Alright, so if one were to take special note of the list below, one might find that, somehow, each entry on the list corresponds with a WWE diva who has, at one point or another, been a part of the main cast of the show Total Divas. Why is this, one might be inclined to ask? The answer is simple. When searching for the most D-bag-esque divas in the business, the most sensible place to look is of course the one show that shows off the vanity, self-obsession, insensitivity, catty, and competitively vapid lives of the Diva division…
Though perhaps Total Divas isn’t the only show that does this, given that all of these qualities are ever present on RAW, and Smackdown Live. The only difference is that those who appear as main cast members on the diva show have no qualms, whatsoever, in shedding any sense of shame for a nice big paycheque.
So the best place to find the biggest douchebag divas in World Wrestling Entertainment is indeed in the confines of Total Divas. And these Total Divas are, without a doubt, total douchebags.
15. Summer Rae
Now it is surely no surprise to any fan of the WWE that the women’s division has ever been treated as a secondary, if not tertiary division; relegating its matches to nothing more than the perfect time for viewers to have a smoke break. It is a perpetual cycle, with the occasional breath of fresh air from a powerhouse like Chyna, or Nia Jax, but it always finds its way back to sexual exploitation, and stereotypes. And here we are with Summer Raw. Originally nothing more than a showgirl for the flamboyant failure who is Fandango (whose shtick was nothing more than an attempt to be Antonio Banderas). Summer Rae was passed around by several men on the roster, wanting a chance to dance with the damsel in distress. All she was used for in the WWE was a way in which to change up wrestler relationships, show some pitiful attempts at passionate kisses, and dance for every male member of the audience. She did make some ring appearances though, and was used there as nothing more than a means to promote those female wrestlers who would actually become stars. Who would have thought that this girl played professional football before hitting the WWE to be nothing but a piece of meat? Now, to be fair, she was part of the Lingerie Football League… (which has since been renamed) so her whole career has been one big exploitation.
14. Rosa Mendes
Why is Rosa Mendes taking a selfie here? Could it be so she can try and promote herself so that wrestling fans can try and see if they remember who she even is? Now, to be fair, this selfie is taken in celebration of being at a wrestling event in Mexico, but the above sentiment is still a point of relevance. This Canadian-American model of Czech and Costa Rican descent, was apparently a tomboy growing up. Even so much as to be suspended from school for fighting. Going to university for business, she dropped in order to pursue a career in modelling (which is a far more prestigious career than WWE wrestling). Then she joined the “Diva Search” — a contest for women to show off their… useful skills in order to get a shot at joining up with the WWE. She won a dance segment, but was ultimately eliminated from the contest (though she was signed to a developmental contract). Almost all of her matches in the WWE consisted of way too many women in the ring (basically showing off as much skin as possible, for the sake of ratings), and her singles matches were almost entirely met with loss. “Managing” this star and that, Mendes landed a respectable gig as the WWE.com correspondent for Smackdown Live…but she still went for Total Divas.
13. Renee Young
There are some interesting photo shoots that a number of the female wrestlers have all done. This kitchen scene being one of them. Now how bloody sad is it that not only are they already used for almost nothing but their looks, but they then have to show off those looks in a kitchen? The money must be right for these dames, or the vapidity of their characters must be strongly rooted in their real life personalities (or lack thereof). What is extra sad about the sexism apparent in Renee Young’s career is that she is actually one hell of a woman. She has been the first full time WWE female commentator to work full events in over a decade. She even had the determination to eventually forego that gig, and come in to her own, by starting up a great talk show where she interviews wrestlers Unfiltered. But of course her real-life relationship with wrestler Dean Ambrose has been used to shame her in the ring, and help to glorify some of the wrestling talent…and it still cannot be avoided that appearing on a fairly fake “tell-all” show like Total Divas is perhaps the most douchebag action that could be undertaken by a woman in the WWE.
Perhaps one of the hottest female wrestlers to have graced the ring since Trish Stratus, Paige has been the ‘Divas Champion’ two times, and has made quite a stir in the business. That being said, there are a number of douchebag qualities to this lovely lady. First of all, the above photo (another of the WWE standard shoots that several of the women participated in), where she is depicted “playing rugby”. Yes, she might be mighty strong for her size, and sure, she did start wrestling professionally at age fifteen, but if any rugby player saw another moving like Paige in the above photo… she would be flattened in seconds (and likely with a broken leg). About her debut at age fifteen into the professional circuit: one cannot fault her for going with a teeny-bopper name like Britani Knight. However, one can fault the douchebaggery that is the basis for her real name. Saraya is her first name, and this is inspired from lead singer, and bassist for the band Slayer, Tom Araya. Now this only makes her parents a couple of douchebags, but nature and nurture both would suggest that she followed suit. Perhaps she should have kept in mind her initial fear of wrestling, due to the sustained injuries of her family members. She’s currently out due to injury (and possible substance abuse to deal with).
11. Nikki Bella
Perhaps one of the biggest douchebags (if not the biggest) on this list, Nikki gets extra douche points for several reasons: She is the girlfriend of the biggest douchebag in the WWE (John Cena), she appears on Total Divas, and not only that, but she also has a show with her twin sister called Total Bellas, and last but not least, the above photo. That should be “’nuff said”, but there’s no way she’s getting off that easily (especially with Cena as her boy toy). Starting with the ‘pardon my swag’ shirt above… the fact that she can look at the camera, wearing that shirt, with any degree of seriousness, instantly point to douchebaggery. Then skipping past the photo, all the way to her very first national television appearance, one might guess what type of show it was. No, it wasn’t a pageant of any kind. It was, of course, a bloody reality show: Meet My Folks, on the FOX network. According to her bio, Nikki is an actress. One hopes that all of the reality show garbage, and in-ring personality is all an act… because if it isn’t, she’s not got much of an acting career.
Well it is wonderful to see Natalya Neidhart having a very enjoyable time in the ring, using the famed sharpshooter (famed finisher of WWE legend, Bret ‘The Hitman’ Hart). But should she be smiling so bloody much? Sure, she is the very first woman in WWE history to be a third generation wrestler, and her lineage does make her some degree of wrestling royalty, but her persona in and out of the ring has become nothing more than a sniveling brat who just isn’t getting what she wants. At least when superstar Owen Hart turned on his brother Bret, and bitched about not having enough of the spotlight, he turned a huge heel, having been so tight with his dear brother. But Natalya’s ringside story is pathetic to say the least. Her only gripe is that Nikki Bella is getting more attention than her. All Natalya seems to want is her face on a WWE truck, and her merchandise in WWE stands. That’s it? First of all, a wrestler needs to actually do something useful in the ring before being handed the keys to the kingdom, and while Nikki is nothing overly exciting, she is the bitchy sister of a set of twins (that’s enough for the WWE). So perhaps the move shouldn’t have been to Total Divas, but to bringing some classic attitude back to World Wrestling Entertainment.
The above photo makes me think that Naomi simply hasn’t realized that Disco Inferno has long since left the world of wrestling… that or she mistakes the flamboyant Fandango for the disco stud. It is true that Naomi married into a wrestling dynasty of seemingly unending sacrifice (that of the Anoa’i family) who, in one way or another, encompass a great swath of stars from Rikishi, The Usos, Yokozuna, Roman Reigns, and Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (to name only a few). Unfortunately, she doesn’t quite live up to the legendary name. She created, along with Cameron who is certainly a part of this list, the Funkadactyls… Yeah… that’s what they called it. Recruited to be the backup dancers for the absolutely ridiculous tag team of Brodus Clay and Tensai, ‘Tons of Funk”, it is pretty clear that Naomi was never meant to amount to much in terms of superstardom (even with her couple of attempts at title runs). However, she should perhaps stick to her music and dance. She’s not a bad singe, has a fun dance single out on YouTube, and while her outfits and general demeanor is rather douchey, it has got to be more rewarding than being a nobody in the WWE.
Surely Maryse must appear in World Wrestling Entertainment simply because her husband is there. Aside from the WWE, this wonderful woman is a businesswoman, glam model, and manager. However, she sought out a chance in the WWE for presumably financial reasons. Regardless, she made a pretty good go at it, and became the first woman to hold the Divas championship on more than one occasion (having won it on RAW, and on Smackdown). She was also the third-longest reigning champ, with a seven month run. The WWE let her go though, until she came back to manage her hubby, and star in Total Divas. As “awesome” as The Miz is, his outfits are notoriously full of douchebaggery, and Maryse unfortunately follows suit (as one can see above). In addition to the ridiculous outfits, and the spot on the ridiculous “reality” show, it appears that Maryse is also a realtor… Now there’s nothing wrong with that title, but there must be a statistic out there for realtors being some of the biggest douchebags per capita within specific occupations.
7. Mandy Rose
It’s not bad enough that Mandy Rose signed up for the silliness that is Total Divas, but in addition to that, her way into World Wrestling Entertainment in the first place, was also a reality television show: Tough Enough. The first of the women on this list to still be on the roster of WWE’s NXT, she is a relatively newcomer to the company, so who knows: one may see her soon enough on RAW, or Smackdown Live. But to start a career in professional wrestling by jumping straight into a reality television show about how horribly pathetic the specific wrestlers’ lives are, and how full of pointless drama they are, and who is sleeping with who, or around on who… suffice it to say that Mandy Rose has not made the most wonderful impression she might have done, had she geared up, and really hit the ring hard, rather than playing up the “new girl” who just happens to get to play with the older, washed up cats. No wonder they are so devious and diabolical to one another on the show: cats just hate being washed up.
Now, to shock all of you wrestling fans who are actually somehow persuaded to believe that Lana is, like her hubby Rusev, Bulgarian… surprise! She’s a Floridian. That’s right, born and raised in the Southern states, and in no way Bulgarian. And to be totally honest, if she convinced anyone, other than the children who watch the show, otherwise… well that’s just hilarious. Part of a girl group called ‘No Means Yes‘ for a very brief time, there is one single released that can be found on YouTube. She’s actually not that bad a singer, though the scout who took her on said of her that “we can work with her tone because she has the right look and she is a model that break dances”. Does that not say everything about how much her singing ability mattered? She did land a role in Pitch Perfect though, and that’s exciting… and fairly douchey. Listening to her backstage, worrying about how a fairly unknown wrestler stole a finisher of hers (in her normal voice) is also fairly ridiculous, especially when, like all reality TV shows, it results in tears before a nice, big confrontation. Maybe that girl band broke up all too soon.
Not even old enough to have ever known what Flashdance is, the above photo is entirely surprising, to be sure. Thankfully though, JoJo has no ridiculous ring exploits to really get into, regarding her being much of a douchebag. She is a ring announcer, and while she has, at times, seemed rather timid, she can hammer out those names flawlessly, and with enough flash to get the crowd roaring — so good for her on that one. There is one introductory bit of douchebaggery that can’t be avoided with JoJo though (besides her work on Total Divas). That is the singing of the ‘Tons of Funk’ theme song along with Funkadactyls Cameron and Naomi. It truly is sad when a writer must resort to such cliches as “a sad state of affairs” (though sad affairs are certainly not uncommon in the WWE). Likely the least douchebag-ish lady on this list, JoJo has opted out of singing theme songs (though the aforementioned is immortalized on iTunes), and has instead gone on to sing the national anthem at wrestling events, and continues to work RAW, and well as pay-per-views as an announcer.
4. Eva Marie
Now, as sad as the possibly real deal of Eva Marie’s medical condition that may result in her inability to have kids in the future is, the publicizing of such an issue with her relatively unknown husband Jonathan Coyle, is more than just a little bit of douchebaggery. Goodness gracious, it is unbelievable the depths to which stars will sink in order to get ratings, or make a few bucks. The word shame has certainly never amounted to much in World Wrestling Entertainment, so perhaps it is no surprise that it has no real meaning in its spin-off productions. It is difficult to move past such a douchebag action to discuss anything else that might relate, but surely there is something at least partially humourous to lighten the mood. Well, on Total Divas, Eva Marie did have a breast implant rupture, which might sound hilarious at first… but given that the silicon leaked into her bloodstream, and required her to have surgery, it’s not as funny as it could be. Though she may end up with a Darwin Award in the future, given that, in spite of the incident, she replaced her unsafe Cs for new ones…
Perhaps Cameron should take the advice of the screen behind her, and go back to the locker room if she’s not quite yet done putting herself together. Such incredible vanity: a point in favour of douchebaggery. Being a member of the Funkadactyls a point in favour of douchebaggery. Singing that ridiculous theme song with Naomi and JoJo at a live, and taped WWE event: a point in favour of douchebaggery. And all of those points are accrued before ever mentioning that she too got her start in the reality series Tough Enough… and not only that… she was the very first contestant eliminated, and still she found her way into the silly hype duo for the terrible tag team ‘Tons of Funk’. She’s also got a couple of singles under her belt (not title belt – she never got one of those), that are as expected, and a YouTube channel where she talks about how she gets ready for red carpet events. Now that sounds unbelievably full of douchebaggery, unless she gets prepared the same way that Angelina Jolie does (in a limo with Billy Bob Thornton), then it’s just nasty.
2. Brie Bella
The hotter of the two Bella twins, but certainly the least popular (because she’s not with John Cena, and isn’t getting beat up by Natalya who just wants a merch promo), is depicted above getting her ass handed to her by the Queen of the WWE Charlotte Flair. Now if one is ever having trouble sorting out which twin is which, one can simply stare at their chest. One will be able to point out Brie right away for being the sister who hasn’t gone out of her way to augment herself. A point against douchebaggery. However, one can also spot her for being the Bella twin around the arm of former WWE superstar Daniel Bryan: a point in favour of douchebaggery. For a time, Brie dated former Poison and Mr. Big guitarist Ritchie Kotzen. Now this does happen to be a point in favour of douchebaggery, but only because Brie missed the Ritchie Kotzen era of The Winery Dogs (his newest and hottest band yet). Taking all of this into consideration, and adding not only Total Divas, but also the overwhelmingly farcical Total Bellas, Brie may not match up to the douchebaggery of her sister Nikki, but she belongs on this list all the same.
1. Alicia Fox
Here is another one of those photo shoots that a number of divas got into. This one is called the ‘Deadman’ photo shoot (presumably done around Halloween, and in reference to The Undertaker), but what, other than the scenery, is in anyway reminiscent of a dead man? It looks as though Alicia Fox is wearing some sort of ninja armour… but with gigantic heels, so there’s no way she’s fighting anything. And unless she’s portraying a dead woman whose body went into instant rigor in that ridiculous position, this shot makes no sense. She did do some good in the WWE, becoming the first African-American woman to win the Divas Championship, but that’s all part of the story line, and is in no way reflective of breaking any barriers in the industry. For douchebaggery, she debuted as a wedding planner, for goodness’ sake. In a now tumultuous relationship with Cedric Alexander, it appears that Fox likes playing the role of vixen, hopping between Cedric, and newcomer Noam Dar. Portraying nothing but a stereotype, and a piece of meat for men to fight over and claim as their own, this Total Diva earns a place on this list, for sure. Maybe she should go judge Cupcake Wars again, just to confirm the stereotype?
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