake somewhere or maybe a gargoyle for a church, the possibilities are endless for Warren’s weirdly huge physique.
6. Lee Priest
Lee Priest stands at 5’4 and is probably as wide as he is tall. Another well known professional bodybuilder who’s racked up some impressive wins since his first competition in 1989. He’s recently made a comeback and won Mr. Universe 2013. You would think as decorated as this guy is and basically being a walking monster of muscle, there’s nothing he could possibly do to attract anymore attention to himself right? Wrong. As it turns out, all that falls by the wayside when you get a tattoo that covers half your face. Lee Priest was a clean canvass in the very beginning of his career, but as his the years have gone by, Lee got ridiculously huge and ridiculously tatted up. Ladies take note, if you want guys to stop looking at your chest, just pull a Lee Priest and get yourself a gaudy face tattoo. Problem solved.
5. Markus Ruhl
Oh dear, what can we say about Markus Ruhl that you can’t already see for yourself in this picture? His shoulders are essentially two big boulders on his back. In fact, it’s been said that he has some of the biggest shoulders in bodybuilding history. His swollen traps look like they’re coming out of his armpits and we’re willing to bet that he hasn’t been able to put his arms down since 1993. But big doesn’t always mean best – in this case, being big also means people saying “oh God, what happened to you!?” Markus Ruhl is beastly in the scariest of sense of the word. We think the appropriate advice to give to Markus at this point is to just stop with all that ‘going hard’ stuff and just go home.
4. Kevin Levrone
This guy is another one that could have easily be on our hottest list because Kevin Levrone is a pretty handsome dude. But unfortunately, this handsome dude got so big that it overshadowed his good looks and anyone standing in front of him. His wide protruding shoulders are like a hanger for which the rest of his bulky large body hangs from. From head to toe, Kevin Levrone’s muscles were so large, he looked like he had a bad run in with a beehive. The good news is when we googled Kevin, we saw, what looked like, recent pictures of him with a smaller but fit body, that’s better suited for his frame. Keep it up Mr. Levrone and you’ll be on our hottie list in no time.
3. Dennis Wolf
There’s a lot to be said about Dennis Wolf but none of them would be, “oh look at that nice, normal looking man being average.” NOTHING about Dennis Wolf is average. His gigantic arms probably haven’t been ‘average’ since he was a tween. The veins in his arms aren’t your average, mostly hidden form view, type of veins that us average peasants have. Oh no, Dennis Wolf’s veins are available in HD and 3D. And his face is something that special effects artists have wet dreams about creating. He looks like a bad guy in a Marvel comic, the one whose superpower is making you shit your pants by flexing his eyeballs at you. Someone hold me.
2. Dennis James
There it is again. The bellybutton of mayhem, obnoxiously sticking its head out, like a King overseeing his land. In Dennis’s case, his bellybutton’s ‘land’ consists of mounds and mounds of muscle that are so abundant it looks like Dennis James is running out of places to keep them, so they just weirdly pile on top of each other. Dennis’s lats look like he did enough lateral rows to actually create wings and be a human pterodactyl, only this pterodactyl could probably swoop down and fly off with a T-rex. This is the kind of guy you don’t let into the gym unattended because Dennis would probably work out until he got so big that he couldn’t walk out the door.
1. Number 70
How can we describe the feelings that Number 70 has evoked in us? It’s a giggly feeling that makes you want to laugh but you don’t because you also feel kind of nauseated. Number 70 is a combination of wrongs that are so wrong, it almost feels like this guy walked out of an SNL skit. The tanning lotion that looks like he rolled around in wood varnish, his crooked chicken cutlet calves, the ‘fabulous’ ballerina pose and crossed eyes are all it took to blow all the other bodybuilders on this list out of the water. There might be a number 70 pinned to your banana hammock sir, but you’re number one in our nightmares. Congratulations!
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