WWE Divas always expose a lot of skin, it’s just part of the job. It’s hard to hide anything when they are in not much more than a bikini top and shorts, oiled up and working under hot lights in front of thousands of fans. The fans in the WWE Universe can see almost everything, especially tattoos.
A tattoo is one of the most personal and meaningful modifications you can do to your own body. It is a unique way to non-verbally show off your personality to the outside world. You can tell people where you grew up, who you love, things you’ve done, and all about your passions with nothing more than ink and skin. Unfortunately, some people like dumb things and a lot of people end up with really stupid tattoos. Now, tastes are different from person to person; one person’s garbage tat is another person’s masterpiece. So we are working on a sliding scale. Basically we are going under the assumption that if these were tattoos you saw on someone you didn’t know as they walked down the street, you would go, “Dang, that’s an awful tattoo.”
WWE Diva’s all have unique looks, personalities, and abilities. The one thing all of these ladies have in common is butt-ugly tattoos. And some of the male superstars are not any better!
Paige has been somewhat of a troubled young lady recently. She has been suspended twice from the WWE for substance abuse violations, police were called to break up a fight between her and her fiancee Alberto Del Rio, she has appeared in public acting nervous and erratic, and on top of all that, she’s British. It’s basically the perfect recipe for some really dumb tattoos.
On her thumbs, Paige has a nonsensical, scribbling pattern, that when she puts both thumbs together, forms an even bigger nonsensical scribbling pattern. She got it because she says it “looks cool.” No, Paige, it does not. It looks like an old school Mad Magazine fold-in that got rained on so you can’t tell what the picture is supposed to be. She probably walked into the tattoo shop and saw a note the artist was writing but scratched out a mistake, pointed at the scribble and said, “Blimey, I want that, mate.” She also has a cross and an anchor on her ring fingers to show off, I don’t know, her love of sailors and lower case t’s?
14. Rosa Mendes
Remember smoking hot Rosa Mendez? She managed Primo and Epico from 2011 to 2013 and also appeared on E’s Total Divas. She managed to become a popular Diva, despite having a huge, unfortunate birthmark on her side that…. oh, wait… on closer inspection those are just some bad tattoos.
Rosa went all out with the Sorority girl special, getting a butterfly tattoo and a Chinese symbol surrounded by wings and a halo. She has four undergrad’s tail bone ink on her ribcage. Why those tattoos? Why that spot? Is the butterfly trying to fly up to her sweaty armpit to freshen it up? Was the Chinese symbol a cocoon that the butterfly emerged from? Did Rosa Mendez just want to get some basic butt tattoos in a spot that is both one of the most painful and also one of the ugliest? It is something only Rosa knows the answer to, if she even thought about it in the first place.
13. Renee Young
Renee Young has been flying high recently. The Canadian born beauty has seen her on-air duties rapidly increasing as she knocks every single one of her WWE appearances out of the park. She hosts almost every PPV pre-show, and co-hosts the critically acclaimed Talking Smack on the WWE Network.
On top of all that, she recently got married to Dean Ambrose! One would be hard pressed to find anything negative to say about… oh, hey Renee, you’ve got some spaghetti sauce on your wrist. You haven’t eaten spaghetti? Oh, well then you should go to the doctor because I think you have the mumps. Wait, what? It’s a tattoo? It’s a pink heart on your wrist that you got together with your BFF Charlotte? Why would anyone get a heart on their wrist unless you want to do some stupid heart-on/hard-on pun? Guys, I changed my mind. Renee Young is hella-lame.
Charlotte Flair is the reigning queen of the women’s division and a contender for queen of the ink as well. Charlotte has several tattoos, some okayish, and some fugly. On one side of her rib cage, which is again not the best tat spot, is a cross dedicated to her deceased brother, Reid Flair. I don’t know if Reid’s final wishes included being memorialized by a tacky tattoo, so we’ll leave that one alone.
On Charlotte’s other side of her ribcage is a bible quote, “Guard your heart above all else, for it will determine the course of your life.” She and her sister both got the quote when they were going through divorces. The print is small and cursive so you can’t really read it. I guess Charlotte can look down and read the quote upside down for strength. Charlotte also boasts an outline of two hearts on her hip that she herself describes as ugly. Well, at least she knows.
11. AJ Lee
AJ Lee bucked the system and did things on her terms. She is a take charge kind if gal. When the WWE tried to tell her what to do, she said, “No way!” and did things her own way, carving out her own niche. That’s why when it came time for her to get a tattoo, she turned down all those “conventional” and “normal” and “actually decent looking” designs and chose the stupidest one possible.
On the back of her neck, under her hairline, AJ Lee has tally marks indicating the numbers 6, 16, and 3 to commemorate her first women’s championship title win. Why tally marks and not normal numbers? Because, she’s different! Who would want to easily read numbers? I mean, they were only invented so we as a species could easily communicate with each other. And don’t even mention roman numerals. Those classy X’s and V’s might’ve been fine for those dumb Romans but they are not good enough for her. Nope. Only vague chicken scratch that she’ll have to constantly explain to everyone who sees it will do.
Maryse has really come into her own recently on WWE’s Smackdown Live. As the manager of her real life husband, the Miz, Maryse shines and projects a true star quality. Of course most people naturally do come off as talented stars when they are anywhere near in proximity to the Miz. What I’m saying is Miz is boring and terrible. Speaking of boring and terrible, check out Maryse’s tattoo!
Maryse has her dead Dad’s name tattooed on her wrist. She wanted it there so she could see it constantly and be sad all day. Also, because she has abnormally large hands, and a butt-fugly, blank ink, wrist tattoo draws attention away from them. People probably ask her all the time what her tattoo mean, then after she tells them, they try awkwardly not to stare at it. It is somewhat fitting that her tat is kind of like The Miz of tattoos.
9. Brie Bella
Pardon me for a second while I go into Brie Mode. Wooo! Okay, I’m back. No one has ever really explained what exactly “Brie Mode” is, but I assume whatever I just experienced was it. Brie Bella used to be best known as “That One Bella Twin” as opposed to her sister Nikki who is known as “The Other One.” But ever since she revealed her old tattoos, she is known as the one that made terrible choices in high school.
Brie Bella has bear claws tattooed on her groin. From a distance it kind of looks like wings, but look close and, nope, they are definitely bear claws. She says she got them when she was 18 as a way to remember her boyfriend who passed away. I guess that means Brie Bella dated a bear in high school. That would make the most sense.
8. Nikki Bella
Nikki Bella is the Bella twin that is getting married to John Cena, not married to Daniel Bryan, has breast implants, and does not have genitalia surrounded by bear claws. That automatically makes her the pretty one.
When Brie and Nikki Bella were young Bella twins at the tender age of 15, they decided to get tattoos. Brie got a fairy on her butt. Nikki got a dumb flaming heart on her butt because she was a dumb kid. Did she mishear the expression “wearing your heart on your sleeve” and think it was “wearing your heart on your butt?” Why is the heart on fire? Why does it keep burning? Are hearts even flammable? Does her butt have heart burn? Do her farts fuel the flame? Clearly, this ugly and dumb tat raises some dumb questions.
Lita, real name Amy Dumas, helped to revolutionize women’s wrestling in the WWE. She raised the bar on what the WWE audience could expect from its female performers. And she raised the bar even higher on what we could expect in ugly tattoos. Truly, when you think of ugly Diva tattoos, Lita is the image that springs to mind.
That big ugly Aztec looking thing on her arm surely has some special meaning, right? Nope, she was traveling through Europe and let a tattoo artist in Amsterdam draw whatever he wanted. Her other arm is covered in skull candy prints from Dia De Los Muertos, hipster white people’s favorite holiday. On the inside of her lip, Lita has a tattoo that says “punk” to represent the time she was in a punk band. You know, it’s just like how rappers get tattoos that say “rap.” Or not.
6. Candice Michelle
Candace Michelle left the WWE Universe back in the year 2009. But longtime fans still fondly remember her as one of the hottest Divas to ever grace the squared circle. Oh yeah, and she wrestled, too. Besides Lita, Candace Michelle may be the WWE Diva most associated with tattoos; she appeared on an episode of LA Ink in 2007.
Candace Michelle’s bizarre tattoo choice can best be described as a series of stars shooting out of her butthole. There is one star placed in the designated “tramp stamp” area, and then there are four more above that. There doesn’t seem to be any cohesiveness to the design. My best guess is that she wanted one star, but the tattoo artist kept messing up and trying to do better until he finally got one perfect, five stars up. I give these five stars, zero stars.
5. Brock Lesnar
After a meteoric rise to the top, Brock Lesnar left the WWE in 2004. When he showed up again, he had a big wiener tattooed on his chest. Brock has said in the past that it is a sword or a dagger, but I think I know a wiener when I see one. Only a man of Brock’s impressive and imposing physic could get away with having a chest tattoo of a wiener that starts right under his chin.
Brock has admitted that he was drunk when he got the wiener tattoo, but we could have probably all guessed that. No one tattoos a wiener on their chest when they’re sober. He has said it represented Vince McMahon holding a knife to his throat over contract negotiations when he tried to leave the WWE. But given how intentionally phallic the tattoo is, we can safely assume that Vince McMahon held his wiener to Brock’s throat when he tried to leave the WWE.
4. Randy Orton
As a foolish young man, Randy Orton got some really dumb, basic, douchebag tattoos. When he got older and wiser, he decided to cover those up with dumber, more basic, bigger douchebag tattoos. Evidently the voices in Randy Orton’s head have terrible taste in tattoos.
Randy Orton, much like many lost souls of his generation, fell into the early 2000s trap of thinking tribal art tattoos looked cool instead of ridiculous on white guys. Then, in an act of gusto, he leaned into the mistake by covering those tats with even more poorly designed tribal art. Randy even has a tribal art tat in the back of his neck, the male equivalent of a tramp stamp. Randy Orton has always been one of the WWE’s most boring and forgettable, yet totally douchey performers. It is fitting that he has the most boring and forgettable, yet totally douchey tattoos.
3. Kevin Owens
Okay, so don’t get me wrong, Kevin Owens’ dumb bull tattoo is as ugly as sin. But, in a way, it is also absolutely perfect for him. Kevin Owens, the person and the character, is exactly the type of dude that would have such a stupid tattoo.
A poorly drawn bull head with no shading and a “spooky” red eye is the type of tattoo you would expect to see on somebody’s dumb, fat, violent and unemployed uncle when you see them stumbling out of a bar at 10:30 on a Tuesday morning. It’s the type of tattoo that you’d see on an overmatched amateur boxer that thinks he can hang with the pros and actually does because he’s too simple to know any better. A horrible brahma bull is the exact kind of tattoo a kid from Montreal would think is cool, but people from the USA kind of feel bad for him because they know it is so not cool but he still thinks it is. That ugly tat is perfect for Kevin Owens.
Ooh, careful, Oldberg is such a strong and scary old man. He is so intense. He runs out of breath walking out of his dressing room and is drenched in old man sweat before he even makes it through the curtain. He gets surrounded by sparklers then breathes smoke out of his nostrils. But the scariest thing about this dude is, get this, he has tribal barbed wire tattooed around his bicep!
Oldberg fell into the same late 90s early 2000s terrible cliched white guy tattoo trap as Randy Orton, but in a way, Oldberg’s is worse. You just know he thinks it’s cool. And Oldberg is such an out of touch, conceited pr*ck that you just know he’s surrounded himself with spineless lackeys that will tell him his crappy tat is awesome. In a way it is proper advertising: you see that crappy tattoo, and you know you are about to see a crappy match. Thanks for the heads up, Bill!
1. Baron Corbin
Just as Randy Orton and Oldberg fell victim to the absolute worst tattoo trends of the early 90s and 2000s, Baron Corbin suffers from the tattoo mistakes undertaken by millennials. They’re almost all represented. Birds? Check. Stars? Check. Unnecessarily flowery design flourishes? Check. A heart symbol “cleverly” and ironically being represented by an anatomically correct heart? Check. Stupid geometric shapes? Double check.
We are all lucky that Baron Corbin wrestles in a shirt. That way we don’t have to look at his hilariously ugly tattoos or his weird Baron Corbin belly. Seriously though, what is going on with Baron Corbin’s stomach? I mean, it’s obvious the dude works out. Why does he have a stomach like a bloated starving Somali orphan? If the Lone Wolf Baron Corbin is what we have to look at as the future of the WWE, we just may have to get another hobby.
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